Oh, Donte, when will you ever learn?

Last week, the NBA's Vegas Summer League came to an abrupt conclusion, including the retirement of Nate Robinson's jersey and subsequent removal by maintenance staff after League play had ended. As well, Donte played professionally and even scored 40 one time! He ended up finishing second in the "league" in scoringwith 22.6 per game to go along with a measly 3.6 rebounds per and shot 42.5% from the field. So, what was Donte to say afterwards? Here are the choices I could think of:

a.) "I played well and I hope I can contribute this year."

b.) "We played well and there's going to be a strong supporting cast this year."

c.) "I feel like I'm coming out and proving I'm not long-term. I feel like I can be put in there right now and be a contributor to the team."

Don't (a) and (b) sound so diplomatic? ((b) is extremely fake and you'll probably never hear a player say that, but still, read c!) Well, Donte said (c). His head is already in the clouds, which means he thinks he just got to freshman year with the Rockets. I think he is going to learn the hard way, as his new coach, Rick Adelman, expressed his own reservations about Donte, saying, "I don't know if he understands what it takes to play hard; especially at the level he's got to play at."

So, now we wait to see if it truly is an adventure for Donte this year in Houston. Can he learn to keep his mouth shut like the guy he starts in front of, Mr. Shane Battier? The lesson may get to him way too late. Other Syracuse players will be much wiser in the future as they do not aim for the immediate draft fortunes of Carmelo, who knew what he was doing, and Donte, who obviously did not.

Hakim Warrick is Human Quaaludes

And I'm sure Quaaludes wish they had as much length and tremendous upside potential as Hak (Jay Bilas during a long night at Duke was once quoted as saying that the 'ludes that Danny Ferry scored for him were "getting a piece of my paint...SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT") Now that my distant cousin, Pappy Chalmers, has relieved the Jayhawk of that championship drought with that clutch as hell three, Dana O'Neil over at the WWL found that it was time to bring up a demon that no longer matters to Lawrence: Mr. Michael Lee, who fell victim to this. So, I'm guessing this made you feel sort of sad, no?

"For two, maybe two and a half weeks, I just shut down totally," Lee recalled. "I didn't want to talk to anybody because I knew how much it was on everybody's mind. I didn't go out unless I absolutely had to, like to go to class or something. I just hid in my room."

Sounds like when Chris Squire dropped acid for the last time. Also, does anyone remember a John Wallace/Jason Cipolla/Lazarus Sims/JB Reafsnyder flashback article like this in 2003? Probably not, because the Orangemen were completely counted out of that one. And there wasn't any huge fuck-up that defined the game. Unless Cipolla was seduced by a cougar a la Eugene Robinson at Super Bowl XXXIII.

A Celebratory Post

First off, a big yom huledet sameach out to Danny Macintosh, who just turned 30000000000 in ant years. And to celebrate his birthday, Billy Packer has disappeared. The Miami Herald reported it earlier today that CBS will not bring him back and end the consecutive Final Four streak at 34, which included 7 at NBC. Jim Nantz is now going to sound way more like a douche bag now that senile grandpa from hell isn't giving his two cents constantly. And now, what will be of Packer's future endeavors that he claims will keep him comfortable without his yearly CBS contract? I'm thinking basketball instructional videos that focus on the negative a la Dale Sturtevant. What a way to celebrate French freedom: it's like the MVC, CAA, Sun Belt, WCC, and A-10 united and stormed Packer's prison where he tortured Selection Committee members who invited midmajors to the Big Dance.

The Passion of the Dykes

I am officially declaring that the worst on-air job belongs to Jimmy Dykes. A man who was once an assistant coach at Kentucky, Arkansas (where he also played for three years after managing his freshmen year), and Oklahoma State, as well as a scout for the Seattle Sonics, probably thought he would have smooth sailing working for ESPN with a focus on college basketball, which is his specialty. His assignment today, which he also had last year, was very far from that as he covered the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest in Coney Island. Dykes was somehow the sideline reporter/technique expert/sports field-of-play analogy mathematician and it made me ask myself the question, "How far up Jimmy Dykes' ass is the WWL?" I believe the answer is very far. They make people do this on what is traditionally a day off? Yes, they do. I'm sure it would be fun as a spectator, but to make Dykes line up next to a bunch of hot dogs and tell people how long it takes to eat them, or how long, end-to-end all the hot dogs Chestnut and Kobayashi are going to eat will be? Mr. Dykes, I'm very sorry about your career.
A few other things:
-Crazy Legs Conti is the "Hot Brisket Buffet World Champion." Does that mean there is a running portion to the event? Are contestants encouraged to walk in order to avoid a "reversal of fortune"?
-ESPN showed clips from the Wii game of competitive eating and Tim Janus seemed to be talking about the realism. Really? I don't think you have to eat 50 Wii remotes before a reversal of fortune.
-A 5 dog eat-off was probably just made up on the spot. I don't think there is a rule book that says "in case of a tie..." More like they turned to the guy with the white hat and said, "They tied, what the fuck do we do now?"
-And finally, the best clip of television ever broadcasted on MTV that isn't Jackass or Rob and Big:

It's possible to die from eating. But I think, to be a professional means you don't die. Have a happy rest of your Independence Day, we'll be back.