Brazil
Nickname: A Selecao (The Selection-Brazil has the most professional footballers per capita in the world. And these are the best of the best. The ones who don't make the cut sometimes choose to play for other countries, like Marcos Senna for Spain, Deco for Portugal, and Mehmet Aurelio for Turkey)
Abbreviation: BRA (LOL!!!)
Last World Cup: 2006: The Brazilians breezed through their group and Ghana in the round of 16, and then Zidane made them look like fools in the quarterfinals as France marched to the final.
How did they get here?: Though Chile and Paraguay were both one point back at the end, the Brazilians, as usual took it easy and ended up in South Africa.
Manager: Dunga, a former member of the Selection. As a defensive midfielder, Dunga recognized the importance of having a strong defense and has moved away from the culture of Joga Bonito. So this may be the most boring Brazil team in history.
Player to watch: Hard to choose just one, but Maicon right now is the hot commodity after getting a treble with Inter. He is a big dude that can make plays on offense, but he is great at keeping danger at a minimum, which will go along with Dunga's plans.
Player not to watch: Hulk, a striker at Porto. Not just because of the name (he looks exactly like Lou Ferrigno), but also because the striking group lacks the size of past Brazilian groups. Adriano is about to return to Europe to play for Roma (quietly becoming a favorite to make a lot of noise in Europe next year), but was not in form enough to warrant a spot.
Prediction: Brazil has a renewed focus and will be ready to get deep in this tournament.
Portugal
Nickname: A Selecao (It's funny because Portugal used to have Brazil as a colony, but Brazil is just so much better than the Portuguese)
Abbreviation: POR
Last World Cup: 2006: Cristiano Ronaldo somehow didn't burn bridges with Wayne Rooney during the quarterfinal by getting him a red card, and then the Portuguese fell victim to the French in the semifinal, which included many boos for Ronaldo's actions in the previous match.
How did they get here?: It was close, as the Portuguese struggled through qualifying, finishing second to the Danish in UEFA Group 1 and lucked out drawing Bosnia and Herzegovina, who they took out 2-0 on aggregate.
Manager: Carlos Quieroz, who did good (read: evil) work helping out Alex Ferguson as an assistant at Manchester United from 2004 until 2008, when the Portuguese gave him the call.
Player to watch: Cristiano Ronaldo. The most metrosexual player in the world, but damn does he pull in the ladies. His latest: Irina Shayk.
Sorry, I have to change my pants.
Player not to watch: Luis Figo, the leader of the Golden Generation who glued it together while Ronaldo improvised. His steadying leadership was the main reason behind the semifinal appearance in 2006, and there isn't really anyone who can replace him.
Prediction: This is the team that gets the blunt edge of the Group of Death. A much worse group than the one from 2006, they are not ready to compete with their former colony.
Ivory Coast
Nickname: The Elephants.
Abbreviation: CIV
Last World Cup: 2006: Drawing the the Netherlands and Argentina in the same group proved to be fatal for the Elephants, losing both matches 2-1. They did salvage a victory over Serbia and Montenegro in their final game.
How did they get here?: African qualifying handed them very easy draws that allowed the Elephants to easily get to South Africa.
Manager: Sven Goran-Eriksson. The man who drove England, Mexico, Notts County, and probably your mother into the ground. This man is known more for meltdowns than for accomplishing anything. Somehow, he may salvage his reputation.
Player to watch: Didier Drogba. The prolific Chelsea striker is extremely skilled, but a broken arm suffered against Japan will change things up. He may need a soft cast, but he should still change the game.
Player not to watch: Sekou Cisse, Feyenoord. The striker probably would have replaced Drogba if the injury were severe enough. Alas, he will not.
Prediction: The Elephants will make their first appearance in the knockout stage after unsteady Portugal falters.
North Korea
Nickname: Chollima, a mythical horse.
Abbreviation: DPRK (Democratic People's Republic of Korea)
Last World Cup: In 1966 the mythical horses came out of nowhere to upset the Italians in Middlesbrough. Maybe the English should cheer for a North Korean upset early as it has a very positive correlation with them winning the World Cup.
How did they get here?: A lot of qualifying, more than any other team from the AFC that got to South Africa, starting with the first round taking the aggregate over Mongolia. They actually were in the same group as archrivals (politically, militarily, and athletically) South Korea, where the teams played two scoreless draws that probably kept detente going.
Manager: Kim Jong Hun. No information on the internets about him, so don't ask.
Player to watch: Attacking combo Hong Yong-Jo and Jong Tae-Se, both of whom ply their trade abroad in Russia and Japan, respectively. Hong is captain and Jong has 15 goals in 22 appearances. If the defense holds up these two might get some chances to make some proletariat magic.
Player not to watch: The ones that were purged. Seriously, though, it's more politician not to watch: Kim Jung-Il will NOT be attending the World Cup. Could you imagine if he went to the Argentina game and they lost 5-0? International embarrassment is something Dear Leader is good at avoiding. And he will avoid national embarrassment unless they win.
Prognostication: Maybe ready for an upset, but my capitalist pig money is not on them. So yeah, don't expect to see any soccer in Pyongyang this week.
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