World Cup: Group C and Group A recap

This World Cup fight is so 1980's, and I hope it breaks out tomorrow in Rustenberg. It probably won't though. This group presents a quagmire for the betting man. To take what looks like the weakest American squad in years in hopes of upset glory not seen since 1950, or take England, who look ready to stomp this group out like a small, pale Michael Strahan. I will be cheering for the US tomorrow, but in no way can I put money on them. This team will be nowhere near as good as the two that were put out by Arenas in 2002 and 2006, the latter of which fell into a deceptively strong group. And Peter King is hoping his British counterpart (an SI sign of the apocalypse if he exists) is ready to use protection if their bet on the game tomorrow involves some sort of reenactment of the movie Deliverance. Anyways, the team capsules please?

England
Nickname: Three Lions (on the shirt. I know this because my asshole camp counselor from Manchester in 1998, Neil, played this shit over and over and over again. He loved that team. Then they bowed out to Argentina on penalties (FUCK YOUR ARMY, YOU CAN'T PLAY SOCCER, BITCH!) and I mercilessly mocked him. Keep in mind, I was 11 years old. Never play the same song over and over again when I wake up. I will end you using words.
Abbreviation: ENG
Last World Cup: 2006: Keep in mind, they qualify every year, and they find new and exciting ways to choke and drive their country to depression. Anyways, Wayne Rooney hit the jackpot by STOMPING ON A DUDE'S NUTS in frustration, and his teammate at the time, Cristiano Ronaldo, working the referee hard to get him thrown out.

Somehow, they won a Champions League together two years later. And managed not to kill each other. Ah, to have lots of money.
How did they get here?: Breezed through their qualifying group, losing one to Ukraine, but ending up with a +28 goal differential. Yes, get your hopes up, Englishmen, it's almost time to choke in the knockout stage!
Manager: Fabio Capello, the first non-Englishman in charge besides village idiot Sven-Goran Eriksson, but definitely not a village idiot. He took over for Steve McClaren, who couldn't translate his lack of success in Middlesbrough into success for the national team, but did take a Dutch League title this past year with FC Twente (their first ever, mind you). Capello is a tactician, and he actually seems to have England in great form coming into the tournament. He has had quite a bit of success as a club manager, winning Serie A seven times, two of which were revoked after the Juventus betting scandal. He also won La Liga twice with Real Madrid. And he also won a Champions League with Milan. Basically, he is overqualified.
Player to watch: Wayne Rooney at striker. While Ronaldo left Old Trafford for Madrid, Rooney stayed and has shown Ronaldo to be overrated by continuing to poach goals with ease as Ronaldo struggles with "injuries" at the Bernabeu. Rooney may be small, but he'll put the ball in the back of the net with ease. I already showed his temper in the video above. I think Capello has him under control, so expect him to be in the running for the Golden Boot this year.
Player not to watch: Theo Walcott, Arsenal. The young Gunner was left off of the final roster by Capello, a shock to many after he played well during spells of qualifying. His speed and value as a reserve will surely be missed when England chokes out of the tournament. But I'm sure Arsenal fans who are not from England will be happy he is out: Arsenal bit the injury bug pretty bad last year and ended up with no trophies with about half of their starting lineup in wheelchairs by the end of the year.
Prognostication: Like France, England lucked into a very easy group. They'll have no trouble getting out of this group. The question is whether Capello can keep them from making a complete collapse during the knockout rounds, and I think he will be able to put it off for longer than other coaches have been able to.

USA
Nickname: Sons of Sam, The Yanks
Abbreviation: McGuigan's favorite, USA
Last World Cup: 2006: The US got used by Ghana and the Czech Republic, and were the only team to not be defeated by Italy at that World Cup in quite the bloody match. It was quite the disappointment, especiall because people didn't have to wake up in the middle of the night to watch it as they did in 2002. Well, it should lower expectations for this year, but it didn't.
How did they get here?: The standard qualifying with CONCACAF left Mexico and the US on top.
Manager: Youth soccer nepotism lives on! Bob Bradley coaches, and you won't believe who will probably be starting: his son! Bradley did help lead the US to their biggest victory in history when they took out Spain in the Confederations Cup last year. However, he also oversaw their collapse in the final at the feet of a Brazilian team that didn't even try during the first half.
Player to watch: Landon Donovan. Sorry, Cobi Jones, but you were one of the worst midfielders in the history of US Soccer. Donovan is the heart of this team. His struggles made everyone around him look like crap in 2006, and the team did nothing. They need him to step up once again like he did in 2002, especially with a much weaker squad than in 2006.
Player not to watch: Charlie Davies. Davies has something of a cult following, but boy is it deserved. Davies is by far the best strike in US Soccer right now, and may end up going down as the best ever. He should be starting and combining with Jozy Altidore, but his club, Sochaux, has not cleared him to get back to playing after his near-death auto accident on the George Washington Parkway. He will be missed, especially when the US makes an early exit.
Prognostication: Another exit after the group stage. The US is going in too confident again, and I just don't think this team has the capabilities to get the points necessary to progress. Algeria and Slovenia have advantages in athleticism and tactics, respectively, and if the US goes down tomorrow to England, it'll make the games even harder as both will become must-wins.

Algeria
Nickname: Les Fennecs (The Desert Foxes)
Abbreviation: ALG
Last World Cup: 1986: Les Fennecs were defeated by Spain and Brazil in the group stage, managing only a point on a tie with Northern Ireland. 1982 was better, as they managed to beat powerhouse West Germany in their first match in the tournament.
How did they get here?: Tied with Egypt after the last round of African qualifying, a one-off was called for and would be held in Khartoum, Sudan. Algeria got one goal from defender Antar Yahya, and it would probably have been pretty dope to have been there (at 0:52):

Of course, there is also the diplomatic row between the two countries due to the rioting following a match in Cairo.
Manager: Rabah Saadane, who presided over their last trip in 1986.
Player to watch: Abdelkader Ghezzai, Siena. A striker who has been moderately successful in Europe. If he is on point, some people are going to win a lot of money. Not me, I didn't bet on them.
Player not to watch: Mourad Meghni, Lazio. Probably the most accomplished player in Europe left off the roster. Sorry, I know nothing about this team.
Prognostication: Maybe a surprise? The US does not do well against Muslim countries in group play (see: Iran in 1998 handing asses to us like the handed back the hostages following Reagan's inauguration). This team may get the US, but I don't think they have a chance to get out of the group.

Slovenia
Nickname: We don't do nicknames
Abbreviation: SVN (SLO would be pretty bad)
Last World Cup: 2002: Three losses, including one that was the first victory in a World Cup final history for this year's hosts.
How did they get here?: Dominated Group 3 with the team they are often confused with, Slovakia, but coming up two points short put them in a playoff with Russia, which they took on away goals surprisingly following the Russians' amazing showing at Euro 2008.
Manager: Matjaz Kek, who led the U-15 and U-16 teams for Slovenia before getting this job and getting them to the World Cup.
Player to watch: Samir and Jasmin Handanovic, both of Serie A, are cousins and both play keeper. It's funny that their last name is Handanovic and they get to use their hands when playing football. MINDFUCK!
Player not to watch: Not really anybody notable who was left off or anybody notable from history.
Prognostication: This team is tactical, which will present a problem for the organized chaos that is US football and Algerian football. I see them in the knockout stage, but that will be it.

South Africa vs. Mexico
First off, fuck Sal Masakela. Dude works for E! and he gets to go to the World Cup? A bunch of bullshit. I'll go to Soweto and report on people watching the game. Anyways, Siphiwe Tshalalaba put in an amazing strike from the left for the first goal of the tournament. Amazing to see it from South Africa. But a free kick left Rafael Marquez open to level in the 79th minute. Coming away with a point was a disappointment for Mexico, but a big victory for South Africa. Parreira could probably make a home in South Africa for the rest of his life following that match.

France vs. Uruguay
Two national teams heading in two different directions, and France held off on a collapse for a little longer. Forlan missed a chance in the 72nd minute, and Thierry Henry and Florent Malouda could make no magic off the bench for Les Bleus. Still looks like Uruguay will progress, but will France step up their game? I'm thinking the performance will be like World War I, because I don't know how a soccer team can have a performance analogous to the French capitulation in World War II on the pitch.

Anyways, keep enjoying the matches tomorrow. I'll be tweeting at 7:30AM tomorrow through the games, follow me @dubsj