Ah, Donte, Donte, Donte!

As we reported here earlier this week on how Donte would not be welcome in Houston with his big mouth and Rick Adelman's extreme distaste for both his attitude and style of play, Donte done turned around and got his ass traded to Sacramento along with Bobby Jackson and a future first rounder for Ronald William Artest Jr. Yao was skeptical, but if there ever was a time for impressive trios to take over the League, except for Scranton GM Dwight Schrute, who would tend to disagree, preferring the "curse of three" in order that Andrew Bernard not join him and Michael Scott in the traveling squad to New York to hang with the temp, it is now. KG, Paul Pierce, and Jesus Shuttlesworth did so in Boston; Ron-Ron, Yao, and McGrady are about to try it out in Houston; Gasol, Bryant, and a healthy Andrew Bynum could be scary for the Lakers; the Spurs with Duncan, Parker, and Ginobili. Surrounding three stars with a supporting cast could be he wave of the future, and I don't think guys leaving for Europe is really going to be an issue in terms of filling those support roles. Josh Childress is good, but not that good. Olimpiakos has definitely overvalued him, and no other NBA team even made an offer for a reason (read: he is fucking mediocre).

But back to Donte. Rick Adelman just granted him his wish! He is going to contribute, and he'll also start to fade into obscurity a la Bison Dele. Reggie Theus will let Donte shoot, but unless the shot doctor somehow appeared and taught him how to fix everything he has been doing wrong in a lucid dream, Mr. Theus will see Donte's misses and lack of defense and show him to the bench. Anyway you look at it, it still looks like a bad choice in terms of the future for Donte to leave after this year. But the worst part? Donte must officially remain a Rocket for two weeks because he signed his contract on July 14. Rick Adelman may spend the whole time pulling a Dale Sturvetant on him, but I'm unsure of how helpful that will be.

Oh, Donte, when will you ever learn?

Last week, the NBA's Vegas Summer League came to an abrupt conclusion, including the retirement of Nate Robinson's jersey and subsequent removal by maintenance staff after League play had ended. As well, Donte played professionally and even scored 40 one time! He ended up finishing second in the "league" in scoringwith 22.6 per game to go along with a measly 3.6 rebounds per and shot 42.5% from the field. So, what was Donte to say afterwards? Here are the choices I could think of:

a.) "I played well and I hope I can contribute this year."

b.) "We played well and there's going to be a strong supporting cast this year."

c.) "I feel like I'm coming out and proving I'm not long-term. I feel like I can be put in there right now and be a contributor to the team."

Don't (a) and (b) sound so diplomatic? ((b) is extremely fake and you'll probably never hear a player say that, but still, read c!) Well, Donte said (c). His head is already in the clouds, which means he thinks he just got to freshman year with the Rockets. I think he is going to learn the hard way, as his new coach, Rick Adelman, expressed his own reservations about Donte, saying, "I don't know if he understands what it takes to play hard; especially at the level he's got to play at."

So, now we wait to see if it truly is an adventure for Donte this year in Houston. Can he learn to keep his mouth shut like the guy he starts in front of, Mr. Shane Battier? The lesson may get to him way too late. Other Syracuse players will be much wiser in the future as they do not aim for the immediate draft fortunes of Carmelo, who knew what he was doing, and Donte, who obviously did not.

I'm Taking Issue With Something, EURO is Done, and Donte Greene is Going to Outerspace

So, congratulations to the Spanish for their breezy, though partially-referee-aided victory over Germany for the chip yesterday. Torres' goal in the 33rd was all the scoring needed, although the Red Fury could have probably put in 3 more. No Villa was no issue for the Spanish, who seemed to have an easier time on the attack with the addition of Fabregas to the starting lineup, and switching to a 4-1-4-1 that let Torres poach more easily instead of having a focus on setting the table. Casillas was solid in net, and made his biggest play of the match when he put his hands in front of a cross that would have been an easy header for sub Kevin Kuranyi, aka Antoine Laconte, who also played defense like he was looking for the booking. Roberto Rossetti was helpful to the Spanish cause, as he seemed to let play go when Spain had fouled but was more stringent with the Germans. Rossetti did nothing to David Silva for his minor headbutt, but FIFA may take issue with it at a later time.
Donte Greene was a Grizzly on Thursday for a little while, but he ended up a Rocket. When he was a Memphis Grizzly, all I could think of was "Wow, what's going on at that bowling alley in Baltimore right now?" and "Can you imagine how stupid he looks as a one-and-done warming the pine for the Syracuse ALUM Hakim Warrick?" But then he got moved to Houston, where he will compete with Steve Novak for the right to back up Shane Battier. The sad part is that he will be sitting behind Steve Novak, who is a much smarter player and a way better shooter. So the joke is STILL on you, Donte.
And finally, to wrap up Post #101 ("DAMN YOU, MACINTOSH!"-Carl Quigley), I bring you this tidbit from another stupid ESPN promotion built to fill up time and hypnotize you slowly to join the ESPN army and take over the Western Hemisphere: Titletown USA! So, which town is the biggest winner? I could give a shit about it, although a bunch of motherfuckers from Boston will talk your ear off about the Sawx, C's, Bruins, and the Pats and a bunch of other ridiculous championships that I really could care less about. Anyways, San Francisco is entered into this 20-municipality fray, and ESPN user jcap24 wanted to share this tidbit about why the white side of the Bay is the best:

The San Francisco Giants have five WS titles ('05, '21, '22, '33, '54), 20 NL pennants, six West division titles, one wild-card berth.

A championship can only count towards your Titletown resume if it was won after the team moved to said Titletown, so the San Francisco Giants can take credit for 0 World Series titles, 3 NL Pennants, 6 West Division Titles, and one wild-card berth. With this, the WWL has to play judge and ask us to disregard all facts relating to events occuring before 1958, but like the bloody finger that the prosecuting attorney pulled out of his pocket, most people will remember this fact. Maybe a more democratic ideology will benefit the ESPN in that plot to take over the Western Hemisphere. More HD capabilities would probably help too...you know, with the whole hypnotizing thing.

An Open Letter to Donte Greene

Dear Donte Green,

You are the paradigm of what I hate about the NBA Draft. Today, Jay Bilas advised against drafting a big center unless he is a "great defensive presence, like a Greg Oden." Mr. Bilas spoke of a player who has never played an NBA game, who has never showed any defensive talent because he has only been injured. No one knows if he can block a shot or affect a shot in a NBA game. So, you're saying you need a player who will get paid to rehab his knee and not do anything for your team. Put out a name like young Dikembe Mutombo (Craig Sager at the 1990 NBA Draft pronounced his name De-Camby Mu-Tom-bo. They also used swivel chairs that those motherfuckers swiveled in way too much due to nerves TNT definitely changed that up for the next year.) or Alonzo Mourning or Pat Ewing or Bill Russell, someone who has played a game in the NBA and actually blocked a shot in a NBA game. Donte, you represent this to the fullest. What did you exactly do at Syracuse to make anyone see potential? Was it learning to post up the guy guarding you who is 8 inches shorter than you on a regular basis during the last home game of the year? How about never learning to pass, even when you shot 6-19 from the field and 1-1 from the line against Nova in the Big East Tournament, or 2-15 against UConn that you made Syracuse not deserve any chance to be in that game? Johnny Flynn was more than capable, but you had to shoot. And when did you ever play defense? I know, you averaged 1.7 blocks a game, but the number of times you lost a rebounding chance or let a guy go right past you made those blocks look like you're trying to pay for a meal for 5 at Smith and Wollensky with a $5 bill, and your offense wasn't exactly a gift certificate that would make up the difference.Your time at Syracuse was something that we never wanted to see. We were sure we wouldn't get duped by one of those one-and-done freshmen again, unless they won a championship. But you did, and now you're going to the League because you have tremendous upside potential because of your length and the fact that you shoot a lot of threes and think you can handle well enough to be a 3, which is what she said if she were Doris Burke. We don't appreciate you, as you were the first to show Syracuse fans the dark side of the one-and-done craze, where the team is left for dead for the riches. Luckily, the team looks solid for next year without you. And I understand the financially it will work for you. I'm sure you may succeed in the NBA, but I can't wish you the best. You just helped drag us back to the NIT. And if you do happen to be revealed as a defensive liability and a hucker, please, have fun playing in Sweden. And wherever you play next year, may Syracuse fans boo you when you enter the game.

Sincerely,
Pappy Chalmers

***ADDENDUM***
Donte plans on having his draft night party at a Baltimore bowling alley. I hope his pin percentage is better than his 3-point percentage at 'Cuse. Maybe PDW will show up and fuck him up at the pins and do the suck-it celebration. I might try to see Gunnin' for that #1 Spot due to it being a sports doc, but can it really be anything as revealing or truly great as Hoop Dreams or Through the Fire? I don't think so, but there could be something special in using 6 players.

The Battle of Dudes with Morristaches

As you can see from these Luca Toni and Iker Casillas faces, I have become an inspiration to world class footballers who decided to 'stache it for this final Euro quarterfinal. I like both players, but this match's Adam Morrison High As Balls at Rage Against the Machine's Reunion Show Faded Moustache Player of the Match Award goes to Casillas, who ended a pretty much completely boring game with two great saves of penalties by De Rossi and Camronesi. The Spanish seemed to outplay the Italians for most of the match. Toni was not very impressive in his poaching job, and for some reason, with Del Piero in for Aquilani and coupling up with Luca, Italian long balls were being directed towards the smaller and faster Del Piero instead of the taller, fatigued Toni.
(Side note: If Luca lets the 'stache bloom during the Bundesliga, we have to refer to him as Luigi, because Mario Gomez is already referred to as Super Mario).
So now, with three runners up and a very intriguing rematch of a group stage romp, I, your good friend Pappy Chalmers, after looking my friend in the eye and telling him Russia would come out on top right before kickoff, I try to make it possible for you to determine how to make a bookie owe you money with this complete bullshit analysis that Dennis Hopper probably uses so he won't have to depend on a drunk Mickey Jones to not put in a terrible bet:
Turkey vs. Germany
I spent my last fall writing a paper about the role of the Turkish population in Germany, where many are not allowed to acquire citizenship but fill many menial jobs in the German economy. Their role could possibly change if they are able to upset the German side on Wednesday, but it will be tough with Germany in great shape and Turkey missing many key parts such as Nihat, their starter and leading scorer, is out with a thigh, and so are five of his teammates and keeper Volkan stupidly knocked down Jan Koller for no reason. And Recber Rustu is still old, even though he is a god damn Turkish icon a la Fender Rhodes. So, don't go for the big money, and take Germany 2-0.
Russia vs. Spain
Last time these two played, it was the first Group D match and Spain blasted them 4-1. But the Rooskies are a changed squad. Andrei Arshavin is weaving through defenses like an elderly woman through an afghan, and has potential to become the biggest Russian transfer after the tournament with Arsene Wenger looking to bring him into Emirates for the Gunners next year. Spain hit a rough patch in their offensive destructive path against the Italians, but they had to deal with Buffon waiting for their shots. Igor Akinfeev, who started and won the UEFA Cup Final at the age of 19 with CSKA Moscow, is playing pretty hot right now and will be a great test to Villa and the rest of the Spanish attack, and Casillas will turn out to be the toughest test for the Russians so far with his adroit saves of those two Italian penalties (they would have been in this game had Gattuso and Pirlo not had yellow suspensions). In the end, I just don't think Akinfeev is Lev Yashin, so the Spanish advance with a 2-1 decision.
I have a couple of questions for Marco Van Basten:
-What happened to Kuyt at halftime? Could you wait until someone breaks the tie to put in Van Persie?
-Why did you put in Heitinga for Boulahrouz? That lost the match with his terrible marking of Pavluchenko on that first goal and just general terrible-ness.
That is it. Can't wait for these semifinals, and the NBA DRAFT IS ON THURSDAY. My open letter to Donte Greene will be released Thursday afternoon, and he probably won't like it.