John Doe Almost Got Me Today

Today I finally got to go to a supermarket, and let's just say that things here in Israel make Wegman's look like white dog poop. My jet lag was still an issue, so I headed to Mister Zol at 8:00 to get some product for myself. First thing you notice: the produce is bazily fresh. How can it not be since it is all coming from within a three hour drive to Jerusalem? Rhetorical question, I know. This means besides the apples being ripe, so are the oranges, and so are the bananas and so are the avocadoes and DON'T YOU EVER FORGET ABOUT THE PERSIMMONS. Israel is also at the crossroads of the world, right where Asia, Europe, and Africa meet, and this centralized location makes immigration even more melting-potty than the US, meaning your standard grocer here carries products from a lot of countries, including pumpkin noodles (also bazily, though made to be preserved so not exactly fresh). All things being kosher, as well as being extremely fresh since it is mostly slaughtered and prepared in Israel is also helpful. So I was able to have a delightful dinner of stir-fried pumpkin noodles, grilled chicken, fresh spinach, fresh red pepper, and fresh mushrooms. What a delight.
But for lunch, the name of the game was Burgers Bar. No offense to you Californians, but Burgers Bar, though much more expensive, makes In-N-Out look like a McDonalds where Ronald personally poops on each burger right in front of the person who eats it. Even if that person happens to be waiting for someone to bring them said burger in another location. Student discounts make it less of a splurge than it has to be. I had a lamb burger with fresh tomato, lettuce and Israeli pickles (much more garlic than an American pickle along with not being a gherkin but a much smaller cucumber), as well as a squirt of pesto on each side. And don't get me started on the French fries, which are real French fries because I watched the dude slice the potato right above the deep fryer in order that it would drop into it. Everything was finished at the same time, and then I was able to enjoy a tender lamb burger and succulent fries with a Fanta made with sugar at the same time. Amazing.
Anyways, tomorrow, myself and some American friends are going to try to watch the draft at an Irish Pub that is essentially open all the time. Hopefully, 2:00 (military time, represent) will not cause them to turn a haughty eye towards us Yanks as people discuss uncertainty on television and give lofty expectations to people who are barely out of high school.
Anyways, we know the deal with the Clippers and Blake Griffin and the #1 slot (remember when I predicted he'd be player of the year?). But afterwards? Here is my take on the lottery:
2. Memphis Grizzlies-Brandon Jennings-Showed way more this year in Europe according to nbadraft.net, and peep this EuroMix from Free Darko:
3. OKC Thunder-James Harden-just think about it: Westbrook at the 1, Harden at the 2, Durant at the 3, Green at the 4, and maybe someone else besides Nenad Krstic as the future at center. The 1-4 make me want to play NBA 2K10(?) for days.
4. Sacramento Kings-Ricky Rubio-we know about the weird-ass workout, but maybe it is time to put "European White Chocolate" in place. Otherwise, Beno Udrih looks like that appealing of an option. Beno Udrih. GOB says, "COME ON!"
5. Minnesota Timberwolves-Hasheem Thabeet-just what the doctor ordered, someone who can take the pressure off Big Al in the post. I like the future with Thabeet (don't hate, dude can pick and pop the midrange), and being hurt will let him slip a little.
6. Timberwolves-No more Randy Foye, so I'm assuming one goes guard here, and what better way than the point with Stephen Curry, who will also need some time but could form a lethal triad with Big Al and Hasheem eventually, and it looks like losing is in the cards with the economic crisis and the expected offloading of the acquired contracts from the Wizards.
7. Golden State Warriors-Jordan Hill-It's time to admit Nellie Ball is what it is and get a fourth thin big to put in that lineup. Might as well start running with this lineup and get the easy deuces.
8. New York Knicks-TRADE-they were waiting for Curry or Rubio, and Tyreke Evans is not the same (Remember how Steve Nash can pull up for 3? Yeah, Tyreke had a lot of trouble with that concept last year while playing shooting guard and really kept it in the lane when he played point), so maybe a trade is in order.
9. Toronto Raptors-Chase Budinger-Chris Bosh, who royally fucked my fantasy team last year, wants to cash in in 2010, so now what? Go for the need at either wing position and try to convince him this team is worth it. James Johnson is also a definite possibility.
10. Milwaukee Bucks-Ty Lawson-They probably should get some inside aid, but it might not happen, Otherwise, going for a floor general type would be best right here.
11. New Jersey Nets-James Johnson-same need as the Raptors, so they should take the leftover swingman.
12. Charlotte Bobcats-TRADE-This team grew some potential on a hot streak to end the year, so where do they go from here? They mostly need to solidify that post, and you know MJ loves him some Carolina, in the form of Psycho T. Which seems stupid, but his flailing post game could work out short term.
13. Indiana Pacers- -Definite need for a floor general here, especially one that doesnt make people think he'll be permanently paralyzed everytime he goes to the rim.
14. Phoenix Suns-Jonny Flynn-This is the only pick I will ever be sure of because I was declaring it done in January. Under Steve Nash's tutelage, the position will evolve to include the athleticism of Flynn with the IQ of Nash, with a possible analogy to Kung Fu Panda.

Big ups are in order for USA Soccer after they kept the Spanish at bay yesterday and ended the longest unbeaten streak ever by a FIFA national team. But the reason was the hustle. USA will outhustle a team in the Confederations Cup, but next year it is unlikely that the Spanish will let this happen (The Portuguese on the other hand are a lazy people...I KID! But seriously, what HAPPENED in 2002?). I am impressed with Bob Bradley's ability to get the Yanks' minds out of the gutter of defeat to outscore their last two opponents 5-0, especially since Egypt was coming off of a blasting of Italy and giving Brazil a run for its money. Things are definitely looking way better for South Africa in 2010 for the Yanks than for Germany in 2006.
And when I do go to South Africa, I feel very lucky that Joseph Shabalala, the leader of Ladysmith Black Mambazo, promised everyone at the show I went to with my friends Seb and Gabe a place to stay during the tournament. As long as I can get tickets, I'm crashing there and straight chilling to some a cappella stylings while recharging for the next game. Now we need to find out where he actually lives.

Stay Forever Young, People!

I'm Taking Issue With Something, EURO is Done, and Donte Greene is Going to Outerspace

So, congratulations to the Spanish for their breezy, though partially-referee-aided victory over Germany for the chip yesterday. Torres' goal in the 33rd was all the scoring needed, although the Red Fury could have probably put in 3 more. No Villa was no issue for the Spanish, who seemed to have an easier time on the attack with the addition of Fabregas to the starting lineup, and switching to a 4-1-4-1 that let Torres poach more easily instead of having a focus on setting the table. Casillas was solid in net, and made his biggest play of the match when he put his hands in front of a cross that would have been an easy header for sub Kevin Kuranyi, aka Antoine Laconte, who also played defense like he was looking for the booking. Roberto Rossetti was helpful to the Spanish cause, as he seemed to let play go when Spain had fouled but was more stringent with the Germans. Rossetti did nothing to David Silva for his minor headbutt, but FIFA may take issue with it at a later time.
Donte Greene was a Grizzly on Thursday for a little while, but he ended up a Rocket. When he was a Memphis Grizzly, all I could think of was "Wow, what's going on at that bowling alley in Baltimore right now?" and "Can you imagine how stupid he looks as a one-and-done warming the pine for the Syracuse ALUM Hakim Warrick?" But then he got moved to Houston, where he will compete with Steve Novak for the right to back up Shane Battier. The sad part is that he will be sitting behind Steve Novak, who is a much smarter player and a way better shooter. So the joke is STILL on you, Donte.
And finally, to wrap up Post #101 ("DAMN YOU, MACINTOSH!"-Carl Quigley), I bring you this tidbit from another stupid ESPN promotion built to fill up time and hypnotize you slowly to join the ESPN army and take over the Western Hemisphere: Titletown USA! So, which town is the biggest winner? I could give a shit about it, although a bunch of motherfuckers from Boston will talk your ear off about the Sawx, C's, Bruins, and the Pats and a bunch of other ridiculous championships that I really could care less about. Anyways, San Francisco is entered into this 20-municipality fray, and ESPN user jcap24 wanted to share this tidbit about why the white side of the Bay is the best:

The San Francisco Giants have five WS titles ('05, '21, '22, '33, '54), 20 NL pennants, six West division titles, one wild-card berth.

A championship can only count towards your Titletown resume if it was won after the team moved to said Titletown, so the San Francisco Giants can take credit for 0 World Series titles, 3 NL Pennants, 6 West Division Titles, and one wild-card berth. With this, the WWL has to play judge and ask us to disregard all facts relating to events occuring before 1958, but like the bloody finger that the prosecuting attorney pulled out of his pocket, most people will remember this fact. Maybe a more democratic ideology will benefit the ESPN in that plot to take over the Western Hemisphere. More HD capabilities would probably help too...you know, with the whole hypnotizing thing.

We Livebloggin', Ya'll...The Lottery

7:30-I've only done this with Champion's League Finals, so now, we give you Fort Minor again. Oh, and Stuart Scott, introducing David Stern, which everyone seems to love. Marc Jackson and Van Gundy with Bilas at the main table should be more pleasing than say STEPHEN A. SMITH, whose name I will from now on capitalize whenever I write it.

7:32-David Stern is his usual eloquent self in trying to show people that he isn't exploiting these athletes for money, but instead giving them the opportunity to enhance our society.

7:36-Vinny Del Negro always makes me laugh, and as we all know Derrick Rose will be the pick, so why waste the whole time that they are on the clock?

7:38-Derrick Rose is the pick, so it is time to go home...for him, we'll be here for a while. And the Chicago draft room is golfclapping. What the hell else would they do? they have the first pick, no one is going to take Rose right now. Unless Donnie Walsh has some scheme. Also, my nephew just made me deaf.

7:42-The Heat are now going to make the pick...Beasley or Mayo?

7:43-Make that Beasley. 2 top picks are freshmen for the second straight year, and now Miami could have nasty trifecta in Wade, Matrix, and the one just selected.

7:46-STEPHEN A. SMITH is asking Beasley some questions. Miami is getting a "fun-loving guy" off the court. I don't know how compatible that will be with good work ethic in Miami. Example: Dwyane Wade. Doris Burke just asked questions of his mom, a bigger improvement on Stu badgering Melo's mom in 2003.

7:49-Oventin J'Anthony Mayo is going to Minnesota! What Jay Bilas means by NBA-ready is he is older than me, but a year behind me in school, and he disappeared in a few games.

7:50-Marc Jackson cried when OJ wasn't allowed to play with him during the summer.

7:51-STEPHEN A. SMITH here again, telling us how rude OJ is by not saying "hello," but the greeting "STEPHEN A., I CAN PLAY THE POINT GUARD POSITION."

7:52-Pat Riley started planning for the lottery way before the season ended. Did he seriously forget about that tank job he pulled that sealed the worst record in the League?

7:54-The Sonics have way too many draft picks. No team can win with a bunch of first round picks, you need vets.

7:55-Russell Westbrook to the Sonics. Your time is almost over, Earl Watson. He'll be very helpful to the Sonics. Probably the smartest pick so far. It'll be interesting to see what they do with their other. So now what does Memphis do? A center is available that could be better than Darko? I'd take that.

8:01-I'm not sure about Kevin Love. He plays close to the ground in an above the rim game. And they took Kevin Love. Wes Unseld would have trouble in this day and age, but I write this blog, and Chris Wallace, for some reason, runs the Grizzlies.

8:03-There are no people with the "oo" sound in their names. There are so many ways to go. They need...everything.

8:07-Getting rowdy...and they take "BIG COCK" Danilo Gallinari (his nickname), whose dad played with D'Antoni in Italy. And here comes Fraschilla to explain booing to the Italian. Will he sell a lot of shoes? Eh, he's a foreign player, I don't know about that.

8:09-STEPHEN A. SMITH is yelling over the boos, and Danilo shows off his our sentences in English. The Knicks starters and key reserves just looks like none will be playing there after next season.

8:12-Clippers are taking their record 19th lottery pick! Injured Elton Brand is like injured David Robinson before the '97 draft.

8:13-Eric Gordon is the PG of the future in LA and will give them a nasty first 7, and will replace either Mobley or Brevin Knight pretty soon.

8:15-No one sophomore or above picked yet, just the "Big Cock."

8:17-Marc Jackson talks of immediate regret for the Knicks for not taking a PG.

8:18-Mose Schrute shaved his beard, changed his name to Joe Alexander and got sleected eighth by the Bucks. I also love his childhood pictures in China.

8:20-I never heard Mose speak before, but he sounds like a cocky motherfucker. White Basketball Jesus?

8:21-Will MJ ruin another franchise? Wait until after the commercial break...

8:24-I want the Larry Brown timeline to be my screensaver. Personally, I like all the glasses.

8:25-DJ Augustin? Seriously? MJ is insane, and Larry Brown probably won't like him due to his penchant for carelessness. Raymond Felton will be pissed, and Larry Brown now doesn't have a center, but now the Augustin's will have a new home since theirs was destroyed by Katrina.

8:28-The Brook-err New Jersey Nets are up, and everyone says go for a center.

8:29-Brook Lopez is a wise choice. Not sure if he'll be able to play as well without his bro Robin because they won't be able to activate their Wondertwin Powers. Robin seems to have separation anxiety.

8:35-Sorry Jamaal Tinsley, but all the crimes will not be tolerated by Larry Legend, and Jerryd Bayless is taken. But how does he work with TJ Ford? I cannot say.

8:37-Jerryd can golf. And he can also follow whatever orders are given to him. I'm impressed!

8:42-Jason Thompson to the Kings? Cool. He went to Rider, and his dad is a referee. I expect him to NEVER foul out. I wish I had that type of growth spurt, from 6'1" to 6'11".

8:46-What will the Blazers and Warriors do? Both were very solid last year, enough that they would have made the playoffs in the East. Oden comes back next year to Portland, so they can just get REAL solid.

8:47-Brandon Rush is probably less of an idiot than his brothers, was hurt in a year ago (torn ACL), and he will be another nasty cog in the system. No mention of JaRon luckily. And 3 times is the charm of draft declarations.

8:49-Andy Katz was the first person to say "Quite frankly" tonight, and STEPHEN A.'S MIC WAS MUTED BECAUSE HE THOUGHT MR. KATZ WAS MAKING FUN OF HIS CANCELLED ESPN2 TALK SHOW!

8:51-Anthony Randolph? Really? I really don't like him as an NBA player, especially after the terrible record he led LSU to last year. He only weighs 197! Shaq could break him in half.

Well, it wasn't the most entertaining lottery (Hell, Hilton Armstrong crashed his car twice when he was 15.). But it just seems weird with all these freshman being taken. Anyways, Randolph thinks he can play, and Vitale appears! AHHH I MUST FLEEEEEEEEEE

An Open Letter to Donte Greene

Dear Donte Green,

You are the paradigm of what I hate about the NBA Draft. Today, Jay Bilas advised against drafting a big center unless he is a "great defensive presence, like a Greg Oden." Mr. Bilas spoke of a player who has never played an NBA game, who has never showed any defensive talent because he has only been injured. No one knows if he can block a shot or affect a shot in a NBA game. So, you're saying you need a player who will get paid to rehab his knee and not do anything for your team. Put out a name like young Dikembe Mutombo (Craig Sager at the 1990 NBA Draft pronounced his name De-Camby Mu-Tom-bo. They also used swivel chairs that those motherfuckers swiveled in way too much due to nerves TNT definitely changed that up for the next year.) or Alonzo Mourning or Pat Ewing or Bill Russell, someone who has played a game in the NBA and actually blocked a shot in a NBA game. Donte, you represent this to the fullest. What did you exactly do at Syracuse to make anyone see potential? Was it learning to post up the guy guarding you who is 8 inches shorter than you on a regular basis during the last home game of the year? How about never learning to pass, even when you shot 6-19 from the field and 1-1 from the line against Nova in the Big East Tournament, or 2-15 against UConn that you made Syracuse not deserve any chance to be in that game? Johnny Flynn was more than capable, but you had to shoot. And when did you ever play defense? I know, you averaged 1.7 blocks a game, but the number of times you lost a rebounding chance or let a guy go right past you made those blocks look like you're trying to pay for a meal for 5 at Smith and Wollensky with a $5 bill, and your offense wasn't exactly a gift certificate that would make up the difference.Your time at Syracuse was something that we never wanted to see. We were sure we wouldn't get duped by one of those one-and-done freshmen again, unless they won a championship. But you did, and now you're going to the League because you have tremendous upside potential because of your length and the fact that you shoot a lot of threes and think you can handle well enough to be a 3, which is what she said if she were Doris Burke. We don't appreciate you, as you were the first to show Syracuse fans the dark side of the one-and-done craze, where the team is left for dead for the riches. Luckily, the team looks solid for next year without you. And I understand the financially it will work for you. I'm sure you may succeed in the NBA, but I can't wish you the best. You just helped drag us back to the NIT. And if you do happen to be revealed as a defensive liability and a hucker, please, have fun playing in Sweden. And wherever you play next year, may Syracuse fans boo you when you enter the game.

Sincerely,
Pappy Chalmers

***ADDENDUM***
Donte plans on having his draft night party at a Baltimore bowling alley. I hope his pin percentage is better than his 3-point percentage at 'Cuse. Maybe PDW will show up and fuck him up at the pins and do the suck-it celebration. I might try to see Gunnin' for that #1 Spot due to it being a sports doc, but can it really be anything as revealing or truly great as Hoop Dreams or Through the Fire? I don't think so, but there could be something special in using 6 players.