I'd like to first off apologize to anybody out there that I offended with my section about Dan's ex. More specifically to Dan's ex girlfriend Jess Getty. She's absolutely right that I know nothing about her, and did not portray her in the best light for not knowing her. Again, our average reader count of this blog can be counted (very generously) in dozens, so to say that I didn't think that anybody would really see that would be very truthful. Aside from that, I know it's hard to believe, but I was really making fun of Dan more than anything but I can see how it came across, so again Jess, I apologize...
As far as any other problems that people had with what I wrote, I really don't care. It was meant as a tribute to Dan, and that's how Dan would see it, and I knew he would understand. Did I throw in some parts to bust his chops...yes, I didn't want want to make it seem like a love note, and wanted to add some inside humor that Dan would be able to enjoy. If anyone out there really believes that I'm an asshole for writing that to Dan, than I'd like you to think back to the last time somebody spent hours publishing a tribute that basically called you the most well rounded genius in the world, and stating the various reasons why. I plan on following the same formula for Joe's tribute. So...
Joseph Dubroff...A Wizard A True Star
When I think about Joe, and our friendship, I can't help but think of the wide range of time periods, situations, and venues that we have been part of together. From 2000 onward, Joe has probably been in more memorable moments with me than any other person. Few if any people know me better than Joe does, and the same can be said about me towards him. There's a lot of detail and minutiae to sift through, but I will do my best, sectioning off his profile by titles of songs that Joe and I have jammed out to.
"The Spark of Life"-Joe's introduction to Wellwood
There's no specific profound moment that I remember meeting Joe. There were a bunch of new kids who renounced their religion to join public schools after elementary school. My memory brings me to seventh grade, being teamed up with Pappy in a handful of classes. I've got to be terribly honest, I had no idea what to think of him. Even as a twelve year old, he was a totally original prototype. Somehow he would always make me laugh though. Right off the bat we shared a unconditional love of sports, and music. As a seventh grader Joe was in tune with great music. While all of our peers were drooling over Ja rule and Creed, Joe was the only person I knew that age who could talk about Steely Dan, or Public Enemy with me.
Joe's love of sports, specifically basketball, was also something that allowed us to hit it off. Some of our favorite middle school basketball names included but are not limited to; Preston Shumpert, Allen Griffin, Eddie Griffin, Ty Shine, Jon Linehan, Troy Bell, and Ricardo Greer (obviously our focus was college basketball at that age and not the NBA...by the way, if you can name where all of those players went to college without googling than you can hang with us anytime). Joe, though at that age not looking like it, was ultra competitive, and a perfect person for intramurals, where he would become legendary at banking in straight on threes. Other fun facts about Middle School Pappy:
-Invited me over in seventh grade to watch the classic dvd "The Song Remains the Same." Probably not the best idea for two kids very interested in drugs, to watch an hour of the members of Zeppelin carrying out drug induced fantasies, as we watched in total admiration. When Joe gets married, I'm going to do my best to find the "Enjoy Coca Cola" logoed shirt, that actually said Enjoy Coccaine, and get it for an engagement gift.
-Joe's barmitzvah was an event for the ages. We trashed Temple Beth El with corn and cheerios, danced like we were all on E, and then played spin the bottle with all of Joe's cousins, and aunts. Only one part of that is made up
-In typical Joe fashion, he would drive our "soft like tissue paper" orchestra teacher Mr.Mendez out of his mind by plucking classic rock songs on his cello. Apparently Mendez had enough one day and snapped. As Joe was furiously plucking away at "Crazy Train" Mr. Mendez grabbed a pair of scissors. From what Joe told me, he looked so mad that he thought he might stab him with the scissors, but instead he cut the strings on Joe's cello, and then violently yanked them off the cello. Just take a second and imagine a gay teacher doing that to a middle school string student.
-Perhaps the event that put Joe on the map. One day during Mr.Stokes seventh grade Social Studies class, Joe needed a tissue. Joe was one of the taller kids that we had around at that point, so if he got up and walked to the front of the room, people were going to notice. I can't remember/don't want to remember the events that lead to this, but when Joe got up, the entire class was able to tell that he was thinking happy thoughts if you know what I mean. To be more specific, he was wearing sweat pants. So there Joe was, in front of twenty five pre-teen boys and girls, blowing his nose in the front of the room, with a chubby like it was no big deal.
-eighth grade English, we witnessed a substitute teacher of ours KILL A BIRD that came into our classroom. The rest of the details don't matter
"Memory Lane" by Nas...High School
I should have known that the comedy/music/sport Gods would pair Joe and I in the same home room for four years. During that crazy first few weeks of High School, as everyone feels out the landscape, it was good to have a running mate that was familiar with my game, and I'm sure he felt the same way.
If I was confused by the enigma of Joe Dubroff when I met him, then I'm sure many of the new people had to be equally as puzzled/intrigued. A few qualities of Joe were abundantly clear by this point though.
1. Another highly intelligent, bright friend of mine. Nothing but accelerated classes and good grades.
2. Made everybody in his classes laugh with his one of a kind sense of humor
3. Despite his different physique, and somewhat lack of speed-the dude could ball. He made up for whatever lack of athleticism he had by developing a game that highlighted the things he did well (and the things he did well he did very, very well. More to come)
These three things, among others, helped Joe become almost an underground legend amongst the land of the Hornet. Joe would never be the type that tried to please everybody, or try and fit in with everybody. For the most part that didn't matter. Being the enigma that he is, it's very difficult to explain Joe to somebody who hasn't met him. What he does have, are a series of stories and anecdotes that would make Eric Devendorf jealous. Here are some of the best, and I feel describe Joe the person to a stranger;
-Starting our freshman year, Joe decided that the everyday pledge to the flag was just too mundane. Now 99.999999% of the kids in our school wouldn't even know who John Carlos and Tommie Smith were, leave alone pick up on a tribute to them. This did not deter Joe from giving me what has to be the most underrated, and bizarre memory I have of High School. For at least four or five months, Joe, A curly haired white Jewish kid from Manlius, would imitate John Carlos during our pledge to the flag. Black glove and all, Joe would put his glove covered fist into the air with his head down as he stood for the pledge. The confused look on kids faces is with me still today. Looking back on it as in adult, it's the type of absolutely bizarre, ahead of its time humor that honestly could have warranted it's own Dateline Special, if not at least a Chapelle segment. If you weren't there to see it, and understand what the tribute was for as it was happening, then you will never understand just how funny that was.
- As mentioned in Dannymac's profile, Joe spent four fun filled years in orchestra with his Buzzer mates. To be honest, the genesis of this blog started in those classes (in my opinion at least). In a way that only Joe could, he transformed the ho-hum assignment of writing a review of our concert performances after watching them on tape, into a three time a year off the wall sports column. How did he do this you ask. Well here are a few gems from these reviews that I will attempt to paraphrase (or at least give you the comparisons) over five years later:
-' The violins in Concierto reminded me of Villanova's four guard set, with Natalie Brandt being Randy Foye.' I don't remember for sure, but I seem to remember him comparing our lead cello player Brain Howe to Curtis Sumpter as well
-'The violas as usual were a half a beat late, a la Levon Kendal's haircut being half a decade late'
-'The second violins were shaky again, a la Rajon Rondo's end of game free throw shooting
-there were a trillion other brilliant references that I can't remember unfortunately. If anyone were ever to get their hands on these though, I would guarantee that it will be the hardest you laugh for weeks
- Joe was my most trusted teammate on a series of bball squads. The members of our team were beyond stoned for all of our games, meaning that a) Nobody but Joe or I played a drop of defense, and b) there wasn't a lot of good decision making going on in those games. In order to win the most satisfying league title I've ever had (senior year basketball), I needed Joe to do his thing. I was rarely let down. Amongst the gunners and strong personalities on our team, it would have been pretty easy for Joe to quit playing, as I'm sure he was frustrated at getting stuck with us his share of times. In the end, he would provide his share of spectacular games (GET UP MR. BURNS!!!), and always a solid presence
- Submitted multiple 1,000,000,000 word editorials or sports pieces to McKeever, the editor of the school news paper
These stories scratch the surface of High School Joe Dubroff. Day to day Joe never let down when it came to always saying the funniest possible remark/comparison that our classmates served up. The best was yet to come...
"Stone Free" by Hendrix. A man with the world in front of him
Our boy Pappy went down to Penn, and graduated, which should pretty much speak for itself. The great thing about Joe is that the good things about him never changed despite being in such a different culture (except for the fact that he abandoned all his non SU sports roots, and began to root for the Phillies, Eagles, and Flyers like he grew up there, but whatever). On Joe's visits home, he always acts like we haven't missed a beat, which is the way I would rather it be.
The first few times that Joe returned from school was when I really began to notice that he had really elevated his bball game. I mean he could literally shoot from anywhere inside of 20 feet with lethal accuracy. I think he gained (or bought) a little speed and agility down in Philly, but at this point Joe is somebody that I can take with me in any venue, and know that he'll compete.
I'm somebody that has a bunch of different groups of friends that are of all backgrounds to put it mildly (think George Costanza's "worlds" rant), and Joe has not only been able to fit into all of them, but can crack every single person in the group up. I don't know any other person that I could say that about.. A few relevant post High school stories;
-Sadly, the actual quote is unprintable due to it being through the roof offensive to some. Let me just say that on a winters night in 2008 at Tully's, Dan and I were treated to a moment that I can really say is in the top five moments of my life. (Even this sentence may be offensive) Joe's quote about a recently deceased person in the Syracuse area, was so unbelievably funny, that Dan and I laughed for ten minutes straight legitimately. I'm talking like no breaths or words spoken, just falling over laughing. The only sports play that I can compare it to is the helmet catch by David Tyree in the Super Bowl against the Pats. Joe took a subject that was going nowhere, and seemingly had no options, and turned it into pure comedy gold, that both delighted the comedy gods, and made them blush at the same time. Perhaps when another five years pass, we can safely print what he actually said
-Joe was part of what would become (sorry to the fantasy football league that Dan, Joe, Ben, and others are in every year) the greatest, most competitive fantasy league in the history of fantasy sports. We had real fights, real personal bashing that went on daily, over 100 trades, name changes, and true villains. Joe unleashed some of the greatest team names I've seen, in gems such as Dutch Like Smits, SBD's A La Tayshaun, and DocEllisAndTheLSDNoNo. As a side note, Joe did NOT win that league.
-amongst my inner-city friends Joe has been given the surname Chad, because I guess he just looks that white
-I was able to meet his girlfriend over the summer, and I will give her my stamp of approval for Joe.
Overall, no profile that I write about Joe can properly describe him or give him enough accolades. He truly is as unique a person as I've ever met, and you have to be around him for long stretches to even begin to understand him. What I can say, is that Joe is the funniest person that I've ever met in my life. I can say that I doubt a person out there has more knowledge of sports, music, or even pop culture. Thanks for years of adding laughter, for being able to talk NBA, and for being as good a friend as I have.
This concludes our profiles. Hopefully you take these pieces as some insight into the minds, and histories of our contributors, and not as a chance to compliment, and make fun of each other. All five of you that got a chance to read these know that if nobody but these two read my blogs I wouldn't care, and that being able to take part in the Manual Buzzer with these guys is a blast. I hope that we continue to grow and improve.
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