The Manual Buzzer 2011 Finals Preview Presented by a rerun of Comedy Central's Roast of David Hasselhoff

It is finally time to see the conflict play out: Will Dirk's magic be enough to overcome The Big 3. Sorry, Carlos Boozer, but I must go back on what I previously tweeted. Chris Bosh OWNED you that series. Maybe better strategic placement of your bag, which was probably from a huge Macy's sale, will help you get better momentum going into the playoffs.

But now we are left with a rematch of the 2006 Finals with the Heat coming out of the East and the Mavs coming out of the West, relatively easily, over inexperienced teams in five game series. Both the Bulls and Thunder will take inventory into their assets and what they will do this offseason to recover from massive disappointments, but it mostly comes down to what both Finals participants have going for them: multiple weapons that have been there before.

Both teams will try to protect their primary scorers on the defensive end. Dirk is probably going to end up having to prevent Joel Anthony gathering garbage points like Charlie Kelly or setting picks that get him switched onto Wade or Lebron, which in the best interest of the Mavericks, will require Dirk to play some matador defense and let the effective help system take over.

Dirk presents a similar quandary to the Heat, but the emergence of Udonis Haslem in Game 2 makes it a much easier puzzle for Spoelestra. If Haslem had been playing the whole regular season, or more than 13 games, no one would be dwelling on the Heat's losing streaks and struggle against the League's elite. But now he provides exactly what Miami needs opposite Bosh. While he struggled in Games 4 and 5, and only saw garbage time in Game 1, Haslem showed himself ready to defend whatever scoring big man would be thrown at him. However, I just doubt that Haslem, at 6'8", has the discipline and athleticism to guard Dirk mano e mano. He will probably effectively provide fouls, but that is about it. Therefore, it falls to Bosh, and possibly Juwan Howard providing fouls off the bench, to make Dirk earn it from the line, which is a foolish proposition following his inhuman 59-61 performance from the stripe against the Thunder. Even if the great David Hasselhoff is invoked again.

A lot is being made of Scottie Pippen's foolish comments about Lebron being better than Jordan, but I think one scenario will be the icing on the cake: if Lebron has to guard Dirk late in the game like he did with Derrick Rose in the Conference Finals and manages to shut him down. I hate to say it, but for how good of a defender Jordan was, he did it mostly on help defense. His most famous defensive play in what I consider his true final game, Game 6 of the 1998 Finals (The Wizards never happened, OKAY?!), came when he helped off of Jeff Hornacek. It was Scottie's job to guard the best offensive backcourt player on the other team, which is probably why he felt spiteful enough to say what he did about Jordan. And when he did get stuck on the other team's best offensive player? Check this video out:

I know this is only one play and near the end of MJ's career, but even then, you have to play smarter and not be made a fool by a young bull like that.

Back to the Finals with the prediction: I think Kevin McHale is right; the Mavs have turned a corner defensively with Tyson Chandler and Brendan Haywood providing the best 1-2 punch at the position in the League. The defensive matchups will be difficult for the Mavs, but as Jason Kidd showed in the Conference Semifinals, he can guard the best because of the support system he has behind him. It will be especially helpful to have DeShawn Stevenson, a man who appreciates Abraham Lincoln's presidency quite a bit, to help out with the defensive burden. Whoever the Heat throw at Dirk will not have the patience to guard him, so I expect him to see the line a lot. Unless the Heat double him, in which case Dirk is smart enough to dish it out to the other three 3-point shooters available to him.

But again, Lebron is Lebron, and Wade is Wade, and for how terrible people think Bosh is, I don't think there is a better third-best player in the League right now. Miami will give them fits with a spread floor with Mike Miller and Mike Bibby, or as I like to call them, "Weird-Lookin' Mikes," spotted up from three. In desperation, James Jones might be added to the rotation, but Haslem's ability to defend, and Jones' complete lack of it, probably means he gets no time.

I have to go with the team that is on fire and has more weapons it can utilize. I just feel like Lebron and Wade will start isolating, which will make them much less effective and lead to the Heat's downfall. Mavs in 7.

Manual Buzzers First Annual Slammy Awards presented by Johnson + Johnson's Baby Oil

As I sat there and watched Chicago pull the biggest gag in a single game since the 07 National Title game-strangely enough also involving Derrick Rose-it made me just about sick realizing that after all of the basketball that I watched this year, it's going to culminate in the Miami Heat winning the NBA title. It's enough to make me want to puke.


I've been so into the NBA this year, that baseball has taken a backseat thus far. Maybe like how Kobe's older in basketball years than his real age because of how many playoff games he's played in, than a similar principle is true for me as a baseball fan-I've watched about twice as much baseball as a non Yankee fan because of all the post-season games I've watched since 1995. Going into spring training I just wasn't as into it like I normally am. The NBA took most of my attention, and quite frankly I wasn't (and still am not) in love with the Yankees roster. I just don't understand how they saw the writing on the wall with a lot of their older players and did nothing about it. More importantly, I'm not sure how you have unlimited resources at your disposal and come out with that rotation. I guess those factors made me neglect a sport that I religiously follow. It seems almost blasphemous that I haven't truly written a baseball column yet. On the heels of me watching that debacle in Chicago (and perhaps hating the NBA now if Miami wins), I thought it was a good time to introduce the Manual Buzzer's first Annual Slammy Awards presented by Johnson and Johnson's Baby Wipes. Without further ado:



Bobby Crosby Award for the most hyped young player who hasn't and probably wont accomplish jack

Hate to say it, but our very own fat toad Phil Hughes. This guy was once the number one minor league prospect in all of baseball. In a career that is now into roughly it's fifth season, Phil has essentially had two productive stretches in his entire career. One of them was as a setup guy. Two things are abundantly clear to me. One is that he will never stay healthy for consecutive seasons. Two, the seasons that he does stay healthy all year, he will be worn out come playoff time. The two years that he actually did pitch the whole year, he looked like he was going to throw up he was so fatigued by October.

I'm not saying that he can't be a fourth of fifth starter for the Yankees someday (but expect a minimum of ten starts a year missed on the DL), but he never will be an ace or a game changing pitcher for the Yankees.


Lou Piniella in Tampa Bay award for manger who looks the most like they get blackout drunk after or possibly during the game

A tie between Eric Wedge, and Ron Washington. There's not even anyone else in their stratosphere's. As I mentioned once to dannymac, can you imagine what it's like when Josh Hamilton and Ron Washington are on the road together. What are the odds that they "stay back at the hotel" when the rest of the teams and coaches go out together, as they call up some local merchants. As for Wedge, he has the same demeanor and look as Quint from Jaws, which makes you categorically eligible for this award.

October 2006 Kenny Rogers award for best random performance by a washed up player who was 99.99999% likely to have been aided by steroids

To our boy "The Giambino" for going yard three times a couple weeks back for the Colorado Rockies. I couldn't have put it any better than the text Big Mark sent me that night. " Giambino hit three dingers tonight. I didn't even know he was still in the league." Yep, that must have been a pretty good batch to wake up that dusty hasbeen.

Derek Bell "Operation Shutdown" award for the player who is giving the least effort this year

This award became wide open once Uncle Manny hung em up. There's a lot of ways I could go here, but I'm going to have to go with Milton Bradley. I understand a guy can have anger management issues and have trouble getting them under control, but when it gets to the point where you know that you are on your way out of the league because of this fact, than I actually have to question how much you want it. It's ridiculous to think that anybody could have that much trouble getting themselves under control, and not be a psychopathic serial rapist or something. I think Milton has made his money in the game, and he's just trying to get himself thrown out so he doesn't have to play.

David Ortiz award for player obviously using steroids that nobody realized as it was happening

Derek Jeter

2007 Baltimore Orioles award for team that will fade after memorial day

This is an easy one. The tribe. Their young pitchers are not nearly talented enough to hold up over 162 games. Watching them lose two out of three to the socks when they could have made a statement just confirmed that point. Don't get me wrong, they may stay in the mix just due to how sorry the AL Central is. They however will be no factor when it comes to October.

Moises Alou award for nastiest injury

That would be Buster Posey. That may actually be the winner for the next five years.

Tanyon Sturtze/Scott Proctor Award for Yankee reliever who's arm may fall off by August

This year David Robertson gets that distinction. A huge mistake by the way. Robertson has a rare ability to strike out hitters without throwing 95, he's young, and by all accounts is a very good teammate. When you look at him though, he's a tiny dude, and pitching as much as he does is a recipe for disaster with his arm. I predict either or major injury, or a major decline in performance by the end of the summer.

Curt Schilling award for Red Sock that I hate the most

That may be another reason I wasn't as excited about this season-there aren't really Red Sox that I hate this year. Look, you can sign Varitek and Youk up for this award every year, but that's nothing new. Neither stand out anymore. This version of the Sox is kind of boring, like those lifeless mid 2000's Yankee teams. There's no characters or people who pop off. It's actually quite disappointing.

Stay tuned for Part 2...

Rewind

Unfortunately last week I typed an entire piece on LeBron, as well as other NBA stories, and apparently the site was under repair, so one of the longer pieces I've ever written was exiled to cyber space-never to return again. It will live on in my mind with other great accomplishments of mine that only I witnessed, along with the summer I watched every Mike and the Mad Dog from June through the first week of September (I was 14 and single at the time shockingly), and my junior year of orchestra when I was the only who knew that I didn't play a single note the entire year. Nevertheless we march forward.

Watching the Bulls bully the Heat last night was refreshing for any Heat antagonist, after watching Wade and friends steamroll opponents for the first two rounds of the playoffs. "Little boy" as dannymac calls him Chris Bosh, turned in a decent performance offensively, but was also part of the problem for the Heat, as he lead a front court that allowed seventeen offensive rebounds to the Bulls... by the end of the third quarter! The Bulls front line are going to give the Heat headaches the entire series. It got me thinking that the Heat should have complimented Wade and LeBron differently this summer, and subsequently that made me think of the larger picture. There are a lot of teams that would like to have played the Free Agent Summer of 2010 bonanza differently looking back. Excluding Wade and LeBron, because obviously every team would take both of them if they had the chance, it's interesting to look at what the big players from last summer would do different if they had a mulligan, and working under the premise that every free agent except LeBron and Wade are available to make an offer to.

Atlanta Hawks

The Hawks for whatever reason played the Bulls well the entire season. Sometimes in basketball a team is the right matchup for you. The problem with the Hawks is that in a series where the opponent played poor, and the Hawks stole game one on the road...it was still nothing more than a ho hum six game series. That's what this Hawks ceiling is-giving a second round opponent a tough series.

The biggest problem the Hawks have is that they are stuck with this team for the next five years. Why? Because they gave their third most important player the largest contract in the history of the NBA. That's right, MR. Personality himself Joe "I even bore my parents" Johnson, has given the Hawks two options:

1. Keep the team as it is since all their money is tied up-and get bounced in the first or second round for the next five years. Or...

2. Trade their most valuable player-Josh Smith-for cap flexibility, but again, that would involve trading one of three players in the league who could ever get you a quadruple double (by my estimation the other two are Chris Paul with points, rebounds, assists, and steals-and Dwight Howard with points, rebounds, blocks, and ignored illegitimate children) on their best night.

Looking back, the Hawks would have been better off letting Joe walk away. Jamal Crawford could have started and replaced most of Joe's offense anyways. They could have spent half of the money that they spent on Johnson, and made their team into a defensive juggernaut for the next couple of years, by signing Tony Allen, and making their team impossible to score against with the weak side shot-blocking of Smith and Horford. The offense would have been enough for now, as we've seen Jeff Teague will be a good pro. The ironic thing is that the Hawks give the ball to Crawford, not Johnson at the end of all close games anyway. Letting Joe walk would have given them so much flexibility for when a more dynamic game changing player became available. Then they can finally do us all a favor and dump Starvin Marvin's carcass at Fulton County Stadium next to Ironman Haywood and that rocking lunatic Leo Mazzone.

Celtics

Lost in the nonsense and excuse-making of losing Kendrick Perkins, was the fact that the Celtics had to decide on Paul Pierce and Ray Allen's future last year. One day were going to look back on this Celtics team, and look at them like the 04 Pistons. A team that acted like they were a dynasty by their attitude and the way the media portrays them. In reality they are a really good but flawed team that won a title and came close to another. Now, it looks as though the Celtics are locked into an aging, flawed lineup for the next three years. Throw in the fact that apparently grown men stop playing as hard when someone gets traded-as happened in the Perkins trade-and honestly this roster is an aging mess. What could they have done this summer?

I say that as much back lash as it would have caused, you had to let at least one of the two in the Pierce/Allen duo walk. If it were me, I would have let Pierce and Allen go. Look I understand what a great player Pierce has been. However, if you are looking at the franchise, it's obvious that Rondo is their best, and only young talent, so the future is about building around him. The reality is that Pierce and Rondo aren't a great long term match. Both want the ball all the time. The problem is that for the first forty two minutes of a game Rondo has the ball when Pierce wants in, and that flips in the last six minutes. It's become/becoming a problem. As for Ray, I'm a HUGE fan, but you can replace a shooter-obviously not of his caliber-at a huge discount.

I would have built around Rondo, and the front line of Perkins and Garnett. The next question is what do they do with that money? I would matched Memphis' offer and signed Rudy. Basically he's a more athletic, slightly less gritty version of Pierce, and also about 25 years younger. When Garnett came off the books at the end of next season, the Celtics would have had loads of cap room (thanks to Rondo's friendly contract) to build around Rondo, Gay, and Perkins. Instead the Celtic fans will watch Rajon Rondo and the Disabled 3 get picked apart by anybody who can slash for the next two or three years. Have fun.

Chicago Bulls

As the Bulls destroyed the Heat by essentially pushing them around, something stood out to me. Carlos Boozer was the one person who didn't seem like he was that tough. He wasn't pushing anyone around, or more athletic than the Heat's front line. I was blown away by Noah's second and third attempts at rebounds. I was blown away by everything about Taj Gibson, and even that big dork from Turkey. Just not Boozer.

If the Bulls had a rewind button, they never would sign Boozer. They already have Gibson, who is emerging as one of the most electric players in the NBA. Someone who defensively can guard every position, and who has range on his jumpshot out to fifteen feet. Boozer out of the way would mean more playing time for Gibson, which as we've seen, is a very very good thing. the player you sign instead? Joe Johnson.

Ignore the fact that I just bashed him. That was me bashing him as a number one option for a great team. If you pit Rose and Johnson's shooting together, that would be the best backcourt in the NBA by a mile, which would also happen to be playing with the best defensive frontcourt. Remember, Chicago had the cap space to sign Wade and James this last summer. Signing one max free agent would still leave cap space to make moves. Having an additional play maker to compliment Rose would take the pressure off of everybody, and to me assured a dynasty in Chicago. Of all the scenarios, that one may be the most fun to think about.

Miami Heat

Quite simply, they wouldn't have signed any of the players they have except for Wade and James. the max money that they gave to Chris Bosh, as well as Mike Miller & Co. could have paid for some pretty good players, who would compliment James and Wade better. Believe it or not, I would keep Joel Anthony as the starting center, he is a beast at protecting the rim.

I would have signed the following players to support the Big 2: Luis Scola, Anthony Morrow, Ronnie Brewer. For about half of the money they paid Bosh and the rest of the little boys, they could have had these players who would have upgraded their defense, shooting, and to me at least, Scola is 85% the offensive player that Bosh is anyways. Brewer would have been able to guard opposing quick guards, and Morrow would have given James Jones a partner in one trick pony crime. Instead Miami is locked into a player that admitted he was scared in game three of f second round series. At least Scola would provide a token fat guy.

Oklahoma City Thunder

I would have made one simple move. Give Ray Allen an offer he can't resist. Just imagine the looks he would have playing with Durantula and Westbrook. Allen on OKC and Joe Johnson on the Bulls would have made the Finals epic. OKC has Sefolosha so they're good...

Knicks and Nets

Believe it or not, both teams did exactly what they had to do. Neither team panicked when they lost out on LeBron and Wade. Both teams are incomplete but on the right track, and we will see. this summer and next are huge for both of them. It will be fascinating to see which one gets Howard, and who gets Paul. For once though, my Knicks did something right.

Teasa

What to do with the Lakers going forward?
Do the Mavs have the chops to continue their run?
What member of the 03 Orange title team did I see at a Chinese Restaraunt by the bus station in Downtown Syracuse???

You'll never guess who...stay tuned...

On record Buzzer predictions

Here are the predictions that we all made in writing so we can determine the biggest NBA G

Client 9: Heat beat Celtics in 7, Bulls kill Hawks, Grizzlies over Thunder, LAkers in 5

HEat beat Bulls in epic, Lakers over Grizz

LAkers over HEat in 7

DannyMacintosh: Heat in 6, Bulls kill Hawks, Grizzlies beat Thunder, Lakers in 5

Heat over Bulls, LAkers over Grizz

Lakers over Heat in seven as NBA makes refs rig a seven game series...and Chris BOsh plays like "a little boy"

Pappy: Celtics in 6, Bulls in six or seven, Grizzlies over Thunder, Lakers in 5

Bulls over Celtics, Lakes over Grizz

LAkers over Bulls as Phil goes to Montana

Steviedep: Heat in 5 or 6 but probably 5, Bulls in seven, Thunder in 7, Lakers in 6

Heat over Bulls in 5, Thunder over Lakers in 6

HEat over Thunder in 5-as I puke to myself

NBA Playoffs First Round Podcast, Part 2

Here is Part 2 of the Podcast, Part 1 is here. Here we make predictions, talk about the Lakers, Derrick Rose, referees, and whatever else. Be on the lookout for MacIntosh taking a trip into the bathroom (you can hear the drip) and our semi-in depth discussion of the Royal Wedding.

Part 2 is here. Click to listen in your browser, or right-click (Mac: ctrl+click) to download

Again, the track comes from the Buzzer's Client 9 featuring Mwelwa, "La Famiglia" (give him some listens at http://www.myspace.com/client9music)

NBA Playoffs First Round Podcast, Part 1

Ladies and gentlemen, click this link that says THIS LINK to listen to a podcast featuring myself, MacIntosh, Steve, and Client 9. We discuss the Grizzlies, Z-Bounds and Marc Gasol's pronounciation of the term, Andre Agassi's wigs and other minutiae.

THIS LINK Click to listen in your browser, or right-click (Mac: ctrl+click) to download

The song is our own Client 9's "Can't Touch Me." Check him out here: http://www.myspace.com/client9music