World Cup: Group A

With kickoff less than 24 hours away for South Africa, who seem slated to be the first host nation to not get past the group stage, the Buzzer is back to preview each group, team by team. I was thinking of starting with Group B or something, but then I thought about the alphabet and being organized and stuff, so I went with Group A.
A few notes on the World Cup to start: this is of course the first tournament held outside the friendly confines of North America, Asia, Europe, and South America. It took enough time to expand the tournament to get it to this. However, this is also the first time the tournament is being held in the autumn. Some people think this will leave teams at a disadvantage when coupled with the high altitudes. Personally, I prefer running around with a slight breeze as opposed to the deathly heat that characterized nearly every game during the tournament in Germany. But the altitude should have some sort of effect on the teams appearing in the tournament.
Otherwise, while US ticket sales are very high, the State Department seems to be playing into Blackwater's hands by telling Americans to be very, very scared of all the crime they will probably fall victim to since they aren't in the suburbs anymore. Really helping with that flow of goods and capital that is part of globalization. USA! Anyways, to Group A we go...

South Africa
Nickname: Bafana Bafana (Zulu for The Boys)
Abbreviation: RSA (Republic of South Africa-mindblowing, right?)
Last World Cup: 2002, they actually won four points in the group stage but didn't advance due to having one less goal scored than Paraguay.
How did they get here?: Easy, they hosted the damn thing and somehow got everything ready despite a giant strike that included the people building the stadiums.
Manager: Carlos Alberto Parreira. The Brazilian won one World Cup in 1994 with his homeland, then in 2006 proceeded to lead them in their biggest national embarrassment in a loss to the French, which was ameliorated by the fact that the French made it to the final and were probably a headbutt away from lifting the trophy in Munich.
Player to watch: Steve Pienaar, who plies his trade at Everton. Also has the same name as that dude that Matt Damon played in Invictus who united the country through rugby. He is a strong playmaker who played some amazing football when he coupled with Landon Donovan in central midfield while the American was on loan. Can he do the same as Francois did with the rugby team and unite the country? Remains to be seen, but I'm not putting my money on it.
Player to not watch: Benni McCarthy of West Ham. Dude got cut because he was overweight and sex wasn't helping him lose it. Hell, I'm fat and out of shape, but YOU ARE A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE. Way to make your country proud. He actually scored a couple goals for Bafana Bafana in 1998 and 2002.
Projected finish: Not making it out of the group stage. Despite being the economic power of the continent, South Africa is in no way the soccer power. If you're looking to put money on an African team, Cameroon, Ghana, and the Ivory Coast are much more stable bets. But more on them later.

Mexico
Nickname: El Tri (The three-colored)
Abbreviation: MEX (mindblowing, right?)
Last World Cup: 2006: An easy group draw helped them easily take second over Angola and Iran while Portugal got out unscathed. Then, in the round of 16, fellow former Spanish colony Argentina took them out with help from a Maxi Rodriguez wunderstrike

Yeah, that burns. Especially when Martin Tyler knows it was a goal coming off his foot.
How did they get here?: Easily skipping through CONCACAF qualifying alongside the US minus some trouble with Honduras and the whole business of Sven-Goren Eriksson slowly digging a grave for the team before he was fired.
Manager: Former national teamer Javier "El Vasco" Aguirre. He managed to beat the US outside of Mexico (something he failed to do in 2002 that led him to Osasuna in Spain's La Liga) for the Gold Cup in 2009. He deals with stress better than Mexico's 2006 manager, Ricardo Volpe, who was known to lord over the sideline while going through two packs of Marlboro reds and then falling into a delirium when the game would go into extra time. Aguirre is also an improvement over known incompetent Sven-Goren Eriksson, who will actually somehow be at this World Cup with the Ivory Coast following almost letting the Mexicans not qualify. Luckily, someone knew to fire him.
Player to watch: Carlos Vela, Arsenal. The striker will most likely be coming off the bench, but he should have a huge impact on the El Tri's chances. He showed flashes in his moments on the pitch with Arsenal this year. Expect more when Aguirre calls on him.
Player not to watch: Omar Bravo, Guadalajara, who at 30 is too damn old for this team, despite putting up a brace against Iran in 2006.
Projected finish: The first three of this group are a crapshoot, with Mexico, France, and Uruguay all having solid teams but not exactly anything to call the bookie about and put up your last paycheck. I'm going with third, as France and Uruguay have a lot more guys making their livings in Europe that will ultimately put them over the top.

Uruguay
Nickname: La Celeste (The Sky Blue...OMG IZ DAT DUH CULUR OF DARE UNIFORMS?!?!?!?!?!?!1/1/1/11/1? Or delicious cheap frozen pizza?)
Abbreviation: URU
Last World Cup: 2002: Pretty embarrassing. France had their worst showing after winning in 1998, as they only got one point, and they got it against Uruguay. Needless to say, they are looking to improve on that in South Africa.
How did they get here?: Maradona managed to motivate Argentina and get them to beat Uruguay and not need to play in a playoff against the fourth team from CONCACAF, a fate which fell to La Celeste, who beat Costa Rica 2-1 on aggregate to advance to the Final.
Manager: Oscar Tabarez, a former AC Milan manager, where he sucked, also known as El Maestro, this commie bastard plans to teach and attack. Poop your pants before the proletariat poops in them for you.
Player to watch: Diego Forlan, Atletico Madrid. Once considered a huge failure at Old Trafford for only giving the Red Devils 10 goals in 63 matches, Forlan moved to the continent and put in work in Spain for Villareal and now Atletico, making everyone regret that he couldn't get up to speed with the English game. He helped Atletico to the Europa League title with 2 goals against Fulham. If he is in form, expect big things from Uruguay.
Player to not watch: Fabian Carini, keeper, Atletico Mineiro. Carini is the second most-capped player/keeper in Uruguay history, but he will not be with the team after retiring last year. Weak goalkeeping usually doesn't mean lifting trophies and Uruguay's three keepers have a total of 18 caps between themselves. Just ask the English about unsteady keeping (more on that later).
Projected finish: Come on down to the knockout stage, Uruguay. Advantages in the field help outweigh advantages in the net. They should have little trouble with South Africa and they will tie Mexico. Then again, what about France?

France
Nickname: Les Bleus (The Blues)
Abbreviation: FRA
Last World Cup: Can I put .gifs in here? Yeah, too much of a hassle.

How sad is that? Zidane has an absolutely masterful tournament, then Materazzi says something to him and he goes off. He gets the Golden Ball, but he must walk past the World Cup trophy. And Zidane carried this team in the knockout stage after missing the third group game with Togo following two yellow cards in the first two matches.
How did they get here?: Cheating

Manager: Raymond Domenech. Somehow, the man who relies on the stars to set his lineup and needed a no-call on a handball to qualify is still the coach. And I can't get a damn job anywhere. Maybe if I win a World Cup, Chipotle will hire me...
Player to watch: Franck Ribery of Bayern Munich. Zidane's heir has a lot of work to do and will be carrying this team from midfield with his amazing runs. Hopefully he won't be driving the bus.

Basically, he isn't a good driver.
Player not to watch: Zinedine Zidane. Since he retired from football, the French team has been in the water closet. Euro 2008 was a huge disappointment, and needing a no-call to qualify shows how desperate things are for Les Bleus. Who knows, maybe Zidane will return and not look as close to death as every old professional wrestler who keeps going into the 40's.
Projected finish: Domenech should thank his lucky stars that he got such an easy group. Les Bleus will overpower with their talent, but the knockout stage will be a very different story for this team.

Group B and Group C will be posted tomorrow, Group D and Group E Saturday, Groups F, G, and H on Sunday.