Group H

Sorry for lateness here, this is the last one, and we will be hitting you soon with 2 Manual Buzzer podcasts. First, we will wrap up the NBA season and look forward to the draft. Then, we will do a wrap of the Group Stage and preview the knockout rounds of the World Cup.

Group H gives the most interesting geopolitical historical storyline of this World Cup: Spain, the favorites, must contend with two former colonies in their group: Honduras and Chile. What will zombie Simon Bolivar have to say about this?

"CEREBROOOOOOOS."

Nevermind. On to the group...

Spain
Nickname: La Furia Roja (The Red Fury)
Abbreviation: ESP
Last World Cup: 2006: Per usual, the Spanish qualified and did amazing in their group (which sucked: Ukraine, Saudi Arabia, and Tunisia), and then they lost to France in the round of 16.
How did they get here?: Qualifying was very easy. They took all 30 possible points.
Manager: Vicente Del Bosque took over for Luis Aragones after the Euro 08 championship campaign. He did well with the Golden Generation of Galacticos at Real Madrid, winning two Champions Leagues and two Liga Primeras. He lucks out by being in a situation where he can sort of just roll the ball out to an amazing team.
Player to watch: Xavi of Barcelona and Xabi Alonso of Real Madrid in central midfield. These two mark each other during El Clasico twice a year, but in national team service their teamwork is key to Spanish victory, as shown in their run to Euro 08. Both players are key to setting up scorers David Villa and Fernando Torres up front as well as helping the defense hold.
Player not to watch: Marcos Senna, Villareal. The Brazilian mercenary (Brazilian mercenaries play soccer instead of fighting for money wherever they can). The holding midfielder will be missed greatly. He was key to the Euro 08 run, making sure the ball stayed out of their opponents' attacking third. Nobody really plays that role on this team.
Prediction: This team looks primed to get beyond the quarterfinals, which a Spanish team has never done. As long as defensive issues are taken care over, book them for the semifinals.

Switzerland
Nickname: Schweizer Nati (Swiss nationals. What a crap name. It should be The Neutrals.)
Abbreviation: SCH
Last World Cup: 2006: The Swiss won their group and then fell in the Round of 16 to Ukraine on penalties, meaning they never actually conceded any goals.
How did they get here?: Group 2 was a bit of a challenge, and included a loss to Luxembourg. But they won the group by 1 point to avoid the playoff
Manager: Ottmar Hitzfield, a German striker who once scored 6 goals in a game for Stuttgart. As a manager, he has been ridiculous, winning one Champions League each at Werder Bremen and Bayern Munich to go along with 7 Bundesligas at the two clubs. Expect some uncharacteristic attacking tactics from the neutrals.
Player to watch: #10, Blaise Nkufo, who plays up front with old standby Alexander Frei and does his club thang with the Seattle Sounders of MLS. He is Congolese, and he was recently transferred from FC Twente, who he helped to their first Eredivisie last year. He managed 114 goals in 223 appearances with the Dutch side and will be looked to for playmaking up front for this team.
Player not to watch: John Djorou, an Ivorian who plays for Arsenal. The big defender was not included in the final Swiss side. He will be for their next World Cup as he will start getting more time at Arsenal after William Gallas is tranferred out this summer.
Prediction: The Swiss need to keep up their defenses if they want to have a chance. They will probably have trouble with the attacks from Honduras and Chile, and this group is a crapshoot after Spain.

Honduras
Nickname: La Bicolor (Their jerseys? TWO COLORS.)
Abbreviation: HON
Last World Cup: 1982: La Bicolor tied Spain and Northern Ireland in their first two games. But a loss to Yugoslavia ended their run in Spain.
How did they get here?: Goal differential got the Hondurans the 3rd CONCACAF automatic spot, leaving Costa Rica to get rocked by the Uruguayans in the playoff with CONMEBOL's fourth place team.
Manager: Reinaldo Rueda, who has been at the helm since 2006, and considering this is their second time in the World Cup, he is considered a success.
Player to watch: Wilson Palacios, who plays midfield for Tottenham Hotspur. Palacios' family is a footballing one, with his brothers Jerry and Johnny playing professionally in China and Honduras, respectively. All three brothers are also on the team. Tragedy did strike their family when their younger brother, Edwin was kidnapped and then killed.
Player not to watch: Julio Cesar de Leon, of Parma, who is on loan to Torino. The attacking midfielder is the key to creating for this team, but he will be out due to a sprained right thigh.
Prediction: de Leon will surely be missed, and his absence will leave them without a birth in the knockout stage.

Chile
Nickname: La Roja (Spanish for...the Roja...kidding, the Red.)
Abbreviation: CHI
Last World Cup: 1998: In France, La Roja made it out of their group with 3 ties due to a great deal of help from the Italians, who beat the other two teams, Austria and Cameroon, who also ties each other. In the round of 16, Chile was easily defeated by Brazil, who were fueled by braces from Ronaldo and Cesar Sampaio.
How did they get here?: A Surprising second-place finish in CONMEBOL, ahead of Paraguay and Argentina.
Manager: Marcelo Bielsa, an Argentine who lead his home country's disastrous showing in 2002, where they fell to England in the group stage and managed to not even get to the knockout stage, the first time the Argentines didn't get past the first round of a World Cup final since 1962.
Player to watch: Alexis Sanchez, aka El Nino Maravillo (The Wonder Boy), is 21 and plays for Udinese in Serie A as a winger/forward, and has proven himself to be very dangerous with the ball at his feet. Could this be his coming out party for the world? We shall see.
Player not to watch: Marcelo Salas, a striker who retired and put in meaningful time in Europe with Lazio and less so with Juventus. The striker's experience will be missed, but...
Prediction: After a powerful qualifying campaing, this group looks poised to surprise the world. I'm looking for them in the second round.

Group G: Group of Death

Three amazing teams and one team from the most isolated country in the world. Let's get retarded.

Brazil
Nickname: A Selecao (The Selection-Brazil has the most professional footballers per capita in the world. And these are the best of the best. The ones who don't make the cut sometimes choose to play for other countries, like Marcos Senna for Spain, Deco for Portugal, and Mehmet Aurelio for Turkey)
Abbreviation: BRA (LOL!!!)
Last World Cup: 2006: The Brazilians breezed through their group and Ghana in the round of 16, and then Zidane made them look like fools in the quarterfinals as France marched to the final.
How did they get here?: Though Chile and Paraguay were both one point back at the end, the Brazilians, as usual took it easy and ended up in South Africa.
Manager: Dunga, a former member of the Selection. As a defensive midfielder, Dunga recognized the importance of having a strong defense and has moved away from the culture of Joga Bonito. So this may be the most boring Brazil team in history.
Player to watch: Hard to choose just one, but Maicon right now is the hot commodity after getting a treble with Inter. He is a big dude that can make plays on offense, but he is great at keeping danger at a minimum, which will go along with Dunga's plans.
Player not to watch: Hulk, a striker at Porto. Not just because of the name (he looks exactly like Lou Ferrigno), but also because the striking group lacks the size of past Brazilian groups. Adriano is about to return to Europe to play for Roma (quietly becoming a favorite to make a lot of noise in Europe next year), but was not in form enough to warrant a spot.
Prediction: Brazil has a renewed focus and will be ready to get deep in this tournament.

Portugal
Nickname: A Selecao (It's funny because Portugal used to have Brazil as a colony, but Brazil is just so much better than the Portuguese)
Abbreviation: POR
Last World Cup: 2006: Cristiano Ronaldo somehow didn't burn bridges with Wayne Rooney during the quarterfinal by getting him a red card, and then the Portuguese fell victim to the French in the semifinal, which included many boos for Ronaldo's actions in the previous match.
How did they get here?: It was close, as the Portuguese struggled through qualifying, finishing second to the Danish in UEFA Group 1 and lucked out drawing Bosnia and Herzegovina, who they took out 2-0 on aggregate.
Manager: Carlos Quieroz, who did good (read: evil) work helping out Alex Ferguson as an assistant at Manchester United from 2004 until 2008, when the Portuguese gave him the call.
Player to watch: Cristiano Ronaldo. The most metrosexual player in the world, but damn does he pull in the ladies. His latest: Irina Shayk.

















Sorry, I have to change my pants.

Player not to watch: Luis Figo, the leader of the Golden Generation who glued it together while Ronaldo improvised. His steadying leadership was the main reason behind the semifinal appearance in 2006, and there isn't really anyone who can replace him.
Prediction: This is the team that gets the blunt edge of the Group of Death. A much worse group than the one from 2006, they are not ready to compete with their former colony.

Ivory Coast
Nickname: The Elephants.
Abbreviation: CIV
Last World Cup: 2006: Drawing the the Netherlands and Argentina in the same group proved to be fatal for the Elephants, losing both matches 2-1. They did salvage a victory over Serbia and Montenegro in their final game.
How did they get here?: African qualifying handed them very easy draws that allowed the Elephants to easily get to South Africa.
Manager: Sven Goran-Eriksson. The man who drove England, Mexico, Notts County, and probably your mother into the ground. This man is known more for meltdowns than for accomplishing anything. Somehow, he may salvage his reputation.
Player to watch: Didier Drogba. The prolific Chelsea striker is extremely skilled, but a broken arm suffered against Japan will change things up. He may need a soft cast, but he should still change the game.
Player not to watch: Sekou Cisse, Feyenoord. The striker probably would have replaced Drogba if the injury were severe enough. Alas, he will not.
Prediction: The Elephants will make their first appearance in the knockout stage after unsteady Portugal falters.

North Korea
Nickname: Chollima, a mythical horse.
Abbreviation: DPRK (Democratic People's Republic of Korea)
Last World Cup: In 1966 the mythical horses came out of nowhere to upset the Italians in Middlesbrough. Maybe the English should cheer for a North Korean upset early as it has a very positive correlation with them winning the World Cup.
How did they get here?: A lot of qualifying, more than any other team from the AFC that got to South Africa, starting with the first round taking the aggregate over Mongolia. They actually were in the same group as archrivals (politically, militarily, and athletically) South Korea, where the teams played two scoreless draws that probably kept detente going.
Manager: Kim Jong Hun. No information on the internets about him, so don't ask.
Player to watch: Attacking combo Hong Yong-Jo and Jong Tae-Se, both of whom ply their trade abroad in Russia and Japan, respectively. Hong is captain and Jong has 15 goals in 22 appearances. If the defense holds up these two might get some chances to make some proletariat magic.
Player not to watch: The ones that were purged. Seriously, though, it's more politician not to watch: Kim Jung-Il will NOT be attending the World Cup. Could you imagine if he went to the Argentina game and they lost 5-0? International embarrassment is something Dear Leader is good at avoiding. And he will avoid national embarrassment unless they win.
Prognostication: Maybe ready for an upset, but my capitalist pig money is not on them. So yeah, don't expect to see any soccer in Pyongyang this week.

World Cup: Group F

Sorry to be late with the Group F and G previews, but I'll have them out tonight as well as Group H before they start play. Here we go:

Italy
Nickname: Azzurri (Psssst they wear blue)
Abbreviation: ITA
Last World Cup: 2006: The Italians took home the trophy with some luck and a solid defense. And won yours truly $500.
How did they get here?: Marcello Lippi came back and led them to seven wins and three draws in an undefeated run to take Group 8.
Manager: Marcello Lippi, who was called back into action as Roberto Donadoni, the former Italian legend, was unable to do jack squat in Euro 08. Also, check these lookalikes: ex-coach Roberto Donadoni and Glen Coyne of the Flaming Lips:
Donadoni: here.
Mr. Coyne: there.
NO ONE DENIES THIS
Player to watch: Fabio Cannavaro. The diminutive defender is somehow able to maintain control as a centerback, which is crazy since he is only 5'9" and usually marking guys that tower over him. He is moving to the United Arab Emirates after the Cup to play with Al-Ahti, and is very likely to retire from international duty following this tournament to let some new blood into the Italian system.
Player not to watch: Mario Balotelli, Inter Milan. The striker of Ghanian descent is a beast, but he is still a bit of a wild card in the head. He has great command of the game, but when things don't go his way, he sometimes throws tantrums, making Lippi leave him off the roster.
Prediction: There is a lot of old blood on this team, with three players at 23 being the youngest of the group. There may be a completely different look to this team when 2014 rolls around, but for now, experience in such a shallow group will get them to the knockout stage. After that? Not far at all.

Paraguay
Nickname: La Albirroja (OMG THEY WARE WITE!!!111!)
Abbreviation: PAR
Last World Cup: 2006: They were overshadowed by the Soca Warriors of Trinidad and Tobago, but finished above them at 3rd with one win over T&T and two 1-0 losses to Sweden and England respectively.
How did they get here?: Comfortably tied for second with Chile behind Brazil, and even beat both Argentina and Brazil during their qualification run.
Manager: Argentine Gerardo Martino, who won four Paraguayan League titles before being hired for this gig.
Player to watch: Roque Santa Cruz, Manchester City, the only dude on the team with a double-digit goal tally in international play. He will be called upon to get the ball in the net for this team just as he was relied upon during his time with Blackburn in England. I wonder how weird the adjustment is for guys to go from all-star teams like Manchester City or Chelsea or Real Madrid to being a team relying on one player. When that safety net is gone, what happens? We'll see if Santa Cruz can adjust.
Player not to watch: Salvador Cabanas. The striker is the only other player on active duty with a double-digit tally, and could have been valuable working with Santa Cruz, but instead will be staying home.
Prediction: If the Paraguayans can get up and down and work the Italians for a point or more, they will have a chance at the second round depending on their performance against Slovakia (more on them lately).

Slovakia
Nickname: The Fighting Jondas (no idea and don't care)
Abbreviation: SVK
Last World Cup: 1990 as part of Czechoslovakia: This is the first time Slovakia has gotten into the World Cup without the aid of those damn Czechs. In 1990, they reached the quarterfinals. Their path included a 5-1 pounding of the United States and a 1-0 loss to eventual champions West Germany. Fucking commies.
How did they get here?: Dominated Group 3 with Slovenia. Also got to put the whooping strap on former country-partner Czech Republic and watch them NOT qualify. That in itself is a gift.
Manager: Vladimir Weiss. I previously said that only the nepotism of the US would have a coach put his son in the starting lineup of the World Cup. Boy was I wrong. Vladimir will very likely putting son Vladimir in the lineup. Then again, his son is 20 and already got signed by Manchester City, so he may actually be pretty good. His father played, also Vladimir (THE FUCK?!?!), played for Czechoslovakia back in the day...of the Iron Curtain.
Player to watch: Stanislav Sestak, Bochum. Though he may be paying his campaign workers less than minimum wage while paying his relatives huge salaries during his campaign...oh, sorry, this is a striker, not a Senate candidate from Pennsylvania. Sestak will see significant time and will probably have to shoulder some goal-scoring load for this defensively-focused team.
Player not to watch: Defensive midfielder Miroslav Karhan, who has the most caps all-time for Slovakia, and will sit at home for their first World Cup trip. That has to suck.
Prediction: Playing for second with Paraguay and with opposing styles, if the defense holds we'll see them in the knockout round.

New Zealand
Nickname: Soccer Roos

...errr my bad, All Whites. Doesn't make people soil themselves the same way the All Blacks of rugby do, probably because of this:

Abbreviation: NZL
Last World Cup: 1982: Outscored 12-2 by Scotland, Brazil, and the Soviet Union in group play. Oh, happy memories.
How did they get here?: They won Oceania, but that don't mean shit, so they beat Bahrain in a playoff to get to South Africa
Manager: Ricki Herbert. Not good when your male coach spells his name like Ricki Lake. He once played for Wolverhampton.
Player to watch: Ryan Nelsen, a defender who captains both the All-Whites and Blackburn Rovers of the EPL. Nelsen will need to keep the defense steady if New Zealand wants to make any noise in this tournament. Did I also mention he went to Stanford?
Player not to watch: Christian Bouckenooghe, mostly because he is half-Maori, and maybe they'd do the haka if he were there.
Prediction: Not going to get out of the group. Just too weak and not the same skill level as the other members of the group.

Group E

Today we got to see two teams, Slovenia and Ghana, luck out on red cards, and one other, Germany, make every team in the field collectively poop their Zoobaz. Australia is pretty darn mediocre, but Germany looked like Spain picking them apart in the Euro 08 final. Not saying much, but until another team can get a goal differential that high after their first game, Germany is looking like the favorite. Let's take some Group E:

Netherlands
Nickname:Oranje, A Clockwork Orange
Abbreviation: NED
Last World Cup: 2006: The Netherlands finished second in the Group of Death, with Argentina's 6 goal thrashing of Serbia and Montenegro keeping them from getting first. The knockout stage was unkind, as it has always been for the Dutch. In the World Cup game with the most cards shown, both Portugal and the Oranje finished with 9 players and a Maniche goal was the difference. As usual, the Dutch will be playing with a chip on their shoulder.
How did they get here?: A cruise through qualifying saw the Dutch become the first European team to clinch a spot in South Africa with no blemishes.
Manager: Bert van Marjwik is not regarded on the same level of play as predecessor Marco van Basten, he probably won't make as unreasonable of substitutions as van Basten did during Euro 08, when his substitution at half of the knockout game with Russia killed Dutch chemistry and led to a victory in extra time for the Russians. van Marjwik has been much wiser in his management.
Player to watch: Wesley Sneijder, Inter Milan. The midfielder may be diminutive in stature, but in skill he is one of the best of the world. Cast off from the Bernabeu after no silverware arrived, he was an essential piece of Jose Mourinho's efforts to achieve the treble this past year. He'll look to continue his run of good play setting up the potent Dutch attack.
Player not to watch: Ruud van Nistelroy, Hamburg. The finisher rarely fails to take advantage of an opportunity, and despite missing significant time in his career and having retired from the national side, Ruud has seen a renaissance in Lower Saxony, and decided to make himself available. He will not be needed, as the Dutch will field Robin van Persie, Klaas-Jan Huntelaar, Dirk Kuyt, Ryan Babel, and Ruud's Hamburg teammate Eljero Elia give the Dutch a plethora of options to use up front.
Another is recent international retiree Edwin van der Sar, the most capped player of all time who has been an anchor in goal. Ajax first choice Martin Stekelenburg is a worthy replacement and will do fine.
Prediction: This Dutch team has been strong, having only lost to Australia in a friendly since their exit from Euro 08. This team will have a healthy front line, a strong midfield, and a good defense. However, the defense needs to step up as they were the primary blame for the Euro exit. This team will definitely get past this group and should get deep in the knockout stage.

Denmark

Nickname: Olsens Elleve (Olsen's Eleven-they just LOVE Matt Damon over there)
Abbreviation: DEN
Last World Cup: 2002: The Danes took Group A, finishing off the shaming of defending champions France, before bowing out in the round of 16 with a 3-0 loss to England.
How did they get here?: A struggling Sweden and Portugal made it very easy for the Danes to take first in their group and seal a spot in the Final.
Manager: Morten Olsen aka George Clooney. He was on active duty for the Danish national team for 15 years, and he was an important part of their run to the semifinals in Euro 1984 and their advancement past the group stage in the 1986 World Cup.
Player to watch: Nicklad Bendtner, Arsenal. He was in great form for Arsenal this past season when called upon, which was often with the injuries piling on. He will be essential in his work up front with Jon Dahl Tomasson and Soren Larsen up front.
Player not to watch: Peter Schmeichel. One of the top 2 keepers of all-time (between him and Lev Yashin), Schmeichel was essential to the Danes' run to win Euro in 2002. Now they rely on a less legendary but capable keeper in Stoke City's Thomas Sorensen. Not the same, but the best available.
Prediction: Playing for second behind the Oranje with the rest of the group, Denmark have the advantage of coming in lacking any issues. But we may want to watch out for any Roligans. I still think they don't progress, as Cameroon looks ready to play.

Japan
Nickname: Samurai Blue
Abbreviation: JPN
Last World Cup: 2006: After taking advantage of their hosting duties to get out of an extremely easy group, they were knocked out by another surprise participant, Turkey.
How did they get here?: Asian qualification makes each draw easy for them, and they dominated their group with Australia in the final round of qualification.
Manager: Takeshi Okada, who previously coached the Japanese in the 1998 World Cup. Japan saw their best success under Brazilian Zico in that 2002 World Cup.
Player to watch: Keisuke Honda, CSKA Moscow. Honda started off the season making free kicks exciting at VVV Venlo in the Eredivisie, and after a transfer to Russia did the same, scoring two goals in 11 appearances, including a goal in the round of 16 that sealed an aggregate victory over Sevilla.
Player not to watch: Shinji Kagawa, Borussia Dortrmund. The young talent was left off the final roster despite being set to join the German side for next season and having been capped 13 times.
Prediction: The Japanese are not the strongest team in Asia. That title goes to South Korea. I don't think they can deal with the skill and physicality presented by any other teams in this group, and they will not reach the knockout stage.

Cameroon

Nickname: Les Lions Indomptables (The Indomitable Lions)

Abbreviation: CMR

Last World Cup: 2002: A win was not enough to progress to the knockout stage as a loss to Germany and Ireland remaining undefeated left them in 3rd in Group E.
How did they get here?: Easy work in both group stages got the Lions an easy ticket to South Africa.
Manager: Paul Le Guen, who made a living as a defender for PSG for 8 years before coaching Lyon and PSG to Ligue 1 titles before Cameroon came calling.
Player to watch: Samuel Eto'o. The striker from Inter is the best to have ever played for Cameroon, and made their World Cup team in 1998 at 17. He looks to feast on the weak defenses in the Lions' group. After some controversy involving the other player considered the best in Cameroon's top player, Roger Milla, made about Eto'o's lack of effort for Cameroon due to it being used for his European clubs, the striker was ready to quit the team until he shut up. Luckily, he has been silenced.
Player not to watch: Jacques Zoua, FC Basel. The young striker will be left out due to injury from what could have been his coming out party as defenses focussed on Eto'o.
Prediction: With Eto'o in the fold along with Alex Song and his uncle, defensive legend Rigobert, expect Cameroon to have a strong showing a progress to the knockout stage.

World Cup: Group D and US Recap

Now THIS GROUP I can get into.
Let's kick up the 4d3d3 like Argentina did today in order to barely salvage three points. Maybe five amazing strikers is a bit too much, as Lionel Messi is out there doing what he wants. But Messi generally can do whatever he wants on the pitch.
How about Greece? They just don't play well in tournaments. They took an extra five minutes to let in their first goal this World Cup, and they were just dominated by the Red Devils. The Koreans have a chance to make it to the knockout stage with that victory.

Germany
Nickname: Die Mannschaft (The Team-how bleak and German, makes me think of Das Boot)
Abbreviation: GER
Last World Cup: 2006: The hosts made a surprise run to the semifinals where they fell to two Italian stoppage time goals in extra time, but did seal third place in Oliver Kahn's last cap with a victory over Portugal. Jurgen Klinsmann was lauded for his efforts and amazing attacking he got out of the group.
How did they get here?: An easy domination of their group, with only two draws to blemish their record and a +21 goal differential.
Manager: Joachim Low, who helped lead them to second in Euro 2008. Low was an assistant under Klinsmann and has been a natural fit succeeding him and continuing the attacking style.
Players to watch: Miroslav Klose and Lukas Podolski combining up front. The two Polish-born strikers were teammates for a couple seasons at Bayern, but Klose chose to return to Cologne with his role with the German giants in doubt.
Player not to watch: Captain Michael Ballack, who sits with an injury sustained from a tackle by Ghanian (OMG SAME GROUPZ>!>!!?!?!?!) Kevin Prince-Boateng of Portsmouth during the FA Cup Final. This is the problem with Chelsea: too many damn good players in the World Cup, meaning any injury will take away from the biggest tournament.
Another note on this: Prince-Boateng's half-brother Jerome will be playing defense for Germany. The two haven't spoken since the foul (I don't speak German, I got a translation). I expect some England-Portugal style drama during this one.
Prediction: Ballack will surely be missed, but this team shouldn't have any missteps during this one. I'm feeling a deep run for The Team.

Serbia
Nickname: Bell Orlovi (White Eagles)
Abbreviation: SRB
Last World Cup: 2006: (with Montenegro): They weren't expecting three losses, but that is what they got in what turned out to be the Group of Death. One was especially bad: 6-0 at the hands of Argentina. Pretty sorry effort from a team considered a defensive stalwart and probably a good jumping off point in the motivational talk from...uh...a Serbian celebrity.
How did they get here?: Losses to France and Lithuania, both away, were the only blemishes as they easily took Group 7.
Manager: Radomir Antic. You know he's seedy because he has managed both Real Madrid and Barcelona. Only in Serbia.
Player to watch:

Milla Jovovich. The statuesque actress, famous for her portrayal of Leeloo Dallas Multipass in The Fifth Element, will be a huge asset in the midfield. Her looks will...wait, nevermind, it's Milan Jovanovic, false alarm. And he's actually a pretty good playmaker at the wing who will be joining Liverpool for the next season.
Player not to watch: Defender Ivica Draguitinovic, who plays for Sevilla, is injured. With him, the Iron Curtain would be back up with a backline including Nemanja Vidic and Branislav Ivanovic. Alas, he will not make it, and Dave O'Brien won't be able to butcher his name either this year.
Prediction: A strong defense will have a better complement at offense now that Montenegro is gone. And with the other teams in the group not completely at full strength, they have the best chance to take second behind the Germans.

Ghana
Nickname: The Black Star (so I can post this video:
)
Abbreviation: GHA
Last World Cup: 2006: The Black Stars shat on my dreams, beating the Americans after I skipped school to watch their final game of that World Cup. A victory of the Czechs also got them to the second round, where they proceeded to be easily dealt with by the Brazilians.
How did they get here?: Only a loss to Benin and a tie to Mali kept them from a perfect record in the third round as they easily progressed to the continent's first World Cup.
Manager: Milovan Rajevac. Also Serbian, also seedy (he played for Red Star Belgrade when they were owned by the mob and the fans were essentially a militia.
Player to watch: Sulley Muntari, the captain is out, and this midfielder who makes his money at Inter will be asked to step up and help control the midfield, an essential activity in this group.
Player not to watch: Michael Essien, injured just like fellow Chelski star Ballack, will miss the tournament after getting hurt in the African Cup of Nations.
Prediction: Still strong without Essien, his work as a holding midfielder will surely be missed. They may make it out of the group, but no farther than the round of 16 in the knockout stage.

Australia
Nickname: Socceroos
Abbreviation: AUS
Last World Cup: 2006: The Roos were bounced at the last possible moment by a Luca Toni flop and the subsequent Francesco Totti penalty.
How did they get here?: Asian qualification, and it was sort of difficult, marked by losses to Iraq and China, and then in the final stage more swimmingly with no losses.
Manager: Pim Verbeek, a Dutchman, so you know they play damn pretty.
Player to watch: Brett Emerton of Blackburn Rovers, who will hope to not duplicate his lack of success by not getting two yellow cards in his team's second group game. He'll be playing with what we call "a chip on his shoulder."
Player not to watch: James Holland, a star in the making at AZ, but at only 21 years old, his lack of experience left him off the final squad.
Prediction: This group is death, and Australia will be receiving the blunt of its trauma. Sorry, Roos, maybe 2014.

USA!
Quite the result for the Stars and Stripes. Out of nowhere. No one expected the Three Lions to have good goalkeeping, but no one expected it to nip their chances to reach the knockout stage even this lightly. Robert Green made a fool of himself and probably caused some Englishmen to kill themselves yesterday (I mean that seriously, not as a joke). The Americans lucked out big time. But so did the English. The Americans got some good looks in as well, and it could have been 5-1 either way at full time. The Americans need to be ready for Algeria, and be especially ready to take 3 points. Otherwise, this effort will have been for naught.
And Oguchi Onyewu may be the next great American defender by his body type, but he is NOTHING compared to that adulterer John Terry, who plays with a passion that Gooch may lack due to his knee injury not being healed to his satisfaction. Whatever the situation, he does not look to be in the shape to participate in a World Cup Final.

Until next time, look for some tweets right here. And tweet back.

World Cup: Group C and Group A recap

This World Cup fight is so 1980's, and I hope it breaks out tomorrow in Rustenberg. It probably won't though. This group presents a quagmire for the betting man. To take what looks like the weakest American squad in years in hopes of upset glory not seen since 1950, or take England, who look ready to stomp this group out like a small, pale Michael Strahan. I will be cheering for the US tomorrow, but in no way can I put money on them. This team will be nowhere near as good as the two that were put out by Arenas in 2002 and 2006, the latter of which fell into a deceptively strong group. And Peter King is hoping his British counterpart (an SI sign of the apocalypse if he exists) is ready to use protection if their bet on the game tomorrow involves some sort of reenactment of the movie Deliverance. Anyways, the team capsules please?

England
Nickname: Three Lions (on the shirt. I know this because my asshole camp counselor from Manchester in 1998, Neil, played this shit over and over and over again. He loved that team. Then they bowed out to Argentina on penalties (FUCK YOUR ARMY, YOU CAN'T PLAY SOCCER, BITCH!) and I mercilessly mocked him. Keep in mind, I was 11 years old. Never play the same song over and over again when I wake up. I will end you using words.
Abbreviation: ENG
Last World Cup: 2006: Keep in mind, they qualify every year, and they find new and exciting ways to choke and drive their country to depression. Anyways, Wayne Rooney hit the jackpot by STOMPING ON A DUDE'S NUTS in frustration, and his teammate at the time, Cristiano Ronaldo, working the referee hard to get him thrown out.

Somehow, they won a Champions League together two years later. And managed not to kill each other. Ah, to have lots of money.
How did they get here?: Breezed through their qualifying group, losing one to Ukraine, but ending up with a +28 goal differential. Yes, get your hopes up, Englishmen, it's almost time to choke in the knockout stage!
Manager: Fabio Capello, the first non-Englishman in charge besides village idiot Sven-Goran Eriksson, but definitely not a village idiot. He took over for Steve McClaren, who couldn't translate his lack of success in Middlesbrough into success for the national team, but did take a Dutch League title this past year with FC Twente (their first ever, mind you). Capello is a tactician, and he actually seems to have England in great form coming into the tournament. He has had quite a bit of success as a club manager, winning Serie A seven times, two of which were revoked after the Juventus betting scandal. He also won La Liga twice with Real Madrid. And he also won a Champions League with Milan. Basically, he is overqualified.
Player to watch: Wayne Rooney at striker. While Ronaldo left Old Trafford for Madrid, Rooney stayed and has shown Ronaldo to be overrated by continuing to poach goals with ease as Ronaldo struggles with "injuries" at the Bernabeu. Rooney may be small, but he'll put the ball in the back of the net with ease. I already showed his temper in the video above. I think Capello has him under control, so expect him to be in the running for the Golden Boot this year.
Player not to watch: Theo Walcott, Arsenal. The young Gunner was left off of the final roster by Capello, a shock to many after he played well during spells of qualifying. His speed and value as a reserve will surely be missed when England chokes out of the tournament. But I'm sure Arsenal fans who are not from England will be happy he is out: Arsenal bit the injury bug pretty bad last year and ended up with no trophies with about half of their starting lineup in wheelchairs by the end of the year.
Prognostication: Like France, England lucked into a very easy group. They'll have no trouble getting out of this group. The question is whether Capello can keep them from making a complete collapse during the knockout rounds, and I think he will be able to put it off for longer than other coaches have been able to.

USA
Nickname: Sons of Sam, The Yanks
Abbreviation: McGuigan's favorite, USA
Last World Cup: 2006: The US got used by Ghana and the Czech Republic, and were the only team to not be defeated by Italy at that World Cup in quite the bloody match. It was quite the disappointment, especiall because people didn't have to wake up in the middle of the night to watch it as they did in 2002. Well, it should lower expectations for this year, but it didn't.
How did they get here?: The standard qualifying with CONCACAF left Mexico and the US on top.
Manager: Youth soccer nepotism lives on! Bob Bradley coaches, and you won't believe who will probably be starting: his son! Bradley did help lead the US to their biggest victory in history when they took out Spain in the Confederations Cup last year. However, he also oversaw their collapse in the final at the feet of a Brazilian team that didn't even try during the first half.
Player to watch: Landon Donovan. Sorry, Cobi Jones, but you were one of the worst midfielders in the history of US Soccer. Donovan is the heart of this team. His struggles made everyone around him look like crap in 2006, and the team did nothing. They need him to step up once again like he did in 2002, especially with a much weaker squad than in 2006.
Player not to watch: Charlie Davies. Davies has something of a cult following, but boy is it deserved. Davies is by far the best strike in US Soccer right now, and may end up going down as the best ever. He should be starting and combining with Jozy Altidore, but his club, Sochaux, has not cleared him to get back to playing after his near-death auto accident on the George Washington Parkway. He will be missed, especially when the US makes an early exit.
Prognostication: Another exit after the group stage. The US is going in too confident again, and I just don't think this team has the capabilities to get the points necessary to progress. Algeria and Slovenia have advantages in athleticism and tactics, respectively, and if the US goes down tomorrow to England, it'll make the games even harder as both will become must-wins.

Algeria
Nickname: Les Fennecs (The Desert Foxes)
Abbreviation: ALG
Last World Cup: 1986: Les Fennecs were defeated by Spain and Brazil in the group stage, managing only a point on a tie with Northern Ireland. 1982 was better, as they managed to beat powerhouse West Germany in their first match in the tournament.
How did they get here?: Tied with Egypt after the last round of African qualifying, a one-off was called for and would be held in Khartoum, Sudan. Algeria got one goal from defender Antar Yahya, and it would probably have been pretty dope to have been there (at 0:52):

Of course, there is also the diplomatic row between the two countries due to the rioting following a match in Cairo.
Manager: Rabah Saadane, who presided over their last trip in 1986.
Player to watch: Abdelkader Ghezzai, Siena. A striker who has been moderately successful in Europe. If he is on point, some people are going to win a lot of money. Not me, I didn't bet on them.
Player not to watch: Mourad Meghni, Lazio. Probably the most accomplished player in Europe left off the roster. Sorry, I know nothing about this team.
Prognostication: Maybe a surprise? The US does not do well against Muslim countries in group play (see: Iran in 1998 handing asses to us like the handed back the hostages following Reagan's inauguration). This team may get the US, but I don't think they have a chance to get out of the group.

Slovenia
Nickname: We don't do nicknames
Abbreviation: SVN (SLO would be pretty bad)
Last World Cup: 2002: Three losses, including one that was the first victory in a World Cup final history for this year's hosts.
How did they get here?: Dominated Group 3 with the team they are often confused with, Slovakia, but coming up two points short put them in a playoff with Russia, which they took on away goals surprisingly following the Russians' amazing showing at Euro 2008.
Manager: Matjaz Kek, who led the U-15 and U-16 teams for Slovenia before getting this job and getting them to the World Cup.
Player to watch: Samir and Jasmin Handanovic, both of Serie A, are cousins and both play keeper. It's funny that their last name is Handanovic and they get to use their hands when playing football. MINDFUCK!
Player not to watch: Not really anybody notable who was left off or anybody notable from history.
Prognostication: This team is tactical, which will present a problem for the organized chaos that is US football and Algerian football. I see them in the knockout stage, but that will be it.

South Africa vs. Mexico
First off, fuck Sal Masakela. Dude works for E! and he gets to go to the World Cup? A bunch of bullshit. I'll go to Soweto and report on people watching the game. Anyways, Siphiwe Tshalalaba put in an amazing strike from the left for the first goal of the tournament. Amazing to see it from South Africa. But a free kick left Rafael Marquez open to level in the 79th minute. Coming away with a point was a disappointment for Mexico, but a big victory for South Africa. Parreira could probably make a home in South Africa for the rest of his life following that match.

France vs. Uruguay
Two national teams heading in two different directions, and France held off on a collapse for a little longer. Forlan missed a chance in the 72nd minute, and Thierry Henry and Florent Malouda could make no magic off the bench for Les Bleus. Still looks like Uruguay will progress, but will France step up their game? I'm thinking the performance will be like World War I, because I don't know how a soccer team can have a performance analogous to the French capitulation in World War II on the pitch.

Anyways, keep enjoying the matches tomorrow. I'll be tweeting at 7:30AM tomorrow through the games, follow me @dubsj

World Cup: Group B

As I watch the South African team stay in the game despite missing many chances and largely thanks to the referees, HOW THE HELL IS THAT NOT A GOAL OFF OF THAT CORNER WHAT A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT! I give you a preview of Group B.

Argentina
Nickname: La Albiceleste (The Sky Blue and White)
Abbreviation: ARG (as in ARGH WHAT THE HELL IS MARADONA THINKING?)
Last World Cup: 2006: The Argentines put on a clinic for the Serbians and Montenegrins during the group stage and a victory against Ivory Coast tied them for first with the Dutch in Group C, the consensus Group of Death. Maxi Rodriguez then had that goal,

but they fell to the Germans on penalties in the round of 8.
How did they get here?: Boy did they barely get here. At one time they lost to Bolivia 6-1. They needed a victory in the final round of qualifying against Uruguay to avoid the playoff with Costa Rica.
Manager: Noted cocaine addict Diego Maradona. Maradona was a hero in 1986, managing to help Argentina rise from the national embarrassment that was the Falklands War by putting two goals on England, one of them extremely illegal,

and the other extremely amazing.

If this were basketball, he'd be shooting free throws after that one. Maradona may have been an important part of the democratic transition from the junta that ruled Argentina 1976-1983. And he really is incetivizing a win. I'd call that incentive if you like 2 Girls, 1 Cup.
Player to watch: Lionel Messi, Barcelona. Only 5'7", but putting Speedy Gonzalez to shame. The best player in the world will be asked to step up and get his country deep into the tournament after playing a largely supportive role in 2006. And the dude can play:

Player not to watch: Juan Riquelme, Boca Juniors. The Argentines will be very attack-heavy and though Messi can handle some midfield duties as a winger, Riquelme was a great stabilizer in the midfield. Riquelme is still one of the most dangerous free-kick takers in the world and will surely be missed on set pieces.
Prognostication: Again, Argentina will be very attack-heavy. Rumors are floating around of a 3-4-3, and the players are actually excited. I think this team will go very far. The attacking strategy will leave them vulnerable, but with so much coming at teams with Higuan, Tevez, Messi, Aguero, and Milito available after having on average some amazing seasons in Europe this past year.

Nigeria
Nickname: Super Eagles
Abbreviation: NIG (What happens when they play archrivals Niger?)
Last World Cup: 2002: Stuck in the Group of Death with England, Sweden, and Argentina. Argentina and Sweden each took 3 points from them and England could only draw in their 3rd game.
How did they get here?: African qualifying got them in as one of five besides the South African hosts, who were in their group in the second round. The third round was a cake walk.
Manager: Lars Lagerback, who was recently manager of his native Sweden's team until he was fired for failing to lead them into the Final.
Player to watch: Obafemi Martins, Wolfsburg. The striker will need to be on form, but if defenses are going to focus on him, look for the strong Nigerian supporting cast to
Player not to watch: Nigeria will play with no #10 as Mikel John Obi of Chelsea, the best player currently for the Nigerians, sat out a huge chunk of the Premier League season to nurse a bad ankle and knee.
Prognostication: Nigeria should get through to the knockout stage. Their outfield players are strong. Do NOT underestimate the capabilities of this midfield, even without Obi. Plus, they have three goalies playing in Israel, so what's not to like?

Greece
Nickname: None, according to wikipedia.
Abbreviation: GRE
Last World Cup: 1994: Things didn't go too well, as the Greeks absorbed defeats of 3-0, 4-0, and 3-0, one of which was at the hands of Nigeria.
How did they get here?: Forced into a playoff after finishing one point back of Switzerland in their group, they took a 1-0 aggregate over Ukraine to get into the Final.
Manager: Otto Rehhagel. The Lenny Wilkens of the Bundesliga, he is most famous for making Werder Bremen a competitor every year. Look for him to encourage the boring style of play the Greeks just love.
Player to watch: Georgios Samaras, Celtic. The striker needs to create something or the Greeks will be packing early. Yeah, they'll be packing up early.
Player not to watch: Traianos Dellas, AEK, a huge part of qualifying, he hasn't been called up since April 1. Really trying to not emphasize defense. We'll see how that goes...
Prognostication: A defensive approach made them the Euro 2004 champions, and then it helped them not qualify for 2006 and then get whooped in Euro 2008. It won't do much for them in this tournament either, I think they will bow out after the group stage.

South Korea
Nickname: Red Devils, Tigers of Asia
Abbreviation: KOR
Last World Cup: 2006: The Reds did not experience the same success as when they served as hosts, bowing out in the first round.
How did they get here?: Relatively easy qualifying since they are one of the higher-ranked teams in Asia. They did get North Korea in their group, playing two scoreless ties.
Manager:
Player to watch: Park Ji-Sung, Manchester United, the best Korean international of all time, playing in his third World Cup. He is a little spark, having been a huge part of ManU's Premiership and Champions League success. He'll be covering a lot of ground during this tournament.
Player not to watch: Seol Ki-Hyeon, Pohang Steelers. The striker has European experience, but never played that well over there. He did put in an equalizer against Italy in 2002 that helped the Red Devils get to the semifinal.
Prognostication: They'll give Nigeria a scare, but the Red Devils are not strong enough to overtake them in this group. Third place and knocked out before the knockout round.

World Cup: Group A

With kickoff less than 24 hours away for South Africa, who seem slated to be the first host nation to not get past the group stage, the Buzzer is back to preview each group, team by team. I was thinking of starting with Group B or something, but then I thought about the alphabet and being organized and stuff, so I went with Group A.
A few notes on the World Cup to start: this is of course the first tournament held outside the friendly confines of North America, Asia, Europe, and South America. It took enough time to expand the tournament to get it to this. However, this is also the first time the tournament is being held in the autumn. Some people think this will leave teams at a disadvantage when coupled with the high altitudes. Personally, I prefer running around with a slight breeze as opposed to the deathly heat that characterized nearly every game during the tournament in Germany. But the altitude should have some sort of effect on the teams appearing in the tournament.
Otherwise, while US ticket sales are very high, the State Department seems to be playing into Blackwater's hands by telling Americans to be very, very scared of all the crime they will probably fall victim to since they aren't in the suburbs anymore. Really helping with that flow of goods and capital that is part of globalization. USA! Anyways, to Group A we go...

South Africa
Nickname: Bafana Bafana (Zulu for The Boys)
Abbreviation: RSA (Republic of South Africa-mindblowing, right?)
Last World Cup: 2002, they actually won four points in the group stage but didn't advance due to having one less goal scored than Paraguay.
How did they get here?: Easy, they hosted the damn thing and somehow got everything ready despite a giant strike that included the people building the stadiums.
Manager: Carlos Alberto Parreira. The Brazilian won one World Cup in 1994 with his homeland, then in 2006 proceeded to lead them in their biggest national embarrassment in a loss to the French, which was ameliorated by the fact that the French made it to the final and were probably a headbutt away from lifting the trophy in Munich.
Player to watch: Steve Pienaar, who plies his trade at Everton. Also has the same name as that dude that Matt Damon played in Invictus who united the country through rugby. He is a strong playmaker who played some amazing football when he coupled with Landon Donovan in central midfield while the American was on loan. Can he do the same as Francois did with the rugby team and unite the country? Remains to be seen, but I'm not putting my money on it.
Player to not watch: Benni McCarthy of West Ham. Dude got cut because he was overweight and sex wasn't helping him lose it. Hell, I'm fat and out of shape, but YOU ARE A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE. Way to make your country proud. He actually scored a couple goals for Bafana Bafana in 1998 and 2002.
Projected finish: Not making it out of the group stage. Despite being the economic power of the continent, South Africa is in no way the soccer power. If you're looking to put money on an African team, Cameroon, Ghana, and the Ivory Coast are much more stable bets. But more on them later.

Mexico
Nickname: El Tri (The three-colored)
Abbreviation: MEX (mindblowing, right?)
Last World Cup: 2006: An easy group draw helped them easily take second over Angola and Iran while Portugal got out unscathed. Then, in the round of 16, fellow former Spanish colony Argentina took them out with help from a Maxi Rodriguez wunderstrike

Yeah, that burns. Especially when Martin Tyler knows it was a goal coming off his foot.
How did they get here?: Easily skipping through CONCACAF qualifying alongside the US minus some trouble with Honduras and the whole business of Sven-Goren Eriksson slowly digging a grave for the team before he was fired.
Manager: Former national teamer Javier "El Vasco" Aguirre. He managed to beat the US outside of Mexico (something he failed to do in 2002 that led him to Osasuna in Spain's La Liga) for the Gold Cup in 2009. He deals with stress better than Mexico's 2006 manager, Ricardo Volpe, who was known to lord over the sideline while going through two packs of Marlboro reds and then falling into a delirium when the game would go into extra time. Aguirre is also an improvement over known incompetent Sven-Goren Eriksson, who will actually somehow be at this World Cup with the Ivory Coast following almost letting the Mexicans not qualify. Luckily, someone knew to fire him.
Player to watch: Carlos Vela, Arsenal. The striker will most likely be coming off the bench, but he should have a huge impact on the El Tri's chances. He showed flashes in his moments on the pitch with Arsenal this year. Expect more when Aguirre calls on him.
Player not to watch: Omar Bravo, Guadalajara, who at 30 is too damn old for this team, despite putting up a brace against Iran in 2006.
Projected finish: The first three of this group are a crapshoot, with Mexico, France, and Uruguay all having solid teams but not exactly anything to call the bookie about and put up your last paycheck. I'm going with third, as France and Uruguay have a lot more guys making their livings in Europe that will ultimately put them over the top.

Uruguay
Nickname: La Celeste (The Sky Blue...OMG IZ DAT DUH CULUR OF DARE UNIFORMS?!?!?!?!?!?!1/1/1/11/1? Or delicious cheap frozen pizza?)
Abbreviation: URU
Last World Cup: 2002: Pretty embarrassing. France had their worst showing after winning in 1998, as they only got one point, and they got it against Uruguay. Needless to say, they are looking to improve on that in South Africa.
How did they get here?: Maradona managed to motivate Argentina and get them to beat Uruguay and not need to play in a playoff against the fourth team from CONCACAF, a fate which fell to La Celeste, who beat Costa Rica 2-1 on aggregate to advance to the Final.
Manager: Oscar Tabarez, a former AC Milan manager, where he sucked, also known as El Maestro, this commie bastard plans to teach and attack. Poop your pants before the proletariat poops in them for you.
Player to watch: Diego Forlan, Atletico Madrid. Once considered a huge failure at Old Trafford for only giving the Red Devils 10 goals in 63 matches, Forlan moved to the continent and put in work in Spain for Villareal and now Atletico, making everyone regret that he couldn't get up to speed with the English game. He helped Atletico to the Europa League title with 2 goals against Fulham. If he is in form, expect big things from Uruguay.
Player to not watch: Fabian Carini, keeper, Atletico Mineiro. Carini is the second most-capped player/keeper in Uruguay history, but he will not be with the team after retiring last year. Weak goalkeeping usually doesn't mean lifting trophies and Uruguay's three keepers have a total of 18 caps between themselves. Just ask the English about unsteady keeping (more on that later).
Projected finish: Come on down to the knockout stage, Uruguay. Advantages in the field help outweigh advantages in the net. They should have little trouble with South Africa and they will tie Mexico. Then again, what about France?

France
Nickname: Les Bleus (The Blues)
Abbreviation: FRA
Last World Cup: Can I put .gifs in here? Yeah, too much of a hassle.

How sad is that? Zidane has an absolutely masterful tournament, then Materazzi says something to him and he goes off. He gets the Golden Ball, but he must walk past the World Cup trophy. And Zidane carried this team in the knockout stage after missing the third group game with Togo following two yellow cards in the first two matches.
How did they get here?: Cheating

Manager: Raymond Domenech. Somehow, the man who relies on the stars to set his lineup and needed a no-call on a handball to qualify is still the coach. And I can't get a damn job anywhere. Maybe if I win a World Cup, Chipotle will hire me...
Player to watch: Franck Ribery of Bayern Munich. Zidane's heir has a lot of work to do and will be carrying this team from midfield with his amazing runs. Hopefully he won't be driving the bus.

Basically, he isn't a good driver.
Player not to watch: Zinedine Zidane. Since he retired from football, the French team has been in the water closet. Euro 2008 was a huge disappointment, and needing a no-call to qualify shows how desperate things are for Les Bleus. Who knows, maybe Zidane will return and not look as close to death as every old professional wrestler who keeps going into the 40's.
Projected finish: Domenech should thank his lucky stars that he got such an easy group. Les Bleus will overpower with their talent, but the knockout stage will be a very different story for this team.

Group B and Group C will be posted tomorrow, Group D and Group E Saturday, Groups F, G, and H on Sunday.