DA CHAMP-YONS!

Never seen a UEFA Champion's League running blog, and I happen to have the free time, so here it goes:
2:45PM: Liverpool and AC Milan come out onto the field to begin their (hopefully) epic rematch of the 2004 Final in Istanbul, where Milan squandered a 3-goal halftime lead in 15 minutes and ended up losing on penalty kicks. Also, today's referee, Herbert Fandel, is the 1st referee of a Champion's League Final who is also a classically trained pianist.
2:46PM: Liverpool actually had a chance in the first minute...seriously. I thought we were going to see them hold the ball like Hoosiers for 90 minutes. The cross was too far ahead, and Dida got a goal kick.
2:48PM: The ball has been in Milan's end for all but 30 seconds so far (3:15 in).
2:50PM: Pepe Reina kicks a goal kick. I wonder what type of security he got at his house back in England tonight after the last Liverpool Champion's League game, where his house got robbed and his Porsche Cayenne wasfound burnt out on the side of the road.
2:52PM: This game is moving really really really really slow (http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=1f4_1179038976).
2:53PM: Milan is playing likee they got castrated last night...or Steven Gerrard pulled a Lawrence Taylor and sent some Turkish crackwhores to a bunch of Milan players.
2:56PM: Liverpool gets a good chance, and Dida makes a good save that Maldini cleared from danger. Finally, someone tries to shoot at the goal!
2:58PM: Another Liverpool chance, and Jermaine Pennant's pass is a second too late.
2:59PM: Filippo Inzaghi manages to not be called for offsides (a trademark of his is to walk the line), but the long ball is just a bit too long. Usually Inzaghi gets 5 offsides a game, so the watch is on.
3:03PM: Kaka's first attempt of the game from 10 yards outside the box, and Reina makes an easy save.
3:04PM: Gerrard is fouled near the sideline outside the box. Time for some Gerrard magic...or not. Pennant and Bolo Zenden...and it's sent way too long.
3:06PM: Tommy Smyth (with a y) gives his first shoutout of the day to who else but the Irish National team, who are in the US playing Ecuador at Giants Stadium.
3:07PM: Sounds like a lost child announcement that stops our announcers. That's how we know it should be a classic
3:08PM: Kaka pulls a Ginobili (it should be the other way around)
3:10PM: Derek Rae mentions Gattuso calling Liverpool outdated ("like an Italian team from 10 years ago.") after Gattuso fouls John Arne Riise pretty hard.
3:13PM: Xavi Alonso shoots just wide. Pretty lucky there, Dida.
3:15PM: Bolo Zenden mounts Andrea Pirlo (sounds straight, but this isn't 90210). Pirlo gets a free kick attempt (Rae calls him the best in the world, and I agree because I play a lot of FIFA). Pirlo's kick looks good, but it goes straight to Reina.
3:16PM: Liverpool wins a corner and gets nothing out of it.
3:18PM: Riise shoots it way too high, putting shots at 4-1 Liverpool...and shots on goal is tied at 1-1. This state makes me think Milan has a very good chnce to win.
3:19PM: Massimo Oddo crosses right to Reina. Milan needs to improve the crosses if they want to win this
3:22PM: Marek Jankulovski trips, and Liverpool squanders the chance.
3:24PM: A little water break and Gattuso got hit in the nose by Zenden...accidentally. I prefer brawls, but whatever, let's see some football.
3:25PM: Jankulovski has the potential to pull a Claudio Reyna vs. Ghana. Hopefully he doesn't get the injury too.
3:26PM: Pennant gets called offsides, Inzaghi still has not. Probably because Milan just isn't aggressive right now. Milan is still playing quietly
3:27PM: Gattuso gets a yellow card for, as Smyth puts it, "walking right through Xavi Alonso."
3:30PM: Has anyone seen Curtis Pennant's uncles? I was right, a lost child announcement! Derek and Tommy, you guys need to play through the announcement (by...announcing.)
3:31PM: Andrea Pirlo is nasty at free kicks. 45th minute, Inzaghi semi-"Hand of God"s it into the net (it was off the chest, so it's legit). It's his 37th career Champion's League goal. Gattuso kind of looks like a hypocrite now, with his team scoring on free kicks.
3:33PM: Halftime, be back in a few.
3:47PM: Halftime is almost done, and while looking up Massimo Oddo, I found this gem: Oddo has been tricked twice on the Italian Candid Camera type show "Scherzi a Parte." If you're a celebrity, aren't you supposed to get a security detail to make sure that doesn't happen again? I think this makes Oddo the Johnny Drama of footballers.
3:49PM: And we are under way!
3:50PM: The ball is somehow still in Milan's end...and
3:51PM: Streaker! Carrying a Greek flag and easily dealt with by security, and Liverpool can't execute the corner. And Curtis Pennant's uncles are proably still drunk and not willing to go find Curtis.
3:53PM: Gerrard is not passing well as an attacking midfielder, so Liverpool should be getting Crouch in to play up front and moving Gerrard back to midfield.
3:56PM: Reina almost gives up an empty-netter but Liverpool manages to clear the ball before Seedorf can get a foot on it.
3:57PM: Marek Jankulovski is having a bad day. Yellow card.
3:59PM: Inzaghi goes offside, and that makes the count 1.
4:01PM: Kaka gets tackled from behind by Javi Mascherano and Kaka pulls a Sheed and complains.
4:02PM: Mascherano gets a yellow. Fandel "could have mailed him the card it took him so long to pull it out." Tommy Smyth is hilarious.
4:02PM: Zenden, who has just played like a Divac-Stojackovic King dump, is replaced by Harry Kewell.
4:04PM: Jamie Carragher is given a yellow for a tackle on Kaka (makeup call?) and Pirlo misses. Olivia Matthews, contact the steward!
4:05PM: Kewell takes a dive, saving Gattuso's ass from a red.
4:06PM: Gerrard gets past Nesta on an errant pass and Dida stops it and gets control.
4:06PM: Inzaghi is offside again. Make it 2.
4:09PM: Johnny Drama gives Liverpool a free kick chance on a foul. Free kick is not played well, and Jankulovski gets rid of it.
4:10PM: Milan is playing plain good defense.
4:11PM: Steven Gerrard is having a bad day. He just got a cross with no one near him, and he gets called for a handball.
4:16PM: After 5 minutes of nothing, Gerrard finally takes a goos shot and barely misses.
4:21PM: Finally, Mascherano is taken out and replaced by Peter Crouch...which is what Rafael Benitez should have done 20 minutes ago.
4:23PM: Carlo Ancelloti obviously wants some security in the defense, so Kahka Kaladze replaces Jankulovski.
4:24PM: Inzaghi isn't offsides, but he lets the ball right between his legs. And Derek Rae talks up the Indianapolis 500 talking about how special it is. Kind of like having Joe Morgan talk about the World Cup of Cricket during Sunday Night Baseball.
4:26PM: Inzaghi plays the line just right and beats Reina with a dribbler. Liverpool needs a miracle now. An 82nd minute goal for Pippo.
4:28PM: Inzaghi takes a ball to the stomach and refuses Harry Kewell's help up. Kewell is PISSED.
4:29PM: Peter Crouch tries to make things interesting, but Dida taps the ball over the crossbar. Liverpool fucks up the corner again.
4:30PM: Inzaghi is offside by a mile. That is 3 and will probably be his last with Gilardino ready to come in.
4:31PM: Inazghi comes off for Gilardino and a standing ovation. Xavi Alonso comes off for Alvaro Arbeloa.
4:33PM: Dirk Kuyt heads in the ball in the aftermath of the corner right after the substitution to make things interesting in the 89th minute. 3 minutes are added on. And Rae calls Gattuso "a cat on a hot tin roof" as he tries to avoid another card.
4:35PM: Seedorf comes off for Giuseppe Favalli in the 2nd minute of extra time.
4:37PM: Time is called, Milan are the champions of Champions! And Benitez is running down officials like JoePa while Gattuso is pulling a Joakim Noah ("That girl just dunked.") and running to the fans. Kaka belongs to Jesus. And Oddo yells "VICTORY!" Inzaghi is my player of the game.
4:42PM: Sore losers? AC Milan's wikipedia page reads like this: GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY
Real original.
4:51PM: Maldini raises the trophy, and a terrible Sarah McLachlan cover band begins playing. I really cannot understand European taste for American music, can someone speed them up 12 years? There'd probably be world peace if a program could be implemented to do that. And this "One Shining Moment" ripoff to end the game is terrible. Better music is necessary. Okay, I'm out, can't wait for next year's Champion's League. Thanks for making this possible, Sony and Heineken. Peace.