Manual Buzzers First Annual Slammy Awards presented by Johnson + Johnson's Baby Oil

As I sat there and watched Chicago pull the biggest gag in a single game since the 07 National Title game-strangely enough also involving Derrick Rose-it made me just about sick realizing that after all of the basketball that I watched this year, it's going to culminate in the Miami Heat winning the NBA title. It's enough to make me want to puke.


I've been so into the NBA this year, that baseball has taken a backseat thus far. Maybe like how Kobe's older in basketball years than his real age because of how many playoff games he's played in, than a similar principle is true for me as a baseball fan-I've watched about twice as much baseball as a non Yankee fan because of all the post-season games I've watched since 1995. Going into spring training I just wasn't as into it like I normally am. The NBA took most of my attention, and quite frankly I wasn't (and still am not) in love with the Yankees roster. I just don't understand how they saw the writing on the wall with a lot of their older players and did nothing about it. More importantly, I'm not sure how you have unlimited resources at your disposal and come out with that rotation. I guess those factors made me neglect a sport that I religiously follow. It seems almost blasphemous that I haven't truly written a baseball column yet. On the heels of me watching that debacle in Chicago (and perhaps hating the NBA now if Miami wins), I thought it was a good time to introduce the Manual Buzzer's first Annual Slammy Awards presented by Johnson and Johnson's Baby Wipes. Without further ado:



Bobby Crosby Award for the most hyped young player who hasn't and probably wont accomplish jack

Hate to say it, but our very own fat toad Phil Hughes. This guy was once the number one minor league prospect in all of baseball. In a career that is now into roughly it's fifth season, Phil has essentially had two productive stretches in his entire career. One of them was as a setup guy. Two things are abundantly clear to me. One is that he will never stay healthy for consecutive seasons. Two, the seasons that he does stay healthy all year, he will be worn out come playoff time. The two years that he actually did pitch the whole year, he looked like he was going to throw up he was so fatigued by October.

I'm not saying that he can't be a fourth of fifth starter for the Yankees someday (but expect a minimum of ten starts a year missed on the DL), but he never will be an ace or a game changing pitcher for the Yankees.


Lou Piniella in Tampa Bay award for manger who looks the most like they get blackout drunk after or possibly during the game

A tie between Eric Wedge, and Ron Washington. There's not even anyone else in their stratosphere's. As I mentioned once to dannymac, can you imagine what it's like when Josh Hamilton and Ron Washington are on the road together. What are the odds that they "stay back at the hotel" when the rest of the teams and coaches go out together, as they call up some local merchants. As for Wedge, he has the same demeanor and look as Quint from Jaws, which makes you categorically eligible for this award.

October 2006 Kenny Rogers award for best random performance by a washed up player who was 99.99999% likely to have been aided by steroids

To our boy "The Giambino" for going yard three times a couple weeks back for the Colorado Rockies. I couldn't have put it any better than the text Big Mark sent me that night. " Giambino hit three dingers tonight. I didn't even know he was still in the league." Yep, that must have been a pretty good batch to wake up that dusty hasbeen.

Derek Bell "Operation Shutdown" award for the player who is giving the least effort this year

This award became wide open once Uncle Manny hung em up. There's a lot of ways I could go here, but I'm going to have to go with Milton Bradley. I understand a guy can have anger management issues and have trouble getting them under control, but when it gets to the point where you know that you are on your way out of the league because of this fact, than I actually have to question how much you want it. It's ridiculous to think that anybody could have that much trouble getting themselves under control, and not be a psychopathic serial rapist or something. I think Milton has made his money in the game, and he's just trying to get himself thrown out so he doesn't have to play.

David Ortiz award for player obviously using steroids that nobody realized as it was happening

Derek Jeter

2007 Baltimore Orioles award for team that will fade after memorial day

This is an easy one. The tribe. Their young pitchers are not nearly talented enough to hold up over 162 games. Watching them lose two out of three to the socks when they could have made a statement just confirmed that point. Don't get me wrong, they may stay in the mix just due to how sorry the AL Central is. They however will be no factor when it comes to October.

Moises Alou award for nastiest injury

That would be Buster Posey. That may actually be the winner for the next five years.

Tanyon Sturtze/Scott Proctor Award for Yankee reliever who's arm may fall off by August

This year David Robertson gets that distinction. A huge mistake by the way. Robertson has a rare ability to strike out hitters without throwing 95, he's young, and by all accounts is a very good teammate. When you look at him though, he's a tiny dude, and pitching as much as he does is a recipe for disaster with his arm. I predict either or major injury, or a major decline in performance by the end of the summer.

Curt Schilling award for Red Sock that I hate the most

That may be another reason I wasn't as excited about this season-there aren't really Red Sox that I hate this year. Look, you can sign Varitek and Youk up for this award every year, but that's nothing new. Neither stand out anymore. This version of the Sox is kind of boring, like those lifeless mid 2000's Yankee teams. There's no characters or people who pop off. It's actually quite disappointing.

Stay tuned for Part 2...