Albert Pujols: 6-foot-20 Fucking Killing Machine

Albert Pujols has joined the ranks of Chuck Norris and George Washington as a stone-cold killer. In the third inning last night, Albert, in totally badass fashion, clubbed a line drive right at Padres P Chris Young's face, breaking his nose. Pujols, naturally, reached base safely and was credited with a single. He kicked some dirt into Young's writhing, bloody body on the way by.

But the bloodthirsty Dominican wasn't finished; he stood on first, pondering how to strike next. The opportunity soon came. When he slid into home plate two plays later, he managed to spike C Josh Bard and sprain his left ankle. He scored on the play, as well, and then stomped on Bard's right ankle, too, just because he could. The Cardinals -- showing no mercy whatsoever, thank you very much -- won the game 11-3.