Group G: Group of Death

Three amazing teams and one team from the most isolated country in the world. Let's get retarded.

Brazil
Nickname: A Selecao (The Selection-Brazil has the most professional footballers per capita in the world. And these are the best of the best. The ones who don't make the cut sometimes choose to play for other countries, like Marcos Senna for Spain, Deco for Portugal, and Mehmet Aurelio for Turkey)
Abbreviation: BRA (LOL!!!)
Last World Cup: 2006: The Brazilians breezed through their group and Ghana in the round of 16, and then Zidane made them look like fools in the quarterfinals as France marched to the final.
How did they get here?: Though Chile and Paraguay were both one point back at the end, the Brazilians, as usual took it easy and ended up in South Africa.
Manager: Dunga, a former member of the Selection. As a defensive midfielder, Dunga recognized the importance of having a strong defense and has moved away from the culture of Joga Bonito. So this may be the most boring Brazil team in history.
Player to watch: Hard to choose just one, but Maicon right now is the hot commodity after getting a treble with Inter. He is a big dude that can make plays on offense, but he is great at keeping danger at a minimum, which will go along with Dunga's plans.
Player not to watch: Hulk, a striker at Porto. Not just because of the name (he looks exactly like Lou Ferrigno), but also because the striking group lacks the size of past Brazilian groups. Adriano is about to return to Europe to play for Roma (quietly becoming a favorite to make a lot of noise in Europe next year), but was not in form enough to warrant a spot.
Prediction: Brazil has a renewed focus and will be ready to get deep in this tournament.

Portugal
Nickname: A Selecao (It's funny because Portugal used to have Brazil as a colony, but Brazil is just so much better than the Portuguese)
Abbreviation: POR
Last World Cup: 2006: Cristiano Ronaldo somehow didn't burn bridges with Wayne Rooney during the quarterfinal by getting him a red card, and then the Portuguese fell victim to the French in the semifinal, which included many boos for Ronaldo's actions in the previous match.
How did they get here?: It was close, as the Portuguese struggled through qualifying, finishing second to the Danish in UEFA Group 1 and lucked out drawing Bosnia and Herzegovina, who they took out 2-0 on aggregate.
Manager: Carlos Quieroz, who did good (read: evil) work helping out Alex Ferguson as an assistant at Manchester United from 2004 until 2008, when the Portuguese gave him the call.
Player to watch: Cristiano Ronaldo. The most metrosexual player in the world, but damn does he pull in the ladies. His latest: Irina Shayk.

















Sorry, I have to change my pants.

Player not to watch: Luis Figo, the leader of the Golden Generation who glued it together while Ronaldo improvised. His steadying leadership was the main reason behind the semifinal appearance in 2006, and there isn't really anyone who can replace him.
Prediction: This is the team that gets the blunt edge of the Group of Death. A much worse group than the one from 2006, they are not ready to compete with their former colony.

Ivory Coast
Nickname: The Elephants.
Abbreviation: CIV
Last World Cup: 2006: Drawing the the Netherlands and Argentina in the same group proved to be fatal for the Elephants, losing both matches 2-1. They did salvage a victory over Serbia and Montenegro in their final game.
How did they get here?: African qualifying handed them very easy draws that allowed the Elephants to easily get to South Africa.
Manager: Sven Goran-Eriksson. The man who drove England, Mexico, Notts County, and probably your mother into the ground. This man is known more for meltdowns than for accomplishing anything. Somehow, he may salvage his reputation.
Player to watch: Didier Drogba. The prolific Chelsea striker is extremely skilled, but a broken arm suffered against Japan will change things up. He may need a soft cast, but he should still change the game.
Player not to watch: Sekou Cisse, Feyenoord. The striker probably would have replaced Drogba if the injury were severe enough. Alas, he will not.
Prediction: The Elephants will make their first appearance in the knockout stage after unsteady Portugal falters.

North Korea
Nickname: Chollima, a mythical horse.
Abbreviation: DPRK (Democratic People's Republic of Korea)
Last World Cup: In 1966 the mythical horses came out of nowhere to upset the Italians in Middlesbrough. Maybe the English should cheer for a North Korean upset early as it has a very positive correlation with them winning the World Cup.
How did they get here?: A lot of qualifying, more than any other team from the AFC that got to South Africa, starting with the first round taking the aggregate over Mongolia. They actually were in the same group as archrivals (politically, militarily, and athletically) South Korea, where the teams played two scoreless draws that probably kept detente going.
Manager: Kim Jong Hun. No information on the internets about him, so don't ask.
Player to watch: Attacking combo Hong Yong-Jo and Jong Tae-Se, both of whom ply their trade abroad in Russia and Japan, respectively. Hong is captain and Jong has 15 goals in 22 appearances. If the defense holds up these two might get some chances to make some proletariat magic.
Player not to watch: The ones that were purged. Seriously, though, it's more politician not to watch: Kim Jung-Il will NOT be attending the World Cup. Could you imagine if he went to the Argentina game and they lost 5-0? International embarrassment is something Dear Leader is good at avoiding. And he will avoid national embarrassment unless they win.
Prognostication: Maybe ready for an upset, but my capitalist pig money is not on them. So yeah, don't expect to see any soccer in Pyongyang this week.

World Cup: Group D and US Recap

Now THIS GROUP I can get into.
Let's kick up the 4d3d3 like Argentina did today in order to barely salvage three points. Maybe five amazing strikers is a bit too much, as Lionel Messi is out there doing what he wants. But Messi generally can do whatever he wants on the pitch.
How about Greece? They just don't play well in tournaments. They took an extra five minutes to let in their first goal this World Cup, and they were just dominated by the Red Devils. The Koreans have a chance to make it to the knockout stage with that victory.

Germany
Nickname: Die Mannschaft (The Team-how bleak and German, makes me think of Das Boot)
Abbreviation: GER
Last World Cup: 2006: The hosts made a surprise run to the semifinals where they fell to two Italian stoppage time goals in extra time, but did seal third place in Oliver Kahn's last cap with a victory over Portugal. Jurgen Klinsmann was lauded for his efforts and amazing attacking he got out of the group.
How did they get here?: An easy domination of their group, with only two draws to blemish their record and a +21 goal differential.
Manager: Joachim Low, who helped lead them to second in Euro 2008. Low was an assistant under Klinsmann and has been a natural fit succeeding him and continuing the attacking style.
Players to watch: Miroslav Klose and Lukas Podolski combining up front. The two Polish-born strikers were teammates for a couple seasons at Bayern, but Klose chose to return to Cologne with his role with the German giants in doubt.
Player not to watch: Captain Michael Ballack, who sits with an injury sustained from a tackle by Ghanian (OMG SAME GROUPZ>!>!!?!?!?!) Kevin Prince-Boateng of Portsmouth during the FA Cup Final. This is the problem with Chelsea: too many damn good players in the World Cup, meaning any injury will take away from the biggest tournament.
Another note on this: Prince-Boateng's half-brother Jerome will be playing defense for Germany. The two haven't spoken since the foul (I don't speak German, I got a translation). I expect some England-Portugal style drama during this one.
Prediction: Ballack will surely be missed, but this team shouldn't have any missteps during this one. I'm feeling a deep run for The Team.

Serbia
Nickname: Bell Orlovi (White Eagles)
Abbreviation: SRB
Last World Cup: 2006: (with Montenegro): They weren't expecting three losses, but that is what they got in what turned out to be the Group of Death. One was especially bad: 6-0 at the hands of Argentina. Pretty sorry effort from a team considered a defensive stalwart and probably a good jumping off point in the motivational talk from...uh...a Serbian celebrity.
How did they get here?: Losses to France and Lithuania, both away, were the only blemishes as they easily took Group 7.
Manager: Radomir Antic. You know he's seedy because he has managed both Real Madrid and Barcelona. Only in Serbia.
Player to watch:

Milla Jovovich. The statuesque actress, famous for her portrayal of Leeloo Dallas Multipass in The Fifth Element, will be a huge asset in the midfield. Her looks will...wait, nevermind, it's Milan Jovanovic, false alarm. And he's actually a pretty good playmaker at the wing who will be joining Liverpool for the next season.
Player not to watch: Defender Ivica Draguitinovic, who plays for Sevilla, is injured. With him, the Iron Curtain would be back up with a backline including Nemanja Vidic and Branislav Ivanovic. Alas, he will not make it, and Dave O'Brien won't be able to butcher his name either this year.
Prediction: A strong defense will have a better complement at offense now that Montenegro is gone. And with the other teams in the group not completely at full strength, they have the best chance to take second behind the Germans.

Ghana
Nickname: The Black Star (so I can post this video:
)
Abbreviation: GHA
Last World Cup: 2006: The Black Stars shat on my dreams, beating the Americans after I skipped school to watch their final game of that World Cup. A victory of the Czechs also got them to the second round, where they proceeded to be easily dealt with by the Brazilians.
How did they get here?: Only a loss to Benin and a tie to Mali kept them from a perfect record in the third round as they easily progressed to the continent's first World Cup.
Manager: Milovan Rajevac. Also Serbian, also seedy (he played for Red Star Belgrade when they were owned by the mob and the fans were essentially a militia.
Player to watch: Sulley Muntari, the captain is out, and this midfielder who makes his money at Inter will be asked to step up and help control the midfield, an essential activity in this group.
Player not to watch: Michael Essien, injured just like fellow Chelski star Ballack, will miss the tournament after getting hurt in the African Cup of Nations.
Prediction: Still strong without Essien, his work as a holding midfielder will surely be missed. They may make it out of the group, but no farther than the round of 16 in the knockout stage.

Australia
Nickname: Socceroos
Abbreviation: AUS
Last World Cup: 2006: The Roos were bounced at the last possible moment by a Luca Toni flop and the subsequent Francesco Totti penalty.
How did they get here?: Asian qualification, and it was sort of difficult, marked by losses to Iraq and China, and then in the final stage more swimmingly with no losses.
Manager: Pim Verbeek, a Dutchman, so you know they play damn pretty.
Player to watch: Brett Emerton of Blackburn Rovers, who will hope to not duplicate his lack of success by not getting two yellow cards in his team's second group game. He'll be playing with what we call "a chip on his shoulder."
Player not to watch: James Holland, a star in the making at AZ, but at only 21 years old, his lack of experience left him off the final squad.
Prediction: This group is death, and Australia will be receiving the blunt of its trauma. Sorry, Roos, maybe 2014.

USA!
Quite the result for the Stars and Stripes. Out of nowhere. No one expected the Three Lions to have good goalkeeping, but no one expected it to nip their chances to reach the knockout stage even this lightly. Robert Green made a fool of himself and probably caused some Englishmen to kill themselves yesterday (I mean that seriously, not as a joke). The Americans lucked out big time. But so did the English. The Americans got some good looks in as well, and it could have been 5-1 either way at full time. The Americans need to be ready for Algeria, and be especially ready to take 3 points. Otherwise, this effort will have been for naught.
And Oguchi Onyewu may be the next great American defender by his body type, but he is NOTHING compared to that adulterer John Terry, who plays with a passion that Gooch may lack due to his knee injury not being healed to his satisfaction. Whatever the situation, he does not look to be in the shape to participate in a World Cup Final.

Until next time, look for some tweets right here. And tweet back.

The Group of Death Resolves Itself and Boston Loses Another Finger To a Ring

I'd like to start this post off by saying that one of the most important parts of this blog while your dear friend Pappy is in the Delaware Valley is Comcast with their okay internet and excellent cable services. However, they charge exorbitant fees, and they do something that Time Warner never does in Syracuse: have 24 straight hours of a service outage. The funny part to me is that while this storm that supposedly took out service for so many people was occurring, nothing happened to my cable service. But 2 days afterwards? Of course it will take out your service. The logic is beautiful.
However, not as beautiful as the beautiful game (futbol (soccer)) was yesterday, and the Euro action was pretty ugly. In order to prevent the throwing of games, both games are played concurrently, so I joined a friend at a West Philly bar and got to watch both on big screens right next to each other, but it was still tough to pay attention to both at the same time.
The Italians took their dives, as Luca Toni did in the 24th inside the box, drawing a red card for Eric Abidal that probably should have been a yellow for Toni. Andrea Pirlo, who probably has the most accurate foot in the world right now, easily put the penalty past Coupet, and Italy was set to coast. This was especially easy because Ribery, France's best midfielder, fell to injury in the 10th. It looked like a Zidane break where he would get off the stretcher on the sideline, squirt water on his leg, and go right back on. But it was actually a REAL injury. Samir Nasri came in for him and proved to be pretty terrible, as he was replaced by Jean Alain Boumsong in the 26th. A deflected De Rossi free kick closed the scoring in 62nd, and the Italians marched on with barely a hint of trouble, which was a Karim Benzema shot that barely missed. France did what its army regularly does in war and what it's soccer team does once every two or three tournaments: disappear completely. They only managed one goal in this tournament. I don't know what type of shape Zidane is in right now, but his national side needs him pretty badly.
So, one uncompetitive side in the France-Italy match meant that the Romanians needed to pull off a win against the less offensive Dutch oven which was weaker due to a big chunk of their starting lineup that destroyed the French and Italians resting for the quarters. Not much going on in the first half, although the Romanians did put on some pressure. However, the Dutch showed that they could attack well even without their best players, and Huntelaar in the 54th and Van Persie, who seems to have recovered from the injuries that limited his time at Arsenal this year, in the 87th, dashed Romanian dreams of advancing to the quarters.
To round out the day, the NBA Finals concluded in Boston as the Celtics mauled the Lakers 131-92 for the franchise's 17th. Boston could do no wrong (33:7 Assist:Turnover ratio, 32-37 from the line, 13-26 from 3, 43-87 from the field, and Sam Cassell didn't play), and Kobe looked like a giant poop. Paul Pierce is your Finals MVP to no one's surprise. So now, we look to next year. Right now, the early consensus is another Lakers-Celtics Final, but it could play out completely differently because of one factor: Andrew Bynum. He is a top 5 big man in the NBA when healthy, and if he can put in at least 70 regular season games, the Lakers will probably be able to keep their roster together (Ronny Turiaf's contract expired, and Vujacic could go where the money is that the Lakers can't pay him) but could make a trade this offseason in order to improve. The Celtics will also have the same roster minus the probably retirements of Sam Cassell and PJ Brown, whose role will be filled by "Big Baby" Davis. This is what the NBA wants: a rivalry between the two most storied franchises in the league, with players remembering last year. The Spurs are going to try to return to glory, but they have never looked so bad getting eliminated (They took the Mavs to 7 games in 2006, but a paltry, basically uncompetitive 5 against the Lakers? I don't think so.). I'm sure Donaghy will be in Arkham Asylum like the Riddler at the end of Batman Forever, being asked by Bruce Wayne why the series didn't go seven, and Donaghy telling him that Stern wanted to make sure no one knew he did actually pay off the referees. Well, we'll see what happens next year if 2 big market teams, 1 from the East and 1 from the West, make it to the conference finals. I'm pretty sure they'll both make it to the NBA Finals, but that isn't my business...shit, they found me; I'm fleeing like Jerry Fletcher in Conspiracy Theory.

Europeans Overreacting to Soccer? You're KIDDING ME!

Austria got their first point ever in a Euro tournament as they managed to draw with Polska yesterday on a with the help of a very suspect penalty call by English referee Howard Webb. Polish fans are pretty crazy about their soccer, especially with the national hero status of coach Leo Beenhakker (he received the order of Polonia Restituta, which as a Dutchman is pretty impressive as only two other foreigners have been given the award, one being Douglas MacArthur), despite the fact that his teams seem to always come up short in every group stage or just don't show up at all (he managed to not qualify for the 1986 World Cup while managing his native Dutch side). But his hero status has made many step up to support his side, including the Polish Prime Minister. Luckily he is back to being calm, but with the open European borders, I could see him driving over to Austria to go postal on some soccer officials.
In other Euro news, the Group of Death, Group C, begins the second leg of games today. France-Netherlands will cause me to leave work early, but I will be keeping my eye on Italy-Romania. Questions to be answered by these games include:
-Will France and Italy recover from terrible performances?
-Is the Netherlands back (to 1988 form of domination)?
-What is the deal with Romania?
We shall see what changes to the lineup Italy makes, probably towards a more counterattacking style as in the World Cup. They got caught in the Dutch counter a few too many times in that first match. And France? Thierry and Vieira would help get more offensive, but the Netherlands is on fire. There isn't a Zidane to turn it on right now, so Ribery and others will have to step it up. And how much better is Coupet than Barthez? Waaaaaaaaay better.