GIRARDI PARTY REPLAY PARTY

Why does baseball always have to be this mythical, unchanging cousin of the other major sports? While the NCAA, NFL, NHL, and NBA (and what the hell, even NASCAR) have instituted numerous rule changes over the last decade or so to improve the quality of their respective games and help keep them with the times, baseball's biggest rule changes of the last ten years have been reactionary subtleties aimed to quell the rioting masses: the All-Star Game can't end in a tie, and first- and third-base coaches need to wear helmets. Baseball simply refuses to join the new millennium and implement instant-replay, and the rationale can be summed up in one word...


"TRADITION!"

Traditionalists, such as my friend Marthur, argue that instituting replay in baseball would interrupt the flow of the game, making games drag on too long. I don't know what type of replay these guys are picturing. The idea, in my humble opinion, isn't that every close call be meticulously dissected and reviewed. I agree that doing that won't do wonders to speed up an already somewhat slow-moving game. At the same time, though, a responsible and somewhat minimalist approach to instant replay could keep fans and franchises happy by guaranteeing that the right call has been made while also insuring that the sacred "flow" of baseball is preserved.


Here's how it has to go. I present GIRARDI PARTY REPLAY PARTY.

• As the MLB has proposed for this season, close/questionable home run/foul ball calls will always be reviewed, without provocation or use of a "challenge", from some kind of Batcave war room in MLB's secret fortress in New York. In the event of a tough home run call, a call would be placed from the Batcave to the ballpark in question, where a representative would inform the umpires that the call is being reviewed. The crew chief would simply wait on the phone until the verdict is reached, and the game progresses as normal.
  
  
• If you say this will add significant time to games, you're wrong. These calls really aren't all that common, and when there are close home run calls, the umpires always huddle and take 10 minutes deciding anyway. I think a team of trained professionals - or chimpanzees - studying the tape in HD could get the call right more quickly and efficiently than four umpires scratching their heads and asking each other, "I dunno, did you see it?"
  
  
• The part everyone gets hung up on is, "well, when does it end? What's stopping them from reviewing every close call?" Here's what's stopping them: a rule preventing that. In Girardi Party Replay Party, in addition to home run/foul calls automatically being reviewed, each team is allowed one "challenge" per game, where a call is reviewed by instant replay. To "challenge," a manager would have to immediately leave the dugout and inform an umpire exactly what ruling he's challenging. I don't know if the umpires would look into a TV at the park to make a ruling or what... I like the Batcave idea for all challenges. (A comprehensive list is of what would/wouldn't be reviewable is at the bottom of this post.)
  
  
• Win or lose a challenge, each team gets one and only one. This provision is key because it is what will keep replay from being a major distraction. Think about it: a manager would never blow his challenge on a play at first in a scoreless game with no men on in the third inning because he'll look like an idiot when his team loses on a clearly trapped-and-not-caught line drive at the end of the game. With only one crack at a replay, challenges won't be used except in extreme and crucial circumstances, and entire games would likely pass in which teams would not use their challenges at all.
  
  
• While there would be no penalty for losing a challenge (as in the NFL, where you lose a timeout), losing your only chance at a replay review is punishment enough.
  
  
• The only fishy part about this is determining what would have happened in the event that, say, the challenged call on the field was the third out of the inning but was overturned. The umpires then would have to have final say on which baserunners move up, and where - a decision that would not be reviewable but would probably be pretty obvious, assuming no errors (which you'd have to).
  
  
• As in football, if the replay were inconclusive, the call on the field would stand.
  

Some of the world's snootiest, oldest sports have adopted instant replay - cricket and tennis come to mind. While concerns over the pace of the game are certainly valid, if home runs were automatically reviewed and each team were only allowed one challenge, the pace of the game would not be changed dramatically. In fact, the game's pace would probably be more positively impacted by other rules, such as a tighter regulations on warm-up pitches, mound visits, pitchers' pace of play, and time-outs by batters. Nobody wants a baseball game to resemble a football game, where the replays are long and boring and challenges have become the game's focal point. The idea would be to introduce replay to get big calls right but still keep it a small, subtle part of baseball. I think Girardi Party Replay Party accomplishes this, and to further prove it, a more detailed analysis of what would and wouldn't be reviewable follows:

Things that could be reviewed:

• Balls in play caught/not caught
  
• Baserunners out/safe by way of tag or force (or lack thereof)
  
• Baserunners tagging up (in)correctly
  
• Batters hit by a pitch (or not), or catcher interference (or not)
  
• Ground rule doubles; ie, did the ball bounce and hit the wall, or some other object that is out of play?
  
• Catchers (not) catching third strikes - call this one the AJ Pierzynski Rule
  
• Other oddities (fan interference, baserunners crossing paths, baserunners touching coaches/other players, missed bases, catcher leaving the catcher's box prior to pitch, etc.)

Things that would be left solely to the discretion of the umpires:

• Called balls and strikes, no matter how egregious
  
• Balks
  
• Checked swings; normal checked-swing appeals will suffice, and will not count as challenges, but such decisions are final and cannot be challenged
  
• Out by batting out of order (as these calls are made only by appeal anyway and aren't really debatable)
  
• Home runs/foul balls - these replays can come only "from the booth Batcave" and will every time it's even close, no matter what, quickly and efficiently
  
• Suspension/postponement/ending of a game due to weather

Editor's Note: It's too bad that Marthur has disassociated himself with this blog, because he could provide a passionate counter-argument to my point of view. I know this because he did already, half-drunk in a stifling-hot dorm room in Columbus, Ohio a few weeks ago. Nothing better than seeing two co-bloggers call each other assholes.

I'm Taking Issue With Something, EURO is Done, and Donte Greene is Going to Outerspace

So, congratulations to the Spanish for their breezy, though partially-referee-aided victory over Germany for the chip yesterday. Torres' goal in the 33rd was all the scoring needed, although the Red Fury could have probably put in 3 more. No Villa was no issue for the Spanish, who seemed to have an easier time on the attack with the addition of Fabregas to the starting lineup, and switching to a 4-1-4-1 that let Torres poach more easily instead of having a focus on setting the table. Casillas was solid in net, and made his biggest play of the match when he put his hands in front of a cross that would have been an easy header for sub Kevin Kuranyi, aka Antoine Laconte, who also played defense like he was looking for the booking. Roberto Rossetti was helpful to the Spanish cause, as he seemed to let play go when Spain had fouled but was more stringent with the Germans. Rossetti did nothing to David Silva for his minor headbutt, but FIFA may take issue with it at a later time.
Donte Greene was a Grizzly on Thursday for a little while, but he ended up a Rocket. When he was a Memphis Grizzly, all I could think of was "Wow, what's going on at that bowling alley in Baltimore right now?" and "Can you imagine how stupid he looks as a one-and-done warming the pine for the Syracuse ALUM Hakim Warrick?" But then he got moved to Houston, where he will compete with Steve Novak for the right to back up Shane Battier. The sad part is that he will be sitting behind Steve Novak, who is a much smarter player and a way better shooter. So the joke is STILL on you, Donte.
And finally, to wrap up Post #101 ("DAMN YOU, MACINTOSH!"-Carl Quigley), I bring you this tidbit from another stupid ESPN promotion built to fill up time and hypnotize you slowly to join the ESPN army and take over the Western Hemisphere: Titletown USA! So, which town is the biggest winner? I could give a shit about it, although a bunch of motherfuckers from Boston will talk your ear off about the Sawx, C's, Bruins, and the Pats and a bunch of other ridiculous championships that I really could care less about. Anyways, San Francisco is entered into this 20-municipality fray, and ESPN user jcap24 wanted to share this tidbit about why the white side of the Bay is the best:

The San Francisco Giants have five WS titles ('05, '21, '22, '33, '54), 20 NL pennants, six West division titles, one wild-card berth.

A championship can only count towards your Titletown resume if it was won after the team moved to said Titletown, so the San Francisco Giants can take credit for 0 World Series titles, 3 NL Pennants, 6 West Division Titles, and one wild-card berth. With this, the WWL has to play judge and ask us to disregard all facts relating to events occuring before 1958, but like the bloody finger that the prosecuting attorney pulled out of his pocket, most people will remember this fact. Maybe a more democratic ideology will benefit the ESPN in that plot to take over the Western Hemisphere. More HD capabilities would probably help too...you know, with the whole hypnotizing thing.

We Livebloggin', Ya'll...The Lottery

7:30-I've only done this with Champion's League Finals, so now, we give you Fort Minor again. Oh, and Stuart Scott, introducing David Stern, which everyone seems to love. Marc Jackson and Van Gundy with Bilas at the main table should be more pleasing than say STEPHEN A. SMITH, whose name I will from now on capitalize whenever I write it.

7:32-David Stern is his usual eloquent self in trying to show people that he isn't exploiting these athletes for money, but instead giving them the opportunity to enhance our society.

7:36-Vinny Del Negro always makes me laugh, and as we all know Derrick Rose will be the pick, so why waste the whole time that they are on the clock?

7:38-Derrick Rose is the pick, so it is time to go home...for him, we'll be here for a while. And the Chicago draft room is golfclapping. What the hell else would they do? they have the first pick, no one is going to take Rose right now. Unless Donnie Walsh has some scheme. Also, my nephew just made me deaf.

7:42-The Heat are now going to make the pick...Beasley or Mayo?

7:43-Make that Beasley. 2 top picks are freshmen for the second straight year, and now Miami could have nasty trifecta in Wade, Matrix, and the one just selected.

7:46-STEPHEN A. SMITH is asking Beasley some questions. Miami is getting a "fun-loving guy" off the court. I don't know how compatible that will be with good work ethic in Miami. Example: Dwyane Wade. Doris Burke just asked questions of his mom, a bigger improvement on Stu badgering Melo's mom in 2003.

7:49-Oventin J'Anthony Mayo is going to Minnesota! What Jay Bilas means by NBA-ready is he is older than me, but a year behind me in school, and he disappeared in a few games.

7:50-Marc Jackson cried when OJ wasn't allowed to play with him during the summer.

7:51-STEPHEN A. SMITH here again, telling us how rude OJ is by not saying "hello," but the greeting "STEPHEN A., I CAN PLAY THE POINT GUARD POSITION."

7:52-Pat Riley started planning for the lottery way before the season ended. Did he seriously forget about that tank job he pulled that sealed the worst record in the League?

7:54-The Sonics have way too many draft picks. No team can win with a bunch of first round picks, you need vets.

7:55-Russell Westbrook to the Sonics. Your time is almost over, Earl Watson. He'll be very helpful to the Sonics. Probably the smartest pick so far. It'll be interesting to see what they do with their other. So now what does Memphis do? A center is available that could be better than Darko? I'd take that.

8:01-I'm not sure about Kevin Love. He plays close to the ground in an above the rim game. And they took Kevin Love. Wes Unseld would have trouble in this day and age, but I write this blog, and Chris Wallace, for some reason, runs the Grizzlies.

8:03-There are no people with the "oo" sound in their names. There are so many ways to go. They need...everything.

8:07-Getting rowdy...and they take "BIG COCK" Danilo Gallinari (his nickname), whose dad played with D'Antoni in Italy. And here comes Fraschilla to explain booing to the Italian. Will he sell a lot of shoes? Eh, he's a foreign player, I don't know about that.

8:09-STEPHEN A. SMITH is yelling over the boos, and Danilo shows off his our sentences in English. The Knicks starters and key reserves just looks like none will be playing there after next season.

8:12-Clippers are taking their record 19th lottery pick! Injured Elton Brand is like injured David Robinson before the '97 draft.

8:13-Eric Gordon is the PG of the future in LA and will give them a nasty first 7, and will replace either Mobley or Brevin Knight pretty soon.

8:15-No one sophomore or above picked yet, just the "Big Cock."

8:17-Marc Jackson talks of immediate regret for the Knicks for not taking a PG.

8:18-Mose Schrute shaved his beard, changed his name to Joe Alexander and got sleected eighth by the Bucks. I also love his childhood pictures in China.

8:20-I never heard Mose speak before, but he sounds like a cocky motherfucker. White Basketball Jesus?

8:21-Will MJ ruin another franchise? Wait until after the commercial break...

8:24-I want the Larry Brown timeline to be my screensaver. Personally, I like all the glasses.

8:25-DJ Augustin? Seriously? MJ is insane, and Larry Brown probably won't like him due to his penchant for carelessness. Raymond Felton will be pissed, and Larry Brown now doesn't have a center, but now the Augustin's will have a new home since theirs was destroyed by Katrina.

8:28-The Brook-err New Jersey Nets are up, and everyone says go for a center.

8:29-Brook Lopez is a wise choice. Not sure if he'll be able to play as well without his bro Robin because they won't be able to activate their Wondertwin Powers. Robin seems to have separation anxiety.

8:35-Sorry Jamaal Tinsley, but all the crimes will not be tolerated by Larry Legend, and Jerryd Bayless is taken. But how does he work with TJ Ford? I cannot say.

8:37-Jerryd can golf. And he can also follow whatever orders are given to him. I'm impressed!

8:42-Jason Thompson to the Kings? Cool. He went to Rider, and his dad is a referee. I expect him to NEVER foul out. I wish I had that type of growth spurt, from 6'1" to 6'11".

8:46-What will the Blazers and Warriors do? Both were very solid last year, enough that they would have made the playoffs in the East. Oden comes back next year to Portland, so they can just get REAL solid.

8:47-Brandon Rush is probably less of an idiot than his brothers, was hurt in a year ago (torn ACL), and he will be another nasty cog in the system. No mention of JaRon luckily. And 3 times is the charm of draft declarations.

8:49-Andy Katz was the first person to say "Quite frankly" tonight, and STEPHEN A.'S MIC WAS MUTED BECAUSE HE THOUGHT MR. KATZ WAS MAKING FUN OF HIS CANCELLED ESPN2 TALK SHOW!

8:51-Anthony Randolph? Really? I really don't like him as an NBA player, especially after the terrible record he led LSU to last year. He only weighs 197! Shaq could break him in half.

Well, it wasn't the most entertaining lottery (Hell, Hilton Armstrong crashed his car twice when he was 15.). But it just seems weird with all these freshman being taken. Anyways, Randolph thinks he can play, and Vitale appears! AHHH I MUST FLEEEEEEEEEE

An Open Letter to Donte Greene

Dear Donte Green,

You are the paradigm of what I hate about the NBA Draft. Today, Jay Bilas advised against drafting a big center unless he is a "great defensive presence, like a Greg Oden." Mr. Bilas spoke of a player who has never played an NBA game, who has never showed any defensive talent because he has only been injured. No one knows if he can block a shot or affect a shot in a NBA game. So, you're saying you need a player who will get paid to rehab his knee and not do anything for your team. Put out a name like young Dikembe Mutombo (Craig Sager at the 1990 NBA Draft pronounced his name De-Camby Mu-Tom-bo. They also used swivel chairs that those motherfuckers swiveled in way too much due to nerves TNT definitely changed that up for the next year.) or Alonzo Mourning or Pat Ewing or Bill Russell, someone who has played a game in the NBA and actually blocked a shot in a NBA game. Donte, you represent this to the fullest. What did you exactly do at Syracuse to make anyone see potential? Was it learning to post up the guy guarding you who is 8 inches shorter than you on a regular basis during the last home game of the year? How about never learning to pass, even when you shot 6-19 from the field and 1-1 from the line against Nova in the Big East Tournament, or 2-15 against UConn that you made Syracuse not deserve any chance to be in that game? Johnny Flynn was more than capable, but you had to shoot. And when did you ever play defense? I know, you averaged 1.7 blocks a game, but the number of times you lost a rebounding chance or let a guy go right past you made those blocks look like you're trying to pay for a meal for 5 at Smith and Wollensky with a $5 bill, and your offense wasn't exactly a gift certificate that would make up the difference.Your time at Syracuse was something that we never wanted to see. We were sure we wouldn't get duped by one of those one-and-done freshmen again, unless they won a championship. But you did, and now you're going to the League because you have tremendous upside potential because of your length and the fact that you shoot a lot of threes and think you can handle well enough to be a 3, which is what she said if she were Doris Burke. We don't appreciate you, as you were the first to show Syracuse fans the dark side of the one-and-done craze, where the team is left for dead for the riches. Luckily, the team looks solid for next year without you. And I understand the financially it will work for you. I'm sure you may succeed in the NBA, but I can't wish you the best. You just helped drag us back to the NIT. And if you do happen to be revealed as a defensive liability and a hucker, please, have fun playing in Sweden. And wherever you play next year, may Syracuse fans boo you when you enter the game.

Sincerely,
Pappy Chalmers

***ADDENDUM***
Donte plans on having his draft night party at a Baltimore bowling alley. I hope his pin percentage is better than his 3-point percentage at 'Cuse. Maybe PDW will show up and fuck him up at the pins and do the suck-it celebration. I might try to see Gunnin' for that #1 Spot due to it being a sports doc, but can it really be anything as revealing or truly great as Hoop Dreams or Through the Fire? I don't think so, but there could be something special in using 6 players.

The Battle of Dudes with Morristaches

As you can see from these Luca Toni and Iker Casillas faces, I have become an inspiration to world class footballers who decided to 'stache it for this final Euro quarterfinal. I like both players, but this match's Adam Morrison High As Balls at Rage Against the Machine's Reunion Show Faded Moustache Player of the Match Award goes to Casillas, who ended a pretty much completely boring game with two great saves of penalties by De Rossi and Camronesi. The Spanish seemed to outplay the Italians for most of the match. Toni was not very impressive in his poaching job, and for some reason, with Del Piero in for Aquilani and coupling up with Luca, Italian long balls were being directed towards the smaller and faster Del Piero instead of the taller, fatigued Toni.
(Side note: If Luca lets the 'stache bloom during the Bundesliga, we have to refer to him as Luigi, because Mario Gomez is already referred to as Super Mario).
So now, with three runners up and a very intriguing rematch of a group stage romp, I, your good friend Pappy Chalmers, after looking my friend in the eye and telling him Russia would come out on top right before kickoff, I try to make it possible for you to determine how to make a bookie owe you money with this complete bullshit analysis that Dennis Hopper probably uses so he won't have to depend on a drunk Mickey Jones to not put in a terrible bet:
Turkey vs. Germany
I spent my last fall writing a paper about the role of the Turkish population in Germany, where many are not allowed to acquire citizenship but fill many menial jobs in the German economy. Their role could possibly change if they are able to upset the German side on Wednesday, but it will be tough with Germany in great shape and Turkey missing many key parts such as Nihat, their starter and leading scorer, is out with a thigh, and so are five of his teammates and keeper Volkan stupidly knocked down Jan Koller for no reason. And Recber Rustu is still old, even though he is a god damn Turkish icon a la Fender Rhodes. So, don't go for the big money, and take Germany 2-0.
Russia vs. Spain
Last time these two played, it was the first Group D match and Spain blasted them 4-1. But the Rooskies are a changed squad. Andrei Arshavin is weaving through defenses like an elderly woman through an afghan, and has potential to become the biggest Russian transfer after the tournament with Arsene Wenger looking to bring him into Emirates for the Gunners next year. Spain hit a rough patch in their offensive destructive path against the Italians, but they had to deal with Buffon waiting for their shots. Igor Akinfeev, who started and won the UEFA Cup Final at the age of 19 with CSKA Moscow, is playing pretty hot right now and will be a great test to Villa and the rest of the Spanish attack, and Casillas will turn out to be the toughest test for the Russians so far with his adroit saves of those two Italian penalties (they would have been in this game had Gattuso and Pirlo not had yellow suspensions). In the end, I just don't think Akinfeev is Lev Yashin, so the Spanish advance with a 2-1 decision.
I have a couple of questions for Marco Van Basten:
-What happened to Kuyt at halftime? Could you wait until someone breaks the tie to put in Van Persie?
-Why did you put in Heitinga for Boulahrouz? That lost the match with his terrible marking of Pavluchenko on that first goal and just general terrible-ness.
That is it. Can't wait for these semifinals, and the NBA DRAFT IS ON THURSDAY. My open letter to Donte Greene will be released Thursday afternoon, and he probably won't like it.

The Kobe Rules

Yes, I was one of the many that called Kobe the next Jordan, and I want to clarify that calling to be our Jordan. Kobe is going to go down as the dominant guard of our era. The Celtics are a collective that looked amazing on paper and then played amazing in reality. The PGA Tour/Three Amigos/Big Three are this era's equivalent to Parish/Bird/McHale, with an obviously more guard-oriented approach compared to the '80's trio. Each has quite a bit of time left in the NBA, besides having time left as teammates before contracts run out (the first to do so will be Ray Allen in 2010). As well, the Celtics are the defensive juggernaut that the Bad Boy Pistons were, and were the first team to demonstrate how to shut down Kobe this year. The analogy remains, as Kobe may one day conquer them (that possibility being next year, when he will probably have a healthy Andrew Bynum to go along with Gasol...will Phil platoon the two of them at center? We shall see...).

The Group of Death Resolves Itself and Boston Loses Another Finger To a Ring

I'd like to start this post off by saying that one of the most important parts of this blog while your dear friend Pappy is in the Delaware Valley is Comcast with their okay internet and excellent cable services. However, they charge exorbitant fees, and they do something that Time Warner never does in Syracuse: have 24 straight hours of a service outage. The funny part to me is that while this storm that supposedly took out service for so many people was occurring, nothing happened to my cable service. But 2 days afterwards? Of course it will take out your service. The logic is beautiful.
However, not as beautiful as the beautiful game (futbol (soccer)) was yesterday, and the Euro action was pretty ugly. In order to prevent the throwing of games, both games are played concurrently, so I joined a friend at a West Philly bar and got to watch both on big screens right next to each other, but it was still tough to pay attention to both at the same time.
The Italians took their dives, as Luca Toni did in the 24th inside the box, drawing a red card for Eric Abidal that probably should have been a yellow for Toni. Andrea Pirlo, who probably has the most accurate foot in the world right now, easily put the penalty past Coupet, and Italy was set to coast. This was especially easy because Ribery, France's best midfielder, fell to injury in the 10th. It looked like a Zidane break where he would get off the stretcher on the sideline, squirt water on his leg, and go right back on. But it was actually a REAL injury. Samir Nasri came in for him and proved to be pretty terrible, as he was replaced by Jean Alain Boumsong in the 26th. A deflected De Rossi free kick closed the scoring in 62nd, and the Italians marched on with barely a hint of trouble, which was a Karim Benzema shot that barely missed. France did what its army regularly does in war and what it's soccer team does once every two or three tournaments: disappear completely. They only managed one goal in this tournament. I don't know what type of shape Zidane is in right now, but his national side needs him pretty badly.
So, one uncompetitive side in the France-Italy match meant that the Romanians needed to pull off a win against the less offensive Dutch oven which was weaker due to a big chunk of their starting lineup that destroyed the French and Italians resting for the quarters. Not much going on in the first half, although the Romanians did put on some pressure. However, the Dutch showed that they could attack well even without their best players, and Huntelaar in the 54th and Van Persie, who seems to have recovered from the injuries that limited his time at Arsenal this year, in the 87th, dashed Romanian dreams of advancing to the quarters.
To round out the day, the NBA Finals concluded in Boston as the Celtics mauled the Lakers 131-92 for the franchise's 17th. Boston could do no wrong (33:7 Assist:Turnover ratio, 32-37 from the line, 13-26 from 3, 43-87 from the field, and Sam Cassell didn't play), and Kobe looked like a giant poop. Paul Pierce is your Finals MVP to no one's surprise. So now, we look to next year. Right now, the early consensus is another Lakers-Celtics Final, but it could play out completely differently because of one factor: Andrew Bynum. He is a top 5 big man in the NBA when healthy, and if he can put in at least 70 regular season games, the Lakers will probably be able to keep their roster together (Ronny Turiaf's contract expired, and Vujacic could go where the money is that the Lakers can't pay him) but could make a trade this offseason in order to improve. The Celtics will also have the same roster minus the probably retirements of Sam Cassell and PJ Brown, whose role will be filled by "Big Baby" Davis. This is what the NBA wants: a rivalry between the two most storied franchises in the league, with players remembering last year. The Spurs are going to try to return to glory, but they have never looked so bad getting eliminated (They took the Mavs to 7 games in 2006, but a paltry, basically uncompetitive 5 against the Lakers? I don't think so.). I'm sure Donaghy will be in Arkham Asylum like the Riddler at the end of Batman Forever, being asked by Bruce Wayne why the series didn't go seven, and Donaghy telling him that Stern wanted to make sure no one knew he did actually pay off the referees. Well, we'll see what happens next year if 2 big market teams, 1 from the East and 1 from the West, make it to the conference finals. I'm pretty sure they'll both make it to the NBA Finals, but that isn't my business...shit, they found me; I'm fleeing like Jerry Fletcher in Conspiracy Theory.

Europeans Overreacting to Soccer? You're KIDDING ME!

Austria got their first point ever in a Euro tournament as they managed to draw with Polska yesterday on a with the help of a very suspect penalty call by English referee Howard Webb. Polish fans are pretty crazy about their soccer, especially with the national hero status of coach Leo Beenhakker (he received the order of Polonia Restituta, which as a Dutchman is pretty impressive as only two other foreigners have been given the award, one being Douglas MacArthur), despite the fact that his teams seem to always come up short in every group stage or just don't show up at all (he managed to not qualify for the 1986 World Cup while managing his native Dutch side). But his hero status has made many step up to support his side, including the Polish Prime Minister. Luckily he is back to being calm, but with the open European borders, I could see him driving over to Austria to go postal on some soccer officials.
In other Euro news, the Group of Death, Group C, begins the second leg of games today. France-Netherlands will cause me to leave work early, but I will be keeping my eye on Italy-Romania. Questions to be answered by these games include:
-Will France and Italy recover from terrible performances?
-Is the Netherlands back (to 1988 form of domination)?
-What is the deal with Romania?
We shall see what changes to the lineup Italy makes, probably towards a more counterattacking style as in the World Cup. They got caught in the Dutch counter a few too many times in that first match. And France? Thierry and Vieira would help get more offensive, but the Netherlands is on fire. There isn't a Zidane to turn it on right now, so Ribery and others will have to step it up. And how much better is Coupet than Barthez? Waaaaaaaaay better.

Peanut Butter is a Dairy Product

Well, Larry David is courtside for Game 4, I'm hoping this doesn't happen to Pau:

I don't know whether Larry would be able to help in a game of Scattegories, and for that matter how much Pau watched Seinfeld reruns in his native Spain. Luckily, he isn't sitting between the bench and the scorer's table.

******EDIT******

LD was actually between the Lakers' bench and the scorers' table, and it seems that even in real life the Lakers can't win with LD sitting there. As Shaq was lost for 10 days on Curb, the Lakers squandered the biggest lead in NBA Finals history after the 1st quarter and fell victim to the Finals' largest ever comeback. If Larry returns to those seats for Game 5, I don't think Lakers fans will have such a positive reaction.

The Err in My Ways

On Saturday night I decided to watch the film adaptation of Stephen King's The Mist. Scary as shit, and not because of the monsters but because of the combination of the monsters and the religious crazies trying to kill non-believers (EXPATIATION! EXPATIATION!). Anyways, like the many who decided that the religious psycho was right, I am deciding that I am wrong. Just don't sacrifice me by throwing me out to be fed to the giant crab-spider thing. Throughout these playoffs, we were led to believe that the West was so much stronger by all those analysts at ESPN and NBATV because they truly dominated the regular season. And I followed them. It was true in the regular season, as the West took the season series 258-192, but we failed to recognize the true nature of the postseason. On average, playoff series in the East were longer by an average of a little more than half a game(6-5.43). Yes, fatigue  is huge, but maybe rest is not as important as many make it out to be. The Celtics managed to build up one of the more disturbing rhythms in playoff history by waiting until the conference finals to win a road game, while the Lakers only seemed to be challenged by Utah. Think about it: to begin with, teams barely practice during the regular season, and players do put a much larger effort into playoff games, except for one team: the Spurs. I know they were getting rocked, but they were the defending champs, but after game 1, they lost a little bit of drive, and game 2 reportedly made them mad. But when they lost home court in Game 4, they played with no effort in the deciding game 5. Even Bruce Bowen wasn't trying to injure anybody because he knew that they had no chance. Game 3 will decide this series for 2 reasons:

1.) No Way Back

No one has won a series in the NBA when down 3-0.

2.) A Possible Return to Old Habits?

Maybe this is a return to the "lose all of our road games, win at home" mentality that they used for their first two series. In that case, they may run into trouble in games 6 and possibly 7 because LA could work up some great momentum at home. And LA definitely was making inroads on the battle for momentum with a late surge. They should never be allowed to get within 2 with under a minute left after they trailed by 24.

Other observations on game 2:

-DiCaprio showed up to this one with Bar Rafaeli. He must be capitalizing on The Departed success to get the box. Absent: Tom Brady and Gisele. I guess that one home loss was good enough to keep him away.

-I still can't believe Bill Plaschke gets a press pass to these games. I deserve it way more.

-So Jeff Lurie chose McNabb, Westbrook, and Dawkins to attend the game with him. A wise choice, considering he could have brought in Asante Samuel, who as an ex-Pat would have caused the first NBA Finals riot if he showed up for that. Better that he stay in (insert wealthy Philly suburb) and watch on TV.

Your One Stop Shop NBA Finals Preview and Future-Telling Device

You could say that I, like America, am much more excited about this NBA Finals matchup than say, Jemele Hill.

(When I searched for the article on ESPN, it came up with this preview: "Lakers versus Celtics? Please. If basketball fans know what's good for them, they want to see Pistons versus Spurs in the NBA Finals." Makes Jemele sound like an abusive parent cracking their belt. Also, while people complain of Bill Simmons' Celtics fandom, why do we not bring up Hill's? She was born in Detroit for heaven's sake! Of course she wants to see them in the Finals, but unlike Simmons, her writing style demands that she not explicitly say so, so she does it the only other way possible: implicitly using mind-control.)

Anyways, back to the preview: besides the fact that this is Lakers-Celtics Round 12, it also is something even more important to the NBA: new-guard vs. new-guard. We're about to see a rivalry return to prominence and set off a 1980's golden age redux (still to be another post). The Celtics have jack squat Finals experience compared to the Lakers (see: Kobe and Fish circa Lakers 2000-2002), but their hunger may make up part of that difference. Let's look at the matchups to determine what the hell is really going to happen; ladies and gentlemens, THE FUTURE TELLING DEVICE!

Point Guard

Rajon Rondo vs. Derek Fisher

This is the barometer for this series. Rondo may be forced to help on Kobe drives and doubling down into the post onto Gasol, in which case Fish will have the chance to hit open jumpers that will make things much easier for the Lakers. On the other end, Rondo has to avoid turnovers, especially with the thievery that Fish has displayed during the playoffs (3.5 per game against Utah and 2.27 per throughout the playoffs, enough to earn the nickname to a nickname "A Fish Called Wanda"). I'm giving this matchup to the Lakers.

Shooting Guard

Kobe Bryant vs. Ray Allen

The bell goes off here because it's a matchup of perennial All-Stars. Alas, one (Kobe) is a superstar that is about to be the league's image (already for the D-League's logo) the way Jordan was in his hey-day. Jesus Shuttlesworth may have a magical stroke from the land of the trinity that has been on as of late, but he will be no match for the all-around dominance that the Mamba has been displaying throughout the playoffs. I also don't think that Ray-Ray will be the primary defender on Kobe, as Pierce will be a more physical matchup that will give Kobe more problems. Still, this one goes to the Lakers.

Small Forward

Vladimir Radmanovic vs. Paul Pierce

When I was in 10th grade gym class, our teacher asked us for examples of great shooters. I immediately said John Wilkes Booth, who displayed some amazing athleticism by jumping from Lincoln's balcony after his shot heard 'round DC, although he broke his leg and didn't land it. he interrupted me to remind me that we were talking about basketball shooters, and I immediately said "Vladimir Radmanovic." And for good reason: Rad-man could stroke it in international play, but was just less effective from 3. He's been playing extremely well in the playoffs to the tune of making great cuts so Kobe has somewhere to pass when he contortions in the air and realized that Tim Duncan is breathing down his neck a la Brainy from Hey Arnold!, and hitting open shots. He will probably start out on Pierce as to avoid Kobe having to foul people and so Kobe can play that off-ball sneak-up-on-your-candy-ass defense. But Paul Pierce is "The Truth" for a reason: he truly can play, and he's been damn clutch in the playoffs, especially in Game 7s. Both players will get theirs, but Pierce will get more, so the advantage in this matchup goes to the Celtics.

Power Forward and Center

Lamar Odom & Pau Gasol vs. Kevin Garnett & Kendrick Perkins

I'm thinking that Garnett comes out on Gasol because Garnett is a fucking stalwart on D and Gasol has been giving teams serious fits with his length and a post repertoire similar to Yo-Yo Ma's of cello. However, this will leave the Celtics at a disadvantage as Perkins has a dearth of speed compared to Odom's bounty. However, matching up the other way will still disadvantage the Celts because Perkins will also be vulnerable guarding Gasol.

With the Celtics on offense, Garnett will probably be guarded by Odom to start out, leaving the active Perkins crashing the offensive glass (averaged 2.8 per against the Pistons), so Gasol will have no rest on D. Inevitably, Gasol will end up guarding Garnett (Gasol also could inevitably start the game on Garnett, who will definitely be using his unstoppable midrange game to draw out whoever is guarding him and get them into some foul trouble.). Though Lamar Odom has been playing out of his mind as of late, I think the Celtics have the advantage because Kevin Garnett is the best front court player in the league.

Bench

I've watched nearly every game by each team so far in these here Playoffs, and there is one glaring difference in these teams: The Lakers bench can put five right in like Dean Smith with his "Blue Team," while the Boston bench is powerless by itself like the Silver Surfer sans board. Jordan Farmar will be starting when Fish is done; he is definitely the heir to the point guard position, and he has been playing like it should be his now. Sasha Vujacic is a solid semi-flopper who talks trash but can also microwave like Vinnie Johnson. Luke Walton is an amazing passer and a smart scorer. Ronny Turiaf has been putting in good minutes against starting forwards in the past two series, and Trevor Ariza should be getting more time, but he may be nursing his injured right foot that kept him out for the end of the regular season and the beginning of the playoffs. PJ Brown has been solid off the Celtic bench, but no one else really has, especially on the road (Only James Posey, with his championship experience with the Heat, averages more than 4 points a game). The Lakers bench is definitely going to cause more problems for the Celtics  than the Celts' will do for them.

Coaching

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAAHAHA...

Sorry. I sometimes forget about Doc Rivers coaching the Celtics, and Phil Jackson's status as coach of the Lakers. Doc Rivers is just not that good of a coach. Sorry Celtics fans, but the Lakers take this one easily. 

Prediction: Lakers in 5. The Celtics may get one of the first two, but I think the Lakers steal homecourt and win 3 straight at home to take the championship in front of their own fans. The Lakers are about to do some dynasty building next year with a healthy Andrew Bynum, who will help take this team to the future (sans Kobe) along with the other younger Lakers, which could possibly include a lot of Larry O'Brien trophies.

Also, Mike Tranghese retired today. He had worked in the Big East since its inception and was the commissioner for 19 years after the retirement of Dave Gavitt, the league's first leading the continued growth and the quick recovery from the ACC defections. The Big East, though only the 8th oldest of the 12 D-I-A conferences, is still one of the more powerful because of Tranghese's efforts to draw in Miami (especially their football) and Notre Dame sans football. He led the salvation of the league after the ACC defections that put in play an amazing concept with the 16 team basketball conference, the largest of all time, that was able to get a record 8 teams into the tournament last year. Now that he has retired, he is planning on doing something else, and we wish him lukc in whatever that may be.