I do have a few things to get off my chest (that is what she said). First, the blog will be nasty starting next year, it's one of my few resolutions for the New Year. Second, this list:
1.) http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/boxscore?gameId=273630526
I hope no one bought the website FireGlenMiller.com yet, because I'm about to. A year ago this was a preseason opponent transitioning to D-1 that you almost put up 100 on, and this year you can't even put up 10 in the first 20 minutes against this team? 3 straight losses to start the year out against Drexel, Loyola MD, and Howard, falling to 4-7 before this game, and then losing it. Miller has a lot of making up to do, even with Tommy McMahon and Darren Smith out all year and Brian Grandieri playing on a torn meniscus, this game should have been a gimme. Here's my ultimatum: I'll take down the website (hopefully soon-to-be-made) if Penn puts up an undefeated Ivy season, but keep it available to be put back up if he can't win a tournament game. He came to Penn to win a tourney game, and instead this team regresses to losing to Florida Gulf Coast, whose white guys all look like they were members of Creed. The most telling stat of the game: Penn had a points-to-turnover ratio of 30 to 34. When you get more turnovers than points, that is what you call a disaster game, something that Fran Dunphy didn't have and I'm pretty sure Chuck Daly didn't either.
2.) Syracuse basketball can do whatever the hell it wants the rest of the season. I don't expect them to have a very easy time playing Georgetown and Villanova twice, plus making trips to West Virginia, Louisville, and Notre Dame, plus welcoming Pitt and Marquette to the Dome. Andy Rautins and Eric Devendorf being out was pretty much the worst possible thing that could happen to this team. Donte and Johnny will be able to take over the scoring load, but not having both of these shooters will have its effects late in games. Plus, Devo and Rautins being gone leave SU with no scholarship guards on the bench, and while walk-on Justin Thomas will be stepping in a little more, it still means NO BACKCOURT DEPTH. The one good thing that comes out of this is that Scoop Jardine is going to get a lot of experience and who knows, maybe next year Boeheim will be able to 4-guard it with Rautins, Devo, Scoop, and Johnny like Jay Wright did with...scratch that, let's just pray Donte is ( and he should be) back for next year.
3.) http://scores.espn.go.com/nfl/boxscore?gameId=271216017
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS, TOM BRADY? DID YOU HAVE ANY IDEA THAT THIS WAS THE FANTASY SEMIS? I LOOK LIKE A GOD DAMN IDIOT BECAUSE OF YOU. I'VE GOT A CHANCE TO WIN A TITLE, AND WHAT DO YOU DO? YOU PUT UP THE BIGGEST FANTASY CHOKE JOB IN THE HISTORY OF THE GAME! NO ONE HAS EVER CHOKED AS HARD IN THE FANTASY PLAYOFFS AS YOU. YOU WERE GREAT THE REST OF THE FUCKING SEASON, AND NOW? I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOU DID THE REST OF THE SEASON! NOW I GET NO FUCKING GLORY. SO, TO ROUND THINGS UP, FUCK YOU TOM BRADY!
4.) The Mitchell Report was dope, lol.
5.) NBA Finals 2008: Nuggets in 6 over the Pistons.
6.) NFL Playoffs:
NFC Wild Card:
'Skins over Seattle. I believe in the spirit of 21...
Bucs over Giants. Good D is always good in the playoffs, and so is consistent Jeff Garcia offense against the Giants D (See: http://scores.espn.go.com/nfl/boxscore?gameId=270107021)
NFC Divisional:
Packers over 'Skins. ...falling short in power to the spirit of the Fav-ruh
Cowboys over Bucs. Romo and his lack of performance for the ladies (may I suggest some Cialis? Levitra?) will not be an issue because Jerry Jones, looking to harvest another skin to wear over his own, threw Jessica Simpson to the bottom of a well his house is built over. If the lotion is Proactiv, I expect Jessica to not ever get the hose but continue to talk about how good it is and how bad her skin used to break out, leading to Jones shooting himself in the head, but not until after the Cowboys win. Also, to keep up appearances, Jones had someone wear his "regular skin" to the game and had that person patrol the sidelines.
NFC Championship:
Packers over Cowboys. Romo is shown to be a fake spirit of the Fav-ruh by the real Fav-ruh, leading to his disintegration a la Nazis seeing the inside of the Lost Ark. Only TO is able to look away, but he is immediately shot by Garret Reid.
AFC Wild Card:
Chargers over Titans. Just a bit too easy for the Bolts, like Keith Bulluck said, the Titans are "The NFL's Team of the Future," so give them a little bit. And yes, I am doubting Vince Young's resourcefulness. Defenses are playing him to deplete his resources a la the aliens in Independence Day and he hasn't ran for 100 yards in a game this year. The Chargers were especially good against him, forcing him to throw 2 picks and run for only 2 yards on 2 attempts.
Jaguars over Steelers. Jags are for real. Killer D, killer run game, and a quarterback who makes mistakes as often as the Pope gets laid: rarely.
AFC Divisional:
Colts over Chargers. Starvin' Marvin wasn't really back, but what if this extra week off was just what he needed? Reggie Wayne is at the top of his game, Other Tony Gonzalez is starting to hit his groove, and now you can't even pay me enough to play in a secondary against the Colts. Even without Harrison, the lightning bolt blood will flow, and so would the blood of a certain group of deities if they got to this game.
Jags over Pats. I'm probably underestimating the Pats in this game, but I still want Brady to get his head ripped off on a sack and only have a 5 yard facemask called. And I also think the Jags look like money.
AFC Championship:
Colts over Jags. BARELY. Both teams are about to be on a roll coming into this game, and it will be a pretty damn good Sunday if America receives the two championship games I have stupidly foreseen. Vinatieri as time expires.
Super Bowl: Colts over Packers. Spirit of the Fav-ruh meets the Manning machine, and science beats religion in a battle for the ages. Yes, an entertaining game to go with entertaining commercials.
7.) If I'm a GM for the next 5 years in the NFL, I'm doing two things:
1) Bringing Pacman back to play safety
2) Bringing Vick back to be a holder. But during practice, a pack of wild dogs will be brought in to try to block field goals.
8.) Men's College Midseason Awards:
Player of the Half-Season: Tyler Hansbrough, UNC
Well, he's just been too damn good and so has his team.
Freshman of the Half-Season: Blake Griffin, Oklahoma
Besides the anomaly that was a lost to "Stone Cold" Stephen F. Austin University, Blake has been pretty good. He was limited to 8 and 4 points respectively in losses to Memphis and USC earlier in the year, but he started having some solid games, including 15 points and 14 boards in a win over Gonzaga and 18 and 16 in a win over West Virginia. A pretty good roll to be on with the Big 12 coming around.
Coach of the Half-Season: Brian Gregory, Dayton
He should thank Brian Roberts for putting up 29.5 PPG in two wins over ranked Big East teams Louisville and Pittsburgh, but still, who would have thought?
Happy New Year to all from the Buzzer
EEEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Dec 31, 2007
Dec 14, 2007
Jerry Rice Now Thinks He's Babe Ruth
And I can see his point, but this?
"The only thing that bothers me a little bit is that I did it during the strike year," Rice said. "It was 12 games for me. If he had done it in 12 games, I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. But I'm still going to congratulate him and do all of that.
"But I'm surprised the league is taking it upon themselves to give him 16 games to do it."
It's great that you did that with Steve Young AND Joe Montana and whatnot. But I didn't see Babe Ruth jump out of his grave calling Roger Maris a bitch. You're a great receiver, but there are sometimes when you shouldn't be an asshole. Also, you had FIFTEEN games, but you sat out two, Jerry. You should have played those 3 so you could have had 30 touchdowns and then we wouldn't have this problem. And for good measure, I give you just the good ol' boys that never mean no harm but one of them has been arrested multiple times, and he ran tha traffic cop over by accident...MAGWA!:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJruSDnAVrg
"The only thing that bothers me a little bit is that I did it during the strike year," Rice said. "It was 12 games for me. If he had done it in 12 games, I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. But I'm still going to congratulate him and do all of that.
"But I'm surprised the league is taking it upon themselves to give him 16 games to do it."
It's great that you did that with Steve Young AND Joe Montana and whatnot. But I didn't see Babe Ruth jump out of his grave calling Roger Maris a bitch. You're a great receiver, but there are sometimes when you shouldn't be an asshole. Also, you had FIFTEEN games, but you sat out two, Jerry. You should have played those 3 so you could have had 30 touchdowns and then we wouldn't have this problem. And for good measure, I give you just the good ol' boys that never mean no harm but one of them has been arrested multiple times, and he ran tha traffic cop over by accident...MAGWA!:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJruSDnAVrg
Dec 9, 2007
Tony Siragusa is NOT Smarter Than a 5th Grader
Well, if Mike Ditka's group of retired players is looking for evidence supporting their claim that the NFL Players' Union needs to take care of retired players, it was Tony Siragusa after a promo for "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" during Eagles-Giants. Here are his words:
"I got a daughter in 5th grade, and sometimes, she brings in questions, and I just have no idea."
Brain damage in retired NFL players is a serious thing. Gene Upshaw needs to take this occurence seriously, because who knows how dumb the next generation of retired giant defensive lineman who can't fit in a broadcasting booth and stand next to the field and interrupt the regular play-by-play and color guy at strange times will be.
"I got a daughter in 5th grade, and sometimes, she brings in questions, and I just have no idea."
Brain damage in retired NFL players is a serious thing. Gene Upshaw needs to take this occurence seriously, because who knows how dumb the next generation of retired giant defensive lineman who can't fit in a broadcasting booth and stand next to the field and interrupt the regular play-by-play and color guy at strange times will be.
Dec 8, 2007
No Silver Lining for Orange and other stuff
Well, big win at Virginia where Sean Singletary had the strangest set of symptoms. Could have lost to the Hoos, but everyone made shots when they had to late to get the win. Today was another story, and all I can say is that I can't watch the game because it was regional (I will find a bar to watch those games at.). But TWO A-10 teams, Rhode Island and UMass? Not the best resume features looking for an at-large bid. A need for some return to Big East dominance is surely needed.
I think the record for number of sets of brothers playing in a game was set today when Indiana welcomed Kentucky to Assembly Hall. Mike and DJ both suited up for Indiana, while Joe and Jordan Crawford had their parents mismatching apparel from both schools for the Wildcats and the Hoosiers, respectively. Jordan, the younger of the two, doubled his brother point total with 20, and the Hoosiers ran away with it, 70-51. DJ White was a little underfed in the post going against a pretty terrible Kentucky frontline (Patrick Patterson needs some time before he can dominate players with DJ's experience.), and he only had six shots after 25 minutes? Him getting fed regularly in the post and high post is definitely going to be essential to any Indiana success.
And Kentucky fans? Please don't be discouraged by the loss to Gardner-Webb and this slow start. Think about what Tubby Smith did in his first year with Rick Pitino's talent. This is what Gillispie is doing with Tubby's talent, so give him a few years to get his pieces in place.
I think McFadden should have been given the Heisman, but I also don't get a vote. Tebow did have a record-setting season, but McFadden beat the #1 team in the country, and now its the #2. Because of this voting result, the Cotton Bowl is going to be damn good. McFadden and Chase Daniel are both going to be pretty pissed about not winning the Heisman so they'll each try to have big games, McFadden probably more so since he had a better year this year than last, when he also finished second. And the win over LSU definitely seemed like icing on the cake.
I'm out like J-Kidd with a migraine.
I think the record for number of sets of brothers playing in a game was set today when Indiana welcomed Kentucky to Assembly Hall. Mike and DJ both suited up for Indiana, while Joe and Jordan Crawford had their parents mismatching apparel from both schools for the Wildcats and the Hoosiers, respectively. Jordan, the younger of the two, doubled his brother point total with 20, and the Hoosiers ran away with it, 70-51. DJ White was a little underfed in the post going against a pretty terrible Kentucky frontline (Patrick Patterson needs some time before he can dominate players with DJ's experience.), and he only had six shots after 25 minutes? Him getting fed regularly in the post and high post is definitely going to be essential to any Indiana success.
And Kentucky fans? Please don't be discouraged by the loss to Gardner-Webb and this slow start. Think about what Tubby Smith did in his first year with Rick Pitino's talent. This is what Gillispie is doing with Tubby's talent, so give him a few years to get his pieces in place.
I think McFadden should have been given the Heisman, but I also don't get a vote. Tebow did have a record-setting season, but McFadden beat the #1 team in the country, and now its the #2. Because of this voting result, the Cotton Bowl is going to be damn good. McFadden and Chase Daniel are both going to be pretty pissed about not winning the Heisman so they'll each try to have big games, McFadden probably more so since he had a better year this year than last, when he also finished second. And the win over LSU definitely seemed like icing on the cake.
I'm out like J-Kidd with a migraine.
Nov 24, 2007
Paul Harris needs some protection
If one player is victimized by refs for being physically imnposing, it has to be Paul. He might need to play some Nintendo DS to improve his basketball IQ, but Paul doesn't get any breaks from the refs. Last year it was the out-of-the-blue technical fouls that were commonplace, but he hasn't been called for one yet. But officials still treat him differently. Two instances in today's 'Cuse victory over the Washington Huskies made me know this is some truth:
1.) Watching Quincy Pondexter proceed to push Paul Harris out of bounds to get a defensive rebound. Not box out, literally turn and push.
2.) A phantom offensive foul call where Harris jump-stopped into a banked jumper and a flop by Justin Dentmon were enough to warrant the call.
So Tim Higgins, Ted Valentine, and whoever else officiates in the Big East, give Paul a chance. He isn't the Juggernaut running through walls and sending people hundreds of feet when he runs into them because mutants don't exist. He just happens to be a little stronger than the guys he's going up against, but he isn't going to kill anyone.
1.) Watching Quincy Pondexter proceed to push Paul Harris out of bounds to get a defensive rebound. Not box out, literally turn and push.
2.) A phantom offensive foul call where Harris jump-stopped into a banked jumper and a flop by Justin Dentmon were enough to warrant the call.
So Tim Higgins, Ted Valentine, and whoever else officiates in the Big East, give Paul a chance. He isn't the Juggernaut running through walls and sending people hundreds of feet when he runs into them because mutants don't exist. He just happens to be a little stronger than the guys he's going up against, but he isn't going to kill anyone.
Nov 14, 2007
Great News for Penn Basketball
As UPenn moves eastward, Penn Basketball, already oh-so fan friendly, adds the element that could make the Palestra turn into one of the best venues ever (and maybe even add some decibels at Penn football games): tailgating
(http://media.www.dailypennsylvanian.com/media/storage/paper882/news/2007/10/19/News/Looking.Ahead.An.Overview.Of.The.Upcoming.University.Expansion-3044163.shtml). The proposed Franklin Field Pavilion and Palestra Green would give fans a place to gather for barbecues and booze before watching their beloved Quakers go out of character to fight an opponent. It's an essential element of schools like Maryland and Texas, so why not give us a chance to not have a chance to walk it off on our way to the game? The crowds will be rowdier, and it will definitely make the atmosphere much more intimidating for visitors. So kudos to you, Penn architect David Hollenberg, for making this possible.
(Sorry about the links, I'm writing this on my Mac and for some reason I'm not allowed to blog nice like I do on a PC. What a bitch.)
(http://media.www.dailypennsylvanian.com/media/storage/paper882/news/2007/10/19/News/Looking.Ahead.An.Overview.Of.The.Upcoming.University.Expansion-3044163.shtml). The proposed Franklin Field Pavilion and Palestra Green would give fans a place to gather for barbecues and booze before watching their beloved Quakers go out of character to fight an opponent. It's an essential element of schools like Maryland and Texas, so why not give us a chance to not have a chance to walk it off on our way to the game? The crowds will be rowdier, and it will definitely make the atmosphere much more intimidating for visitors. So kudos to you, Penn architect David Hollenberg, for making this possible.
(Sorry about the links, I'm writing this on my Mac and for some reason I'm not allowed to blog nice like I do on a PC. What a bitch.)
Syracuse Survives, and So Do the Bones in my Hand
Well, after falling into a 10-0 hole, Jonny Flynn completed my redemption from my promise to punch a hole into a wall with a 3 with 5.3 seconds left to give 'Cuse a 72-69 double-you. Flynn was not rattled when he had the chance to win on a very deep 3, and I have never been more excited about a team because of that. Flynn was able to forget about his 0-5 night from the field (he still had some great assists, including one behind some dude's back to Donte).
That St. Joe's team was poised for an upset (funny note: I watched the game with a St. Joe's fan and a UConn fan, which was one Georgetown fan away from the triumvirate that makes Syracuse basketball get pissed off (if they were playing UConn, a UConn fan would replace the St. Joe's fan)), and Pat Calathes had a great game going for 22 and 8. However, Ahmad Nivins was somehow completely baffled by the collapsing double team that came his way whenever he got the ball in the post, causing him to have more turnovers (4) than points (3).
And when Jimmy B called Paul Harris a son of a bitch as he went to shake Phil Martelli's hand, he had reason to ignore his 18 points and 14 rebounds. Harris basically ruined the beginning of the game with two terrible travels, one as he caught a pass at the 3-point line and got into the triple threat, and the other as he went to elevate. And then to end the game, he basically let Calathes catch that ball for the possible tying basket. Harris has looked pretty careless this year, and if SU wants to move up the polls, he needs to get his game under control and cut down turnovers and bad shots.
Otherwise, Donte looked pretty good, and Arinze was a monster everywhere but three very important places: the free-throw line, defensive rebounding, and shot blocking. Mookie is playing for the Kings right now because he could be active in one of those categories every night, but I'm not sure Arinze can do much with the shot-blocking, so he needs to get defensive rebounds, especially in the zone. Also, there was next to no bench production tonight, which needs to start existing if this team wants to win in the Big East. Ongenaet, Jackson, and Jardine need to start contributing against Ohio State next Wednesday, and they will have time to get ready for that when Fordham comes to the Dome on Friday.
And, kudos to Jonny Flynn for the new title holder of "best sentence uttered in a post-game interview as he said to Syracuse's Gene Waldron, "I kept turning the corner off screens and finding my...niggas."
As Sunday comes so does the Buzzer Dubs Weekly College Basketball Report Card Summary of News, including the Dubs Top 25.
That St. Joe's team was poised for an upset (funny note: I watched the game with a St. Joe's fan and a UConn fan, which was one Georgetown fan away from the triumvirate that makes Syracuse basketball get pissed off (if they were playing UConn, a UConn fan would replace the St. Joe's fan)), and Pat Calathes had a great game going for 22 and 8. However, Ahmad Nivins was somehow completely baffled by the collapsing double team that came his way whenever he got the ball in the post, causing him to have more turnovers (4) than points (3).
And when Jimmy B called Paul Harris a son of a bitch as he went to shake Phil Martelli's hand, he had reason to ignore his 18 points and 14 rebounds. Harris basically ruined the beginning of the game with two terrible travels, one as he caught a pass at the 3-point line and got into the triple threat, and the other as he went to elevate. And then to end the game, he basically let Calathes catch that ball for the possible tying basket. Harris has looked pretty careless this year, and if SU wants to move up the polls, he needs to get his game under control and cut down turnovers and bad shots.
Otherwise, Donte looked pretty good, and Arinze was a monster everywhere but three very important places: the free-throw line, defensive rebounding, and shot blocking. Mookie is playing for the Kings right now because he could be active in one of those categories every night, but I'm not sure Arinze can do much with the shot-blocking, so he needs to get defensive rebounds, especially in the zone. Also, there was next to no bench production tonight, which needs to start existing if this team wants to win in the Big East. Ongenaet, Jackson, and Jardine need to start contributing against Ohio State next Wednesday, and they will have time to get ready for that when Fordham comes to the Dome on Friday.
And, kudos to Jonny Flynn for the new title holder of "best sentence uttered in a post-game interview as he said to Syracuse's Gene Waldron, "I kept turning the corner off screens and finding my...niggas."
As Sunday comes so does the Buzzer Dubs Weekly College Basketball Report Card Summary of News, including the Dubs Top 25.
Nov 12, 2007
Jewish Jordan Spreads his False Righteousness
On Saturday morning I attended Orthodox services at Penn Hillel to celebrate my brother's aufruf (pronounced "oof-roof") the day before his wedding, and a former media darling happened to be in attendance by the name of Tamir Goodman. You may remember him as the Orthodox Jew who could light it up, averaging 35 points a game as a junior at Talmudical Academy in Baltimore. Gary Williams offered him a scholarship as he continued to tear up Jewish and non-Jewish competition alike. He had to give back the scholarship because Williams could not make accommodations for Goodman to not play on Saturdays, which lead to a spot on the Towson Tigers, a low-major program. After a year of what some considered completely missing expectations, Tamir claimed he jumped at the contract offer he received from Maccabi Tel-Aviv, fulfilling his dream to play in Israel. However, the conditions that the team had taken in Goodman were hurting the team as Goodman played terribly. Coach Mike Hunt was a little ridiculous in throwing a chair at Goodman, but he had his reasons. If Goodman had played as well as he did in high school, I think Hunt would have kept up the agreement, or just let them schedule games he couldn't play in on Saturday. And I almost neglected to mention that Goodman's time in Israel had been even more underwhelming, as he found no playing time, even when he was playing for second division teams over there. I don't want to sound like an anti-Semite, especially because I am Jewish, but Tamir just was never that good. But now some professional team has signed him in the US (he wouldn't disclose it, but it is definitely not an NBA team, and he told me it isn't an ABA team, which are known for promotions like naming a team the Atlanta Krunk), and the team has agreed to not play games Friday night or Saturday. Hopefully he can redeem himself, give us Jews some street cred, and not get a chair thrown at him.
Oct 30, 2007
NBA Begins Anew with Donaghy Headed to a Jail Cell
Best part of the night so far: The Rockets and Lakers benches standing up for a really long time at the beginning of the game, waiting for their respective teams to put in their respective first points of the season. Check this out: http://scores.espn.go.com/nba/playbyplay?gameId=271030013&period=1
As you can see, it takes a while for the bold print (aka made basket) to appear as you scroll down the summary of every shot attempt and call made. So, for 3 minutes, the Lakers bench stood, and the Houston bench waited 5 minutes and 23 seconds. Nearly half a quarter to get your first make of the year? Pretty rough, but the Rockets now have an 11 point lead with 2:03 left. Anyways, here is four sentences or less about every NBA team, ranked by conference, with playoffs picks. Probably some awards picks as well:
Eastern Conference:
1.) Chicago Bulls
A very solid starting five, and first four off the bench are Thabo, Duhon, Nocioni, and Joe Smith (soon to be replaced by the Red Bull injected into Joakim Noah's veins). If Kobe comes over, there will be a shake up here. I think this team can break through this year, but Kobe isn't a part of it. This roster will do it better.
2.) Detroit Pistons
Coming off of being LeBron James first stepping stone to legend, they got two quality draft picks in Arron Afflalo and Rodney Stuckey who will both learn to take over for Rip and Chauncey. Sheed, Chauncey, Tayshaun, and Rip remain from the title winning starting five. Solid depth at power forward with Dice and Maxiell (both probably also helping spell Nazr Mohammed a lot as there is no other center game-ready on this roster (Talking about you, Cheick Samb, you weigh 195 lbs.)). Definitely a Conference Finals appearance this year, but can they get back over the mountain?
3.) Boston Celtics
I need you to bear with me here: the 2007-08 Celtics are like the band Cream without the conflict between Ginger Baker and Jack Bruce. You have three superstars in their respective positions (Eric Clapton being Ray Allen because he is just virtuoso on threes like Clapton on a Fender, Garnett being Ginger Baker because he's the tallest and Ginger is consistent with rhythm as Garnett is consistent with rebounds, and Paul Pierce as Jack Bruce because he will be setting the tone on this offense: if he can play well, he will make life much easier for Jesus and KG with his ability to slash). The truth is they all need each other, and hopefully, they won't have conflicts amongst them. If that happens, they probably can make it to the Conference Finals. Also, funny white dudes in "Pregame Slam Dunk Display" Scalabrine and Scot " 'do " Pollard.
4.) Cleveland Cavaliers
LeBron of course started his playoff legend with 29 of the Cavs' last 30 on the Pistons in Game 5. Not much change to the roster, which is not helpful to LeBron. LeBron couldn't beat the Spurs because all the attention was on him. A shooter (Had a shot at Michael Redd when he was a free agent in 2005, but it didn't happen (need to pony up some bills)) would be nice, and so would many other players, but Danny Ferry refuses to make cap space and take a chance. So here is a less-than-spectacular season from your 2006-07 Cleveland Cavaliers...in 2007-08.
5.) Orlando Magic
Rashard Lewis at power forward will help key a trip out of the first round for the first time since 1996. Jameer Nelson and Carlos Arroyo need to get the ball to Lewis and Howard early and often for the Magic to play well. Also, one of the funniest things I've ever seen: At Shaq's roast of Emmitt Smith, Guy Torry gave one hell of a performance, and also took a poke at a Maloof brother with a joke about Hedo (it was pulled from YouTube, but if I ever find it, I'll post it here).
6.) Toronto Raptors
No longer the strongest team in the weak Atlantic, but still a solid playoff team. Raided Maccabi Tel-Aviv after the Israeli outfit beat them during the preaseason in 2005 and came back with Maceo Baston and Anthony "My Sis Sure Can Dunk" Parker. Bosh will be First-Team All NBA, and I expect a classic between the Celts and this team in the first round...and I mean series, not just one or two.
7.) Miami Heat
Ricky Davis takes Antoine Walker's spot in the starting lineup, and James Posey, a key contributor from the 2006 title team, is now a Celtic backing up Paul Pierce. Shaq is Shaq, but he's still older. And Wade is just...Wade. No question that will be scary if he's healthy the whole year, which should be possible since he missed the Olympics to rehab his knee and his shoulder.
8.) New Jersey Nets
The Kidd-Jeff-Vince triumvirate returns for another installment of underachieving in the playoffs. Carter returned because he was so terrible in the playoffs. He better show some fight against their first-round tilt, or Vince cannot expect to be the featured player on a contender ever again.
9.) New York Knicks
Who knows if Isiah will even be working by the time the season ends. He already cost the Dolan's $11.6 million by sexually harassing Anucha Browne Sanders, so the pressure to win will be even more heavy for him with Stephon Marbury getting busy with new employees in the back of his car and an otherwise pretty much mediocre lineup with two sparkplugs off the bench in David Lee and Renaldo Balkman. Zach Randolph needs to either dominate the East immediately or else get to Scores while he's supposed to be at a funeral.
10.) Washington Wizards
Big three of Caron, Zero, and Jamison are headed towards not being in the playoffs this year. They're great, but they have Etan Thomas coming off open heart surgery, so only Brendan Haywood is available to start at center. Shooting guard Deshawn "Last Name Tattooed on my Back" Stevenson has 2-3 years before Nick Young should be ready to replace him (more on Mr. Young when I get to the Hornets)
11.) Indiana Pacers
Good enough to be the best of the worst third of the conference, but not ready to breakthrough. Give Granger a season to really start working well of Jermaine O'Neal. Marquis Daniels managed to get a huge deal from the Mavericks and then disappeared after learning he was not going to replace Steve Nash and Devin Harris got drafted. He will not be able to get another contract like what Cuban gave him unless he starts playing like he did in '05-'06. He could also be key to this squad getting to the playoffs if he can regain that form.
12.) Atlanta Hawks
For the first time in a long time, the draft is actually going to make the Hawks better. And by draft I mean the past three. Acie Law IV and Al Horford will be competing for playing time immediately. Joe Johnson will continue to put up numbers as he did for the National Team during the summer, so a possibly very dangerous starting five could emerge by the end of the year with Law at the point, Joe Johnson at the 2, Josh Smith at the 3, Marvin Williams at the 4, and Horford at the 5. Atlanta could make some waves at the end of the year playing some spoiler, but will probably rest these guys and try to make a run next year not hindered by injuries.
13.) Charlotte Bobcats
Is Jason Richardson really the key to this team, key enough to trade away Brandan Wright? MJ sure thinks so, and he also thinks Sam Vincent will do better than Bernie Bickerstaff. I agree with the last part, and I also think Richardson will be able to add some scoring and possibly 1 or 2 steals a game to this team (aka mediocre defense). If you ask me, a step backwards for a young franchise that is struggling to start any sort of winning.
14.) Milwaukee Bucks
Yi Jianlin might need a little bit of time before he can be an effective player as can be seen from his preseason and most of his summer league. Michael Redd is just sick, but not much going on around him except for Mo Williams, who just keeps getting better, and Andrew Bogut, who just keeps getting weirder (http://blog.mlive.com/fullcourtpress/2007/07/andrew_bogut_has_the_nbas_new.html) and seems to lose value a little more each game, and Charlie Villanueva is solid at power forward on offense, but not much time spent playing defense for him.
15.) Philadelphia 76ers
On Comcast SportsNite two days ago (Monday night), they said it would be the first time that the Sixers have started the season without a superstar. No expectations, and a ball-grabber named Reggie Evans was signed. Andre Miller looks better, but is still in terrible shape. Samuel Dalembert is somehow now a Canadian. Kyle Korver still can't play defense. Oh, and Andre Igoudala still hasn't received the Slam Dunk Contest trophy from 2006.
Western Conference
1.) San Antonio Spurs
Last year's champs have the same lineup, but this is not a problem for the Spurs as it is with the team they beat for the title, the Cavs. Darius Washington might be able to stay a Spur all year, if he keeps playing like he did on Opening Night. Duncan is there until 2012, and he won't be stopped until he retires. Back to the Finals is what's expected, and they will probably do so with ease.
2.) Phoenix Suns
Good as ever, and revitalized Grant Hill will definitely be able to help Steve Nash get to the Finals, but Hill cannot get hurt, and he has to be as consistent as he was last year in Orlando. He also has to be good on the defensive end if the Suns want to go deep in the playoffs.
3.) Utah Jazz
Defense. AK-47 was ridiculous last night swatting 5 Golden State shots last night. Deron Williams had 24 points on 8-15 shooting and 8 assists, basically numbers every coach would love from their 1. Maybe this year, when Mehmet Okur d's up Tim Duncan, the rest of the Jazz could d up the rest of the Spurs, and maybe they could win the series...but only if that second part happens.
4.) Dallas Mavericks
Only here because of last year's first round. The Mavs were shown to be beatable by the Warriors last year after the great season, and it just really took away from their rep coming into this year (easily dealt with the Cavs earlier tonight, but when they play a team that improved from last year or maintained a solid lineup, I wouldn't bet on the Mavs). Nick Fazekas looks to learn to prepare himself to take over at awkward yet effective and very skilled big white dude for the Mavs.
5.) Houston Rockets
Tracy McGrady looks to fulfill his destiny as Harry Potter
(http://manualbuzzer.blogspot.com/2007/07/harry-potter-5-told-using-current.html) and get past the first round. Luis Scola is 27, yet still looking to win the Rookie of the Year award. I'll tell you why they fired Van Gundy. He gets so tied up in his emotions and forgets to do stuff, like coach McGrady out of the first round, just as he had to watch Hoosiers in that NBA on ESPN commercial and not drive the RV.
6.) Denver Nuggets
AI and Carmelo needed a summer to get better, and there will definitely be improvement for them this year. Nene and a supposedly healthy Kenyon Martin platooning at power forward will be tough to handle. And Marcus Camby, Defensive Player of the Year? The bench is otherwise thin, and Steve Blake's shooting will be missed. JR Smith's return to the lineup will be the most important factor this year. If JR can return to pre-brawl form (16.7PPG and shot 45.8% from 3 in 9 games in December), the Nuggets can probably move up a few spots on this list.
7.) Los Angeles Lakers
As long as Kobe plays here, he will try to win. It's just his nature. No matter how bad Kwame Brown is, no matter how little talent is around him, Kobe finds a way. He found a way to put up 81 on the Raptors in 2006, so he'll find a way to make this team win. If Andrew Bynum can play some defense, look for this team to get a few wins.
8.) Sacramento Kings
The Kings starters intrigue me, but their bench just makes me giggle. Mikki Moore was good in the East, but the Kings will get a rude awakening when he doesn't play like he did in East Rutherford.
9.) Golden State Warriors
I am having some doubts about the Warriors after they got shelled by the Jazz. They need a consistent double-digit rebounder and to cap opponent scoring at around 100 to be able to be consistently in contention. Otherwise, the Baron will just end up having to get them in during the last game of the year.
10.) New Orleans Hornets
David West, CP3 and Tyson Chandler are a solid core to build around, but the Hornets definitely should have taken Nick Young instead of Julian Wright at 13. That would have made this team extremely dangerous with Young's amazing shooting-slashing balance. Young is in Washington, so I don't expect the Hornets to make much noise in the West. How touching that the Hornets will play in New Orleans for 41 home games. Don't give Oklahoma City a basketball team, it would make everything really weird.
11.) Portland Trail Blazers
LaMarcus Aldridge looked amazing last night, scoring 27 but pulling only 3 boards. Even without Oden, the Blazers looked really good. Good enough to not have that good a chance to win the lottery this year. Brandon Roy was limited by Bruce Bowen but still managed to get 6 assists and 5 rebounds. He will be a solid player this year, but he will definitely become a perennial All-Star type player if he keeps playing good defense and stays consistent on offense. Also, playing more than 70 games would be ideal.
12.) Memphis Grizzlies
Mike Conley Jr. is not starting yet for the Grizz, but Iavaroni is getting him ready to play the role Steve Nash did in Phoenix. Conley will need to learn to shoot to give him that dimension that Nash has, but otherwise, he's not playing just because he needs to learn this offense. He will have weapons if Rudy Gay learns to play hard, which he seems to have not done since he was in high school. Darko? What the fuck?
13.) Los Angeles Clippers
The Clippers go as Elton Brand's ACL goes. Thornton should be a nice small silver lining to Brand's dark cloud.
14.) Seattle SuperSonics
Well, Kevin Durant is a hucker. And Jeff Green should be pretty good. People in Boston will regret not having him when the Big Three retire.
15.) Minnesota Timberwolves
You were so pathetic that you had to trade away the best player in your franchise's history. You'll also probably end up seeing that as a curse. This team could get interesting next year when these guys have a year together under their belts. Pretty youthful team with the trading away of Ricky Davis. Hopefully Antoine doesn't look around and decide to shoot a 3 every time down the floor, but that's probably what will happen.
Playoffs:
Eastern Conference Finals: Celtics over Pistons 4-3
Yeah, classic.
Western Conference Finals: Spurs over Suns 4-3
Yeah, Spurs always win.
Finals: Spurs over Celtics 4-2
Maybe the Big Three can pull off 2, but the Spurs have a much more dangerous team that involves five players working together than the Celtics dependence on three.
Awards:
MVP: Steve Nash, Phoenix Suns
Dirk did not deserve it when Nash had the best year of his career after being MVP twice. Kobe will round out the top 3 in voting as he continues to carry the Lakers.
ROY: Al Thornton, Los Angeles Clippers
With Elton out for a long time, the former Seminole should take on a load of the scoring and probably get some good stats for the lowly Clips.
Sixth Man of the Year: Leandro Barbosa, Phoenix Suns
He consistently is putting up huge numbers off the bench, and Boris Diaw will challenge him for the award as he platoons the 3 with Grant Hill, currently listed as the second best on the depth chart. Wait, wouldn't one of these guys be considered a seventh man and therefore not be eligible for the award?
Coach of the Year: Scott Skiles, Chicago Bulls
Basically, if they get the best record in the East, Skiles will be considered a genius and run away with the award. But if he doesn't, Bob Swerski and Todd O'Connor will shove a rack of baby-back ribs, whole, down his throat, killing him immediately of a few heart attacks. They also demand that the Bulls have an average winning margin of +103.6.
That's all, enjoy it while you can, because soon college basketball (AND A COLLEGE BASKETBALL PREVIEW) will be coming our way soon, and we'll forget about the NBA, and everybody will start to not play hard until the season is almost done.
As you can see, it takes a while for the bold print (aka made basket) to appear as you scroll down the summary of every shot attempt and call made. So, for 3 minutes, the Lakers bench stood, and the Houston bench waited 5 minutes and 23 seconds. Nearly half a quarter to get your first make of the year? Pretty rough, but the Rockets now have an 11 point lead with 2:03 left. Anyways, here is four sentences or less about every NBA team, ranked by conference, with playoffs picks. Probably some awards picks as well:
Eastern Conference:
1.) Chicago Bulls
A very solid starting five, and first four off the bench are Thabo, Duhon, Nocioni, and Joe Smith (soon to be replaced by the Red Bull injected into Joakim Noah's veins). If Kobe comes over, there will be a shake up here. I think this team can break through this year, but Kobe isn't a part of it. This roster will do it better.
2.) Detroit Pistons
Coming off of being LeBron James first stepping stone to legend, they got two quality draft picks in Arron Afflalo and Rodney Stuckey who will both learn to take over for Rip and Chauncey. Sheed, Chauncey, Tayshaun, and Rip remain from the title winning starting five. Solid depth at power forward with Dice and Maxiell (both probably also helping spell Nazr Mohammed a lot as there is no other center game-ready on this roster (Talking about you, Cheick Samb, you weigh 195 lbs.)). Definitely a Conference Finals appearance this year, but can they get back over the mountain?
3.) Boston Celtics
I need you to bear with me here: the 2007-08 Celtics are like the band Cream without the conflict between Ginger Baker and Jack Bruce. You have three superstars in their respective positions (Eric Clapton being Ray Allen because he is just virtuoso on threes like Clapton on a Fender, Garnett being Ginger Baker because he's the tallest and Ginger is consistent with rhythm as Garnett is consistent with rebounds, and Paul Pierce as Jack Bruce because he will be setting the tone on this offense: if he can play well, he will make life much easier for Jesus and KG with his ability to slash). The truth is they all need each other, and hopefully, they won't have conflicts amongst them. If that happens, they probably can make it to the Conference Finals. Also, funny white dudes in "Pregame Slam Dunk Display" Scalabrine and Scot " 'do " Pollard.
4.) Cleveland Cavaliers
LeBron of course started his playoff legend with 29 of the Cavs' last 30 on the Pistons in Game 5. Not much change to the roster, which is not helpful to LeBron. LeBron couldn't beat the Spurs because all the attention was on him. A shooter (Had a shot at Michael Redd when he was a free agent in 2005, but it didn't happen (need to pony up some bills)) would be nice, and so would many other players, but Danny Ferry refuses to make cap space and take a chance. So here is a less-than-spectacular season from your 2006-07 Cleveland Cavaliers...in 2007-08.
5.) Orlando Magic
Rashard Lewis at power forward will help key a trip out of the first round for the first time since 1996. Jameer Nelson and Carlos Arroyo need to get the ball to Lewis and Howard early and often for the Magic to play well. Also, one of the funniest things I've ever seen: At Shaq's roast of Emmitt Smith, Guy Torry gave one hell of a performance, and also took a poke at a Maloof brother with a joke about Hedo (it was pulled from YouTube, but if I ever find it, I'll post it here).
6.) Toronto Raptors
No longer the strongest team in the weak Atlantic, but still a solid playoff team. Raided Maccabi Tel-Aviv after the Israeli outfit beat them during the preaseason in 2005 and came back with Maceo Baston and Anthony "My Sis Sure Can Dunk" Parker. Bosh will be First-Team All NBA, and I expect a classic between the Celts and this team in the first round...and I mean series, not just one or two.
7.) Miami Heat
Ricky Davis takes Antoine Walker's spot in the starting lineup, and James Posey, a key contributor from the 2006 title team, is now a Celtic backing up Paul Pierce. Shaq is Shaq, but he's still older. And Wade is just...Wade. No question that will be scary if he's healthy the whole year, which should be possible since he missed the Olympics to rehab his knee and his shoulder.
8.) New Jersey Nets
The Kidd-Jeff-Vince triumvirate returns for another installment of underachieving in the playoffs. Carter returned because he was so terrible in the playoffs. He better show some fight against their first-round tilt, or Vince cannot expect to be the featured player on a contender ever again.
9.) New York Knicks
Who knows if Isiah will even be working by the time the season ends. He already cost the Dolan's $11.6 million by sexually harassing Anucha Browne Sanders, so the pressure to win will be even more heavy for him with Stephon Marbury getting busy with new employees in the back of his car and an otherwise pretty much mediocre lineup with two sparkplugs off the bench in David Lee and Renaldo Balkman. Zach Randolph needs to either dominate the East immediately or else get to Scores while he's supposed to be at a funeral.
10.) Washington Wizards
Big three of Caron, Zero, and Jamison are headed towards not being in the playoffs this year. They're great, but they have Etan Thomas coming off open heart surgery, so only Brendan Haywood is available to start at center. Shooting guard Deshawn "Last Name Tattooed on my Back" Stevenson has 2-3 years before Nick Young should be ready to replace him (more on Mr. Young when I get to the Hornets)
11.) Indiana Pacers
Good enough to be the best of the worst third of the conference, but not ready to breakthrough. Give Granger a season to really start working well of Jermaine O'Neal. Marquis Daniels managed to get a huge deal from the Mavericks and then disappeared after learning he was not going to replace Steve Nash and Devin Harris got drafted. He will not be able to get another contract like what Cuban gave him unless he starts playing like he did in '05-'06. He could also be key to this squad getting to the playoffs if he can regain that form.
12.) Atlanta Hawks
For the first time in a long time, the draft is actually going to make the Hawks better. And by draft I mean the past three. Acie Law IV and Al Horford will be competing for playing time immediately. Joe Johnson will continue to put up numbers as he did for the National Team during the summer, so a possibly very dangerous starting five could emerge by the end of the year with Law at the point, Joe Johnson at the 2, Josh Smith at the 3, Marvin Williams at the 4, and Horford at the 5. Atlanta could make some waves at the end of the year playing some spoiler, but will probably rest these guys and try to make a run next year not hindered by injuries.
13.) Charlotte Bobcats
Is Jason Richardson really the key to this team, key enough to trade away Brandan Wright? MJ sure thinks so, and he also thinks Sam Vincent will do better than Bernie Bickerstaff. I agree with the last part, and I also think Richardson will be able to add some scoring and possibly 1 or 2 steals a game to this team (aka mediocre defense). If you ask me, a step backwards for a young franchise that is struggling to start any sort of winning.
14.) Milwaukee Bucks
Yi Jianlin might need a little bit of time before he can be an effective player as can be seen from his preseason and most of his summer league. Michael Redd is just sick, but not much going on around him except for Mo Williams, who just keeps getting better, and Andrew Bogut, who just keeps getting weirder (http://blog.mlive.com/fullcourtpress/2007/07/andrew_bogut_has_the_nbas_new.html) and seems to lose value a little more each game, and Charlie Villanueva is solid at power forward on offense, but not much time spent playing defense for him.
15.) Philadelphia 76ers
On Comcast SportsNite two days ago (Monday night), they said it would be the first time that the Sixers have started the season without a superstar. No expectations, and a ball-grabber named Reggie Evans was signed. Andre Miller looks better, but is still in terrible shape. Samuel Dalembert is somehow now a Canadian. Kyle Korver still can't play defense. Oh, and Andre Igoudala still hasn't received the Slam Dunk Contest trophy from 2006.
Western Conference
1.) San Antonio Spurs
Last year's champs have the same lineup, but this is not a problem for the Spurs as it is with the team they beat for the title, the Cavs. Darius Washington might be able to stay a Spur all year, if he keeps playing like he did on Opening Night. Duncan is there until 2012, and he won't be stopped until he retires. Back to the Finals is what's expected, and they will probably do so with ease.
2.) Phoenix Suns
Good as ever, and revitalized Grant Hill will definitely be able to help Steve Nash get to the Finals, but Hill cannot get hurt, and he has to be as consistent as he was last year in Orlando. He also has to be good on the defensive end if the Suns want to go deep in the playoffs.
3.) Utah Jazz
Defense. AK-47 was ridiculous last night swatting 5 Golden State shots last night. Deron Williams had 24 points on 8-15 shooting and 8 assists, basically numbers every coach would love from their 1. Maybe this year, when Mehmet Okur d's up Tim Duncan, the rest of the Jazz could d up the rest of the Spurs, and maybe they could win the series...but only if that second part happens.
4.) Dallas Mavericks
Only here because of last year's first round. The Mavs were shown to be beatable by the Warriors last year after the great season, and it just really took away from their rep coming into this year (easily dealt with the Cavs earlier tonight, but when they play a team that improved from last year or maintained a solid lineup, I wouldn't bet on the Mavs). Nick Fazekas looks to learn to prepare himself to take over at awkward yet effective and very skilled big white dude for the Mavs.
5.) Houston Rockets
Tracy McGrady looks to fulfill his destiny as Harry Potter
(http://manualbuzzer.blogspot.com/2007/07/harry-potter-5-told-using-current.html) and get past the first round. Luis Scola is 27, yet still looking to win the Rookie of the Year award. I'll tell you why they fired Van Gundy. He gets so tied up in his emotions and forgets to do stuff, like coach McGrady out of the first round, just as he had to watch Hoosiers in that NBA on ESPN commercial and not drive the RV.
6.) Denver Nuggets
AI and Carmelo needed a summer to get better, and there will definitely be improvement for them this year. Nene and a supposedly healthy Kenyon Martin platooning at power forward will be tough to handle. And Marcus Camby, Defensive Player of the Year? The bench is otherwise thin, and Steve Blake's shooting will be missed. JR Smith's return to the lineup will be the most important factor this year. If JR can return to pre-brawl form (16.7PPG and shot 45.8% from 3 in 9 games in December), the Nuggets can probably move up a few spots on this list.
7.) Los Angeles Lakers
As long as Kobe plays here, he will try to win. It's just his nature. No matter how bad Kwame Brown is, no matter how little talent is around him, Kobe finds a way. He found a way to put up 81 on the Raptors in 2006, so he'll find a way to make this team win. If Andrew Bynum can play some defense, look for this team to get a few wins.
8.) Sacramento Kings
The Kings starters intrigue me, but their bench just makes me giggle. Mikki Moore was good in the East, but the Kings will get a rude awakening when he doesn't play like he did in East Rutherford.
9.) Golden State Warriors
I am having some doubts about the Warriors after they got shelled by the Jazz. They need a consistent double-digit rebounder and to cap opponent scoring at around 100 to be able to be consistently in contention. Otherwise, the Baron will just end up having to get them in during the last game of the year.
10.) New Orleans Hornets
David West, CP3 and Tyson Chandler are a solid core to build around, but the Hornets definitely should have taken Nick Young instead of Julian Wright at 13. That would have made this team extremely dangerous with Young's amazing shooting-slashing balance. Young is in Washington, so I don't expect the Hornets to make much noise in the West. How touching that the Hornets will play in New Orleans for 41 home games. Don't give Oklahoma City a basketball team, it would make everything really weird.
11.) Portland Trail Blazers
LaMarcus Aldridge looked amazing last night, scoring 27 but pulling only 3 boards. Even without Oden, the Blazers looked really good. Good enough to not have that good a chance to win the lottery this year. Brandon Roy was limited by Bruce Bowen but still managed to get 6 assists and 5 rebounds. He will be a solid player this year, but he will definitely become a perennial All-Star type player if he keeps playing good defense and stays consistent on offense. Also, playing more than 70 games would be ideal.
12.) Memphis Grizzlies
Mike Conley Jr. is not starting yet for the Grizz, but Iavaroni is getting him ready to play the role Steve Nash did in Phoenix. Conley will need to learn to shoot to give him that dimension that Nash has, but otherwise, he's not playing just because he needs to learn this offense. He will have weapons if Rudy Gay learns to play hard, which he seems to have not done since he was in high school. Darko? What the fuck?
13.) Los Angeles Clippers
The Clippers go as Elton Brand's ACL goes. Thornton should be a nice small silver lining to Brand's dark cloud.
14.) Seattle SuperSonics
Well, Kevin Durant is a hucker. And Jeff Green should be pretty good. People in Boston will regret not having him when the Big Three retire.
15.) Minnesota Timberwolves
You were so pathetic that you had to trade away the best player in your franchise's history. You'll also probably end up seeing that as a curse. This team could get interesting next year when these guys have a year together under their belts. Pretty youthful team with the trading away of Ricky Davis. Hopefully Antoine doesn't look around and decide to shoot a 3 every time down the floor, but that's probably what will happen.
Playoffs:
Eastern Conference Finals: Celtics over Pistons 4-3
Yeah, classic.
Western Conference Finals: Spurs over Suns 4-3
Yeah, Spurs always win.
Finals: Spurs over Celtics 4-2
Maybe the Big Three can pull off 2, but the Spurs have a much more dangerous team that involves five players working together than the Celtics dependence on three.
Awards:
MVP: Steve Nash, Phoenix Suns
Dirk did not deserve it when Nash had the best year of his career after being MVP twice. Kobe will round out the top 3 in voting as he continues to carry the Lakers.
ROY: Al Thornton, Los Angeles Clippers
With Elton out for a long time, the former Seminole should take on a load of the scoring and probably get some good stats for the lowly Clips.
Sixth Man of the Year: Leandro Barbosa, Phoenix Suns
He consistently is putting up huge numbers off the bench, and Boris Diaw will challenge him for the award as he platoons the 3 with Grant Hill, currently listed as the second best on the depth chart. Wait, wouldn't one of these guys be considered a seventh man and therefore not be eligible for the award?
Coach of the Year: Scott Skiles, Chicago Bulls
Basically, if they get the best record in the East, Skiles will be considered a genius and run away with the award. But if he doesn't, Bob Swerski and Todd O'Connor will shove a rack of baby-back ribs, whole, down his throat, killing him immediately of a few heart attacks. They also demand that the Bulls have an average winning margin of +103.6.
That's all, enjoy it while you can, because soon college basketball (AND A COLLEGE BASKETBALL PREVIEW) will be coming our way soon, and we'll forget about the NBA, and everybody will start to not play hard until the season is almost done.
Oct 27, 2007
ESPN Classic Aims to Curse the Red Sox
Check out this schedule of games where teams have rallied back from deficits in World Series:
8:00AM: Who's #1? Game Winners: They probably won't show Ill-bay Uckner-bay, but don't game winning plays always make you think of game losing plays?
1:00PM: 1968 World Series Game 1: Tigers at Cardinals: This one was sort of a miracle: the Tigers went 1-2 at home, but somehow were able to win all 4 games played at Busch Memorial. Be scared of miracles.
2:00PM: 1969 World Series Game 5: Orioles at Mets: "Miracle Mets" went 100-62 after going .348 from 1962, their first year in existence, and 1968. The Mets also had a miraculous downfall this year. Lots of miracles floating around this one.
3:00PM: 1971 World Series: Pirates vs. Orioles: not sure which game is on: Orioles, the defending champs (as well as obviously being the favorite), came back from being down 2-0 to win in 7. I think I heard about a World Series that started out like that pretty recently...
6:30PM: 1986 World Series Game 7: Red Sox at Mets: Bringing this game up in conversation with a Red Sox fan is like bringing up the fact that someone got crabs from a hooker: you just don't talk about past losses like that when you're trying to get another championship. So basically, ESPN Classic will have 0 viewers at this time in the Boston metropolitan area and most of New England.
7:00PM: 2001 World Series Game 7: Yankees at Diamondbacks: You guys are starting to look like you are going to start winning like that team you really hate...yeah...so don't try to win too many times, because then you could end up signing Kevin Brown and destroying your abilities.
But don't forget about 63 at 10:00PM. Even though Jordan dropped that number on a Boston sports team, that Boston sports team still won! So, if Matt Holliday manages to score another run while not touch home plate, maybe the Red Sox can still have a chance to win somehow.
8:00AM: Who's #1? Game Winners: They probably won't show Ill-bay Uckner-bay, but don't game winning plays always make you think of game losing plays?
1:00PM: 1968 World Series Game 1: Tigers at Cardinals: This one was sort of a miracle: the Tigers went 1-2 at home, but somehow were able to win all 4 games played at Busch Memorial. Be scared of miracles.
2:00PM: 1969 World Series Game 5: Orioles at Mets: "Miracle Mets" went 100-62 after going .348 from 1962, their first year in existence, and 1968. The Mets also had a miraculous downfall this year. Lots of miracles floating around this one.
3:00PM: 1971 World Series: Pirates vs. Orioles: not sure which game is on: Orioles, the defending champs (as well as obviously being the favorite), came back from being down 2-0 to win in 7. I think I heard about a World Series that started out like that pretty recently...
6:30PM: 1986 World Series Game 7: Red Sox at Mets: Bringing this game up in conversation with a Red Sox fan is like bringing up the fact that someone got crabs from a hooker: you just don't talk about past losses like that when you're trying to get another championship. So basically, ESPN Classic will have 0 viewers at this time in the Boston metropolitan area and most of New England.
7:00PM: 2001 World Series Game 7: Yankees at Diamondbacks: You guys are starting to look like you are going to start winning like that team you really hate...yeah...so don't try to win too many times, because then you could end up signing Kevin Brown and destroying your abilities.
But don't forget about 63 at 10:00PM. Even though Jordan dropped that number on a Boston sports team, that Boston sports team still won! So, if Matt Holliday manages to score another run while not touch home plate, maybe the Red Sox can still have a chance to win somehow.
Oct 24, 2007
Rutgers Proves that ESPN is a False Prophet and also a Fascist Government. Plus, Joe Buck and
Tomorrow night, for the second time in two weeks, Boston College will be the second #2 BCS team to play on Thursday against a very worthy and ranked conference opponent on ESPN. Oh, and two #2 teams were upset in the two weeks before, as both USC (to Stanford) and Cal (to Oregon State) fell to unranked opponents. Last week, of course, unbeaten South Florida lost possibly the best game of the year to Rutgers. Now the greatest SportsCenter commercial ever:
I did just digress right there, but for good reason. ESPN is like the English government in V for Vendetta (If you haven't seen it yet, PROBABLY A GOOD TIME TO STOP READING THIS). One dude releases a virus, then a little while later, they also release the cure and force the citizens to get involved in this ridiculous At 17 seconds in, you see the Rutgers Scarlet Knight pulling a Josh Thomas on Josh the Husky (official name, which probably makes some kids think to back in the day at JC Penney, me included). ESPN told us that this was a sign of the apocalypse, but now it is real. Though not in basketball, Rutgers has somehow risen to become a contender for the Big East football crown. I actually thought the apocalypse would come when Syracuse lost to Rutgers in 2003 for the first time in 3000 years and Rich Scanlon tried to kill a Syracuse fan in the crowd who was yelling at his mom. Then again, I thought it would happen when Herve Lamizana banked in a 3 to beat Syracuse at the RAC earlier that year, but then they won the national title. My point is: Rutgers came the fuck out of nowhere, bringing in miracle man Greg Schiano, and we are all shocked. ESPN took advantage of our shock and now makes us listen to every expert's pick because it could be another apocalypse. We need to reject them. If we do not, they will destroy sports. Mark Schlereth already has started to destroy sports by not playing himself in a cameo on a soap opera as Roc Hoover. How sporty is that? On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being shaving legs for smoothness and 10 being a bone-jarring hit, I'll have to go with a -2.5. And Steve Phillips with his pretending to be GM of every team in the MLB? Steve Phillips signed Mo Vaughn to his Mets contract, end of story. Subway Series means jack shit, buddy, because the Yankees rocked "your" Mets. Remember my warning to you all: watch out for the beast that is ESPN.
Other news: Within the span of one half inning, Joe Buck and dugout reporter Michael Rosenberg of FOX made terrible identification errors and were not crrected by others or themselves. In the bottom of the 4th, Joe Buck first claimed that Dustin Pedroia, whose stats were at the bottom of the screen, was Jacoby Ellsbury. And then Michael Rosenberg claimed that the Rockies played the Cubs in the NLDS. This is my formal request for Tim McCarver to grow a cerebrum and some balls.
I'm off to Imaginationland. PEACE!
I did just digress right there, but for good reason. ESPN is like the English government in V for Vendetta (If you haven't seen it yet, PROBABLY A GOOD TIME TO STOP READING THIS). One dude releases a virus, then a little while later, they also release the cure and force the citizens to get involved in this ridiculous At 17 seconds in, you see the Rutgers Scarlet Knight pulling a Josh Thomas on Josh the Husky (official name, which probably makes some kids think to back in the day at JC Penney, me included). ESPN told us that this was a sign of the apocalypse, but now it is real. Though not in basketball, Rutgers has somehow risen to become a contender for the Big East football crown. I actually thought the apocalypse would come when Syracuse lost to Rutgers in 2003 for the first time in 3000 years and Rich Scanlon tried to kill a Syracuse fan in the crowd who was yelling at his mom. Then again, I thought it would happen when Herve Lamizana banked in a 3 to beat Syracuse at the RAC earlier that year, but then they won the national title. My point is: Rutgers came the fuck out of nowhere, bringing in miracle man Greg Schiano, and we are all shocked. ESPN took advantage of our shock and now makes us listen to every expert's pick because it could be another apocalypse. We need to reject them. If we do not, they will destroy sports. Mark Schlereth already has started to destroy sports by not playing himself in a cameo on a soap opera as Roc Hoover. How sporty is that? On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being shaving legs for smoothness and 10 being a bone-jarring hit, I'll have to go with a -2.5. And Steve Phillips with his pretending to be GM of every team in the MLB? Steve Phillips signed Mo Vaughn to his Mets contract, end of story. Subway Series means jack shit, buddy, because the Yankees rocked "your" Mets. Remember my warning to you all: watch out for the beast that is ESPN.
Other news: Within the span of one half inning, Joe Buck and dugout reporter Michael Rosenberg of FOX made terrible identification errors and were not crrected by others or themselves. In the bottom of the 4th, Joe Buck first claimed that Dustin Pedroia, whose stats were at the bottom of the screen, was Jacoby Ellsbury. And then Michael Rosenberg claimed that the Rockies played the Cubs in the NLDS. This is my formal request for Tim McCarver to grow a cerebrum and some balls.
I'm off to Imaginationland. PEACE!
Oct 19, 2007
Long Overdue Notice that Makes the Isiah Trial Even Funnier
As we continue to laugh at Isiah's ridiculous actions that were made public knowledge 3 weeks ago, we can find one more thing that just makes this sort of sad: Isiah Thomas' son, Josh, who goes by the handle "Little Zeke" (Really, do you think you can assume any position of team building or management by using the nickname of the worst executive in NBA history?), doesn't like gay people and the way they talk to him. According to an anonymous source who was a freshman at the same time as Little Team Destroyer at George Washington University in 2006-07, Josh came back drunk to his room last year, where his roommate was up (oh, and also gay). He started talking to Josh, but Josh thought he was coming on to him, and proceeded to beat the shit out of him. Injury details weren't given, but it was reportedly pretty gruesome. Josh is probably now back in New York helping to quicken the downfall of the Knicks. Oh, and I can't wait for the sexual harassment suit from the gay MSG employee.
Aug 20, 2007
An Interruption in a Series to Make it have Betterness
For those of you anticipating Transformers: Told Using Past Sporting News, Part 2 of a Series, I have some bad news. Change the 2 to a 3 in the aforementioned title and wait two weeks for the release. But there is some delightful news; to replace it, we bring in 300: Told Using Past Sporting News, Part 2 of a Series. (I just realized I used a semicolon in that last sentence. Thanks a lot, college.) Anyways, here we go:
300: Told Using Past Sporting News, Part 2 of a Series
I think everyone saw the movie, but here is how I see 300: the beginning of the grassroots basketball movement (with King Leonidas playing the role of Sonny Vaccaro). Vaccaro wishes to gather the best high school players at his ABCD Camp (now defunct) every summer in early July in Teaneck,NJ. However, Phil Knight, the greatest proprietor of the game and all of sports (aka King Xerxes), wishes to control the ABCD Camp besides his already vast empire (running shoes, Dunks, Michael Vick playing high school football under the watchful eye of Don Shula and Urban Meyer and somehow never getting a slap on the wrist for the dog fighting (of course, he wasn't really the star of this team)). A messenger from Knight brings in an autographed poster by five Nike endorsed superstars: his Airness, the Round Mound of Rebound, Moses, Silk Wilkes, and Coop, who would not have been used in the movie had it taken place after he was hired as coach of the Los Angeles Sparks. (Somehow in the movie, they chose to represent them as skulls (sans skin or flesh) with crowns on them? What absurdity!)
Back to our story. Sonny decides he doesn't like the ring of Nike ABCD Camp and the inclusion of such terrible players, so the high school versions of LeBron, OJ Mayo, Greg Oden (hard to believe there ever was one), Melo, and Kobe (they are Spartan soldiers) take the messengers to school (LBJ ran the point and finished with a triple-double of 25 points, 12 boards and 15 assists and Oden also had a triple-double with 18 points, 15 boards and 11 blocks), killing one messenger who actually got the job from knowing Knight and didn't like basketball, Steve Prefontaine.
Sonny then goes to Adi Dassler and the adidas board of directors (the Priests) and asks the Oracle (played by Kareem Abdul Jabbar) to create an AAU team with these talented youngsters that could dominate the Persian squad and send them back to Tehran sans trophies at the upcoming tournament. The oracle says they can't create the AAU team because they are in the middle of the regular season, even with a guarantee of big prize money if they take 1st. Since no one will let them play, Sonny takes his boys out for some barnstorming at Hot Gates in Harlem with Reebok apparel, where they are joined by a WNBA team from Athens. Though Athens brought a lot of players, they didn't bring superstars like the ones that Vaccaro did. Vaccaro shored up his lineup by adding high school versions of Mike Conley, Ben Gordon, Kevin Love, Luc Richard Mbah a Moute, Juan Diego Palacios, Dajuan Wagner, and Kevin Durant. Also, Vaccaro had Rick Pitino and his full-court pressure defense to coach his young talented squad. Quite a solid group with great bench depth, a team that Jay Bilas believes has tremendous upside potential.
While waiting for the run to start, Vaccaro see one of Knight's private planes attempting to land at JFK. However, there is a huge storm, and the plane crashes, causing Pitino and his players to get hyped up to play a team missing some of its best...but Vaccaro remains stoic, waiting for his payday. The Spartan AAU Club later sees that only a fraction of Knight's squads is gone (though it looked like a lot more), and a lot of great talent wasn't even close to the crash.
Also during the shootaround, Vaccaro is approached by Jay Williams, playing the role of Ephialtes with his fucked up leg caused by the motorcycle accident, shows up asking for a tryout, telling Sonny that his experience as a Duke player against this defense will help them. But Vaccaro says his leg is too fucked up, and besides, have you seen the fucking lineup, Jay? It is absolutely delightful in every way possible. Williams is pissed, so he goes to Phil Knight saying that Coach K taught him how to beat this offense (even though Coach K just bribed the refs so that Duke could win(also, Coach K plays Ephialtes' father, and they also do not accept American Express in Sparta)), so Knight, not knowing anything about basketball, gives him a contract and a clipboard, showing him all the trophies that Nike AAU teams have brought in (including lesbians who look pretty hot in one profile shot, but turn them 180 and you start vomiting incessantly). Jay is overcome with joy and takes the job.
Knight sends an emissary, Bo Jackson, who wears football shoulder pads and wields a baseball bat, to give a warning to Vaccaro's team, but he sees the sweet bulletin board they have with the newspaper clippings from all their wins at Hell's Gate so far (think: dead bodies holding bricks together in a wall). He says that Knight's squad will win anyways because they have so many good players. Kevin Durant then uses his length and athleticism to cut off Jackson's arm with a nasty crossover during a game of one on one, permanently ending Jackson's career as a two-sport athlete.
Pitino sends some of his players (along with a few WNBA players) to scout out Knight's team, which took the NBA's Injured List restriction of 3 and multiplied it by 333.329.33. The WNBA players are scared, because they only have fundamentals, not the athleticism required to deal with Knight's lineup. The first sent to scrimmage them really sucks, and Vaccaro's squad manages to shut them out (a la The Green Team in 2004 beating the Wild Cardz). Many more squads are sent to play Vaccaro's ABCD Crew for the start of the Hell's Gate Invitational, brought to you by Cisco Systems. Teams are continually brought in and the ABCD Crew marches on with victory after victory. Finally, Knight starts bringing out a team filled with giant animals: a larger version of Sloth from The Goonies (Gheorghe Muresan), an elephant (Manute Bol), and a rhinoceros (Hasheem Thabeet). All are handedly defeated by double-teaming down to the post by Conley and Gordon (starting this game to do just that.)
Knight then gives Vaccaro a chance to develop high schoolers for Nike at the Nike All-American Camp, as long as he kneels before Knight. Vaccaro tells Knight about his knee replacement and says that he can't...and he wouldn't if he could. Knight is pissed, and Jay Williams offers him a second chance to join. However, Vaccaro still refuses. Knight then decides to "bring the rain"...in two forms: clones of JJ Redick draining 3's (COLLEGE JJ REDICK, NOT NBA) and Pacman Jones clones who have been given LSD, $81000 in singles, and told to believe they are in a high-class strip joint in Vegas. However, Vaccaro throws a dagger into Knight's operation, telling the world that he actually bribed some kids to join his AAU teams as a North Korean assassin kills the ABCD squad. (the WNBA players decided to start fighting after the ABCD players are on vacation, where still no one cares about them.) A messenger (Dilios in the movie, Luc Richard Mbah a Moute in this because he is a prince) goes back to the ABCD Camp main campus, convincing even more players and convincing David Stern to send the whole NBA that hasn't been taken by Knight. The new squad easily captures the title and accepts a trophy from Myles Brand.
And that is how the NBA switched its main apparel provider from Nike to Reebok.
300: Told Using Past Sporting News, Part 2 of a Series
I think everyone saw the movie, but here is how I see 300: the beginning of the grassroots basketball movement (with King Leonidas playing the role of Sonny Vaccaro). Vaccaro wishes to gather the best high school players at his ABCD Camp (now defunct) every summer in early July in Teaneck,NJ. However, Phil Knight, the greatest proprietor of the game and all of sports (aka King Xerxes), wishes to control the ABCD Camp besides his already vast empire (running shoes, Dunks, Michael Vick playing high school football under the watchful eye of Don Shula and Urban Meyer and somehow never getting a slap on the wrist for the dog fighting (of course, he wasn't really the star of this team)). A messenger from Knight brings in an autographed poster by five Nike endorsed superstars: his Airness, the Round Mound of Rebound, Moses, Silk Wilkes, and Coop, who would not have been used in the movie had it taken place after he was hired as coach of the Los Angeles Sparks. (Somehow in the movie, they chose to represent them as skulls (sans skin or flesh) with crowns on them? What absurdity!)
Back to our story. Sonny decides he doesn't like the ring of Nike ABCD Camp and the inclusion of such terrible players, so the high school versions of LeBron, OJ Mayo, Greg Oden (hard to believe there ever was one), Melo, and Kobe (they are Spartan soldiers) take the messengers to school (LBJ ran the point and finished with a triple-double of 25 points, 12 boards and 15 assists and Oden also had a triple-double with 18 points, 15 boards and 11 blocks), killing one messenger who actually got the job from knowing Knight and didn't like basketball, Steve Prefontaine.
Sonny then goes to Adi Dassler and the adidas board of directors (the Priests) and asks the Oracle (played by Kareem Abdul Jabbar) to create an AAU team with these talented youngsters that could dominate the Persian squad and send them back to Tehran sans trophies at the upcoming tournament. The oracle says they can't create the AAU team because they are in the middle of the regular season, even with a guarantee of big prize money if they take 1st. Since no one will let them play, Sonny takes his boys out for some barnstorming at Hot Gates in Harlem with Reebok apparel, where they are joined by a WNBA team from Athens. Though Athens brought a lot of players, they didn't bring superstars like the ones that Vaccaro did. Vaccaro shored up his lineup by adding high school versions of Mike Conley, Ben Gordon, Kevin Love, Luc Richard Mbah a Moute, Juan Diego Palacios, Dajuan Wagner, and Kevin Durant. Also, Vaccaro had Rick Pitino and his full-court pressure defense to coach his young talented squad. Quite a solid group with great bench depth, a team that Jay Bilas believes has tremendous upside potential.
While waiting for the run to start, Vaccaro see one of Knight's private planes attempting to land at JFK. However, there is a huge storm, and the plane crashes, causing Pitino and his players to get hyped up to play a team missing some of its best...but Vaccaro remains stoic, waiting for his payday. The Spartan AAU Club later sees that only a fraction of Knight's squads is gone (though it looked like a lot more), and a lot of great talent wasn't even close to the crash.
Also during the shootaround, Vaccaro is approached by Jay Williams, playing the role of Ephialtes with his fucked up leg caused by the motorcycle accident, shows up asking for a tryout, telling Sonny that his experience as a Duke player against this defense will help them. But Vaccaro says his leg is too fucked up, and besides, have you seen the fucking lineup, Jay? It is absolutely delightful in every way possible. Williams is pissed, so he goes to Phil Knight saying that Coach K taught him how to beat this offense (even though Coach K just bribed the refs so that Duke could win(also, Coach K plays Ephialtes' father, and they also do not accept American Express in Sparta)), so Knight, not knowing anything about basketball, gives him a contract and a clipboard, showing him all the trophies that Nike AAU teams have brought in (including lesbians who look pretty hot in one profile shot, but turn them 180 and you start vomiting incessantly). Jay is overcome with joy and takes the job.
Knight sends an emissary, Bo Jackson, who wears football shoulder pads and wields a baseball bat, to give a warning to Vaccaro's team, but he sees the sweet bulletin board they have with the newspaper clippings from all their wins at Hell's Gate so far (think: dead bodies holding bricks together in a wall). He says that Knight's squad will win anyways because they have so many good players. Kevin Durant then uses his length and athleticism to cut off Jackson's arm with a nasty crossover during a game of one on one, permanently ending Jackson's career as a two-sport athlete.
Pitino sends some of his players (along with a few WNBA players) to scout out Knight's team, which took the NBA's Injured List restriction of 3 and multiplied it by 333.329.33. The WNBA players are scared, because they only have fundamentals, not the athleticism required to deal with Knight's lineup. The first sent to scrimmage them really sucks, and Vaccaro's squad manages to shut them out (a la The Green Team in 2004 beating the Wild Cardz). Many more squads are sent to play Vaccaro's ABCD Crew for the start of the Hell's Gate Invitational, brought to you by Cisco Systems. Teams are continually brought in and the ABCD Crew marches on with victory after victory. Finally, Knight starts bringing out a team filled with giant animals: a larger version of Sloth from The Goonies (Gheorghe Muresan), an elephant (Manute Bol), and a rhinoceros (Hasheem Thabeet). All are handedly defeated by double-teaming down to the post by Conley and Gordon (starting this game to do just that.)
Knight then gives Vaccaro a chance to develop high schoolers for Nike at the Nike All-American Camp, as long as he kneels before Knight. Vaccaro tells Knight about his knee replacement and says that he can't...and he wouldn't if he could. Knight is pissed, and Jay Williams offers him a second chance to join. However, Vaccaro still refuses. Knight then decides to "bring the rain"...in two forms: clones of JJ Redick draining 3's (COLLEGE JJ REDICK, NOT NBA) and Pacman Jones clones who have been given LSD, $81000 in singles, and told to believe they are in a high-class strip joint in Vegas. However, Vaccaro throws a dagger into Knight's operation, telling the world that he actually bribed some kids to join his AAU teams as a North Korean assassin kills the ABCD squad. (the WNBA players decided to start fighting after the ABCD players are on vacation, where still no one cares about them.) A messenger (Dilios in the movie, Luc Richard Mbah a Moute in this because he is a prince) goes back to the ABCD Camp main campus, convincing even more players and convincing David Stern to send the whole NBA that hasn't been taken by Knight. The new squad easily captures the title and accepts a trophy from Myles Brand.
And that is how the NBA switched its main apparel provider from Nike to Reebok.
Aug 8, 2007
New Idea: Good Summer League=Endorsements?
Look, I try to not insult people too much (sorry about that Cho Chang, but snitches gotta die), but this is absolutely ridiculous. JJ Redick had so little impact during his rookie season that most Duke fans forgot who he was. He put up raucous numbers like 6.0 PPG, 1.2 APG, and .5 APG. He also shot 38.8% from 3. And he played 42 games. 42 FUCKING GAMES! How the hell do you look back fondly at a first round pick who could barely get off the bench to play in 42 games after playing 4 years ? Well, JJ did look better in the Pepsi Pro Summer League, going for 19.8 PPG and 3.8 APG (1st and 3rd in the League, respectively), but then this happens:
http://www.betterbasketball.com/basketball-shooting-video/
Yes, that's right. JJ Redick got an endorsement for having a good summer league. What the fuck is that? Yes, he was the greatest 3-point shooter in the history of college basketball, but he's done jack squat as a pro to merit this extra dough. If anyone should be in that video, it should be Reggie Miller, who is about to (maybe) come back and stand behind the 3-point line waiting for Pierce, Allen, or Garnett to dish it off from the triple team. He was the best 3-point shooter in NBA history, much more meaningful than Redick, who has given every indication that he will bust quicker than the buttons on Eric "Badlands" Bookers shirt after a matza ball eating contest.
http://www.betterbasketball.com/basketball-shooting-video/
Yes, that's right. JJ Redick got an endorsement for having a good summer league. What the fuck is that? Yes, he was the greatest 3-point shooter in the history of college basketball, but he's done jack squat as a pro to merit this extra dough. If anyone should be in that video, it should be Reggie Miller, who is about to (maybe) come back and stand behind the 3-point line waiting for Pierce, Allen, or Garnett to dish it off from the triple team. He was the best 3-point shooter in NBA history, much more meaningful than Redick, who has given every indication that he will bust quicker than the buttons on Eric "Badlands" Bookers shirt after a matza ball eating contest.
Aug 6, 2007
A (or is it An) SAT Analogy
Football:Soccer::Bighead:Wallbangers
In what is quite possibly the strangest commercial ever shown on Fox Soccer Channel, "Soccer does the most obvious adapting of one commercial for another group of people: the effects are EXACTLY the same as the Big Head commercials. If you got Cristiano Ronaldo to be asking questions to a camera as if the camera were Helen Keller, it would have an identical storyboard to the American version (also, an English dude does the voiceover.).
Here is the video:
In what is quite possibly the strangest commercial ever shown on Fox Soccer Channel, "Soccer does the most obvious adapting of one commercial for another group of people: the effects are EXACTLY the same as the Big Head commercials. If you got Cristiano Ronaldo to be asking questions to a camera as if the camera were Helen Keller, it would have an identical storyboard to the American version (also, an English dude does the voiceover.).
Here is the video:
Jul 29, 2007
Harry Potter 5: Told Using Current Sporting News, Part 1 of a Series
In this case basketball. Harry is Tracy McGrady. Harry has been knocked out, but managed to salvage his rep against Voldermort (who is the first round of the NBA Playoffs) with some nasty performances (See: games 5 and 7 against Utah in the '06-'07 1st Round. ****SPOILER**** As all of us who are reading this sentence know (and shortly you will know too, person who has covered their ears while someone reads this out loud (well, I actually don't think anyone reads this out loud) or thos who have glanced over this sentence after seeing the spoiler warning), Harry Potter defeats Voldermort (I'm probably spelling this wrong). Well, Tracy MccGrady has been in the playoffs 6 times so far in his NBA career. Next year should make it 7, and if T-Mac's career plays out like Harry Potter's, T-Mac will make it past the 1st round next year (I think that's the spoiler I just avoided giving to you. My bad.) Here's how the rest of the characters apply to the Rockets:
Weasley twins=Juwan Howard and Dikembe Mutombo
This one is pretty simple: veteran leadership in addition to the world class talent leading the way (Harry/T-Mac). Also, they bring some lightheartedness to the locker room in the form of fireworks andf exploding candies.
Cho Chang=Yao
Being Asian is huge here, and like Yao in Houston, Cho Chang is the only Asian at Hogwarts. And she gave up the location of Dumbledore's Army a la Yao getting hurt and giving the Rockets a lower seed than they should have in the 1st round, leading to a tougher opponent.
Snape=Bobby Sura
Very sneaky and vengeful, a la Bobby getting that extra rebound to secure a triple-double.
Dolores Umbridge=Jeff Van Gundy
Brought in to teach some fundamental offense and tough defense to the Rockets, ultimately unsuccessful, fired and replaced by flashier dude with more hair, being...
Professor Dumbledore=Rick Adelman
Brought in to get the most out of Harry for the best offense possible.
Cornelius Fudge=David Stern
No fucking around here people, buttondown shirt, no wands with phoenix in them, you know the reputation we look to have for the world.
Ron Weasley=Moochie Norris
Only there because of the bobblhead night from the funny hair.
Hermione Granger=Shane Battier
Brings good wizarding fundamentals and hustle to Dumbledore's Army.
Added 7/30/2007
Rubeus Hagrid=Patrick Ewing
A big wizard who always had the necessary skills but could never go the distance as a pro, but brings invaluable experience and leadership to the bench, as well as a wonderful ability in making post play better.
Come-and-Go Room=Westside Tennis Club, Houston
Where Dumbledore's Army lifts and holds practices, a perfect spot that is very private and makes sure the public does not intrude as they prepare for battle.
That's all for today, stick around for Transformers: Told Using Past Sporting News, Part 2 of a Series
Weasley twins=Juwan Howard and Dikembe Mutombo
This one is pretty simple: veteran leadership in addition to the world class talent leading the way (Harry/T-Mac). Also, they bring some lightheartedness to the locker room in the form of fireworks andf exploding candies.
Cho Chang=Yao
Being Asian is huge here, and like Yao in Houston, Cho Chang is the only Asian at Hogwarts. And she gave up the location of Dumbledore's Army a la Yao getting hurt and giving the Rockets a lower seed than they should have in the 1st round, leading to a tougher opponent.
Snape=Bobby Sura
Very sneaky and vengeful, a la Bobby getting that extra rebound to secure a triple-double.
Dolores Umbridge=Jeff Van Gundy
Brought in to teach some fundamental offense and tough defense to the Rockets, ultimately unsuccessful, fired and replaced by flashier dude with more hair, being...
Professor Dumbledore=Rick Adelman
Brought in to get the most out of Harry for the best offense possible.
Cornelius Fudge=David Stern
No fucking around here people, buttondown shirt, no wands with phoenix in them, you know the reputation we look to have for the world.
Ron Weasley=Moochie Norris
Only there because of the bobblhead night from the funny hair.
Hermione Granger=Shane Battier
Brings good wizarding fundamentals and hustle to Dumbledore's Army.
Added 7/30/2007
Rubeus Hagrid=Patrick Ewing
A big wizard who always had the necessary skills but could never go the distance as a pro, but brings invaluable experience and leadership to the bench, as well as a wonderful ability in making post play better.
Come-and-Go Room=Westside Tennis Club, Houston
Where Dumbledore's Army lifts and holds practices, a perfect spot that is very private and makes sure the public does not intrude as they prepare for battle.
That's all for today, stick around for Transformers: Told Using Past Sporting News, Part 2 of a Series
Jul 18, 2007
Scouting Report for UNC Basketball
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/news/story?id=2941385
How to beat them: Put Roy Williams in a large edifice, at least 6 stories high.
How to beat them: Put Roy Williams in a large edifice, at least 6 stories high.
Jun 28, 2007
Oden goes #1!!!!!!!!!!111!1!!!!!oneone!!!! Durant goes to Seattlololololololol...Plus one serious thing
Mike Tirico was just hired as Stuart Scott's translator (Jive to English). I expect this with every pick this whole night.
Anyways, Durant could possibly be part of the greatest wholly perimeter-based offense since the Warriors last year (Luke Ridnour, Jesus Shuttlesworth, Durant, Rashard Lewis...Robert Swift?). I'm pretty excited. Also, Lisa Salters, did you learn anything from this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-pcgQElchI)? LET HER BE HAPPY FOR A FEW SECONDS! I'm happy that Stu moved up to the interview desk. It's much more dramatic when he asks draft picks questions that make them feel terribly uncomfortable.
Oden was the right pick at #1 for the Blazers. I don't think he'll win the 15 championships he promised (Stu also said Oden wanted to play in college, which is funny because a few years back, in an ESPN the Magazine article, Oden said he was MAD that Stern changed the rule...which will it be, Mr. Oden?)
To the serious stuff: professional wrestling. Chris Benoit killed his wife and his mentally retarded son and then killed himself this past weekend. Probably caused by roid rage (WWF claims it was a dispute over how to take care of Benoit's son...BULLSHIT!), the WWF had a 3 hour special about him. Plus, according to the storyline, Vince McMahon is dead. This is probably a good time to end this act. Somebody actually is dead, and you're still leading people to believe you died when your limo exploded? Maybe you should consider ending the trashy image portrayed by your company and act like regular people would when an employee dies. If the Cardinals don't play a game when someone dies, the least you can do is actually appear on some WWF show and acknowledge the loss. Otherwise, you just remain a trashy piece of shit. And you're doing pretty well.
Enjoy 55 more picks. And a few stupid trades.
Anyways, Durant could possibly be part of the greatest wholly perimeter-based offense since the Warriors last year (Luke Ridnour, Jesus Shuttlesworth, Durant, Rashard Lewis...Robert Swift?). I'm pretty excited. Also, Lisa Salters, did you learn anything from this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-pcgQElchI)? LET HER BE HAPPY FOR A FEW SECONDS! I'm happy that Stu moved up to the interview desk. It's much more dramatic when he asks draft picks questions that make them feel terribly uncomfortable.
Oden was the right pick at #1 for the Blazers. I don't think he'll win the 15 championships he promised (Stu also said Oden wanted to play in college, which is funny because a few years back, in an ESPN the Magazine article, Oden said he was MAD that Stern changed the rule...which will it be, Mr. Oden?)
To the serious stuff: professional wrestling. Chris Benoit killed his wife and his mentally retarded son and then killed himself this past weekend. Probably caused by roid rage (WWF claims it was a dispute over how to take care of Benoit's son...BULLSHIT!), the WWF had a 3 hour special about him. Plus, according to the storyline, Vince McMahon is dead. This is probably a good time to end this act. Somebody actually is dead, and you're still leading people to believe you died when your limo exploded? Maybe you should consider ending the trashy image portrayed by your company and act like regular people would when an employee dies. If the Cardinals don't play a game when someone dies, the least you can do is actually appear on some WWF show and acknowledge the loss. Otherwise, you just remain a trashy piece of shit. And you're doing pretty well.
Enjoy 55 more picks. And a few stupid trades.
Jun 25, 2007
A Tribute to the Greatest Relief Pitcher of Our Time
And by that, I mean Rod Beck, who passed away in his northeast Phoenix home on Sunday. Beck was the first player I could recognize as a child due to his absolutely ridiculous moustache and nasty stuff that he used to close games most notably for the Cubs and Giants, but he also pitched well for the Red Sox, where he had a great regular season but was not as effective in the postseason, and the Padres, where he converted 20 of 20 saves while Trevor Hoffman was injured in 2003, but was ineffective as a 7th inning man when Hoffman returned.
Before Beck got signed by the Pads, he played AAA ball for the Iowa Cubs. Even though he had a bit of his major league salary left, Beck decided to make his home in Iowa in an RV in the parking lot...just past the outfield fence. Beck would welcome in fans for a beer and a chat, something that I would have driven to Iowa for had I been of age at the time. Beck became a cult hero for this choice of living arraingments. Beck was an everyman, though a little more guarded from fans in the majors, where his beer and cigarettes and chilling was done with teammates after games.
Beck was the reason I started playing baseball. As a kid, I saw a dude just having fun and closing games. His time in Iowa made me believe him to be the coolest man to play the game, and for that reason, I will miss you, Rod Beck. Rest in peace, dude.
Before Beck got signed by the Pads, he played AAA ball for the Iowa Cubs. Even though he had a bit of his major league salary left, Beck decided to make his home in Iowa in an RV in the parking lot...just past the outfield fence. Beck would welcome in fans for a beer and a chat, something that I would have driven to Iowa for had I been of age at the time. Beck became a cult hero for this choice of living arraingments. Beck was an everyman, though a little more guarded from fans in the majors, where his beer and cigarettes and chilling was done with teammates after games.
Beck was the reason I started playing baseball. As a kid, I saw a dude just having fun and closing games. His time in Iowa made me believe him to be the coolest man to play the game, and for that reason, I will miss you, Rod Beck. Rest in peace, dude.
Jun 22, 2007
What if...
At this point, as a New York sports fan, things are looking a bit grim. The Yankees, after rattling off an impressive run during their homestand, just got swept by the Colorado effing Rockies, only managing to put up five runs in three games at Coors Field, where I think they actually turned on the "Moon Physics" cheat from Tony Hawk's Pro Skater. Now the Yankees head into San Francisco where Kei Igawa will be returning to the rotation... Barry Bonds may well reach 756 tonight!
And looking past the Yankees, the Knicks are abysmal, the Nets are geriatric, and the Mets are becoming the Yankees of mid-May. But I think the team worst off is the New York Football Giants. They have a terrible head coach whom the players hate trying to install an offense that that quarterback is completely unable to run. (Maybe he'd have a better time if his offensive line weren't of approximately the same effectiveness as the cardboard cut-out holding Justin Morneau's place in line in the New Era commercials--oh wait, that thing probably wouldn't tip over and be called for a five-yard offsides penalty every other play.) Giants fans are REELING right now, but Yankee fans are also looking at their ten-year AL East Pennant streak (and possibly their eleven-year playoff streak) coming to an end.
So I ask you... which athlete would you rather have come out of retirement and play for a New York team starting tomorrow? The choices:
Becky "The Icebox" O'Shea, FB, Little Giants; or Henry Rowengartner, RHP, Chicago Cubs.
This is such a difficult decision that I might just vomit in frustration. I mean--the Yankees need starting pitching, there's no question. With the aging arms of Clemens, Mussina, and Pettite in the rotation, Henry Rowengartner, of Rookie of the Year fame, would be a much-needed injection of young blood that could last for years, barring injury problems--that is, him recovering from his freak arm injury. Think about this starting five in a couple of years: Phil Hughes, Chien-Ming Wang, Rowengartner, Tyler Clippard, and some lousy free agent that'll eventually flame out but will still give you a few wins (think Jarret Wright, Esteban Loaiza). That's not a rotation I'd want to face as an opposing manager. Or opposing player. Or opposing bench coach, even. Rowengartner, in his lone season with the Cubs, had a bit of trouble against lefty sluggers, but he retired most right-handers and lesser lefties with ease. He only works with two pitches, a lethal four-seamer that probably tops off around 110 MPH, and the changeup that won the NL Pennant for the Cubs when his fastball lost its effectiveness.
My only concern about Rowengartner is his ability to transition from the National League over to the American Leauge. In this age in baseball, the NL has basically been reduced to AAAA ball. (A name simultaneously coined by Bill Simmons and me, unbeknownst to either of us; kind of like how Newton and Leibnitz both discovered Calculus, but Newton gets the credit. Not fair.) The big hitters that Rowengartner was facing in the NL were not of the same pedigree as some of the AL sluggers Rowengartner would face as a member of the Yankees: 'Big Papi' David Ortiz, Manny Ramirez, Vlad Guerrero, and Gary Sheffield, to name a few. So while Rowengartner may have a few tough outings while getting used to the different culture of the American League, I think he would be a very effective pitcher.
The Yanks may also want to think about making him a closer, once Mariano Rivera retires; that kind of overpowering stuff may work best if he only has to throw one inning and doesn't have to worry about getting tired out.
On the other hand, you have the most dominant football player of the 90s, with the possible exception of Bo Jackson from Tecmo Super Bowl: Becky O'Shea from Little Giants, best known as "The Icebox." O'Shea would be a much-needed reinforcement for the tired Giants backfield corps. With the retirement of the Giants' all-time leading rusher Tiki Barber setting the tone for this offseason, the Giants are left with bruising but unpredictable and turnover-prone RB Brandon Jacobs, aging FB Jim Finn, and newly-acquired RB Reuben Droughns (who has exactly 19 career touchdowns). The solution? Sign O'Shea, and make her the featured back. Droughns is her backup, Jacobs is the third-down and short-yardage situational back, and the soft-handed Finn--also a good blocker--is converted to TE to back up Jeremy Shockey and play in two-TE sets. The Icebox would open up the passing game for QB Eli Manning to a huge degree. O'Shea could eat up clock with her grinding running style, and lay blocks from the backfield in passing downs. She would be the new face of the franchise and probably shatter every Giants rushing record, making Tiki Barber a forgotten memory, relegated to the purgatory of the Today show.
There are only a few problems with bringing in O'Shea, and unfortunately, they all have to do with the fact that she is a woman. The Icebox, in her days with the Little Giants, showed a tendency to develop a crush on her quarterbacks--notably Junior Floyd--and a desire to forgo her pads and cleats in favor of a cheerleader's outfit to attract the QBs' attention. This, however, probably would not be an issue for the Giants, as their quarterback is an insecure misfit from the shallow end of the gene pool... unless she gets to meet Tim Hasselbeck. O'Shea will also have to worry about the coaching situation in New York. While she will probably do fine under current head coach Tom Coughlin, if and when Couglin is sacked, The Icebox had better get on her knees and... pray that the Giants don't bring in former Colorado head coach Gary Barnett, who would probably try to convert her to a kicker with the sole intent of lambasting her in the media/having sex with her. This, however, seems unlikely, as Barnett is a terrible coach, but given the Giants' hiring patterns, you really can't rule anything out.
I would love to see Mike and the Mad Dog tackle the Rowengartner/O'Shea debate. Both players would be such a needed boost to their respective teams, and their impact on both their teams and the city as a whole would be unimaginable. So, who would you rather have on YOUR team? Sound off!
And looking past the Yankees, the Knicks are abysmal, the Nets are geriatric, and the Mets are becoming the Yankees of mid-May. But I think the team worst off is the New York Football Giants. They have a terrible head coach whom the players hate trying to install an offense that that quarterback is completely unable to run. (Maybe he'd have a better time if his offensive line weren't of approximately the same effectiveness as the cardboard cut-out holding Justin Morneau's place in line in the New Era commercials--oh wait, that thing probably wouldn't tip over and be called for a five-yard offsides penalty every other play.) Giants fans are REELING right now, but Yankee fans are also looking at their ten-year AL East Pennant streak (and possibly their eleven-year playoff streak) coming to an end.
So I ask you... which athlete would you rather have come out of retirement and play for a New York team starting tomorrow? The choices:
Becky "The Icebox" O'Shea, FB, Little Giants; or Henry Rowengartner, RHP, Chicago Cubs.
This is such a difficult decision that I might just vomit in frustration. I mean--the Yankees need starting pitching, there's no question. With the aging arms of Clemens, Mussina, and Pettite in the rotation, Henry Rowengartner, of Rookie of the Year fame, would be a much-needed injection of young blood that could last for years, barring injury problems--that is, him recovering from his freak arm injury. Think about this starting five in a couple of years: Phil Hughes, Chien-Ming Wang, Rowengartner, Tyler Clippard, and some lousy free agent that'll eventually flame out but will still give you a few wins (think Jarret Wright, Esteban Loaiza). That's not a rotation I'd want to face as an opposing manager. Or opposing player. Or opposing bench coach, even. Rowengartner, in his lone season with the Cubs, had a bit of trouble against lefty sluggers, but he retired most right-handers and lesser lefties with ease. He only works with two pitches, a lethal four-seamer that probably tops off around 110 MPH, and the changeup that won the NL Pennant for the Cubs when his fastball lost its effectiveness.
My only concern about Rowengartner is his ability to transition from the National League over to the American Leauge. In this age in baseball, the NL has basically been reduced to AAAA ball. (A name simultaneously coined by Bill Simmons and me, unbeknownst to either of us; kind of like how Newton and Leibnitz both discovered Calculus, but Newton gets the credit. Not fair.) The big hitters that Rowengartner was facing in the NL were not of the same pedigree as some of the AL sluggers Rowengartner would face as a member of the Yankees: 'Big Papi' David Ortiz, Manny Ramirez, Vlad Guerrero, and Gary Sheffield, to name a few. So while Rowengartner may have a few tough outings while getting used to the different culture of the American League, I think he would be a very effective pitcher.
The Yanks may also want to think about making him a closer, once Mariano Rivera retires; that kind of overpowering stuff may work best if he only has to throw one inning and doesn't have to worry about getting tired out.
On the other hand, you have the most dominant football player of the 90s, with the possible exception of Bo Jackson from Tecmo Super Bowl: Becky O'Shea from Little Giants, best known as "The Icebox." O'Shea would be a much-needed reinforcement for the tired Giants backfield corps. With the retirement of the Giants' all-time leading rusher Tiki Barber setting the tone for this offseason, the Giants are left with bruising but unpredictable and turnover-prone RB Brandon Jacobs, aging FB Jim Finn, and newly-acquired RB Reuben Droughns (who has exactly 19 career touchdowns). The solution? Sign O'Shea, and make her the featured back. Droughns is her backup, Jacobs is the third-down and short-yardage situational back, and the soft-handed Finn--also a good blocker--is converted to TE to back up Jeremy Shockey and play in two-TE sets. The Icebox would open up the passing game for QB Eli Manning to a huge degree. O'Shea could eat up clock with her grinding running style, and lay blocks from the backfield in passing downs. She would be the new face of the franchise and probably shatter every Giants rushing record, making Tiki Barber a forgotten memory, relegated to the purgatory of the Today show.
There are only a few problems with bringing in O'Shea, and unfortunately, they all have to do with the fact that she is a woman. The Icebox, in her days with the Little Giants, showed a tendency to develop a crush on her quarterbacks--notably Junior Floyd--and a desire to forgo her pads and cleats in favor of a cheerleader's outfit to attract the QBs' attention. This, however, probably would not be an issue for the Giants, as their quarterback is an insecure misfit from the shallow end of the gene pool... unless she gets to meet Tim Hasselbeck. O'Shea will also have to worry about the coaching situation in New York. While she will probably do fine under current head coach Tom Coughlin, if and when Couglin is sacked, The Icebox had better get on her knees and... pray that the Giants don't bring in former Colorado head coach Gary Barnett, who would probably try to convert her to a kicker with the sole intent of lambasting her in the media/having sex with her. This, however, seems unlikely, as Barnett is a terrible coach, but given the Giants' hiring patterns, you really can't rule anything out.
I would love to see Mike and the Mad Dog tackle the Rowengartner/O'Shea debate. Both players would be such a needed boost to their respective teams, and their impact on both their teams and the city as a whole would be unimaginable. So, who would you rather have on YOUR team? Sound off!
Jun 20, 2007
Open Letter to Fitty
Dear Fitty,
When did symphony play-by-play come into existence? If you were going to make this commercial really work, you should have had Mike Tirico and Hubie Brown do this. Hubie could act just as oblivious as when Baron dunked on AK-47 (Video evidence: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38s5qh4DMTE). Anyways, Mr. McFitty, get on that.
Sincerely,
Dubroff
When did symphony play-by-play come into existence? If you were going to make this commercial really work, you should have had Mike Tirico and Hubie Brown do this. Hubie could act just as oblivious as when Baron dunked on AK-47 (Video evidence: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38s5qh4DMTE). Anyways, Mr. McFitty, get on that.
Sincerely,
Dubroff
Jun 7, 2007
Rick Reilly Should Just Shut Up
Dear Rick,
Today on NFL Live, you said that LeBron James should play quarterback if he played in the NFL. First off, I'm surprised you are considered either a basketball or football expert by anyone. Second, you sure seem to like plugging your book. And finally, LEBRON PLAYED WIDE RECEIVER IN HIGH SCHOOL. You don't deserve your column, especially after you complained about how much work it was.
Nice talking to you,
Dubroff
Today on NFL Live, you said that LeBron James should play quarterback if he played in the NFL. First off, I'm surprised you are considered either a basketball or football expert by anyone. Second, you sure seem to like plugging your book. And finally, LEBRON PLAYED WIDE RECEIVER IN HIGH SCHOOL. You don't deserve your column, especially after you complained about how much work it was.
Nice talking to you,
Dubroff
May 30, 2007
Addition to My Top 30 Sports Moments in My Life
Today after class ended at 1, I decided I wanted to get some pizza, so I headed over to Allegro's, the best place at Penn. They have a plasma with sports on all the time, and the place was packed (probably for the air cconditioning since it's hot outside). Turns on ESPN was showing last year's Scripps Howard National Spelling Bee, and everyone there was riveted (except for 2 delivery guys debating which escort service is the best). It was truly amazing to watch. Heads turned to that one TV just to see if Rajiv could nail the coffin on Yizkor (absolutely, 100% politically incorrect pun...but effective). And it wasn't just Penn kids sitting at tables. The guy taking slice orders and the manager were providing color commentary too. At commercials, everyone talked amongst themselves. But right when the action came back on, BOOM! every head there turned to watch. Really amazing to be there.
Also, Robin Roberts and Chris Connelly? Could they get two more people who share alliteration and the penchant for awkward banter? I think not. And that's probably why ESPN gets away with showing reruns of the Bee.
Also, Robin Roberts and Chris Connelly? Could they get two more people who share alliteration and the penchant for awkward banter? I think not. And that's probably why ESPN gets away with showing reruns of the Bee.
May 23, 2007
DA CHAMP-YONS!
Never seen a UEFA Champion's League running blog, and I happen to have the free time, so here it goes:
2:45PM: Liverpool and AC Milan come out onto the field to begin their (hopefully) epic rematch of the 2004 Final in Istanbul, where Milan squandered a 3-goal halftime lead in 15 minutes and ended up losing on penalty kicks. Also, today's referee, Herbert Fandel, is the 1st referee of a Champion's League Final who is also a classically trained pianist.
2:46PM: Liverpool actually had a chance in the first minute...seriously. I thought we were going to see them hold the ball like Hoosiers for 90 minutes. The cross was too far ahead, and Dida got a goal kick.
2:48PM: The ball has been in Milan's end for all but 30 seconds so far (3:15 in).
2:50PM: Pepe Reina kicks a goal kick. I wonder what type of security he got at his house back in England tonight after the last Liverpool Champion's League game, where his house got robbed and his Porsche Cayenne wasfound burnt out on the side of the road.
2:52PM: This game is moving really really really really slow (http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=1f4_1179038976).
2:53PM: Milan is playing likee they got castrated last night...or Steven Gerrard pulled a Lawrence Taylor and sent some Turkish crackwhores to a bunch of Milan players.
2:56PM: Liverpool gets a good chance, and Dida makes a good save that Maldini cleared from danger. Finally, someone tries to shoot at the goal!
2:58PM: Another Liverpool chance, and Jermaine Pennant's pass is a second too late.
2:59PM: Filippo Inzaghi manages to not be called for offsides (a trademark of his is to walk the line), but the long ball is just a bit too long. Usually Inzaghi gets 5 offsides a game, so the watch is on.
3:03PM: Kaka's first attempt of the game from 10 yards outside the box, and Reina makes an easy save.
3:04PM: Gerrard is fouled near the sideline outside the box. Time for some Gerrard magic...or not. Pennant and Bolo Zenden...and it's sent way too long.
3:06PM: Tommy Smyth (with a y) gives his first shoutout of the day to who else but the Irish National team, who are in the US playing Ecuador at Giants Stadium.
3:07PM: Sounds like a lost child announcement that stops our announcers. That's how we know it should be a classic
3:08PM: Kaka pulls a Ginobili (it should be the other way around)
3:10PM: Derek Rae mentions Gattuso calling Liverpool outdated ("like an Italian team from 10 years ago.") after Gattuso fouls John Arne Riise pretty hard.
3:13PM: Xavi Alonso shoots just wide. Pretty lucky there, Dida.
3:15PM: Bolo Zenden mounts Andrea Pirlo (sounds straight, but this isn't 90210). Pirlo gets a free kick attempt (Rae calls him the best in the world, and I agree because I play a lot of FIFA). Pirlo's kick looks good, but it goes straight to Reina.
3:16PM: Liverpool wins a corner and gets nothing out of it.
3:18PM: Riise shoots it way too high, putting shots at 4-1 Liverpool...and shots on goal is tied at 1-1. This state makes me think Milan has a very good chnce to win.
3:19PM: Massimo Oddo crosses right to Reina. Milan needs to improve the crosses if they want to win this
3:22PM: Marek Jankulovski trips, and Liverpool squanders the chance.
3:24PM: A little water break and Gattuso got hit in the nose by Zenden...accidentally. I prefer brawls, but whatever, let's see some football.
3:25PM: Jankulovski has the potential to pull a Claudio Reyna vs. Ghana. Hopefully he doesn't get the injury too.
3:26PM: Pennant gets called offsides, Inzaghi still has not. Probably because Milan just isn't aggressive right now. Milan is still playing quietly
3:27PM: Gattuso gets a yellow card for, as Smyth puts it, "walking right through Xavi Alonso."
3:30PM: Has anyone seen Curtis Pennant's uncles? I was right, a lost child announcement! Derek and Tommy, you guys need to play through the announcement (by...announcing.)
3:31PM: Andrea Pirlo is nasty at free kicks. 45th minute, Inzaghi semi-"Hand of God"s it into the net (it was off the chest, so it's legit). It's his 37th career Champion's League goal. Gattuso kind of looks like a hypocrite now, with his team scoring on free kicks.
3:33PM: Halftime, be back in a few.
3:47PM: Halftime is almost done, and while looking up Massimo Oddo, I found this gem: Oddo has been tricked twice on the Italian Candid Camera type show "Scherzi a Parte." If you're a celebrity, aren't you supposed to get a security detail to make sure that doesn't happen again? I think this makes Oddo the Johnny Drama of footballers.
3:49PM: And we are under way!
3:50PM: The ball is somehow still in Milan's end...and
3:51PM: Streaker! Carrying a Greek flag and easily dealt with by security, and Liverpool can't execute the corner. And Curtis Pennant's uncles are proably still drunk and not willing to go find Curtis.
3:53PM: Gerrard is not passing well as an attacking midfielder, so Liverpool should be getting Crouch in to play up front and moving Gerrard back to midfield.
3:56PM: Reina almost gives up an empty-netter but Liverpool manages to clear the ball before Seedorf can get a foot on it.
3:57PM: Marek Jankulovski is having a bad day. Yellow card.
3:59PM: Inzaghi goes offside, and that makes the count 1.
4:01PM: Kaka gets tackled from behind by Javi Mascherano and Kaka pulls a Sheed and complains.
4:02PM: Mascherano gets a yellow. Fandel "could have mailed him the card it took him so long to pull it out." Tommy Smyth is hilarious.
4:02PM: Zenden, who has just played like a Divac-Stojackovic King dump, is replaced by Harry Kewell.
4:04PM: Jamie Carragher is given a yellow for a tackle on Kaka (makeup call?) and Pirlo misses. Olivia Matthews, contact the steward!
4:05PM: Kewell takes a dive, saving Gattuso's ass from a red.
4:06PM: Gerrard gets past Nesta on an errant pass and Dida stops it and gets control.
4:06PM: Inzaghi is offside again. Make it 2.
4:09PM: Johnny Drama gives Liverpool a free kick chance on a foul. Free kick is not played well, and Jankulovski gets rid of it.
4:10PM: Milan is playing plain good defense.
4:11PM: Steven Gerrard is having a bad day. He just got a cross with no one near him, and he gets called for a handball.
4:16PM: After 5 minutes of nothing, Gerrard finally takes a goos shot and barely misses.
4:21PM: Finally, Mascherano is taken out and replaced by Peter Crouch...which is what Rafael Benitez should have done 20 minutes ago.
4:23PM: Carlo Ancelloti obviously wants some security in the defense, so Kahka Kaladze replaces Jankulovski.
4:24PM: Inzaghi isn't offsides, but he lets the ball right between his legs. And Derek Rae talks up the Indianapolis 500 talking about how special it is. Kind of like having Joe Morgan talk about the World Cup of Cricket during Sunday Night Baseball.
4:26PM: Inzaghi plays the line just right and beats Reina with a dribbler. Liverpool needs a miracle now. An 82nd minute goal for Pippo.
4:28PM: Inzaghi takes a ball to the stomach and refuses Harry Kewell's help up. Kewell is PISSED.
4:29PM: Peter Crouch tries to make things interesting, but Dida taps the ball over the crossbar. Liverpool fucks up the corner again.
4:30PM: Inzaghi is offside by a mile. That is 3 and will probably be his last with Gilardino ready to come in.
4:31PM: Inazghi comes off for Gilardino and a standing ovation. Xavi Alonso comes off for Alvaro Arbeloa.
4:33PM: Dirk Kuyt heads in the ball in the aftermath of the corner right after the substitution to make things interesting in the 89th minute. 3 minutes are added on. And Rae calls Gattuso "a cat on a hot tin roof" as he tries to avoid another card.
4:35PM: Seedorf comes off for Giuseppe Favalli in the 2nd minute of extra time.
4:37PM: Time is called, Milan are the champions of Champions! And Benitez is running down officials like JoePa while Gattuso is pulling a Joakim Noah ("That girl just dunked.") and running to the fans. Kaka belongs to Jesus. And Oddo yells "VICTORY!" Inzaghi is my player of the game.
4:42PM: Sore losers? AC Milan's wikipedia page reads like this: GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY
Real original.
4:51PM: Maldini raises the trophy, and a terrible Sarah McLachlan cover band begins playing. I really cannot understand European taste for American music, can someone speed them up 12 years? There'd probably be world peace if a program could be implemented to do that. And this "One Shining Moment" ripoff to end the game is terrible. Better music is necessary. Okay, I'm out, can't wait for next year's Champion's League. Thanks for making this possible, Sony and Heineken. Peace.
2:45PM: Liverpool and AC Milan come out onto the field to begin their (hopefully) epic rematch of the 2004 Final in Istanbul, where Milan squandered a 3-goal halftime lead in 15 minutes and ended up losing on penalty kicks. Also, today's referee, Herbert Fandel, is the 1st referee of a Champion's League Final who is also a classically trained pianist.
2:46PM: Liverpool actually had a chance in the first minute...seriously. I thought we were going to see them hold the ball like Hoosiers for 90 minutes. The cross was too far ahead, and Dida got a goal kick.
2:48PM: The ball has been in Milan's end for all but 30 seconds so far (3:15 in).
2:50PM: Pepe Reina kicks a goal kick. I wonder what type of security he got at his house back in England tonight after the last Liverpool Champion's League game, where his house got robbed and his Porsche Cayenne wasfound burnt out on the side of the road.
2:52PM: This game is moving really really really really slow (http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=1f4_1179038976).
2:53PM: Milan is playing likee they got castrated last night...or Steven Gerrard pulled a Lawrence Taylor and sent some Turkish crackwhores to a bunch of Milan players.
2:56PM: Liverpool gets a good chance, and Dida makes a good save that Maldini cleared from danger. Finally, someone tries to shoot at the goal!
2:58PM: Another Liverpool chance, and Jermaine Pennant's pass is a second too late.
2:59PM: Filippo Inzaghi manages to not be called for offsides (a trademark of his is to walk the line), but the long ball is just a bit too long. Usually Inzaghi gets 5 offsides a game, so the watch is on.
3:03PM: Kaka's first attempt of the game from 10 yards outside the box, and Reina makes an easy save.
3:04PM: Gerrard is fouled near the sideline outside the box. Time for some Gerrard magic...or not. Pennant and Bolo Zenden...and it's sent way too long.
3:06PM: Tommy Smyth (with a y) gives his first shoutout of the day to who else but the Irish National team, who are in the US playing Ecuador at Giants Stadium.
3:07PM: Sounds like a lost child announcement that stops our announcers. That's how we know it should be a classic
3:08PM: Kaka pulls a Ginobili (it should be the other way around)
3:10PM: Derek Rae mentions Gattuso calling Liverpool outdated ("like an Italian team from 10 years ago.") after Gattuso fouls John Arne Riise pretty hard.
3:13PM: Xavi Alonso shoots just wide. Pretty lucky there, Dida.
3:15PM: Bolo Zenden mounts Andrea Pirlo (sounds straight, but this isn't 90210). Pirlo gets a free kick attempt (Rae calls him the best in the world, and I agree because I play a lot of FIFA). Pirlo's kick looks good, but it goes straight to Reina.
3:16PM: Liverpool wins a corner and gets nothing out of it.
3:18PM: Riise shoots it way too high, putting shots at 4-1 Liverpool...and shots on goal is tied at 1-1. This state makes me think Milan has a very good chnce to win.
3:19PM: Massimo Oddo crosses right to Reina. Milan needs to improve the crosses if they want to win this
3:22PM: Marek Jankulovski trips, and Liverpool squanders the chance.
3:24PM: A little water break and Gattuso got hit in the nose by Zenden...accidentally. I prefer brawls, but whatever, let's see some football.
3:25PM: Jankulovski has the potential to pull a Claudio Reyna vs. Ghana. Hopefully he doesn't get the injury too.
3:26PM: Pennant gets called offsides, Inzaghi still has not. Probably because Milan just isn't aggressive right now. Milan is still playing quietly
3:27PM: Gattuso gets a yellow card for, as Smyth puts it, "walking right through Xavi Alonso."
3:30PM: Has anyone seen Curtis Pennant's uncles? I was right, a lost child announcement! Derek and Tommy, you guys need to play through the announcement (by...announcing.)
3:31PM: Andrea Pirlo is nasty at free kicks. 45th minute, Inzaghi semi-"Hand of God"s it into the net (it was off the chest, so it's legit). It's his 37th career Champion's League goal. Gattuso kind of looks like a hypocrite now, with his team scoring on free kicks.
3:33PM: Halftime, be back in a few.
3:47PM: Halftime is almost done, and while looking up Massimo Oddo, I found this gem: Oddo has been tricked twice on the Italian Candid Camera type show "Scherzi a Parte." If you're a celebrity, aren't you supposed to get a security detail to make sure that doesn't happen again? I think this makes Oddo the Johnny Drama of footballers.
3:49PM: And we are under way!
3:50PM: The ball is somehow still in Milan's end...and
3:51PM: Streaker! Carrying a Greek flag and easily dealt with by security, and Liverpool can't execute the corner. And Curtis Pennant's uncles are proably still drunk and not willing to go find Curtis.
3:53PM: Gerrard is not passing well as an attacking midfielder, so Liverpool should be getting Crouch in to play up front and moving Gerrard back to midfield.
3:56PM: Reina almost gives up an empty-netter but Liverpool manages to clear the ball before Seedorf can get a foot on it.
3:57PM: Marek Jankulovski is having a bad day. Yellow card.
3:59PM: Inzaghi goes offside, and that makes the count 1.
4:01PM: Kaka gets tackled from behind by Javi Mascherano and Kaka pulls a Sheed and complains.
4:02PM: Mascherano gets a yellow. Fandel "could have mailed him the card it took him so long to pull it out." Tommy Smyth is hilarious.
4:02PM: Zenden, who has just played like a Divac-Stojackovic King dump, is replaced by Harry Kewell.
4:04PM: Jamie Carragher is given a yellow for a tackle on Kaka (makeup call?) and Pirlo misses. Olivia Matthews, contact the steward!
4:05PM: Kewell takes a dive, saving Gattuso's ass from a red.
4:06PM: Gerrard gets past Nesta on an errant pass and Dida stops it and gets control.
4:06PM: Inzaghi is offside again. Make it 2.
4:09PM: Johnny Drama gives Liverpool a free kick chance on a foul. Free kick is not played well, and Jankulovski gets rid of it.
4:10PM: Milan is playing plain good defense.
4:11PM: Steven Gerrard is having a bad day. He just got a cross with no one near him, and he gets called for a handball.
4:16PM: After 5 minutes of nothing, Gerrard finally takes a goos shot and barely misses.
4:21PM: Finally, Mascherano is taken out and replaced by Peter Crouch...which is what Rafael Benitez should have done 20 minutes ago.
4:23PM: Carlo Ancelloti obviously wants some security in the defense, so Kahka Kaladze replaces Jankulovski.
4:24PM: Inzaghi isn't offsides, but he lets the ball right between his legs. And Derek Rae talks up the Indianapolis 500 talking about how special it is. Kind of like having Joe Morgan talk about the World Cup of Cricket during Sunday Night Baseball.
4:26PM: Inzaghi plays the line just right and beats Reina with a dribbler. Liverpool needs a miracle now. An 82nd minute goal for Pippo.
4:28PM: Inzaghi takes a ball to the stomach and refuses Harry Kewell's help up. Kewell is PISSED.
4:29PM: Peter Crouch tries to make things interesting, but Dida taps the ball over the crossbar. Liverpool fucks up the corner again.
4:30PM: Inzaghi is offside by a mile. That is 3 and will probably be his last with Gilardino ready to come in.
4:31PM: Inazghi comes off for Gilardino and a standing ovation. Xavi Alonso comes off for Alvaro Arbeloa.
4:33PM: Dirk Kuyt heads in the ball in the aftermath of the corner right after the substitution to make things interesting in the 89th minute. 3 minutes are added on. And Rae calls Gattuso "a cat on a hot tin roof" as he tries to avoid another card.
4:35PM: Seedorf comes off for Giuseppe Favalli in the 2nd minute of extra time.
4:37PM: Time is called, Milan are the champions of Champions! And Benitez is running down officials like JoePa while Gattuso is pulling a Joakim Noah ("That girl just dunked.") and running to the fans. Kaka belongs to Jesus. And Oddo yells "VICTORY!" Inzaghi is my player of the game.
4:42PM: Sore losers? AC Milan's wikipedia page reads like this: GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY
Real original.
4:51PM: Maldini raises the trophy, and a terrible Sarah McLachlan cover band begins playing. I really cannot understand European taste for American music, can someone speed them up 12 years? There'd probably be world peace if a program could be implemented to do that. And this "One Shining Moment" ripoff to end the game is terrible. Better music is necessary. Okay, I'm out, can't wait for next year's Champion's League. Thanks for making this possible, Sony and Heineken. Peace.
May 19, 2007
Well, the Yankees' pitching woes continue, as Darryl Rasner got taken out of the game this afternoon after he got struck in the pitching hand with a line drive. He has a fractured index finger and will probably be on the DL as of tomorrow. I know that the shoddy pitching has been a big reason for the Yanks' awful start, but that's not it. This is the first year that I really believe the media's talk about a lack of chemistry in the Yankee clubhouse and that contributing to their decline. They just don't look loose, they look like they're playing tense and uneasy. I don't have too much evidence for this besides just watching them compared to the Mets and Johnny Damon's awful pregame introduction, but the losing, injuries, and now the Giambi steroids thing don't help.
This just hasn't been a fun team to watch the last couple of weeks and I say this as the most diehard of diehard Yanks fans.
A quick headline: Lazy Tom Glavine adds to all-tme record for sacrifice bunts rather than be beleaguered to hit, run bases.
This just hasn't been a fun team to watch the last couple of weeks and I say this as the most diehard of diehard Yanks fans.
A quick headline: Lazy Tom Glavine adds to all-tme record for sacrifice bunts rather than be beleaguered to hit, run bases.
Andy Katz Has "Inside" Info
Dear Andy Katz,
I read this story of yours (http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/news/story?id=2871275), and I just wanted to say that EVERYONE IN SYRACUSE KNEW THIS IN DECEMBER.
Thanks for your concern,
Dubroff
I read this story of yours (http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/news/story?id=2871275), and I just wanted to say that EVERYONE IN SYRACUSE KNEW THIS IN DECEMBER.
Thanks for your concern,
Dubroff
May 17, 2007
Suns-Spurs is Making the NBA Into a Joke
I don't like the Spurs. They play the type of basketball that makes people throw up from seasickness, rocking you to sleep until there's five seconds left on the shot clock and someone is magically open. Their titles are the reason that the NBA was stuck in a funk and their style of play continues to hold the League back. But Game 5 was a joke. Let's go back to 1997 for a second: The Knicks had it bad with John Wallace (a great Syracuse player, but a terrible NBA player) starting in place of the suspended Patrick Ewing in the deciding Game 7 in 1997 against the Heat. The worse team kneeled before the Bulls with nearly no resistance while the Knicks went home for the summer. This might be considered a milestone in the history of the Heat, but the win was completely illegitimate. When Alonzo Mourning is being guarded by Herb Williams and John Wallace the whole game, there is quite an advantage for the team with 'Zo. And who started the fight? PJ Brown body-slammed Charlie Ward after a free throw. The same applies here: Duncan had 4, 4, and 5 personal fouls in the 3 games against the Suns before Game 5, because he had to guard Amare. It makes the game an illegitimate win for the Spurs. If both teams were on even strength, Suns in 6 would have been the result. But Horry's forearm shiver on Nash gave his team a distinct advantage, and this series should be seen as tainted for his actions.
May 15, 2007
Welcome
Hey guys, welcome to the new ManualBuzzer. Props to Dubroff for the idea of the blog. I'm sure it will be updated much more often than the old website; anytime I have something quick, or substantial, to say about sports, I'll say it here.
I'm out for now though.
--bj
I'm out for now though.
--bj
Taking This Here Blog's V-Card
Welcome to the Manual Buzzer blog, which should be updated a tad more than the website. In the tradition of Jim Rome, I'm burning on something, and that would be Dirk Nowitzki reportedly taking home the NBA MVP this year. There are three reasons for this:
1.) Nash was just better
Simply, Steve should be tied with Moses, Magic, and Larry for 4th all-time with 3 Maurice Podoloffs. Steve was great the past two years ('04-'05: 15.5 PPG, 11.5 APG, 50.2% FG, 43.1% 3FG; '05-'06: 18.8 PPG, 10.5 APG, 51.2% FG, 43.9% 3FG), but he improved everything but scoring this year, coming up with 18.6 PPG and 11.6 APG (career high) on 53.2% FG (career high) and 45.5% 3FG (ties career high). He's a point guard who set career highs in accuracy and assists. Dirk did nothing notable this year besides shoot over 50% for the first time in his career. Are people taking Nash's yearly improvement for granted? Can this guy step up his game more? What are voters expecting from him? Nash really should have that award, and his numbers are amazing enough to merit the award.
2.) Was Dirk Really That Valuable?
Without Dirk, the Mavs were 3-1. Without Nash, the Mavs were 2-4. In '04-'05, the Suns were 2-5 without Nash and 0-3 in '05-'06 when he didn't play. While Nash is integral to the Suns' success, Dirk is just something extra that makes the Mavs a bit better. The Mavs are the Pistons of the West, minus the killer instinct, which brings us to...3.) Dirk's Award CeremonyNever in my lifetime has there been an MVP like Dirk. The reason: Dirk is the 1st MVP in a very long time (we're talking '70's being the last time...maybe) to not receive his award before a home playoff game...BECAUSE HE LOST IN THE 1ST ROUND...AND HE CHOKED. A 5 POINT DIP in scoring average from the postseason to the playoffs? 12% drop in FG%? Give me a break. MVPs should be stepping up in the playoffs, and as almost every analyst is saying after the fact, he shouldn't be the MVP.
And one more thing: the whole European invasion thing in the League...and the 1st MVP they give us chokes like this in the playoffs? We could be looking at the beginning of the fall of the European white guy in the NBA.
I leave you with the dunk of the year, to which Hubie Brown physically cannot show an excited reaction using his vocal chords: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGH3OuP9Sek
(Bonus appearance from Colgate alum and Warriors benchwarmer Adonal Foyle (known in the Jewish community as Adonalam) making a DIIIIISGUSTING face)
1.) Nash was just better
Simply, Steve should be tied with Moses, Magic, and Larry for 4th all-time with 3 Maurice Podoloffs. Steve was great the past two years ('04-'05: 15.5 PPG, 11.5 APG, 50.2% FG, 43.1% 3FG; '05-'06: 18.8 PPG, 10.5 APG, 51.2% FG, 43.9% 3FG), but he improved everything but scoring this year, coming up with 18.6 PPG and 11.6 APG (career high) on 53.2% FG (career high) and 45.5% 3FG (ties career high). He's a point guard who set career highs in accuracy and assists. Dirk did nothing notable this year besides shoot over 50% for the first time in his career. Are people taking Nash's yearly improvement for granted? Can this guy step up his game more? What are voters expecting from him? Nash really should have that award, and his numbers are amazing enough to merit the award.
2.) Was Dirk Really That Valuable?
Without Dirk, the Mavs were 3-1. Without Nash, the Mavs were 2-4. In '04-'05, the Suns were 2-5 without Nash and 0-3 in '05-'06 when he didn't play. While Nash is integral to the Suns' success, Dirk is just something extra that makes the Mavs a bit better. The Mavs are the Pistons of the West, minus the killer instinct, which brings us to...3.) Dirk's Award CeremonyNever in my lifetime has there been an MVP like Dirk. The reason: Dirk is the 1st MVP in a very long time (we're talking '70's being the last time...maybe) to not receive his award before a home playoff game...BECAUSE HE LOST IN THE 1ST ROUND...AND HE CHOKED. A 5 POINT DIP in scoring average from the postseason to the playoffs? 12% drop in FG%? Give me a break. MVPs should be stepping up in the playoffs, and as almost every analyst is saying after the fact, he shouldn't be the MVP.
And one more thing: the whole European invasion thing in the League...and the 1st MVP they give us chokes like this in the playoffs? We could be looking at the beginning of the fall of the European white guy in the NBA.
I leave you with the dunk of the year, to which Hubie Brown physically cannot show an excited reaction using his vocal chords: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGH3OuP9Sek
(Bonus appearance from Colgate alum and Warriors benchwarmer Adonal Foyle (known in the Jewish community as Adonalam) making a DIIIIISGUSTING face)
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