The Err in My Ways

On Saturday night I decided to watch the film adaptation of Stephen King's The Mist. Scary as shit, and not because of the monsters but because of the combination of the monsters and the religious crazies trying to kill non-believers (EXPATIATION! EXPATIATION!). Anyways, like the many who decided that the religious psycho was right, I am deciding that I am wrong. Just don't sacrifice me by throwing me out to be fed to the giant crab-spider thing. Throughout these playoffs, we were led to believe that the West was so much stronger by all those analysts at ESPN and NBATV because they truly dominated the regular season. And I followed them. It was true in the regular season, as the West took the season series 258-192, but we failed to recognize the true nature of the postseason. On average, playoff series in the East were longer by an average of a little more than half a game(6-5.43). Yes, fatigue  is huge, but maybe rest is not as important as many make it out to be. The Celtics managed to build up one of the more disturbing rhythms in playoff history by waiting until the conference finals to win a road game, while the Lakers only seemed to be challenged by Utah. Think about it: to begin with, teams barely practice during the regular season, and players do put a much larger effort into playoff games, except for one team: the Spurs. I know they were getting rocked, but they were the defending champs, but after game 1, they lost a little bit of drive, and game 2 reportedly made them mad. But when they lost home court in Game 4, they played with no effort in the deciding game 5. Even Bruce Bowen wasn't trying to injure anybody because he knew that they had no chance. Game 3 will decide this series for 2 reasons:

1.) No Way Back

No one has won a series in the NBA when down 3-0.

2.) A Possible Return to Old Habits?

Maybe this is a return to the "lose all of our road games, win at home" mentality that they used for their first two series. In that case, they may run into trouble in games 6 and possibly 7 because LA could work up some great momentum at home. And LA definitely was making inroads on the battle for momentum with a late surge. They should never be allowed to get within 2 with under a minute left after they trailed by 24.

Other observations on game 2:

-DiCaprio showed up to this one with Bar Rafaeli. He must be capitalizing on The Departed success to get the box. Absent: Tom Brady and Gisele. I guess that one home loss was good enough to keep him away.

-I still can't believe Bill Plaschke gets a press pass to these games. I deserve it way more.

-So Jeff Lurie chose McNabb, Westbrook, and Dawkins to attend the game with him. A wise choice, considering he could have brought in Asante Samuel, who as an ex-Pat would have caused the first NBA Finals riot if he showed up for that. Better that he stay in (insert wealthy Philly suburb) and watch on TV.

Your One Stop Shop NBA Finals Preview and Future-Telling Device

You could say that I, like America, am much more excited about this NBA Finals matchup than say, Jemele Hill.

(When I searched for the article on ESPN, it came up with this preview: "Lakers versus Celtics? Please. If basketball fans know what's good for them, they want to see Pistons versus Spurs in the NBA Finals." Makes Jemele sound like an abusive parent cracking their belt. Also, while people complain of Bill Simmons' Celtics fandom, why do we not bring up Hill's? She was born in Detroit for heaven's sake! Of course she wants to see them in the Finals, but unlike Simmons, her writing style demands that she not explicitly say so, so she does it the only other way possible: implicitly using mind-control.)

Anyways, back to the preview: besides the fact that this is Lakers-Celtics Round 12, it also is something even more important to the NBA: new-guard vs. new-guard. We're about to see a rivalry return to prominence and set off a 1980's golden age redux (still to be another post). The Celtics have jack squat Finals experience compared to the Lakers (see: Kobe and Fish circa Lakers 2000-2002), but their hunger may make up part of that difference. Let's look at the matchups to determine what the hell is really going to happen; ladies and gentlemens, THE FUTURE TELLING DEVICE!

Point Guard

Rajon Rondo vs. Derek Fisher

This is the barometer for this series. Rondo may be forced to help on Kobe drives and doubling down into the post onto Gasol, in which case Fish will have the chance to hit open jumpers that will make things much easier for the Lakers. On the other end, Rondo has to avoid turnovers, especially with the thievery that Fish has displayed during the playoffs (3.5 per game against Utah and 2.27 per throughout the playoffs, enough to earn the nickname to a nickname "A Fish Called Wanda"). I'm giving this matchup to the Lakers.

Shooting Guard

Kobe Bryant vs. Ray Allen

The bell goes off here because it's a matchup of perennial All-Stars. Alas, one (Kobe) is a superstar that is about to be the league's image (already for the D-League's logo) the way Jordan was in his hey-day. Jesus Shuttlesworth may have a magical stroke from the land of the trinity that has been on as of late, but he will be no match for the all-around dominance that the Mamba has been displaying throughout the playoffs. I also don't think that Ray-Ray will be the primary defender on Kobe, as Pierce will be a more physical matchup that will give Kobe more problems. Still, this one goes to the Lakers.

Small Forward

Vladimir Radmanovic vs. Paul Pierce

When I was in 10th grade gym class, our teacher asked us for examples of great shooters. I immediately said John Wilkes Booth, who displayed some amazing athleticism by jumping from Lincoln's balcony after his shot heard 'round DC, although he broke his leg and didn't land it. he interrupted me to remind me that we were talking about basketball shooters, and I immediately said "Vladimir Radmanovic." And for good reason: Rad-man could stroke it in international play, but was just less effective from 3. He's been playing extremely well in the playoffs to the tune of making great cuts so Kobe has somewhere to pass when he contortions in the air and realized that Tim Duncan is breathing down his neck a la Brainy from Hey Arnold!, and hitting open shots. He will probably start out on Pierce as to avoid Kobe having to foul people and so Kobe can play that off-ball sneak-up-on-your-candy-ass defense. But Paul Pierce is "The Truth" for a reason: he truly can play, and he's been damn clutch in the playoffs, especially in Game 7s. Both players will get theirs, but Pierce will get more, so the advantage in this matchup goes to the Celtics.

Power Forward and Center

Lamar Odom & Pau Gasol vs. Kevin Garnett & Kendrick Perkins

I'm thinking that Garnett comes out on Gasol because Garnett is a fucking stalwart on D and Gasol has been giving teams serious fits with his length and a post repertoire similar to Yo-Yo Ma's of cello. However, this will leave the Celtics at a disadvantage as Perkins has a dearth of speed compared to Odom's bounty. However, matching up the other way will still disadvantage the Celts because Perkins will also be vulnerable guarding Gasol.

With the Celtics on offense, Garnett will probably be guarded by Odom to start out, leaving the active Perkins crashing the offensive glass (averaged 2.8 per against the Pistons), so Gasol will have no rest on D. Inevitably, Gasol will end up guarding Garnett (Gasol also could inevitably start the game on Garnett, who will definitely be using his unstoppable midrange game to draw out whoever is guarding him and get them into some foul trouble.). Though Lamar Odom has been playing out of his mind as of late, I think the Celtics have the advantage because Kevin Garnett is the best front court player in the league.

Bench

I've watched nearly every game by each team so far in these here Playoffs, and there is one glaring difference in these teams: The Lakers bench can put five right in like Dean Smith with his "Blue Team," while the Boston bench is powerless by itself like the Silver Surfer sans board. Jordan Farmar will be starting when Fish is done; he is definitely the heir to the point guard position, and he has been playing like it should be his now. Sasha Vujacic is a solid semi-flopper who talks trash but can also microwave like Vinnie Johnson. Luke Walton is an amazing passer and a smart scorer. Ronny Turiaf has been putting in good minutes against starting forwards in the past two series, and Trevor Ariza should be getting more time, but he may be nursing his injured right foot that kept him out for the end of the regular season and the beginning of the playoffs. PJ Brown has been solid off the Celtic bench, but no one else really has, especially on the road (Only James Posey, with his championship experience with the Heat, averages more than 4 points a game). The Lakers bench is definitely going to cause more problems for the Celtics  than the Celts' will do for them.

Coaching

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAAHAHA...

Sorry. I sometimes forget about Doc Rivers coaching the Celtics, and Phil Jackson's status as coach of the Lakers. Doc Rivers is just not that good of a coach. Sorry Celtics fans, but the Lakers take this one easily. 

Prediction: Lakers in 5. The Celtics may get one of the first two, but I think the Lakers steal homecourt and win 3 straight at home to take the championship in front of their own fans. The Lakers are about to do some dynasty building next year with a healthy Andrew Bynum, who will help take this team to the future (sans Kobe) along with the other younger Lakers, which could possibly include a lot of Larry O'Brien trophies.

Also, Mike Tranghese retired today. He had worked in the Big East since its inception and was the commissioner for 19 years after the retirement of Dave Gavitt, the league's first leading the continued growth and the quick recovery from the ACC defections. The Big East, though only the 8th oldest of the 12 D-I-A conferences, is still one of the more powerful because of Tranghese's efforts to draw in Miami (especially their football) and Notre Dame sans football. He led the salvation of the league after the ACC defections that put in play an amazing concept with the 16 team basketball conference, the largest of all time, that was able to get a record 8 teams into the tournament last year. Now that he has retired, he is planning on doing something else, and we wish him lukc in whatever that may be.

THE GOLDEN AGE IS UPON US

For all of you that have been hiding under a rock for the past day, the Lakers are back in the Finals and Kobe is poised to become the new MJ. Doug Collins even attested to that since MJ (and Pippen, but as more of a #2 in both regards) won a Larry O'Brien and then an Olympic Gold later in the summer, and Kobe will have a chance to do so this summer. But why do we consider Kobe the new MJ? Answer: Clutch. Kobe dropped 39 and made Bruce Bowen look pretty terrible before his year-end performance review. Duncan had a triple double, but he was just plain frustrated at the end of the game, even cheapshotting Gasol with an elbow on a terrible hook attempt that missed the rim.

So now the Lakers wait for either Boston or Detroit, and their wait should be the longest possible, as the Palace will be rocking tonight and will not be satisfied with a Pistons season ending in the Conference Finals again. Neither Our question is what will happen in Boston on Sunday, as for the first time, a good TEAM will be their opponent in TD Banknorth as opposed to a good player on a mediocre team (Cavs) or a plain mediocre team (Hawks). Most expected Boston to be the ones waiting for a foe in the Finals as the West was won in a gigantic skirmish of Game 7s, but the exact opposite happened. Kobe and the Lakeshow made quick work (quicker than the normal of these here playoffs) to get the Finals, and will definitely be at an advantage.

Lakers over whomever in 6.

(Also, a Golden Age analogy entry will be coming shortly.)

Link of the week: AJ Daulerio spells out the funniest shit ever in this examination of probabilities at the National Spelling Bee.

Video of the week: This

leads to the first one-line blog of all time.

Orange News of the Week: Look who's playing in Israel! As I am going off next semester, I hope my dog's namesake, one Otis Hill, is still playing in the North, moving from Ironi Nahariya to Hapoel Galil Elyon, a club based out of a kibbutz. The first chance I get to see him play, I will, wearing a 'Cuse article of clothing, and mention to him that we named our dog after him. On second thought, maybe I shouldn't mention that...

Finally another NCAA Title

On Memorial Day 25 years ago, the most successful Syracuse University sporting effort had its first national success as the underdog Orangemen took out the heavily favored Johns Hopkins Blue Jays for the school's first NCAA title in lacrosse. Sean Kirst wrote a great, though longwinded, story about them team, including Roy Simmons Jr. famously mispronouncing his opponent's name "John Hopkins" and that the sky would start out "Blue Jay blue" but end with an Orange sunset (Rasheed Wallace may want to take notes from Simmons  from this one instance of trash-talk that is just much more demeaning than his guaransheeds) at a banquet the night before the game, where Syracuse rallied from a 12-5 deficit in the 3rd quarter to eke out a 17-16 win that might have been the stimulus of the recent lacrosse growth sport (US Lacrosse claims that it is the fastest growing sport in the US) as it mainstreamed a run'n'gun style of play that lacrosse had not seen produce a championship team up to that time. It also helped increase popularity of the sport in the Syracuse area (Dave Ryan even mentioned the high school that we all went to as being a powerhouse, which is hilarious because it's been quite the draught of sectional championships, I think since 1992?).
Anyways, shit was ridiculous. We all played lacrosse once or twice, but mostly we gave it up before high school, but respect it because it's Syracuse's old stand-by. Plus, Jim Brown played it. Jim Brown is scary with just pads and a helmet playing football. But Jim Brown with a wooden stick? That's a nightmare for most. Mike Leveille was real steady on attack (he got the MOP), Matt Abbott reduced the risk of clears by just taking them himself (he fucked up one, but he did 3 or 4 clears on his own), Sid Smith, from the Six Nations, harassed Hopkins attack the whole day, and John Galloway, who fucked our school up on occasion, made some key saves. This despite the efforts of Mike Gvozden, the Brazilian soldier, and Paul Rabil, who had six goals, one of which occurred with 3 SU players on him. It was actually a good game, although not really a nailbiter. It was real sweet as they ran out the clock four corners style like Dean Smith.

"Mistakes were made"

Shocking news coming from ESPN today: The New England Patriots dynasty may be tainted.

Former Patriots lineman Ross Tucker told NFL Live last week that the head coach Bill Belichick has used players on injured reserve in team practices. Players placed on IR, under league rules, are not allowed to practice or play for the remainder of that team's season. Belichick, the defensive-minded mastermind behind the Patriots' recent run of success, has an impeccable record of closely following NFL rules, making this allegation even more stunning.

Word from New York is that NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is "extremely unhappy" with Belichick's role in this so-called "Injured Reserve-gate"scandal and is considering punishments for the Patriots, including unprecedented fines and the loss of draft picks. Reaction from the media has also been stern and swift. At time of press, Gregg Easterbrook was busy completing a 22,000-word opus in the third person expressing the fact that he is shocked -- shocked! -- that such a scandal might break with the "Flying Elvii", and also explaining the science behind the latest supernovae and criticizing the US Mint's decision to circulate "too many" dollar coins at the same time, adding that the image isn't even the real Sacagawea, but an "impostor" model.

Some, however, have been slower to pile on the Patriots for their role in IR-gate. Members of the Boston media, including ESPN The Magazine columnist Bill Simmons, have stated that they would like to see more evidence of the charges against the Patriots. That evidence may come soon, when former Patriots towel boy Matty Walsh, Jr. meets with Goodell next week. The pair is expected to discuss the role that illegally using former Patriots S Guss Scott in practices may have had in the team's 32-29 win over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl XXXVIII.

May Your First Son Grow to Snort Lots of Yay

Yesterday I happened upon this article in the New York Times about Dutch passion for baseball, which is the equivalent of American passion for soccer, with a few die-hards but largely overlooked by much more popular sports. They have a league there based from the traditional soccer clubs, and Johan Cruyff, considered the best Dutch footballer of all time, actually started at Ajax as a catcher. And Holland produces their share of major leaguers, including Marlins starter Rick Vanden Hurk aka Henricus van Den Hurk, to go along with those from Aruba and the Antilles in the Carribean (Sidney Ponson and Andruw Jones among them). But this quote just made me lose it:

Her husband was a rabid Mets fan, she said, so when the boys were born the older, now 20, was named for Darryl Strawberry and the younger, now 17, for Dwight Gooden.

I could understand this if you just watched the Mets, but now these names are just jokes to me. Any baseball fan hears what their namesake is and will continually reference cocaine and crack for about an hour. This dedication of first born children would be the equivalent of someone in China naming their daughter Lindsay because they liked Mean Girls so much, but I guess that's how globalization works: non-Americans see our celebrities high off their asses, assume its because they are so likable that they see them on TV, and want to pay tribute to them. Just wait for the generation of Germans whose first and middle names are "David Hasselhoff" that will hear their name chanted in Miami by a bunch of old Jews...

ODDSMAKER 5/22

MANUAL BUZZER is your new one-stop gambling headquarters! Check here to see the MANUAL BUZZER crew deliver the hottest betting lines, straight from your favorite Vegas sports book!*


Point Spread

• PADRES (+53.5) v. Albert Pujols
  
• JAY-Z'S WEED DEALER (-1.5) v. Carmelo Anthony's weed dealer
  
• CHIPPER JONES BATTING .400 (pick 'em) v. Lance Berkman hitting 57 HR
  
• AGING THIRD BASEMAN PLAYING OUT OF HIS MIND (no line) v. Aging first baseman playing out of his mind
  
• MIKE PIAZZA'S INEVITABLE TELL-ALL MEMOIR (pick 'em) v. Eeeewwwwwwwww

Over/Under

• Remaining starts until Brewers SP Ben Sheets' annual major injury: 3
  
• Combined slugging percentage for Andruw Jones and Juan Pierre before Joe Torre and Andre Ethier snap and bludgeon them before batting practice: .248
  
• Total number of TVs tuned to an NFL LIVE telecast, this month: 127
  
• Number of games before Brett Favre's NFL comeback: 4
  
• Interceptions thrown by Favre in NFL return: 4

Odds

• Chicago Bulls Picking First in the NBA Draft – 59:1 (Oops.)
  
• Eight Belles and Barbaro, like, totally doing it in Horsie Heaven – 7:1
  
• The next commercial being -- GODDAMMIT, it's Giuseppe Franco again! - 3:1
  
• Scott Podsednik, David Eckstein among next Congressional steroids subpoenas - 10000000000000:1

* - respected Vegas sports book = our asses.

Indianapolis in late January/early February?!

Looks like Lucas Oil Stadium was a good enough draw for Indianapolis to get the 2012 Super Bowl (XLVI for all our Latin readers (NOT Latino readers)). We should be logical about this: Detroit in February was bad enough weather, plus that it's Detroit in February. All of us here were raised near Syracuse, so if one of our teams made it, I'm pretty certain it would be one of the more painful joyous trips. Phoenix has sunny weather, Indianapolis requires that I bring my parka to experience more cold weather and possibly a snow storm. That cost benefit analysis is enough for me. Maybe the NFL should get the Chinese to help...

Pujols is the JUGGERNAUT, BITCH!

Albert Pujols pulled a baseball first, as well as being a Ruthian type legend (or a Bruthian legend if you believe in the Sultan's gay brother Gay) when he took out the Padres starting battery (Chris Young and Josh Bard) within the span of two batters in the 3rd last night.
Video evidence via awfulannouncing via faniq
How about that shit? Pujols has got some dark fucking secret going on here that gives him the power to do such ridiculous shit. Deal with the devil? Use of a powerful artifact from one of four Indiana Jones films (more about Indy later in this post)? A Dominican birth certificate that says he is 1000 years old? A mutant? He'll injure another player this year, and Selig will have Mitchell dig for that answer. Steroids? More like Mark McGwire injected himself with Pujols' blood, and when La Russa grew tired of him, he just had Pujols take his place.
On the subject of Indiana Jones, because Lucasfilms and such won't release clips of the newest installment in order that spoilers are not publicized through this series of tubes, so instead we just get more senile-looking Harrison Ford, and this gem from Conan:

The funniest part of this was Ford's reaction. As anyone who has seen Entourage would know, after Vince made the Asian energy drink commercial, he got paid, but he also probably never saw it. Same with Ford for this; he just looked dumbfounded and couldn't really believe that this was the finished product. Turns out some shit does come back to bite you in the ass 30 years later.

Albert Pujols: 6-foot-20 Fucking Killing Machine

Albert Pujols has joined the ranks of Chuck Norris and George Washington as a stone-cold killer. In the third inning last night, Albert, in totally badass fashion, clubbed a line drive right at Padres P Chris Young's face, breaking his nose. Pujols, naturally, reached base safely and was credited with a single. He kicked some dirt into Young's writhing, bloody body on the way by.

But the bloodthirsty Dominican wasn't finished; he stood on first, pondering how to strike next. The opportunity soon came. When he slid into home plate two plays later, he managed to spike C Josh Bard and sprain his left ankle. He scored on the play, as well, and then stomped on Bard's right ankle, too, just because he could. The Cardinals -- showing no mercy whatsoever, thank you very much -- won the game 11-3.

THE SKY IS FALLING! (Hyperbolic Yankees Overreactions)

Tuesday night, during the Yankees-Orioles game, Yankees play-by-play man (and shameless Yankee homer) John Sterling pulled out his best Chicken Little impression and proclaimed, "the sky is falling! The sky is falling!" for nine straight innings on the radio. Tuesday night, the season was declared dead and buried when Derek Jeter took a Daniel Cabrera fastball on the wrist. And on Tuesday night, those claims seemed legitimate as the Yanks looked downright terrible en route to a 12-2 loss to the Orioles.

There was legitimate cause for alarm. Mike Mussina, who had pitched well as of late, lasted only through two outs of the top of the first before getting the old Vaudeville hook in favor of Ross Ohlendorf. The Yankee bats might as well have been those Noodle things you played with in the pool as a kid, because, as with the entire week before, nobody could find a hit and the Yanks mustered only two runs. There was also a report before the game that Chien-Ming Wang had an MRI done on his legs before the game.

So, was it really the end of the world Tuesday night?

You wouldn't think so if you listened to Sterling on Wednesday night, where Darrell Rasner once again pitched a gem, the Yankee offense got hot quickly, and it was morning in America again. Mark Feinsand joined the booth for the "Daily News Fifth" inning, and Sterling's only words were a sighing, almost fawning utterance: "Darrell Rasner."

Two nights, two games, two completely different moods on the Yankees radio broadcast. What gets me fired up here is the fact that nothing has really changed after one night. Even with last night's win, the Yanks are still four games under .500. This is terribly cliched, but it really is a long season. The Yankees are 46 games into a 162-game season. They've started terribly, and it shouldn't have been too much of a surprise. Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy have been pretty disappointing. A-Rod and Jorge Posada have missed significant time. Robinson Cano still probably couldn't hit a beach ball with a 2x4 at this point.

In the end, however, things tend to regress toward the mean and unfold as they should. All told, A-Rod will probably end up hitting 40 HR and OBPing near .400 again. Cano will find his stroke. Hughes or Kennedy, or both, will likely pull a Stella and get his groove back and end up with a respectable year. And if Joba is nearly as effective in the rotation as he has been in the bullpen, the Yanks could make a playoff push after all -- or at least finish over .500.

Realistically speaking, is it a team of aging stars? Yes. Is it the best team in the AL East? No. But, given their lineup, will there likely be a stretch this season where the Yankees play out of their minds and win 18 of 21 or something? If the pitching settles down, sure. Could they make a playoff push? Yeah. The Yankees were in a bigger hole last year and still managed to win the Wild Card. In other words: John Sterling, Sal in Brooklyn on line two on Mike and the Maddog, and Yankee fans in general: relax. There are too many games to declare the season over after one game and then saved after the next. I'm as passionate a Yankee fan as there is, but restraint and order rule the day.

If the Yankees continue to play like garbage, well, people will be frustrated and disappointed, but save the apocalyptic tone for when Hank Steinbrenner, in a drunken stupor, orders that the Yankees trade their entire starting rotation and bullpen to the Cubs for reliever Carlos Marmol and a prospect to be named later. Or, maybe when the Yanks lose a few key games in September to another Wild Card contender. Or something seriously catastrophic. Until then, level a bit. As bad as things look when the score's 12-2, morning will indeed dawn in America again when the Yanks lead 8-0.

Welcome to "The Machine"

In honor of Sasha Vujacic calling himself "The Machine," I decided it would be interesting to incorporate Vujacic into parts of Pink Floyd's "Welcome to the Machine" to show how ridiculous in makes Vujacic seem:

Welcome Manu,
welcome to "The Machine."
Where have you been?
It's alright Sasha Vujacic knows where you've been...
Welcome my son, welcome to the machine.
What did you dream? It's alright Sasha Vujacic told you what to dream.

As you can see from these samples, Vujacic is a fucking robot. He's like HAL-9000 but more Russian and a better flopper. And he makes it hard for Ginobili to go left, which it seems is one of the hardest things to do in the world judging from the Suns' and Hornets' inabilities to stop him. To summarize, "The Machine" can d the fuck up, trash talk, and tell you what to dream. Pretty frickin' good if you ask me.

Wednesday May 21st was Redonkulous

So, for a while, I promised that the Buzzer blog was back, and then there was this extremely hypocritical two-month and two-day hiatus, and now it truly ends. I'm flipping over the money tables to be your sports blog Jesus.

Champions League Final

I took in the game with one of our new blood (whose identity will remain under wraps until he chooses his identity since we are a free society here) at Tully's. Chelsea has yet to become a global brand, as evidence from the 3 Chelski fans there compared to the 10 ManU fans (It's fucking Syracuse, which attracts international talent (for benefit glorious economy) the way Greg Robinson attracts top D-1 football players: terribly). The first half set the tone of the match to be on a classic caliber, as ManU dominated possession but a costly bounce off of Ferdinand's back right in front of the goal was enough of a chance for Lampard to equalize in the 45th, offsetting Ronaldo's header off a Wes Brown cross in the 26th. Things got chippy, as expected from two teams that finished 1-2 in both England and Europe. Scholes ended up self-flagellating while trying to cheap shot a Chelsea player and looked like Silas in The Da Vinci Code in paleness and bleeding-ness. After the half, Chelsea took over as aggressor. Michael Essien started the game at right back, which is awfully out of position for him as he is usually a central defensive mid. He wasn't up to the challenge and let Ronaldo get free for his goal, so for the 2nd half, Grant switched him with Makelele and Essien definitely helped get some pressure on Van der Sar. Drogba managed to hit some pole on a strike from right outside the box in the 77th. Extra time was Chippy McChippers as both teams realized they wouldn't score, so they essentially turned to baiting. Grant chose to ruin his suit in the rain as Ferguson covered up his fly-ass suit with a jacket (25:1 ratio of price of Ferguson's suit to Grant's Israeli attempt to wear a suit) while both stood for the first time in the match to direct the baiting. And the winner was Manchester as Drogba tried to hook Nenad Vidic like a fish with his finger and saw some red and proceeded to take 2 minutes to walk off the field. And then, 2 minutes into extra time, every player on the field magically cramped up. The funniest part: while two sets of players tried to stre...I really can't explain this, so I will wait to find video of it and see Ashley Cole. To summarize: 1-1, 120 minutes player, 4 yellow cards per team, 1 red for Chelsea who would be key for penalties in Drogba.
Ronaldo should stop doing the little stopping thing on penalties. It's like how Tim Duncan stops at a weird point in his free throw during the playoffs, causing his percentage to fall 10% from the regular season (more to come on Lakers-Spurs); he leaves the flow and it's hard to get back into it. But lucky for him, Terry choked and Anelka shot the ball right into Van der Sar's hands (Source: awfulannouncing) and saved Ronaldo's ass for the FIFA World Player of the Year award (Terry deserves to be in Ronaldo's speech, but he probably won't out of fear for the revenge that would come to him on the field). My player of the match was Van Der Sar, because he won the game (goalies win penalty shootouts in football and hockey).
Terry Smyth was on SportsCenter after the game, and Brian Kenny asked him some of the stupidest shit. If I may quote:

Isn't there a better way to settle this than penalty kicks?

Now, I will answer this question because obviously there isn't since if someone knew, FIFA would know and they would be doing that instead of penalty kicks. But seriously, Brian Kenny, how dumb are people? I'll tell you: those that switched over to ESPN to watch Around the Horn at 5 because that is how their day was planned. Don't talk down to me, it just makes me want you to spontaneously combust even more.

To end the night, I capped with Lakers-Spurs, where the NBA wishes that Tim Donaghy hadn't been caught so they could have used him to influence the series to be a 4-0 LA sweep. Ginobili had one of the worst games I've seen him play, period. Kobe just waited for the second half to have a ridiculously clutch peformance and lead a comeback over the visitors. Only 2 points in the first half, and then 25? Kobe is playing like he will replace Jordan as the cornerstone of the league and be the influence on a generation of players that Jordan was for Kobe's generation. The sections of careers are comparable in the form of SAT analogies:
Kobe's 1st dynasty years: Kobe::MJ's time at UNC: MJ
Both grab our attention and begin to truly show glimpses of the mastery we will soon see from each, and each is surrounded by top level talent: Jordan has Perkins, Worthy, and Matt Doherty to fall back on at Carolina, while Kobe had Diesel in his prime in LA.
Kobe:Kobe's middle years sans Shaq::MJ: MJ's early years in the NBA
Both have begun to have to work with minimal talent around them and learn how to be cold-blooded. MJ fucks Craig Ehlo's whole day up against the Cavs in the playoffs just as Kobe decides to put in 81 on the Raptors to celebrate Papa's birthday (Papa, for all you curious ones out there, is Steve Perry of Journey). Both build up some fucking intense mean streak, but still can't break through because they need some god damn help around them, leading to...
MJ:First 3-peat::Kobe:Now
Kobe gets Gasol, MJ gets Pippen. Both don't need to work as hard on either end, but put up huge games. Both are coached by Phil Jackson, who gives them their opportunities on offense but plays them on worse offensive players so they can wander and make big plays on defense (See: game 6, 1998 Finals, MJ strips Malone late during his masterful "last supper" (last 5 minutes of his real career) and Kobe wandering while guarding Bowen right now).
So, there you have it, explained in its entirety. Kobe might end up winning more rings, especially after Bynum comes back and plays with Kobe enough (I'm pretty sure he'll stay with the Lakers for a while after his rookie contract is up) that the Lakers can win a title with Kobe shouldering half to less than that of the load he has right now.

More buzzer to come...

AI returns to Philly

The most beloved figure in Philadelphia sports' past ten years came back for the first time since he was traded, and as the first Denver player introduced, received a 2 minute standing ovation and seemed to be in tears as he saluted the fans from every angle he could. AI was the hardest working athlete in Philadelphia, even as he avoided practice; he put his body on the line every night as he threw himself at NBA 4s and 5s trying to draw fouls, and Philadelphia fans like sacrifice, even though it was a terrible ending when he didn't attend fan appreciation and was indefinitely suspended. Fans knew AI wanted to win, and it wasn't the Sixers' time.

Now fortunes have traded places. Andre Miller, one of the players the Nuggets gave up to get AI, went 13-21 from the field and finished with 28 points and 12 assists to lead the Sixers on his 36th birthday. Iverson finished with 32, but he couldn't get one to fall on the Nuggets' final possession of the game, and the other AI, Andre Igoudala, dribbled out the clock for the streaking Sixers, winners of 10 of their last 11. The Sixers have energized their fan base and seem to be working up quite the following after a few years of mediocrity. This could be the year that fills up some of the luxury boxes that were abandoned after 5 year deals ran out in 2006 (they were bought in 2001 after the run to the Finals), and this young team is playing pretty damn well. Judging from last year, you would expect the Nuggets to run all over the Sixers, but the Sixers picked their spots to run the break and milked the shot clock as much as they could.

The Nuggets, on the other hand, looked pretty crappy. Carmelo continued to cherry pick and avoid playing defense, and no one else on the Nuggets was too concerned with defense either.

However, Samuel Dalembert goaltended a Carmelo lay-up near the end of the game, and I think that might be reviewed later and lead to the game being replayed before the season ends. The Nuggets need everyone they can get, especially with how tough the West is right now.

NCAA Picks:

East

2nd Round: 

UNC over Indiana, Washington State over George Mason, Louisville over St. Joe's, Tennessee over Butler

Sweet 16:

UNC over Washington State, Louisville over Tennessee

Elite Eight:

Louisville over UNC

Midwest

2nd Round:

Kansas over UNLV, Clemson over Vanderbilt, Wisconsin over Kansas State, Georgetown over Davidson

Sweet 16:

Kansas over Clemson, Georgetown over Wisconsin

Elite Eight:

Georgetown over Kansas

South

2nd Round:

Memphis over Oregon, Pittsburgh over Michigan State, Marquette over Stanford, Texas over St. Mary's

Sweet 16:

Pittsburgh over Memphis, Texas over Marquette

Elite Eight:

Texas over Pittsburgh

West

2nd Round:

UCLA over BYU, UConn over Drake, Xavier over Purdue, Duke over West Virginia

Sweet 16:

UCLA over UConn, Xavier over Duke

Elite Eight:

UCLA over Xavier

I want to clear something up with you as you read these picks: I AM NO RICK NEUHEISEL. I am not good at picking these things, I have good years, but this year is so wide open. I'm really excited for this tournament. I'll end with my favorite tourney "fun" fact:

FUN FACT: Power forward Rob Jones, a 6-5, 230-pound freshman, turned down football offers from such traditional powers as Notre Dame, Miami and Oregon to pursue a basketball career. He is the grandson of Jim Jones, the leader of the Jonestown jungle compound where more than 900 people were killed in 1978 in a mass murder/suicide.

Good dancing to one and all!

"Next year" is all I can say

I don't think anyone can describe my excitement after the Marquette game. Kristof showed some non-Europeanness as a players, Donte Greene realized that he was 6'11" and his defender was 6'3" so he (/GASP!) started posting up, Johnny was on fire, Arinze was on fire, Scoop and Rick were playing well off the bench, and Paul Harris was getting his. And a chance to play 'Nova at a neutral (Wachovia Center in Philadelphia is essentially a neutral site, with a 1:1 'Nova: visitor ratio)? If I were Terry Schiavo, this would be the time to check if I needed a change of pants (Luckily I did not). So Wednesday came, and Syracuse shut down as it always does when Syracuse has a game during the day on a weekday: no one at Wegmans (source: mother) and people staying home from work (source: Steve, who hosted my viewing of the contest), as well as classes not being taught (source: Steve's brother, who provided text message commentary, and came up with the idea that Harris gets his in order to pad his stats). The ugliest start to a college basketball game I've seen (no score until 17:43 left and just a ton a loose ball scrums and terrible shots) led to Syracuse getting control with 28-19 lead with 2:27 left. And then the second epic collapse went down. 'Nova scored eight unanswered to end the half. The second half started with a little back and forth, but 'Nova was hot, and Syracuse was not. They shot 8-9 from 3 in the second half. Every team has trouble shooting free throws at that clip, and they were hitting 3s like they were lay-ups. Not to mention that Paul Harris set a career-high for 3s in a game with 10 minutes left in the first half, so he stopped driving and started to settle for jumpers, taking away more chances of a comeback. Not to mention that panic mode started with about 8 minutes left, and panic mode got ugly. Steve went to work and I left with 3 minutes left. The NIT is next, and I ain't too happy, but this team literally had nothing to be expected of it. Two ACL tears, one aloof point guard, and only 8 scholarship guys left, one who isn't allowed to play because he is that bad (I'm talking about you, Sean Williams) and you have a worst-case scenario for a season, and you can't ask a team to be the best. I'm proud of the effort, and I really can't wait for next year with Devo and Rautins back, Mookie Jones hopefully being good, and Donte learning how to do more stuff than Steve Novak does (Yes, I believe his year made him the new Steve Novak, another guy who settles for 3s despite a height advantage), Johnny Flynn being able to take a few breaks (even though he could play every minute next year, but he'd probably burn out pretty damn fast), and Arinze hopefully learning to make shots outside the lane. This is going to be a damn good team, and I think they should have a bye in the BET next year as well as a more comfortable position for an at-large to the Dance.
I'll be back for some bracket analysis on Sunday, along with some terrible picks that will make you lose all your money. Until next time, don't try to fuck prostitutes without condoms. Spitzer learned how risky that business is, and I hope I'm not the one who teaches you that lesson. It should be his idiotic speeches given beside his wife and past as being "hard on johns" that hammer that lesson in. And knowing Bill O'Reilly had to change his pants after this story broke and probably forced an assistant to do it.

EHHHHHHHHHHH

If this blog had a mood option, I would make sure it indicated Jim Boeheim's mood after that game. Tonight's victory over Seton Hall: shitty. Scoop played well and did what no one else would do: dribble against the weird zone press. Arinze was strong, Tim Higgins' nose is purple, Donte is sort of/kind of improving, but not really. It looked like a repeat of Saturday was in store, and Bob Wenzel and Dave Pasch sure wanted to make sure, if you were just tuning in, that SYRACUSE CHOKED ON SATURDAY! Replays, 18-2 run by Pitt to end the game, when will it stop? This is just another example of ESPN talking down to people. Anyone who watches this game is the following: not from Jersey unless they have some sort of association with Seton Hall or a Syracuse fan who already knows about the worst loss since the DePaul drubbing of 2006. In terms of disheartening. Bob Wenzel might know a lot about basketball, but he gets extremely confused some times, like when cross-promoting to talk about the NBA's "deadline of the day of trade." He is a poor man's Bill Raftery who should only be on ESPN Regional coverage, not nationally televised games. Unless sounding extremely stupid is the goal of ESPN2 basketball coverage. 

Officiating was sloppy once again. On Donte Greene's 4th foul, Brian Laing caught the ball, turned around, and jumped. When he landed, Greene reached for the ball. Now, when he lands, usually a referee will call traveling. Somehow, not one referee could think of that. A bad sign that the college game is evolving to be called like the NBA. It should be different, otherwise I'm not sure I can stomach watching games played the same damn way. I gotta piss. I hope to be at the BET next week, but I probably won't be able to make it. In any case, Saturday is a game that Syracuse NEEDS to win, and I think you will see at least 30,000 there. In desperation, 'Cusans will unite. 

And Semi-Pro is the worst basketball movie ever made. Using the alley-oop as a comedy ploy? I didn't ruin that movie for anyone, I SAVED them from it. Will Ferrell needs to work on his consistency, he's beginning to look like the Donte Greene of acting.

Genius!

Caught this in my Sports Industry class daily e-mail:

Fathead today at the NFL Hardlines Summit in Miami unveiled its line of “Fathead Tradeables,” which consists of 5-by-7-inch variations of its life-size Fathead products (Fathead).

Wow, giant trading cards! Much more portable than a Fathead, but much less portable than a regular size trading card! I see no appeal and Fathead shortly forgetting about it.

"Hey, Coach! Play this kid!"

Thanks to Awful Announcing for posting exhilarating CBS footage of today's Georgetown-Marquette game. 

This video is enough evidence to put a memo on Les Moonves' desk recommending that Gus Johnson be teleported to games with exciting finishes. But who gets people more pumped for March? Not even Pitino, the master motivator. And especially not Jim Nantz and Billy Packer. If there is an exciting Final Four game this year, and Moonves doesn't make this move, I pray that Gus just shows up in San Antonio, knocks out Nantz with a blow dart, and just steals the show. That would kind of take away from the student athletes, but I'm all about the entertainment. I'm off to check out Semi-Pro.

Funnier things

To go against my post about the Pitt game (I'm still irrational, so I can't even talk about the time before the meltdown in any way because it meant nothing.), I bring you this video from IFC's 

Framed. 

I saw this on IFC without seeing the opening credits about two months ago, and I figured out it was Baron and I lost it. This shit is just ridiculous.

BULLSHIT! 100% BULLSHIT!

I just watched an 11-point lead go down the drain with the help of three officials. There was too much good play from Donte, Paul, Johnny, and Arinze earlier in the game, but I have forgotten it after Keith Benjamin received his 3rd no-call of the game (he basically committed 2 fouls within the first minute, and when Johnny Flynn grazed him while jumping for a loose ball near midcourt, it was enough to warrant a call even though the game that was being played was of MEN'S BASKETBALL)  as he obviously fouled Paul Harris before getting the ball out of his hands and got it back to make the go-ahead lay-up. He essentially held Harris as he reached, and it was if the referees were oblivious to the basketball game going on. It might be my partisanship, but that really does need to be reviewed by some higher-ups, because 'Cuse got HOSED! I was actually excited to not have Burr or Cahill working this game, but I guess Donato, Hess, and whoever the fuck the other dude was also wanted to see how much they can fuck with Syracuse fans. What a joke.