World Cup: Group B

As I watch the South African team stay in the game despite missing many chances and largely thanks to the referees, HOW THE HELL IS THAT NOT A GOAL OFF OF THAT CORNER WHAT A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT! I give you a preview of Group B.

Argentina
Nickname: La Albiceleste (The Sky Blue and White)
Abbreviation: ARG (as in ARGH WHAT THE HELL IS MARADONA THINKING?)
Last World Cup: 2006: The Argentines put on a clinic for the Serbians and Montenegrins during the group stage and a victory against Ivory Coast tied them for first with the Dutch in Group C, the consensus Group of Death. Maxi Rodriguez then had that goal,

but they fell to the Germans on penalties in the round of 8.
How did they get here?: Boy did they barely get here. At one time they lost to Bolivia 6-1. They needed a victory in the final round of qualifying against Uruguay to avoid the playoff with Costa Rica.
Manager: Noted cocaine addict Diego Maradona. Maradona was a hero in 1986, managing to help Argentina rise from the national embarrassment that was the Falklands War by putting two goals on England, one of them extremely illegal,

and the other extremely amazing.

If this were basketball, he'd be shooting free throws after that one. Maradona may have been an important part of the democratic transition from the junta that ruled Argentina 1976-1983. And he really is incetivizing a win. I'd call that incentive if you like 2 Girls, 1 Cup.
Player to watch: Lionel Messi, Barcelona. Only 5'7", but putting Speedy Gonzalez to shame. The best player in the world will be asked to step up and get his country deep into the tournament after playing a largely supportive role in 2006. And the dude can play:

Player not to watch: Juan Riquelme, Boca Juniors. The Argentines will be very attack-heavy and though Messi can handle some midfield duties as a winger, Riquelme was a great stabilizer in the midfield. Riquelme is still one of the most dangerous free-kick takers in the world and will surely be missed on set pieces.
Prognostication: Again, Argentina will be very attack-heavy. Rumors are floating around of a 3-4-3, and the players are actually excited. I think this team will go very far. The attacking strategy will leave them vulnerable, but with so much coming at teams with Higuan, Tevez, Messi, Aguero, and Milito available after having on average some amazing seasons in Europe this past year.

Nigeria
Nickname: Super Eagles
Abbreviation: NIG (What happens when they play archrivals Niger?)
Last World Cup: 2002: Stuck in the Group of Death with England, Sweden, and Argentina. Argentina and Sweden each took 3 points from them and England could only draw in their 3rd game.
How did they get here?: African qualifying got them in as one of five besides the South African hosts, who were in their group in the second round. The third round was a cake walk.
Manager: Lars Lagerback, who was recently manager of his native Sweden's team until he was fired for failing to lead them into the Final.
Player to watch: Obafemi Martins, Wolfsburg. The striker will need to be on form, but if defenses are going to focus on him, look for the strong Nigerian supporting cast to
Player not to watch: Nigeria will play with no #10 as Mikel John Obi of Chelsea, the best player currently for the Nigerians, sat out a huge chunk of the Premier League season to nurse a bad ankle and knee.
Prognostication: Nigeria should get through to the knockout stage. Their outfield players are strong. Do NOT underestimate the capabilities of this midfield, even without Obi. Plus, they have three goalies playing in Israel, so what's not to like?

Greece
Nickname: None, according to wikipedia.
Abbreviation: GRE
Last World Cup: 1994: Things didn't go too well, as the Greeks absorbed defeats of 3-0, 4-0, and 3-0, one of which was at the hands of Nigeria.
How did they get here?: Forced into a playoff after finishing one point back of Switzerland in their group, they took a 1-0 aggregate over Ukraine to get into the Final.
Manager: Otto Rehhagel. The Lenny Wilkens of the Bundesliga, he is most famous for making Werder Bremen a competitor every year. Look for him to encourage the boring style of play the Greeks just love.
Player to watch: Georgios Samaras, Celtic. The striker needs to create something or the Greeks will be packing early. Yeah, they'll be packing up early.
Player not to watch: Traianos Dellas, AEK, a huge part of qualifying, he hasn't been called up since April 1. Really trying to not emphasize defense. We'll see how that goes...
Prognostication: A defensive approach made them the Euro 2004 champions, and then it helped them not qualify for 2006 and then get whooped in Euro 2008. It won't do much for them in this tournament either, I think they will bow out after the group stage.

South Korea
Nickname: Red Devils, Tigers of Asia
Abbreviation: KOR
Last World Cup: 2006: The Reds did not experience the same success as when they served as hosts, bowing out in the first round.
How did they get here?: Relatively easy qualifying since they are one of the higher-ranked teams in Asia. They did get North Korea in their group, playing two scoreless ties.
Manager:
Player to watch: Park Ji-Sung, Manchester United, the best Korean international of all time, playing in his third World Cup. He is a little spark, having been a huge part of ManU's Premiership and Champions League success. He'll be covering a lot of ground during this tournament.
Player not to watch: Seol Ki-Hyeon, Pohang Steelers. The striker has European experience, but never played that well over there. He did put in an equalizer against Italy in 2002 that helped the Red Devils get to the semifinal.
Prognostication: They'll give Nigeria a scare, but the Red Devils are not strong enough to overtake them in this group. Third place and knocked out before the knockout round.

World Cup: Group A

With kickoff less than 24 hours away for South Africa, who seem slated to be the first host nation to not get past the group stage, the Buzzer is back to preview each group, team by team. I was thinking of starting with Group B or something, but then I thought about the alphabet and being organized and stuff, so I went with Group A.
A few notes on the World Cup to start: this is of course the first tournament held outside the friendly confines of North America, Asia, Europe, and South America. It took enough time to expand the tournament to get it to this. However, this is also the first time the tournament is being held in the autumn. Some people think this will leave teams at a disadvantage when coupled with the high altitudes. Personally, I prefer running around with a slight breeze as opposed to the deathly heat that characterized nearly every game during the tournament in Germany. But the altitude should have some sort of effect on the teams appearing in the tournament.
Otherwise, while US ticket sales are very high, the State Department seems to be playing into Blackwater's hands by telling Americans to be very, very scared of all the crime they will probably fall victim to since they aren't in the suburbs anymore. Really helping with that flow of goods and capital that is part of globalization. USA! Anyways, to Group A we go...

South Africa
Nickname: Bafana Bafana (Zulu for The Boys)
Abbreviation: RSA (Republic of South Africa-mindblowing, right?)
Last World Cup: 2002, they actually won four points in the group stage but didn't advance due to having one less goal scored than Paraguay.
How did they get here?: Easy, they hosted the damn thing and somehow got everything ready despite a giant strike that included the people building the stadiums.
Manager: Carlos Alberto Parreira. The Brazilian won one World Cup in 1994 with his homeland, then in 2006 proceeded to lead them in their biggest national embarrassment in a loss to the French, which was ameliorated by the fact that the French made it to the final and were probably a headbutt away from lifting the trophy in Munich.
Player to watch: Steve Pienaar, who plies his trade at Everton. Also has the same name as that dude that Matt Damon played in Invictus who united the country through rugby. He is a strong playmaker who played some amazing football when he coupled with Landon Donovan in central midfield while the American was on loan. Can he do the same as Francois did with the rugby team and unite the country? Remains to be seen, but I'm not putting my money on it.
Player to not watch: Benni McCarthy of West Ham. Dude got cut because he was overweight and sex wasn't helping him lose it. Hell, I'm fat and out of shape, but YOU ARE A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE. Way to make your country proud. He actually scored a couple goals for Bafana Bafana in 1998 and 2002.
Projected finish: Not making it out of the group stage. Despite being the economic power of the continent, South Africa is in no way the soccer power. If you're looking to put money on an African team, Cameroon, Ghana, and the Ivory Coast are much more stable bets. But more on them later.

Mexico
Nickname: El Tri (The three-colored)
Abbreviation: MEX (mindblowing, right?)
Last World Cup: 2006: An easy group draw helped them easily take second over Angola and Iran while Portugal got out unscathed. Then, in the round of 16, fellow former Spanish colony Argentina took them out with help from a Maxi Rodriguez wunderstrike

Yeah, that burns. Especially when Martin Tyler knows it was a goal coming off his foot.
How did they get here?: Easily skipping through CONCACAF qualifying alongside the US minus some trouble with Honduras and the whole business of Sven-Goren Eriksson slowly digging a grave for the team before he was fired.
Manager: Former national teamer Javier "El Vasco" Aguirre. He managed to beat the US outside of Mexico (something he failed to do in 2002 that led him to Osasuna in Spain's La Liga) for the Gold Cup in 2009. He deals with stress better than Mexico's 2006 manager, Ricardo Volpe, who was known to lord over the sideline while going through two packs of Marlboro reds and then falling into a delirium when the game would go into extra time. Aguirre is also an improvement over known incompetent Sven-Goren Eriksson, who will actually somehow be at this World Cup with the Ivory Coast following almost letting the Mexicans not qualify. Luckily, someone knew to fire him.
Player to watch: Carlos Vela, Arsenal. The striker will most likely be coming off the bench, but he should have a huge impact on the El Tri's chances. He showed flashes in his moments on the pitch with Arsenal this year. Expect more when Aguirre calls on him.
Player not to watch: Omar Bravo, Guadalajara, who at 30 is too damn old for this team, despite putting up a brace against Iran in 2006.
Projected finish: The first three of this group are a crapshoot, with Mexico, France, and Uruguay all having solid teams but not exactly anything to call the bookie about and put up your last paycheck. I'm going with third, as France and Uruguay have a lot more guys making their livings in Europe that will ultimately put them over the top.

Uruguay
Nickname: La Celeste (The Sky Blue...OMG IZ DAT DUH CULUR OF DARE UNIFORMS?!?!?!?!?!?!1/1/1/11/1? Or delicious cheap frozen pizza?)
Abbreviation: URU
Last World Cup: 2002: Pretty embarrassing. France had their worst showing after winning in 1998, as they only got one point, and they got it against Uruguay. Needless to say, they are looking to improve on that in South Africa.
How did they get here?: Maradona managed to motivate Argentina and get them to beat Uruguay and not need to play in a playoff against the fourth team from CONCACAF, a fate which fell to La Celeste, who beat Costa Rica 2-1 on aggregate to advance to the Final.
Manager: Oscar Tabarez, a former AC Milan manager, where he sucked, also known as El Maestro, this commie bastard plans to teach and attack. Poop your pants before the proletariat poops in them for you.
Player to watch: Diego Forlan, Atletico Madrid. Once considered a huge failure at Old Trafford for only giving the Red Devils 10 goals in 63 matches, Forlan moved to the continent and put in work in Spain for Villareal and now Atletico, making everyone regret that he couldn't get up to speed with the English game. He helped Atletico to the Europa League title with 2 goals against Fulham. If he is in form, expect big things from Uruguay.
Player to not watch: Fabian Carini, keeper, Atletico Mineiro. Carini is the second most-capped player/keeper in Uruguay history, but he will not be with the team after retiring last year. Weak goalkeeping usually doesn't mean lifting trophies and Uruguay's three keepers have a total of 18 caps between themselves. Just ask the English about unsteady keeping (more on that later).
Projected finish: Come on down to the knockout stage, Uruguay. Advantages in the field help outweigh advantages in the net. They should have little trouble with South Africa and they will tie Mexico. Then again, what about France?

France
Nickname: Les Bleus (The Blues)
Abbreviation: FRA
Last World Cup: Can I put .gifs in here? Yeah, too much of a hassle.

How sad is that? Zidane has an absolutely masterful tournament, then Materazzi says something to him and he goes off. He gets the Golden Ball, but he must walk past the World Cup trophy. And Zidane carried this team in the knockout stage after missing the third group game with Togo following two yellow cards in the first two matches.
How did they get here?: Cheating

Manager: Raymond Domenech. Somehow, the man who relies on the stars to set his lineup and needed a no-call on a handball to qualify is still the coach. And I can't get a damn job anywhere. Maybe if I win a World Cup, Chipotle will hire me...
Player to watch: Franck Ribery of Bayern Munich. Zidane's heir has a lot of work to do and will be carrying this team from midfield with his amazing runs. Hopefully he won't be driving the bus.

Basically, he isn't a good driver.
Player not to watch: Zinedine Zidane. Since he retired from football, the French team has been in the water closet. Euro 2008 was a huge disappointment, and needing a no-call to qualify shows how desperate things are for Les Bleus. Who knows, maybe Zidane will return and not look as close to death as every old professional wrestler who keeps going into the 40's.
Projected finish: Domenech should thank his lucky stars that he got such an easy group. Les Bleus will overpower with their talent, but the knockout stage will be a very different story for this team.

Group B and Group C will be posted tomorrow, Group D and Group E Saturday, Groups F, G, and H on Sunday.

Link!

Great article by Noah Ephron (Efron, whatever), the author of the book that inspired my decision to go into International Relations (get it here or go to a library) about the Haredi riots in Jerusalem last week. Definitely worth a look.

Two Stories from Two Sides of a Fence

First off, I realize that my focus has been primarily directed towards Israel, but I will bring up this piece of news from last week: the Palestinian Authority shutting down operations at the Al-Jazeera offices in the West Bank after a guest on the network, Farouk Qaddoumi, accused Mahmoud Abbas of playing a part in the death of former PA chairman Yasir Arafat.
Of course this rivalry goes way back, but what's better is that Abbas admits that his criticism of the network is nearly baseless; he doesn't have time to watch TV (so maybe someone is telling him what they're saying?).
This also comes on the heel of the IMF's declaration that the West Bank has had one of its best years economically. Abbas and the PA have taken some steps to hegemony, but I have to agree with Dr. Lynch that this is not how you want to establish this power going forward. Government transparency is essential, and while the network won't be able to report directly, five of their top seven stories at the time of Lynch's post were about the expulsion and resulting effects.
At the same time, on the Israeli side, education is essentially being Americanized (just like this AP article, which is, for some reason, a direct translation from Yisrael Hayom aka Israel Today aka Bibi-Ton (during the run up to the election in February each word was like a tongue slowly licking the bottom of Netanyahu's feet) minus the added quotes from new Foreign Minister Avigdor Lieberman).
Minister of Education Gideon Saar told the Knesset, "No other country in the world, in its official curriculum, would treat the fact of its founding as a catastrophe." This is true, especially for third-graders. When was the last time a third-grade teacher in the US wasn't essentially feeding propaganda to his/her students? Never! The beginning of consideration of revisionist history theory in US public schools begins during high school, and it was something required quite a bit of adjusting for me (Smallpox blankets? DAYUMN!). So, whatever. Let the children believe, as they do in every country in elementary school, that their independence was a natural action that some supernatural force decided was just and opportune.
Let's look at this a little further in depth:

The decision applied to a third-grade textbook for Arab schoolchildren. Jewish textbooks make no mention of the term.

This sounds a lot like you're trying to make them forget it. Even though Saar noted that teachers are still "free to discuss the personal and national tragedies that befell Palestinians during the war," taking it out of a book is the equivalent of the deplorable revionist history that some Palestinian textbooks were employing during the Second Intifada and probably still to this day. And there is something to say about subtracting from a history book. The discussion may still be able to stand in, but to leave this injustice out of the book is to say it lacks truth. Another step towards hegemony that will not end well. And for the Jewish textbooks, they do not mention of the term, but falsely revise it to say it was a completely voluntary flight.
Avigdor Lieberman, at the time a Knesset member said Education Minister Yuli Tamir was "expressing a sort of political masochist spirit and ... a total lack of national pride." I think it was more reconciling with the truth and allowing an ethnic group that is treated pretty well compared to under the PA or Hamas. Compare this to black children in the US: Do teachers skip slavery and the civil rights movement and tell them everything was just hunky-dory? No, they give them some narrative that may not explain everything, but establishes some sort of basis for learning more about the movement and how it led them to their current position in society.
Yossi Sarid gives the quote I agree with the most in his response to Saar's actions:

"Zionism has already won in many ways, and can afford to be more confident. We need not be afraid of a word."

Revisionist history has already done so much for moving Israeli society forward and making sure that it doesn't become like totalitarian states that suppress any possibly negative historical facts from public acknowledgement. It looks like these kids are going to have to wait until they get to college.

Not That Quiet of a Riot

This piece of news was not in the American papers at all (although the Hezbollah arms cache was, and for good reason, along with Iron Dome, both of which should be beneficial to Israeli security due to the fact that the Ministry of Defense didn't have to wait until Hezbollah started firing said munitions, and the system will be ready in a year), but this one has been dominating the Israeli press for the past couple of days. Earlier in the week, a Neturei Karta (a sect of Haredim that reject the existence of the state of Israel due to the fact that a Messiah has not arrived) child, one of 10, was taken to a hospital with physicians under the suspicion that the mother had been starving the child who at 2 years old only weighed 7 kilograms (15.4 pounds for you fools who don't get the metric system). It turns out they were right when they caught her on video removing the child's feeding tube, and they were able to arrest her. According to this article, the police suspect she could be diagnosed with Munchhausen Syndrome by proxy, meaning she takes injurious action against people close to her in order to gain attention from others.

Of course, the Haredim, even those whose views of the State of Israel clash with those of the Neturei Karta over the legitimacy of the state, saw this as a direct attack against them, just as they saw the parking lots near the Jaffa Gate being open on Shabbat as an attack against their beliefs and religious practices. This caused them to see the government as trying to "make baseless allegations against Haredi mothers" with no other purpose but to steal their children. So they took to the streets in Meah Shearim, a neighborhood that is sadly notorious for its extremist views towards clothing that shows towards skin and those that do drive on Shabbat (although police blockades are now put up on Friday night and stay there until Saturday night, and you actually don't save that much time by driving through that neighborhood). The burning of garbage caused a stench to travel all the way to the classroom where I have my Hebrew class. But that was not enough, as they decided to take to the streets that are main arteries for traffic, especially Bar Ilan Road and Eshkol Tunnel, where they blocked with garbage. This lead to secular mayor Nir Barkat shutting off all services to the neighborhood, and my bus, which usually passes by Meah Shearim, to literally go around the city and not make any of the stops it usually does. Luckily it came right to where I needed to get off to go to work.

Today things have been tempered, as my bus took its usual route and we were able to see the aftermath: some graffiti, but soldiers and police at every corner and streets with a few children loitering and nearly no adults.

Ami Kaufman summarized the recent flare-up of the secular-religious conflict, the last significant rise of which is profiled in the book that drove me to study Israeli politics, Real Jews: Secular vs. Orthodox: The Struggle for Jewish Identity in Israel. She also surprised me by mentioning that Yossi Deri, who was convicted of corruption in the late 1980's, is now planning a political comeback (I dare someone in the US to try that). However, while Ephron remained neutral in his analysis, Kaufman, who previously participated in demonstrations against the "religious coercion" in the late 1980's, leaves us with quite the inflammatory statement:

The flames are still low, but I don't know. Is it just me, or is it getting hot in here?

Well, Mr. Kaufman, the answer will be yes if continue to write editorials and preclude the occurence of these events, and criticize people who find the secular attitude and action against Haredim to be reminiscent of what many Jews say in Europe, as he does with Gideon Levy's column.

Anyways, it's almost the weekend and I will be blogging for JIIS soon about the security barrier.

And Blake Griffin can make 3's? And Anthony Randolph is about to be an All-Star? And Steph Curry looks like Baron Davis minus the muscle? Loving the NBA Summer League, and I hope Paulie gets a spot with somebody (I think he would be fit for Europe, as long as it included a reality show).

John Doe Almost Got Me Today

Today I finally got to go to a supermarket, and let's just say that things here in Israel make Wegman's look like white dog poop. My jet lag was still an issue, so I headed to Mister Zol at 8:00 to get some product for myself. First thing you notice: the produce is bazily fresh. How can it not be since it is all coming from within a three hour drive to Jerusalem? Rhetorical question, I know. This means besides the apples being ripe, so are the oranges, and so are the bananas and so are the avocadoes and DON'T YOU EVER FORGET ABOUT THE PERSIMMONS. Israel is also at the crossroads of the world, right where Asia, Europe, and Africa meet, and this centralized location makes immigration even more melting-potty than the US, meaning your standard grocer here carries products from a lot of countries, including pumpkin noodles (also bazily, though made to be preserved so not exactly fresh). All things being kosher, as well as being extremely fresh since it is mostly slaughtered and prepared in Israel is also helpful. So I was able to have a delightful dinner of stir-fried pumpkin noodles, grilled chicken, fresh spinach, fresh red pepper, and fresh mushrooms. What a delight.
But for lunch, the name of the game was Burgers Bar. No offense to you Californians, but Burgers Bar, though much more expensive, makes In-N-Out look like a McDonalds where Ronald personally poops on each burger right in front of the person who eats it. Even if that person happens to be waiting for someone to bring them said burger in another location. Student discounts make it less of a splurge than it has to be. I had a lamb burger with fresh tomato, lettuce and Israeli pickles (much more garlic than an American pickle along with not being a gherkin but a much smaller cucumber), as well as a squirt of pesto on each side. And don't get me started on the French fries, which are real French fries because I watched the dude slice the potato right above the deep fryer in order that it would drop into it. Everything was finished at the same time, and then I was able to enjoy a tender lamb burger and succulent fries with a Fanta made with sugar at the same time. Amazing.
Anyways, tomorrow, myself and some American friends are going to try to watch the draft at an Irish Pub that is essentially open all the time. Hopefully, 2:00 (military time, represent) will not cause them to turn a haughty eye towards us Yanks as people discuss uncertainty on television and give lofty expectations to people who are barely out of high school.
Anyways, we know the deal with the Clippers and Blake Griffin and the #1 slot (remember when I predicted he'd be player of the year?). But afterwards? Here is my take on the lottery:
2. Memphis Grizzlies-Brandon Jennings-Showed way more this year in Europe according to nbadraft.net, and peep this EuroMix from Free Darko:
3. OKC Thunder-James Harden-just think about it: Westbrook at the 1, Harden at the 2, Durant at the 3, Green at the 4, and maybe someone else besides Nenad Krstic as the future at center. The 1-4 make me want to play NBA 2K10(?) for days.
4. Sacramento Kings-Ricky Rubio-we know about the weird-ass workout, but maybe it is time to put "European White Chocolate" in place. Otherwise, Beno Udrih looks like that appealing of an option. Beno Udrih. GOB says, "COME ON!"
5. Minnesota Timberwolves-Hasheem Thabeet-just what the doctor ordered, someone who can take the pressure off Big Al in the post. I like the future with Thabeet (don't hate, dude can pick and pop the midrange), and being hurt will let him slip a little.
6. Timberwolves-No more Randy Foye, so I'm assuming one goes guard here, and what better way than the point with Stephen Curry, who will also need some time but could form a lethal triad with Big Al and Hasheem eventually, and it looks like losing is in the cards with the economic crisis and the expected offloading of the acquired contracts from the Wizards.
7. Golden State Warriors-Jordan Hill-It's time to admit Nellie Ball is what it is and get a fourth thin big to put in that lineup. Might as well start running with this lineup and get the easy deuces.
8. New York Knicks-TRADE-they were waiting for Curry or Rubio, and Tyreke Evans is not the same (Remember how Steve Nash can pull up for 3? Yeah, Tyreke had a lot of trouble with that concept last year while playing shooting guard and really kept it in the lane when he played point), so maybe a trade is in order.
9. Toronto Raptors-Chase Budinger-Chris Bosh, who royally fucked my fantasy team last year, wants to cash in in 2010, so now what? Go for the need at either wing position and try to convince him this team is worth it. James Johnson is also a definite possibility.
10. Milwaukee Bucks-Ty Lawson-They probably should get some inside aid, but it might not happen, Otherwise, going for a floor general type would be best right here.
11. New Jersey Nets-James Johnson-same need as the Raptors, so they should take the leftover swingman.
12. Charlotte Bobcats-TRADE-This team grew some potential on a hot streak to end the year, so where do they go from here? They mostly need to solidify that post, and you know MJ loves him some Carolina, in the form of Psycho T. Which seems stupid, but his flailing post game could work out short term.
13. Indiana Pacers- -Definite need for a floor general here, especially one that doesnt make people think he'll be permanently paralyzed everytime he goes to the rim.
14. Phoenix Suns-Jonny Flynn-This is the only pick I will ever be sure of because I was declaring it done in January. Under Steve Nash's tutelage, the position will evolve to include the athleticism of Flynn with the IQ of Nash, with a possible analogy to Kung Fu Panda.

Big ups are in order for USA Soccer after they kept the Spanish at bay yesterday and ended the longest unbeaten streak ever by a FIFA national team. But the reason was the hustle. USA will outhustle a team in the Confederations Cup, but next year it is unlikely that the Spanish will let this happen (The Portuguese on the other hand are a lazy people...I KID! But seriously, what HAPPENED in 2002?). I am impressed with Bob Bradley's ability to get the Yanks' minds out of the gutter of defeat to outscore their last two opponents 5-0, especially since Egypt was coming off of a blasting of Italy and giving Brazil a run for its money. Things are definitely looking way better for South Africa in 2010 for the Yanks than for Germany in 2006.
And when I do go to South Africa, I feel very lucky that Joseph Shabalala, the leader of Ladysmith Black Mambazo, promised everyone at the show I went to with my friends Seb and Gabe a place to stay during the tournament. As long as I can get tickets, I'm crashing there and straight chilling to some a cappella stylings while recharging for the next game. Now we need to find out where he actually lives.

Stay Forever Young, People!

Recording Liiiiive from Somewhere...

I arrived yesterday at around 4:30 to Ben Gurion International Airport, and let's just say that it took me 20 minutes to get through customs control because my ears did mad poppin' off during the flight from Paris. Also, while going through security in Paris, I somehow was able to function without a translation necessary. And during the flight to Paris, I finally got to watch The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, which is definitely a masterpiece, albeit the longest masterpiece. The makeup was just splendiferous. And how can one make a tragedy that long? David Fincher, you never cease to amaze me.
Sorry for that backwards chronology a la Memento, that one episode of Seinfeld, and AP US History inspired by that episode of Seinfeld, but back to my arrival. I got into a packed Sherut and we made our way to Jerusalem on an alternate path taking a route towards Modiin since Route 1 was bumper to bumper for kilometres. One of the more prominent things you see on this route is the construction of the barrier. It will continue to be a point of contention in negotiations especially because Israel may decide to take in settlements like Gush Emunim on its side, and especially because, when coupled with Netanyahu's condition of Palestinian recognition of Israel as a Jewish state, will eliminate the right of return that is seen as essential to many Palestinians who are now refugees after having lived on land they believed they rightfully owned beforehand. So, where do we go from there? The problem is that someone will get disappointed in these negotiations, with no one deserving it any more than the other. However, Israeli disappointment should be kept to a minimum. Remember that Israel has won all those wars and in the case of one Israel's peace agreements with Arab countries, with Egypt, Israel has made concessions. Egypt received the Sinai, receiving popular tourist locales such as Mount Sinai and Sharm al Sheik, as well as having all land surrounding the Suez Canal (however, there doesn't seem to be any risk of Mubarak trying to nationalize like Nasser did in 1956) along with a peace guarantee, which was all Israel really wanted out of the negotiations ater the near disaster that was the Yom Kippur War. The treaty with Jordan was seen as just a normalization as Israel had left the Jordanian Army in shambles after the Six Day War.
But do the Israelis have a duty to help a refugee issue that the creation of their state made an issue? I believe so. As Arabs label the Israeli government as having characterisitics of the Nazi regime, Israel should look back to the time when Jews were made into a refugee situation by the Nazis and had to struggle to establish their own land. Netanyahu has taken the first step to helping them realize this goal, but Palestinian leaders must realize that Israel never was able to achieve all its aspirations as a nation in terms of territory and international standing. Hopefully, a peace treaty with the Palestinians will help Israel not be seen as a pariah within the UN (Security Council membership finally if they join a bloc?) and possibly make it easier to qualify for the World Cup (UEFA can be a bit of a doozy).
Other tidbits:
Most awkward situation of my life: Wearing a t-shirt and shorts in Har Nof, I learned I had to walk through a wedding hall to pick up my phone since the front door had a chain around it. I was unaware that a wedding was going on, so I basically got looked at like I was on a walk of shame while entering and exiting the phone store.
An Act of War: The relative with whom I was staying was unable to help me pick up my phone, so her significant other drove me to Har Nof in her place. He took me to get the most amazing pita ever: the Jerusalem, which has chicken, turkey, shwarma, and lamb. I know, right? But anyways, he also told me about his son's experience as part of the Mifgash (encounter) for Birthright. Reportedly, some "extracurricular" activities were going on between the Israeli soldiers and the American college students and, HAFTA-AH! (SURPRISE!-you just got your second piece of Hebrew vocabulary in ONE paragraph), an Israeli soldier got swine flu. Is this considered an act of biological warfare? I'll go with no, but seriously, scientists, we need to get this shit under control.
I'm signing off for now, but I'll try to get back on here tomorrow. I start class on Thursday, but there is mandatory orientation tomorrow.

Peace and love. I leave you with the Jerusalem sunset and Chords Bridge:

Introduction to your Summer Months

As some of you may know, I'm leaving for Israel on Sunday, and I will be writing about my experiences there right here on this blog. While I am over there I will be staying in Jerusalem doing Ulpan at Hebrew University along with working as an intern at the Jerusalem Institute for Israel Studies. I have decided to move in this direction of the Israeli-Arab conflict with my major for now, and I hope my work will be beneficial to my professional development along with benefiting the world with better ideas for satisfying all parties in this conflict in the hopes of ending it.
A big issue in this is the United States of America. Support of Israel by Americans is important to the state's survival, and Israel is very aware of this. Yesterday I met with the Israeli Consular General of Philadelphia as well as other consular officials in an effort for them to introduce us to other students studying abroad in Israel, help us prepare for our trip, and to prepare us to be advocates when we return to Philadelphia after our return. This is all very reasonable, and I am sure that I will return with this mindset. But my friend Mariel sent me a disturbing video of Americans who were abroad there this past semester that just disgusted me. Here it is:
Quite a bit of disturbing myth in this, but my favorite is the fat (EDIT: I'm sorry, rotund) girl who first appears at the 1:03 mark and claims to be a Political Science major. I will respond to each of her points right now because she is foolish and stupid, and if you happen to know her, let her know my thoughts:
"I think it's really fucked up that he's going to all the Arab states and not Israel"-Simply put, the relationship between the US and Israel will weaken slightly during Obama's time in office, but in the long-term this will do everyone good. And Obama will make a trip to Israel eventually. Plus, the point of this trip was to revitalize the American relationship with the Muslim world, so staying away from Israel is not that big an issue. He never made a point in Cairo to Netanyahu that was as explicit or status-changing as Reagan asking Gorbachev to tear down the wall, so we'll put your total at one ignorant sentence.
"Oh, he's a Muslim for sure, and who even knows if he was born in the United States? We haven't seen his birth certificate yet"-I like how stupid both clauses of this first sentence are. First off, so what if he is a Muslim? The constitution doesn't say that a Muslim can't be president. And being a Muslim doesn't go hand in hand with anti-Semitism.
Secondly, I know he was born in the United States because he has an American birth certificate that we have seen. Some idiots (read: Fox News correspondents/hosts) have said it is fake. The "Birthers" are insane, but whatever. It's fine that some photocopying error caused the Republican Party to start personally attacking Obama's eligibility before the election, but then again they're turning a blind eye to their own party Bristol Palin abstinence education hypocrisy. If you look at John McCain's birth certificate, it says he was born in Panama. Last I heard, Panama was a sovereign state in Central America that was never part of the United States. Even when McCain was born in 1761 (actually 1936). The exception made for him to run for president is irrational and stupid, but it was never questioned because the Democrats continue to have real issues to use in campaigns instead of personal attacks. Anyways, her belief in this combined with the first part of the sentence causes me to grade this one as 1.5 ignorant, stupid sentences, so she is now up to 2.5.
"Bullshit, he's not from the US, he's like a terrorist."-So when every job you ever apply for in the United States (and probably Israel too) sees this video and decides to reject you, you'll know where to get that first job out of college: BORDER MILITIA!
"Just what is he doing for this country so far? Nothing"-You know, more stuff than the last president who helped get Hamas elected as the majority in the Palestinian parliament and slightly derailed the peace process. And he's actually trying to get the country out of the recession that our last president caused. Democrats as presidents are always cleaning up the economy after Republicans fuck it up (see: Bill Clinton getting us a budget surplus after trickle-down economics failed for the 12th year in a row). And why do Republicans make universal health care sound so bad? RED FEAR so that they can keep their lower-income supporters pissed that they pay such high premiums because the bureaucracy is run by for-profit insurance companies instead of the government. If poor people got real facts about socialism, they might realize it would actually be beneficial for them.
I'm a Political Science major, so like...I KNOW MY SHIT."-The first part of this sentence may be true. The second? We're about to find out it was a complete lie. Unless she dissects her poops to find the stuff she digested and harken back to the buffet meal she put away an hour ago.
Interviewer: "Do you know who Benjamin Netanyahu is?"
Rotund Girl: "No"
Hotter friend: "no"
Rotund Girl: "Isn't he the Israel Prime Minister or something? Who is Benjamin Yahu?"
Exactly. You have no idea what you are talking about. You come to Israel, claim to be a Political Science major, and then can't even pronounce the prime minister's name? You are full of shit, or lard. Or Bissli.
My goal is to dispel blind support and make sure it has meaning. We need to see that both sides have faults that need to be corrected. Idiots like this obese woman need to shut up and read up, and not blindly follow something, because then when someone who is actually informed talks to you, you can't respond. You'll have no chance. Calling Obama a pussy or the n-word will do nothing but make you seem more irrational, but calling him out for specific quotes or policy will do much more. So the goal of my posts for the next 2 months are to kill ignorance and spread knowledge. I'll keep you informed about the news and let you know about my surroundings.
And how about that drunk religious hippy at 2:02? He is by far the funniest part of that video, especially because he smartly doesn't say anything.

Manual Buzzer On Location

Over the coming weeks, I will be traveling with the Syracuse men's—and women's (!)—basketball teams to the Big East Tournaments in Hartford and New York City, and then to the first two weekends of the NCAA Tournament! [Knock on wood] Needless to say, shenanigans and many drinks are imminent. I'm going to bring the camera along and hopefully I'll come back with a couple of photo essays documenting what it's like to travel with a college basketball band, what Syracuse fans are like outside their natural habitat, and whether or not Jonny Flynn can teabag-dunk over Hasheem Thabeet, per Pappy's request.

If you're going to be where the team is, or know where any Syracuse hot spots are in the area, let us know so we can share some drinks and good times with fellow Syracuse comrades. I'll check in after the Rutgers game on Tuesday—senior night—and in the meantime I'll be munching on some Syracuse Athletics cereal, or at least some popcorn...

A Weekly Standard Coming Soon

What a season it's been for the Orange, eh? Hell, Jonny Flynn even dunked on someone! Look at this:
After so many clankers, finally! I'm so happy for you, Jonny. Now, just dunk on Thabeet and Bernie Fine could be your personal Sugarfoot.
Starting this Sunday, Pappy will return from Pappy's hiatus (Rickey told me to!) with a weekly column on college basketball with a 'Cuse focus, but also a national focus, and a little bit of a Philadelphia focus, but not so much a Penn focus, because I don't want to make fun of stupid people (read: Glen Miller) too much.

Girardi Party Playoff Party

I feel like I'm ready to talk college football playoffs. I've been holding out on this for a while, but a few things have happened to make me REALLY SUPER PISSED over the last few weeks...

• Arguing last night alongside my cousin against my drunken Notre Dame-fan uncle, who, in addition to stating that there should never be a playoff, claimed that Notre Dame shouldn't even go to a bowl game "because they'll just be continuing their same bad practice habits."
• Just thinking about the Bowl games now... none of them matters except the Title game. At all. At this point, I'd rather see a return to the traditional Bowl alignments than the BCS! That way, you'd have one-loss Oklahoma, USC, Penn State, and Florida all playing for a share of the national championship, and all their respective oppontents trying their best to ruin their seasons! Isn't that more interesting than only one game anyone really cares about? Sure, I'll still watch the Rose Bowl, but knowing that it's not going to weigh into the national title discussion at all takes some excitement out of it... OK, a LOT of excitement.
  
• Arguing with "el Tomas Verde" on 4th and Fail about his stupid playoff proposal—simply taking the top 8 BCS teams—which would never, ever, ever, ever, ever happen.
  
• Reading Pat Forde's pathetic, self-righteous whining that Texas got screwed. You know what, Texas? Stop it. Texas apologists? Stop it. I'm not saying the system is right—far from it—but everyone who has watched any college football during the BCS era knows that timing is everything. If Oklahoma had gotten left out, you'd never hear the end of it from Sooner fans, either. Three Big XII South teams finished with only one loss. Yes, Texas beat Oklahoma head-to-head. But it was early enough in the season that voters had essentially forgotten about it when OU knocked off Texas Tech. If you're talking head-to-head matchups, why should Texas have gone to the Big XII title game over Oklahoma, when Texas was beaten by Texas Tech? Clearly, the only solution is for Mike Leach, Mack Brown, and Bob Stoops to play a game of Rock-Paper-Scissors.

Alright. I'm now going to lay out the rules for GIRARDI PARTY PLAYOFF PARTY. This is not anything earth-shattering, but I wanted to get my proposal out there before that Muslim terrorist we just elected president declares jihad on the BCS. Bear in mind, neither this nor any other playoff will happen under the current BCS contract, because according to many sources, language preventing a playoff is actually written into the BCS's contract with ESPN.

Girardi Party Playoff Party

• Following the regular season and conference championship games (more on those in a minute), a committee would select eight teams to move on to college football's Division IA playoff. These selections would mostly be a formality, and would happen a lot like the BCS Selection Show now: basically, a glorified revealing of the final poll of the season.
  
• The only way a playoff would ever be accepted by the major conferences and college presidents would be if everyone got their piece of the pie, like the BCS now. So, the winners of the six BCS conferences (ACC, Big East, Big Ten, Big XII, Pac-10, SEC) would get automatic berths into the playoffs. The same rules would also be in effect for non-BCS teams and Notre Dame that exist now—namely, that ND gets in automatically if it's in the top 12, and any non-BCS-conference team gets in automatically if it's in the top 8.
• If any spots remain after the auto-bids are taken care of, up to two at-large teams could be selected for the playoffs, as well.
• In order to keep the "tradition" alive, the four BCS sites would host the first round games of the playoffs, and much like the case today, the title game would rotate between the four sites.
• Second-round matchups (i.e., the "Final Four") would be home games for the higher-seeded remaining teams.
  
• In terms of seeding, there would be no preference for conference champions—that is, all eight teams are seeded by a committee in the order they believe to be 1 through 8. No intra-conference matchups in the first round.

Let's take a look at what we would have had this year... try not to explode in your shorts thinking about the sheer awesomeness.

First Round - December 24/26
1. Oklahoma vs. 8. Utah at the Rose Bowl
2. Florida vs. 7. Virginia Tech at the Fiesta Bowl
3. USC vs. 6. Cincinnati at the Sugar Bowl
4. Texas vs. 5. Penn State at the Orange Bowl

We can project winners for these games pretty easily, except perhaps for the 4/5 game, and we'd be left with the Final Four on New Year's Day—that's a tradition I could get used to.

"Final Four" - January 1
1. Oklahoma vs. 4. Texas, at Oklahoma
2. Florida vs. 3. USC, at Florida

And finally, assuming higher seeds prevail...

Title Game - January 8
1. Oklahoma vs. 2. Florida, at the Orange Bowl

Now, this year, if all held to form, we'd have the same matchup that we do in the BCS Title Game. All questions, however, would be answered. This works because the Bowls still get to host their big games and make their money. The conferences are guaranteed their money. The fans get to plan their trips to Bowl games, watch on TV, or be rewarded with an extra home game. Everyone gets to see what they do with the very successful NCAA Basketball Tournament: one unquestioned champion, tons of exciting games, and lots of sponsorship exposure.

Look: A potential Oklahoma/Texas rematch on New Year's Day. JoePa gets his crack at a national championship, after all, as does Utah. You have the potential for a "Cinderella" if VaTech or Cincy could catch someone napping. ESPN gets a week between each round to build up anticipation and hype for the games. The season ends on the same day that it does with the current arrangement and the Bowls don't start any earlier.

People, however, like my drunk uncle, are still arguing against a playoff. They have dozens of excuses for why it's a bad idea and why the Bowls are the best system, etc. Let's debunk some of these arguments, right now, and put in a few more caveats while we're at it.


It would ruin the tradition of the Bowls
With this arrangement, the big Bowl games still get to host huge matchups—granted, not on New Year's Day—and make tons of money. Every four years, as happens now, each Bowl will also get to host the Title Game. And I'm sorry, but I can't even think of a viable argument against the Final Four teams being rewarded with an extra home game; these teams will almost always be the 1 and 2 seeds, and they have extremely difficult games. Giving them home-field advantage sufficiently rewards them for a great regular season.

And in terms of the other Bowls, go ahead, play 'em! They make money, and there would still be some lucrative matchups and big names out there to play for pride. I don't think that I would bemoan the loss of the grand tradition of the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl, but for those people who care, the sponsors who pony out the dough, and the teams who still want to travel and end their season on a high note, nobody would be stopping them.

The season is too long / The kids are students and have finals
First: no, they are not students. Most student-athletes, even at major NCAA powers, are students first and foremost, yes. But not Division 1A football players, and especially not at places like Oklahoma, Texas, Penn State, USC, and Florida. The vast majority of those kids are there to play football. And frankly, I don't care too much that they get extra help and get pushed through the system—they make so much money for these places that any extra attention they get is them getting paid back by their university.

Beside that, GPPP would start on Christmas Eve, long after finals are over. Even at an awful place like Michigan where finals go until the 23rd, alternate arrangements could be made, like you always see with NCAA hoops players taking exams at their hotels. So please, anyone who is standing on their soapbox rattling off reasons that this playoff is bad for academia, stop it. The BCS—and especially the addition of the fifth Title Game—is a blatant attempt to make as much money as possible. That's it. (Imagine how much money the BCS could make selling TV and sponsorship rights to its playoff...)

The regular season wouldn't mean as much
This is the argument I hear the most. I can see where people are coming from, too. In March Madness, you have 10 to 12 loss teams that are "on the bubble," teams getting in at-large who went .500 in-conference, and teams who can completely mail in their conference tournaments and still be confident in getting a bid.

That, however, would not be the case in a playoff with only eight teams—with only two at-large bids in a good year! Look at the field this year. How many two-loss teams do you see? That's right: none. A second loss would knock you completely out of the playoffs. While we're at it, look at the deserving one-loss and undefeated teams that were left out! Texas Tech suffered one late-season loss and was eliminated. The same goes for Alabama, who would be the team with the biggest beef this year. And then you have undefeated Boise State, who has proven its post-season mettle, still not getting in.

Also bear in mind that conference winners get automatic bids, and then you're REALLY looking at an extremely important regular season. One bad loss in conference could be all that's needed to knock you out of an autobid, leaving you praying for a scarce at-large bid or sending you to the Papajohns.com Bowl. Additionally, even with an playoff bid "locked up," you are still playing for seeding, as you want to be the team hosting that Final Four game, not going on the road!

(A side note about conference champions: I hate the conference championship games, but I understand that they're not going anywhere because of the money involved. That said, "divisions" are the stupidest idea in the history of mankind. The whole OU/Texas controversy this year could have been avoided if the conferences simply didn't have divisions, and the two highest-rated teams went to the conference title game every year, period. Oh, boo hoo, Kansas and Missouri; Oklahoma and Texas are always the best two teams? Too bad. Build a better program. We could have had a de facto playoff this year, with the Big XII and SEC winners being the "Final Four," but that was ruined by the Big XII intentionally loading its South division so that the crappy North teams have a chance, too.)

Teams will still get left out
This one really grinds my geahs. OF COURSE teams are still going to get left out. Unless you orchestrate a season-long playoff of all the Division 1 teams, somebody's not going to be invited to the party. You want the playoff to be exclusive and difficult to get into so that the regular season will still matter, remember? Think about the teams who would have the best arguments that they got screwed this year if there were a playoff. Texas Tech? Yes... but they got thumped by Oklahoma and barely squeaked by Baylor, and didn't win their conference. Sorry. Alabama? Perhaps, but when you compare Texas with Tech and 'Bama, Texas has the more impressive résumé; its wins hold up better now. Boise State? Yes, they have a legitimate complaint. They, however, play in a dog of a conference and would have been there if not getting shown up by Utah, who plays in a better conference and played a much tougher schedule as a result. Too bad.

Basically, you have to win your BCS conference, or be one of the one or two best teams outside of that to get in. Teams will get left out, but those left-out teams have much weaker arguments that they belong there than the teams who actually got in. Honestly, what would you be more upset about: the fact that questionable Alabama, Boise, and Tech teams didn't get a chance in the playoffs? Or that one-loss Texas, who beat one of the Title Game competitors head to head, doesn't get a chance to play for a national championship? If teams are going to be left out regardless, best to be more inclusive rather than less.


Note: I think that the weakest part of my proposal is the fact that the BCS Bowl games have to move to an earlier date, but it's a necessary evil to make sure that all four Bowls get an equal shot every year. One way to change this would be to make the 1 and 2 seeds play their home games in the first round instead, with the 3 and 4 seed first round games, the final four, and the title game all rotating amongst the BCS bowls to make them happy. I just figured that my way was a bit more egalitarian.

Inaccurate Sports Scenes Nobody Will Ever Care About: Rocko's Modern Life

Remember the old Rocko's Modern Life where Rocko and Mr. Bighead were facing off in the finals of their bowling league? Mr. Bighead had won some ridiculous number of years in a row, and Rocko had just started bowling, so, being the surly guy that he was, it bothered Mr. Bighead that Rocko got to the finals and was hanging with him in the final game.

Anyway, Rocko and Mr. Bighead got down to the tenth frame, with Mr. Bighead bowling last. When he stepped up to shoot, the announcers noted that he needed only one pin to win the league. (You mean your bowling league doesn't have announcers?) If you've seen the episode, you know that Mr. Bighead, in an act of sheer defiance, kicks the ball down the gutter intentionally for his first shot, and ends up completely destroying every inch of the bowling alley—except for the pins—with his second shot. In the last scene of the episode, Rocko wins the league trophy—in quite humble and gracious fashion, I might add. Very funny stuff, but that's not the issue here.

My question is: How can Mr. Bighead have needed only one pin to win the league? If he needed just one pin, that implies that he and Rocko were tied heading into the final frame; if Rocko were ahead, one pin would have, at best, tied him. Assuming they were tied, one pin would win the league, yes, but wouldn't the fact that he rolled a zero on his tenth frame leave them tied? Instead, Rocko immediately won. I would think that the two would have to play another game to determine the league championship.

Or maybe Mr. Bighead's league had some bylaw concerning tiebreakers, à la the Big Ten and the Rose Bowl, where the first tiebreaker is that last year's team can never go a second consecutive year.

Or maybe they did play a tiebreaker game but it was edited out in the interests of time.

I'm not sure. All I do know is that when you need just one point to win, in any sport, you're probably tied. (I'm sure there's some example where this is not true, but I think enough thought's been put into this for one night.) GP, out.

A few observations from the Richmond game and the parts of the UNC-UK game I could stomach

Syracuse-Richmond
-Arinze looked solid as hell. I don't care who it was against, he didn't even miss a free throw (he took one). His touch looks amazing.
-Devendorf didn't show much ill effect from the ACL, including his own personal 8 point burst near the middle of the 2nd half.
-Andy, however, just never looked comfortable out there and had an ofer from he field.
-I guess Mookie is considered a project? Hopefully he continues to get minutes in blowouts, or he stole someone's ID.
-I felt like Devo dropped acid for those 2 consecutive travels.
-Jonny, why can't you dunk ON people? You always can dunk with space, but when there's someone under you, you hit the back rim. So, Nancy Kerrigan asks:

Must be something really hard in the rim (of the color black?).
-So many instances of the Boeheim face that one could not count them on just the hands, they would need toes and maybe even ears.
-This morning on Anthony Gargano's show on WIP, the kings of sports talk in Philadelphia, they couldn't stop talking about how dumb McNabb was for not knowing there were ties in the NFL, as well as how Jim Boeheim declared he did not know about NFL ties, which led them to call Boeheim dumb too. My question for Mr. Gargano is not a question. It is a statement in bold: JIM BOEHEIM IS A FUCKING COLLEGE BASKETBALL COACH YOU FUCKING RUSTY TROMBONIST. SINCE WHEN DOES HE NEED TO KNOW THE FUCKING NFL RULEBOOK? MAYBE HE DOESN'T EVEN WATCH THE NFL YOU FREQUENT RECIPIENT OF CLEVELAND STEAMERS. I HOPE YOU GET RAPED BY A NARWHAL. THE HORN OF A NARWHAL YOU SHITBRAIN.

UNC-UK
-I bet His Airness suggested the non-button-down with the pinstripe suit for Psycho T to wear on the bench, except Hansbrough forgot the gold chain around the neck. Tyler should instead listen to another former Carolina player: Rasheed Wallace, who sits on the bench in uniform even if he is hurt.
-Patrick Patterson and Deon Thompson are 2 of the better big men in the country. The difference between the two? The guards on Patrick Patterson's team all play like they had their hands chopped off.
-When Dick Vitale starts verbally masturbating to players on Duke or UNC, it makes me write text messages that read like so:

"I want to punch Dick Vitale in the ovaries, then punch Tyler Hansbrough in the fallopian tube, and then bang EA."

Yeah, I'm fucking serious about this. emancipateusfromdickvitale.com coming soon?

That is all for now. I'll be back on Sunday with some power rankings, where I will take these and update them for this week and hopefully for every week the rest of the season. Until then, watch out for the Joe Biden experience...coming soon!

College Basketball is LIFE

And life this past week was watching Barack Obama soundly defeat John McCain in the US Presidential election. Why do I mention this? Because of its similarity to the 1990 NCAA Final, where UNLV absolutely destroyed Duke (unique style/black soundly destroys regular Republican attack/white campaign) and represented an affirmation that there was a more appealing style of basketball that involved watching Bobby Hurley and Christian Laettner get their asses dunked on. Krzyzewski was like McCain at the time, having built up prestige but never making it to the top (but he didn't have a rivalry with his father and grandfather). Tark was taking on the NCAA and its monopolistic practices while chewing on a towel (and his parents were Armenian immigrants).
But now, back to the semi-sloth life I plan to live under an Obama presidency. There is nothing I love more than sitting around on a weekend and watching college basketball from noon until 1AM, but things done changed this year. I hate being obtrusive, but with no cable where I'm currently living (and probably none where I will be next semester), I have to burden someone, whether it be a restaurant or a person who actually has cable, in order to practice this comfort activity.
And fuck it I will NOT stop doing this. Not with the amazing talent and not with the prospects of my Syracuse Orange(men) (FINALLY NOT OVERRATED!) this year. College basketball looks like it will be real good this year. Everyone is talking about UNC this year, but come on, we talk about UNC every year. They didn't lose anyone but Quentin Thomas last year who was a steady replacement for the injured Ty Lawson, who should be healthier, which will make things even easier for Roy Williams. And damn, he is going to start feeling pressure. Connecting the prestige of UNC to the skill and daft recruiting of Roy Williams leads to preseason national championship predictions every year. No Hansbrough for an unspecified amount of time as well as Marcus Ginyard set to miss some time will have its effects, but the Tar Heels still have that Tar Heel talent and Williams' excellent secondary break strategy that Ty Lawson will use to easily destroy teams. Could they get trapped with that Extra Super Tuesday matchup with Kentucky? Yes. But the Heels should still be a 1 seed in the tournament, and here are my other three 1 seeds:
Louisville: Rick Pitino got off to a bad start in his return to the Big East with the Cardinals in 2005-06, the year after the Final Four. But Pitino has made excellence strides with this team, with the late run in 2007 to get into the tournament, and have parlayed that momentum to a near Final Four appearance last year and a very strong team right now. Earl Clark is going to play like a top 5 pick this year. Terrence Williams is tenacious on defense and is a great contributor. Jerry Smith, Edgar Sosa, and Preston Knowles will be improved as all Pitino-coached players do between seasons, and will help Williams keep up the intensity of Pitino's signature pressure defense . The distraction that is Derrick Caracter has left the building. At one time, Caracter was THE center prospect in high school, until Greg Oden destroyed him in an ABCD game, leading to a downfall that included him declaring for the NBA Draft last season...before the NCAA Tournament. The front court will be pretty inexperienced, especially without the amazing passing of David Padgett, who looked like Brian Brohm threading the needle on backdoor passes to the tune of 2 assists per game. Terence Jennings and Samardo Samuels are going to need to step in immediately with no other big men on the roster, and they will need to play consistently, and well, for the Cardinals to have the regular season I'm expecting of them.
Connecticut: I can't stress how much I hate UConn and Georgetown, but when Syracuse (a subject I will return to later) gets eliminated or mistakenly left out of the tournament, you have to cheer for one of these teams. And UConn is the one you can also put your money on. AJ Price may be really old and did commit a misdemeanor when he stole those laptops, but he can still play and was an amazing point guard for this team last year, and probably could have gone farther in the tournament if he hadn't torn his ACL in the 1st round game against San Diego. Hasheem Thabeet will just keep getting better and will join Clark in the top 5 next year, mostly due to being 7'3" and having a gigantic wing span, but also an improved inside game that will make him tough to deal with. And don't forget his relative touch on free throws (69.8% last year) that makes him even more valuable.
The Huskies look exactly like UNC last year, with no seniors on the roster to lose, but they did add some players, although CJ Miles is gone. Kemba Walker and Scotty Haralson will provide depth at guard that will help Jim Calhoun avoid the tragedy (well, satisfying ending for me) to the UConn season last year.
Michigan State: Drew Neitzel was a consistent presence last year, but playing to his style made the Spartans boring. Their lack of true punch led them to be eliminated by Pitt in the 2nd round. Raymar Morgan will be the featured member of this team, with his size and ability to step outside and penchant for great defense. Marquise Gray and Goran Suton further solidify the frontcourt. Kalin Lucas will be a great pacekeeper for this team, and they will destroy the Big Ten with ease. And this.
#2 seeds:
Duke: Like Andre Nickatina does you, I hate Duke with a passion. But Krzyzewski has a nasty squad fielded this year. Nolan Smith will probably take over for Duke's all-time underperformer (well, second to Chris Carrawell) Greg Paulus at the point. Lance Thomas, Kyle Singler, Jon Scheyer and Gerald Henderson (most of all) will be nasty as usual. You know Coach K reloaded with another amazing recruiting class, led by big Miles Plumlee, who will probaly be platooning with Thomas unless Zoubek magically starts to improve his game, meaning that he will be platooning with both Zoubek and Thomas.
UCLA: Ben Howland adores every round of the tournament except for ones after the Round of 16. He took the Bruins to the Final Four two of the past three years, and to the Elite Eight last year, each time being eliminated by a championship game participant. Ben may have trouble getting this team to the Sweet 16 this year, especially since the 2 most talented players from last year's team were lottery picks (Kevin Love and Russell Westbrook) and the most powerful player (Luc Richard Mbah a Moute: he is a fucking prince!) was picked by the Bucks in the 2nd round. Jrue Holiday and Malcolm Lee will lead a solid freshman class, and Darren Collison and Josh Shipp are back. The post will not be as strong this year, as Alfred Aboya is not the offensive player (in scoring or in passing) that Love was. And Nikola Dragovic assaulted his ex-girlfriend!
Pittsburgh: I find it funny when a team falls victim to Jeremy McNeil. And the year that Syracuse won the national title, Pitt, at the Dome and by default about to become the #1 team in the country with a win (Arizona lost earlier that week to Stanford), Jeremy McNeil pulled the rug out from under them by hitting both ends of a one-and-one (Carmelo said after the game: "He never could do it in practice, and then we always gotta run.") and then tipping in a miss to put Syracuse up by 2 with less than a second left. Probably the most ridiculous celebration that side of the Hakim throwing the ball in the air against Notre Dame with way too much time on the clock later that year. Now, things are different. Still, Syracuse has been ranked #1, and Pitt, still never. Sam Young and Levance "Broken Legs" Fields are back, along with local hero DeJuan Blair. Jamie Dixon has by far his best recruiting class ever coming in led by Nasir Robinson.
Oklahoma: If I were to play against Blake Griffin, I'd shit myself too. Jeff Capel also has some real solid guards in Austin Johnson and and Kyle Crocker, whose mom made brownies for the team before their first game. Willie Warren is a welcome addition to the back court depth. But fuck, Blake Griffin is a fucking force. Sorry for cussin'.
#3 Seeds
Texas: I wasn't a firm believer in DJ Augustin last year, and now that he is with the Bobcats, I still am not. Damion James started playing really well, finally getting the chance to be out of the shadow cast by Kevin Durant (not doing so well himself in Oklahoma City). Dexter Pittman and Connor Atchley are solid up front. AJ Abrams is still there, and Justin Mason may be able to put together his freshman year (great shooting numbers and mediocre assist and turnover numbers) with last year (mediocre shooting and improved assist and turnover numbers). From among Harrison Smith, freshman Varez Ward, and Dogus Balbay, someone must improve or their back court will be weak like Syracuse last year (more on that later).
Kentucky: Billy Gillespie is about to work a miracle, and might get himself some Ashley Judd poon as payment. He did have a tough year last year but managed to beat Tennessee and get a tournament bid. This year? I bet Patrick Patterson is way healthier and he is definitely a dark horse first-team All-American pick, but I think he will have that solid year. Jodie Meeks in the back court and Perry Stevenson in the front court need to step up in order that Kentucky can play up to their potential.
Gonzaga: By far my favorite mid-major for being the birthplace of the Morristache. Austin Daye is what Pat Calathes could never be: a 6'10" guard who can dominate games. Josh Heytvelt is back, and no word whether he will get any magic mushrooms references from announcers is the Zags go far in the Dance. Jeremy Pargo, Matt Bouldin, and Micah Downs will handle well, and Mark Few also brought in a good class of freshmen that will make this team even more dangerous with their depth.
Purdue: A team with a nasty streak is the best way to classify the Boilermakers under Matt Painter. Gene Keady taught him how to play Purdue basketball, and his teams sure play it better than any of Keady's ever did. The core of E'Twaun Moore, Robbie Hummel, Keaton Grant, and Chris Kramer. Scott Martin would be on this list, but he transferred to Notre Dame for undisclosed reasons. But Purdue still returns 7 players who averaged more than 15 minutes per game and I think they will improve on their second round appearance in the tournament, as long as Keady didn't teach Painter how to choke.
#4 Seeds
Memphis: A lot was lost last year, including what seemed like a sure national title, but also the amazing Derrick Rose, who returned to Chicago to suit up for the Bulls, and the maniacal Joey Dorsey, who might actually make me shit my pants more than Blake Griffin if I were to guard him. Calipari brought in Tyreke Evans and Wesley Witherspoon to help make up for the loss, and Antonio Anderson, Robert Dozier, Shawn Taggart, Robert Dozier, Willie Kemp, and Andre Allen will be more than ready to increase their output to fill the void. And Pierre Henderson-Niles? Well, PETA had some choice words that may have led him to devour a few PETA members.
Davidson: I'll be the first to say that this ranking may end up being too high. Stephen Curry may be the best player in the country this year. I think he may have been the best last year, but Tyler Hansbrough just makes all hose sportswriters ejaculate with all his grit and being white. Stephen will have a but of a tougher year this year, especially without the dude feeding him the ball as Jason Richards, last year's national assists leader, graduated. The bulk of last year's team is gone, so Andrew Lovedale, Stephen Rossi and Zach from Saved by the Bell (Amirite? AMIRITE?!?!?) will have to step up, as well as the coach's son, Brendan.
Arizona State: Geez, it's been a while. Herb Sendek built up a team at NC State, and now one from Tempe is about to rise. James Harden could end up being a first-team All-American if the Sun Devils live up to expectations this year. Jeff Pendergraph wants to earn his own honors in his senior year, and Harden's fellow sophomore Ty Abbott will also be key to a good season.
Florida: Billy Donovan got a tough break when Jai Lucas asked to transfer because he wanted time at point guard, a position filled easily by Nick Calathes, who was solid last year. Billy did lock out his team last year, and if that doesn't make them angry about playing in the fucking NIT, I don't know what will. Eloy Vargas and Kenneth Kadji lead a group of 6 freshmen to add to 5 sophomores and only one junior and one senior. Give Billy a year to get back to the Final Four, because this group can definitely do it.
Meaningless Preseason Award Tour with Mohammed my man, going to each and every place with a mic in my hand:
Player of the Year: Hansbrough will win it, but I think Blake Griffin may just do so much at Oklahoma and Hansbrough may be out indefinitely for so long that Griffin will take it.
Coach of the Year: Vast improvement is the hallmark of this one, so I'm giving it to Billy Donovan, who may next make his players go kill an alligator to eat if they end up in the NIT again this year.
Freshman of the Year: USC lost a lot last year. OJ Mayo is with the Grizz in the League, and Davon Jefferson is with the Heat...the Maccabi Haifa Heat. USC is left with a team devoid of a scorer until Master P shows up and offers Demar DeRozan as long as his son, Lil Romeo, also gets a spot on the team. Now, no other team showed interest in Miller, who might not even be good enough to play in the Ivy League. Actually, I'm 100% sure Lil Romeo would not be able to compete in the Ivy League. But Demar DeRozan should be dominant in the PAC-10, and will probably be way more efficient than OJ ever was.

First Team All-Americans:
C: Blake Griffin, Oklahoma
F: Tyler Hansbrough, UNC
F: Patrick Patterson, Kentucky
G: Stephen Curry, Davidson
G: Ty Lawson, UNC

Second Team All-Americans:
C: Hasheem Thabeet, UConn
F: Earl Clark, Louisville
F: Sam Young, Pittsburgh
G: Gerald Henderson, Duke
G: James Harden, Arizona State

Freshman All-Americans:
C: BJ Mullens, Ohio State
F: Al-Farouqq Aminu, Wake Forest
F: Demar DeRozan, USC
G: Scotty Hopson, Tennessee
G: Jrue Holiday, UCLA

Teams for which I have a rooting interest, analyzed:
Syracuse: I fucking love Jonny Flynn. I could give a shit if Donte Greene is getting time in the League (he barely is, but probably will when the Kings miss the playoffs and stop caring), because Jonny Flynn is going to do big things at Syracuse. 5.3 assists last year? With Rautins and Devendorf back, that number will rise. He shot 46% (I am pissed about that, he should have been shooting more with his much more accurate jumper than Donte was) and 35% from 3. Jonny is the barometer on this team, and he will lead them however far they go.
Arinze is fucking solid inside, and hopefully his free-throw touch will be better. And if Rick Jackson can actually make shots in the post (the moves were great, the touch was not)? The inside will be solid. Maybe even Sean Williams will be solid too. Paul Harris will continue to be a bull on the boards and might not be as stupid as he was last year, which includes cooling it with the 3's. Devo and Rautins will make it way easier for everyone if they are on mark, which is highly likely. Mookie Jones and Kris Joseph will be solid additions to the team to replace Donte. I am very excited. Bring on Florida, bring on Memphis, bring on the Big East, and let's see what this team can do.
Penn: That transition year was weird last year. Ibby Jaaber seemed fine without a transition year. So did Mark Zoller. Now, Glen Miller builds. WTF???!?!?!?!? Kevin Egee (cheated on an astronomy exam, off of yours truly) and Brennan Votel are the leaders, although their experience doesn't seem that useful. Darren Smith returns from a year spent being injured. Will he be better? Will this dude from the Bahamas be any good? The sophomores should be ready, as Tyler Bernadini took home the Big 5 Freshman of the Year award last year, and Harrison Gaines looks poised to be the floor general of this offense. There was much turmoil in the starting lineup last year, so if Miller can settle on a 5, the Quakers will be solid. Just wait until after the 1st game (lol UNC).
In one week, Extra Super Tuesday begins, and by golly, I will have a change of pants available. Or a catheter installed.

The Republican Party's Fall As Told Through Sports

As far as we can see, Republicans are nearly extinct. Hell they've been on their way down since Reagan lied his way through making us feel happy while actually letting the savings and loan crisis slip through his teflon hands. But right now? Things not looking too good, especially as John McCain chooses "the Gipper" as the movie character most similar to him on "Meet the Press." McCain thinks he will die and become a rallying cry for the Republicans? That's not what I call optimism, but I digress.
Let's just go back to 2006's Gubernational election on Pennsylvania, which boiled down from Democrat vs. Republican to Eagles vs. Steelers, as Ed Rendell, former Philadelphia mayor and still contributor to Eagles postgame on Comcast Sports, beat out Lynn Swann, a HOF Steelers receiver. That really didn't help the Republicans make any headway in our swing state, and Democrats have made huge gains. But how bad is it? Hell, look what Franco Harris is up to right now. Sure makes the Republicans look lacking in the endorsements in Pennsylvania, especially since Rick Santorum has (thankfully) disappeared for good. Even a populist figure couldn't even get close to pulling off an election? Not a very good sign, even with Swann's complete lack of political experience.
And McCain? Look no further than fellow white-haired, aging-so-fast-before-our-eyes Arizona icon Lute Olson, who stepped down from his post as head coach of the Arizona Wildcats last week amid a divorce (his first, as his first wife died of cancer) and a VERY possible NCAA violation (NOT A SMART THING TO DO!) and probably had a stroke (taking care of himself as well as McCain keeps his medical records complete). Probably makes him look worse than McCain, but with this, I'm not sure:


Wow, well, let's go Phillies!
And now for this: this a proper way to do something, and then there is the completely wrong way to do something. Bud Selig did the right thing for Game 5. But he just did it the completely wrong way. Seriously, the adverb to describe how he suspended Game 5: fucktardedly. You either stop it before it becomes official, when even a Sri Lankan would call it a monsoon in the 3rd. But just letting the Phillies fuck up? I don't think so. I can't believe MLB has this fucking stone robot under contract for another 4 years doing a job that he seems to do extremely terribly, except the owners LOVE money, and Selig makes sure they get a shitload. Whatever, like I care about baseball that isn't the Fightins'.

SHIT'S ABOUT TO GET ROWDY

Philadelphia hasn't been this happy since Super Bowl XXXIX, when Donovan reportedly threw up their chances in the last minute. And this is quite a bit more definite. As I am here, I thought I'd write about the atmosphere, because it extends way beyond the South Philadelphia Sports Complex area. EVERYBODY is gettin' perked, both through foreign materials as well as through the success of the Phillies (and some with the foreign materials because of the Phillies). I saw one dude walking around in a Mets hat and generally just getting jeered. People weren't even trying to kick him or anything, just mocking his hat choice! It is amazing.
The day that Philadelphians had yesterday was ethereal. For the first time in the history of the South Philadelphia Sports Complex, two teams played home games on the same day. And The Who played a show at the Wachovia Center while the Phillies played Game 4. Both were preceded by the Eagles beating the Falcons easily. But for all of this I just want you to close your eyes and imagine this: tailgating the Eagles game at 11AM, going to the Eagles game, leaving the Eagles game perked from the victory, having to find a new parking spot (probably not possible, even as Lincoln Financial was, as usual when they are in contention, filled up), tailgating for the Phillies, going into the Phillies game and watching the mass extinction of the World Series' hopes of a species, and then leaving to revel on Broad Street? I'd fucking dig that. That is the opposite of sports fan suicide.
Tonight, I'll be watching at a local bar, and then hopefully tomorrow, I'll be at a parade. To those who doubt my plans, I say, WHY CAN'T US?

THE BUZZER MAKES QUANTUM LEAPS AND OTHER BIG NEWS

So I submitted a list to McSweeney's and LOOK WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. Just like Scott Bakula in terms of making the leap, but more of staying in my own body. Okay, stop jumping on my back all of you followers of this blog. Seriously, the four of you have hurt me greatly with this celebration! I feel like fucking Kevin Everett (I know, TOO SOON.). Really, this is the easiest shit to do...ever. It doesn't even take balls, I think it's just consciousness and a pinch of wit. But seriously, Mike Mussina does crossword puzzles everyday, and he's turning to Joba for help compiling a list? No wonder the Yankees missed the playoffs.
Moving on to more meaningful current events, but because of our recession, it seems that Wikipedia has also devolved. I couldn't believe this shit:



The featured article of the day for the English version of Wikipedia...is TYRONE WHEATLEY?!!!?!!111//1/1?!?!?!?1/1/!?1?1?!?! If Wikipedia were the true measure of American attitude to the depression, here is what would be happening right now:
1.) All universities would burned for warmth and the metal scrapped.
2.) In an ode to the Dominican impoverished population's dedication to baseball, children would take all their parents' checks and cash and paper mache them into helmets and pads to play football.

Well, that sounds pretty god damn sad, so I think I'm going to keep it political and move onto some presidential campaign bullshit. First off, on Deadspin, I read that John McCain is getting herbal supplements from Bill Romanowski (The link is so worth it to see the face John McCain will make when he shits himself to death in 4 years). Also, this whole situation implies one thing: John McCain is a steroid user. Look, "Romocop" may be off the juice now, but really, he's probably still on it because who the fuck is going to drug test him now? Does Roger Goodell give a shit about Bill Romanowski? No. But I guess John McCain does, and that shit is big enough that he is willing to take steroids. Didn't Jason Grimsley get busted while he was playing for the Diamondbacks? From what I'm reading, John McCain is very pro-steroid. If he is elected, I'm thinking lots of dudes' balls will shrink and further decrease the birth rate, which should help the approaching overpopulation of the planet. But Sarah Palin will probably grow balls.
And the vice presidential debate! Never has losing looked so much like winning to every idiot pundit in our country! I went to the gym after the debate and I was only listening as those idiot talking heads "analyzed" the debates. And for some reason, the fact that she didn't lose that badly was a victory for the McCain campaign. I'm sorry, but she came off, and I know this next sentence will be the most offensive thing I will EVER put on this blog, but she came off to me as being even more retarded than her infant child. In foreign policy, she made the most common bullshit Republican misconception on Iran her main point: Ahmadinejad is in control of Iran. In reality, it was sort of like how Lane Kiffin was reportedly in control of the Raiders. And her plan to put the American embassy to Israel in Jerusalem? That one was pretty much out of left field no country has an embassy in Jerusalem proper and no one is proposing it), and will pretty much piss off every Palestinian ally and make a peace deal that much more unlikely if she and McCain do bring that up. She only had talking points. She had no response to anything that Biden said, and he gave her something she couldn't even defend herself about when he made fun of the Bridge to Nowhere, which she reportedly actually took the money for but then didn't have it built. Funny thing is that in Wasilla, if you get sexually assaulted, you have to pay out of your own pocket for the pap smear, and she has all that extra money, and NOW she is about women's rights? Sarah Palin is a sick fucking joke who in reality has such a lack of foreign policy experience that I could teach her something in a debate, which is sad.
Anyways, all this shows is that McCain is Bob Dole redux (he was also a war hero you know, and essentially also an incompetent liar). And if our country somehow elects him, well, I'll just miss Bill Clinton a whole lot more. Please don't elect him. PLEASE. Too bad Syracuse can't lose a game to increase my faith in the world.