10 Semi Intersting Stories for 2011

Remember back when anytime that there was no school (summer vacation, Christmas break ect.) the first half of your day consisted entirely of watching sportscenter re-runs. It would get to the point where by the 11 am re-run you could pinpoint to the very second when Stuart Scott was going to kiss (super star X of the time period) butt. One particular segment that I watched every year always stood out to me for how stupid it was. ESPN would run a top ten stories of the year show in December, where it did just that-count from ten to one the top stories of that year. My issue is that we were there and we knew all of these stories. A much better angle to take to me is what the top ten stories will be, since we are the experts. Here are the ten most important sport subplots of 2011, with as little of my absurd New York bias as I can contain.

10. Will the Seahawks pull a 2006 St.Louis Cardinals

2006 was a year in which the National League was simply put dreadful. There were scouts who legitimately thought that fourth place teams in the AL were better than division winners in the NL. So naturally the Cardinals defeated the Tigers in the World Series. It gave those dweeb National League "purists" a chance to gloat like their league was even decent, failing to realize the Tigers literally threw away that series. The point of this nonsense?
Everybody blasted the NFC West all year, and with good cause, a 7-9 team made the playoffs. There was enough momentum with the case for not letting teams with below .500 records into the playoffs that it seemed that there could be a rightful change on the horizon. Fast forward to the present and many are saying that the Seahawks validated themselves and the NFC West with that win.
What I would say is Seattle did the sport of football a great injustice by having a good game over the weekend. It is totally unfair that a Saints team who would win four out of five times on a neutral field and twenty (yes twenty) times out of ten at home, had to travel to the West Coast to play a road game in a hostile environment. Yes the Seahawks did a good job, but (especially) if they keep winning then they will have almost killed all momentum to ban sub .500 teams from the playoffs, and somewhere down the road an 8-10 team will sneak into the playoffs over a 11-7 team that finished third in its division.

9. Will the Phillies Super Rotation equal that Ring


Every Phillies fan will now get a glimpse of what it's like to root for the pinstripes. Will they have a staff that is arguably the best ever-yes. They had pretty close to that by the end of last year actually. As amazing as this is to say, the offense is the only real question mark. Losing Werth was huge because of his dominance against left-handed pitching. The Phillies are so left handed that they needed a presence like Werth to keep teams from throwing lefties against them in a short series and shutting them down. Ultimately guys like Utley, Howard and to a degree Rollins are too talented not to take this team to a minimum of a berth in the Fall Classic.

8. Hopefully this is the year MMA Dies

The only kids I know who watch MMA are guys who are in their late 20's that still work part time at Wegmans and have no female contact, and in one case the kids mother walked in on him jerking off while an episode of the Honeymooners was on (true story). Point is, when that's your demographic, I want you to vanish.

7. Do the Young Stars of the NHL=More support

The few hockey purists that I know tell me that right now the NHL has seen an influx of young talent led by Crosby and Ovechkin, that is similar to what LeBron, Melo and Wade infused to the NBA in 2003. Everybody knows that hockey has it's core of fans that are as loyal as any. The big question is if the NHL can grab the casual fan who bounced when 99 hung up his skates. My Dad was a huge Gretzky fan and watched his games for every team that he played for. The current state of my Dad's hockey knowledge? He asked me the other day if Paul Coffey was still the best defensemen in the league (completely true). It's fans like my dad that the NHL needs to get back so they don't have to televise their playoffs on The National Geographic channel this spring. Hopefully these young athletes will get the NHL back to major sport status.

6. Were will Melo Land?

Bill Simmons did a fantastic job stealing my thunder with his column from Wednesday. The interesting part about this whole fiasco is that Melo wont swing anyone's 2011 title hopes unless he got traded to the Mavs. The smart move for Denver would be to get a trade finished now so that they don't end up with nothing. You need to look no further than Tuesdays Cavs-Lakers game for that to be clear. The other big question I have for the reported three team deal involving the Nuggets, Nets, and Pistons-what is Detroit doing? Coming off of the 08-09 season this team had some decent pieces in place and loads of cap room. Fast forward to the present and no team is more pointless than the once proud Pistons. In the proposed deal they allegedly would land Johan Petro,Troy Murphy, a first round pick, and a $50 Best Buy gift card. I don't understand what their plan is. I miss wearing my Defenders shirt. Any scenario that happens will more than likely have a major impact on three franchises, so the fate of this deal will help shape the NBA for the next five years.

5. Will a Contender Emerge?

We are roughly three months into the college basketball season and no team has distinguished itself. As a matter of fact no conference has truly distinguished itself, though the Big East probably is the best/deepest conference. Does anyone else get the feeling that any team in the top twenty right now could win it all. Syracuse is an outside shooter and a Fab Melo basketball I.Q/talent/pair of hands/pair of feet that work from contending. I just can't see Syracuse winning six games in a row in March with Scoop Jardine, Triche, and an occasionally on James Southerland your only shooters. Teams are too smart now to not force Cuse to shoot jumpers. We shall see (I couldn't totally leave out my New York bias)

4. Where will Tom Brady Stand Historically in Four Weeks

Tom Brady could show up to the game and take every snap the wrong way as a score for the Jets and still be a Hall of Famer at the end of the day. With another deep run and title these next couple weeks, Brady would be getting to the point where he could stack his resume up against.any QB all time. People seem to be handing them the title right now, but it wont be nearly as easy as people think. Whatever they do will hinge on Brady playing near flawless football. If he does and they win another title, I think he would have the stats and the rings to be no lower than the fifth best QB EVER. It will be interesting to see if Brady and Mr. Charisma can willl their way to another ring.

3. Will Tiger Woods Bounce Back

It stills kills me every time I think about Tiger hitting on a girl with that geek voice of his. I can just picture him hitting on a waitress at Perkins saying something dumb like "Poppa needs his irons cleaned." Our boy got himself in trouble and subsequently lost his stronghold on the world of golf.
Tiger is the most influential, important athlete in the world. He keeps golf as a sport that isn't banished to T.V hell like hockey. He gave my generation motivation to pick up the game. The African American community also would benefit from having Woods re-establish his game and reputation. I think that Tiger will come roaring back. Last year, aside from the distractions he was changing his swing (which the timing to do something like that is more confusing than the kid I went to college with that thought Jamelski was innocent) and getting back into shape after surgery. I look for this year to be the year he can look up at us like a geek again and proclaim "hello world."

2. The Miami Heat Saga

Everything about this season for Miami has been completely predictable. Inevitably they would lose some games early as the media idealists blasted them. We all knew that they would put a streak together as they all got more comfortable playing together. We just need to see how that translates deep in the playoffs. I for one don't think chemistry will be their downfall. I believe that tired legs and poor defense will.
Inevitably athletes like Wade and James need some kind of rest. If they continue at the pace that their at than I can't imagine three men being nearly fresh enough to maintain a high level of play with so much ware and tare. I believe the only chance they have this year is if after the All Star break Mike Miller plays like its 2006 and gives Spoelstra the opportunity to play the "Big 3" around 30-32 minutes a night. This may leave enough in their tank to be able to carry a team for (by June) eight months straight.
A larger concern for me is that this Miami team is prone to major defensive lapses. There have been way too many quarters like the 44 point quarter the Clippers put up the other night, or the 72 point half Golden State had against them. In May and June they wont be able to come storming back against a team like the Celtics or Lakers who wont give the game back to them. In light of this whole "Decision" nonsense I think that how Miami reacts with the pressure on will be a humongous story.

1. Impending NBA and NFL Work Stoppages

Just remember the Montreal Expos and the NHL. Not the route you want to take

Wake Up with a 'Cuse Win

The Garden was popping last night, and it wasn't for St. John's despite the fact that their campus is about 12 miles away compared to Syracuse being 193 (source: Google Maps, and I'm not checking MapQuest.). Syracuse got off to a slow start on offense, putting in only 2 points in the first 6 1/2 minutes. This is not behavior coming of a national title contender, but boy did they reverse course, going 0n a 10-0 run to end the first half to take 35-24 lead into the locker room. The zone employed by the Red Storm was effective in keeping the ball away from Rick in the first half, but it also freed up the guards and wings, who combined to shoot 9-20 from 3. Everytime St. John's thought that they had that opposite side cutter, the zone collapsed perfectly and the Orange were fastbreaking the other way on the regular.

Now, last night I pondered whether we were seeing a return to prominence from St. John's basketball. While some may give the definitive answer "no," I still think we have to wait a little bit to make this judgement. Judge Lavin by what he does with his recruiting class next year, and appreciate what he has been able to get out of these players that he didn't choose for this year. But Lavin made a huge strategic blunder last night going into the 2nd half. Lavin kept the press going that had slowed down SU getting its offense set, but instead of keeping his matchup zone going, he switched to a pressing man. This allowed for three things that let the Orange offense get into its groove. First: Scoop could operate as his normal self, bullying weaker guards and using exquisite crosses to easily get into the lane to make opportunities for others or get in lay-ups. Second, it freed up Rick to operate down low against the weaker St. John's bigs, and when there was a collapse, he got the ball to the open man (he finished with 3 assists). Third, his team wasn't ready to play man defense. While the man on the ball was generally focused on his job (albeit with quite a bit of handchecking), off-ball defenders were looking right at the ball the whole time. This freed up Scoop for a wide open lay-up underneath on an assist from Jackson inside the free-throw semicircle. It also helped Kris get 2 wide open backdoor dunks, an unacceptable outcome for any defense. While this was a good win, it was partially the product of some crappy strategy on St. John's part.

Highlights from the Garden
-One St. John's fan impressed us with his combination of a lack of height, a surplus of scarf length, and maybe a few too many beers. He tried to insult Boeheim, to which many kindly asked him to "kiss the ring." For some reason, he also decided to see this one out, and with 3 minutes left started calling for Boeheim to bring in subs. In the words of Omar Little, "Come at the king, you best not miss." Overall, the St. John's cheering section was a joke. I'm fairly certain Syracuse fans made up about 75% of the crowd. It's understandable to have a Wednesday night game in the Garen to get the revenue of the Syracuse alums, but it also alienates a huge chunk of your student fans who won't always be able to make the trip.
-The St. John's dance team may be overfunded. They had 2 wardrobe changes for the night so that they could give the crowd two terrible dance routines, one of which included a sequin leather jacket with a huge St. John's patch. When they were in regular uniform, they essentially just stood in place.
-Danny Schayes was in attendace, and by God, he was wearing an ugly shirt. He also made himself the most visible seven footer in the world with this jacket, which he walked through New York wearing:

Yeah, that's NBA ball jacket.
-Jim Burr was kind of tolerable tonight. He made a couple bad calls, but not on the level I remember seeing from him in the Dome growing up. The true officiating enemy is Gene Steratore, who seemed to love hearing the love from the home crowd that was outnumbered at the Garden.

In other news, Brittfarv's sister is a gourmet...of meth. (h/t Deadspin)

And Duke lost to unranked Florida State, so I'm extremely happy. Even if Dick Vitale tries to justify it to the world.

Good Mownin'...Just breathe:

Syracuse-St. John's Pre-Game

I'm not going to get hammered before I go to this game. I may have a beer, but that's about it. Being a blogger makes you look for the opportunities to get drunk on someone else's dime. I'm excited to head back to the Garden, and this will be my first time seeing the 'Cuse play in New York City. I will not be doing the doubleheader with the Johnnies women's game afterwards, since UConn's meaningless winning streak is now over.
But am I hyped to see Syracuse fans dominate the Garden.
Of course, George Vescey is drinking Lavin's Kool-Aid, and it seems like the cyanide hasn't started to take effect, as the Johnnies started their Big East season with 3 wins against West Virginia, Providence, and Georgetown, before falling to Notre Dame on Saturday. The Red Storm has 10 seniors, and Lavin is already starting the reloading with commitments from 4 top 25 swingmen according to Rivals. So is St. John's really back? This year might be a good sign, but next year will be the one that counts. Lavin will need that team to perform before big-time recruits start putting St. John's on their whittled-down lists of schools.
Syracuse may be undefeated, but the Orange may want to get their heads back in the game at the Garden. Seton Hall, even without Jeremy Hazell, was close enough on Saturday that I was scared. Even if they are slowing it down, without a real outside threat (the Pirates shot 3-26 on 3-pointers). The zone is again not going to need much extension, as St. John's shoots on 30.8% from outside. But 'Cuse needs to show some signs of life. The offense looked lost against Seton Hall, and with a tough stretch ahead against Cincinnati, Pitt, and Villanova, it's high time for Syracuse to get its shit together. And what better place than where they essentially hold a home-court advantage in the Garden. There will be tweets tonight (@themanualbuzzer), so follow along with the game on ESPNU. Good night, and go Orange!

Oddsmaker: Time Machine: Colons: NFL Combine, 2010: Who Struck Down Tebow?

With college football over, the next few times we will see any of these guys will be for the homoerotic ogling that is the North-South Bowl, the Shrine Bowl, and, of course, the NFL Combine. The Combine, of course, brought us one of the best blind items ever that did not appear in a tabloid (well, it did depending on your opinion on deadspin and Mike Florio's stylings on PFT) with the following occurrence:

At the Scouting Combine, the Wonderlic exam is administered to players in groups. The 12-minute test is preceded by some brief instructions and comments from the person administering the test.
Per a league source, after the person administering the test to Tebow’s group had finished, Tebow made a request that the players bow their heads in prayer before taking the 50-question exam.
Said one of the other players in response: “Shut the f–k up.” Others players in the room then laughed.

Now, my goal with this post is to give you the Vegas odds on who from that 2010 draft class was the one to shut down the talented foreskin cutter, with the hardhitting analysis to make sure you, our beloved readers, understand our reasoning.

Terrence Cody/Rolando McClain Odds: -150
The famous tittied one and the one who now dons silver and black are not two for Tebow to reckon with, especially after they ended his holy reign during the SEC Title Game on the way to Alabama's national championship. McClain and Cody were in the backfield giving Tebow hell, so bragging rights are right there, sucka. If anyone has the right to talk smack to this religious nut who wouldn't be around if his mom had aborted him, it's these guys, who made Tebow cry very recently.

Mike Williams: +150
The receiver put up a great year and looked like he may be giving the League's DB's trouble for years to come in combination with Josh Freeman, but before that,he was giving the Syracuse coaching staff fits with erratic and insubordinate behavior that led him to leave the team with 4 games left in the 2009 season. With his fresh mouth, it is highly likely he didn't want to hear Tebow push anything on him.

Bruce Campbell +200

Now, this is a name with a reputation. Bruce Campbell is famous for some of the best one-liners in film history, and even if this dude is 5 inches and probably 140 pounds bigger than the one I'm referring to, listen to this sass:
They didn't even have shoelaces in the Dark Ages! But yeah, with that reputation, we definitely have to put Bruce Campbell, NO MATTER WHAT COLOR HIS SKIN IS, in contention.

Ndamukong Suh +180
Suh hates quarterbacks, as evidenced by these videos:


So could you imagine a quarterback trying to impose his beliefs? Exactly.

Dez Bryant +200
Would the son of a prostitute and pimp say something like that? A big fat maybe, since I'm fairly certain he was working on salvaging his reputation at the time.

Sergio Kindle +190
He probably came up with this one while reading books on a portable device while walking down the stairs.

Colt McCoy +250
Despite having a similar belief set to Tebow, McCoy was the one who didn't make it a part of every public appearance, but still didn't garner the same attention despite the fact that it was he who had led his team to the national title game. Jealousy as the motive? GD right.

Jamar Chaney +0
Chaney, Stew Bradley's less-than-stellar replacement at middle linebacker to end the past season, Chaney has no bone to pick with Tebow. Look at some tweets, such as this one, and this one, and this one, and how about this one? And look at this one, and this one, and...what can you say, dude loves Jesus this much:










Seriously, no chance it was him.

Personally, my money is on McClain, since Cody was a bit less sure of himself as he heard chatter from teams about his weight issues. Wherever you put your money, remember, it's best to know all the odds.

BEEEEEEEEF MOE

THE LEVIES BROKE, IT'S BEEF MOE TIME AT APPELBEEZ.

Knick Maintenence

I cant wait to tell my kids one day about the 06-07 Clippers. Wait , I mean the 08-09 Hornets, no no I'm sorry I meant the 10-11 Bucks. Now there are perhaps five or six people on this planet that can tell you anything about any one of those squads of The Association (Dubroff being one of them), however each of them offers a lesson for this edition of the New York Knicks.

The Garden right now is pandemonium. Amare has been beyond great playing with enthusiasm and fire we haven't seen of him in at least four years. Wilson (potato salad) Chandler has put together a classic contract year (guaranteeing he gets overpaid by roughly 3 billion dollars in the off season). More importantly New York is buzzing to the point that you can barely go ten feet in the city without seeing the blue and orange jersey, including when I saw a 65 year old woman wearing an Amare jersey dress. Yes life is good in Knickland. Careful now, careful.

All of the teams mentioned above have one thing in common, they had seasons ranging from mediocre to dreadful the season after they had breakout campaigns. All three of those teams the year before took advantage of soft early schedules to build confidence , all three had an emerging alpha dog playing at historic levels, and all three left their rosters virtually the same going into the next season. The Clippers and Hornets each had very impressive round 1 playoff victories in those previous seasons, and took better teams to the brink in round 2 before falling (the Bucks did this except they lost in round 1 after their best player Bogut went down with an injury). The Bucks Clippers and Hornets all had tremendous promise going into the next season only to disappoint.

As excited as I am as a Knick fan about this season, I fear that next years Knicks could await a similar fate as the aforementioned teams. This years Knicks will more than likely win a round 1 series, and will probably lose a hard fought series to a high seed. Thats where I want to hit the pause button and give the Knicks a game plan on how to avoid the classic let down season in 11-12, and build a title contender. My non-expert, biased opinion should be flawless.

Step 1: SELL HIGH ON FELTON...GO FOR CP3 AFTER NEXT SEASON

Raymond Felton has been superb for the Knicks this year BUT-Does anybody honestly think you can win a title with Raymond Felton as your point guard and number two scoring option unless your team is playing a regional final at the Carrier Dome and it's award for the top player in the finals is called the M.O.P. Maybe it's because I can't imagine looking at his lack of a neck for the next five years, or maybe it's because well, at the end of the day he's Raymond Felton, but he will never be more valuable than he is right now. I say that you include Felton in a package for a player that will be involved in the long term plans of the Knicks. As a matter of fact, are you telling me that the Hornets wouldn't jump on a deal of something along the lines of Felton, Wilson Chandler and Anthony Randolph for Chris Paul. The Hornets know that he is bolting in another season, and this deal makes a ton of sense for both teams.

The very thought of CP3 and Amare teaming up in New York gave me a nocturnal emission last night. If Chris Paul can make David (Johnny) Qwest and Tyson Chandler dominant pick and pop/alley-oop partners, than can you even begin to imagine what Paul could do with Stat. Another season of recovery from knee surgery should put Paul back where he was two years ago and then some. People seem to forget how much the rest of the Hornets have actually sucked these past few years while Paul has dragged their sorry corpses to respectability. Getting Paul either in that scenario or via Free Agency is a no brainer, over keeping the red hot Felton, and no this has nothing to do with me owning Paul in a keeper league and dreaming of teaming him with D`Antoni and Amare.

STEP 2: KEEP CARMELO FOCUSED ON THE GARDEN

If I were Donny Walsh, everyday I would have my editors at the garden edit a tape where they show a great moment at the Garden (LJ's four point play), and splice the tape so at the end of the clip it flashes to a Nets game at the IZOD center with Kris Humphries missing a 12 footer in front of 3000 people. Promise Melo the world, and get his juices flowing by making it impossible for him to want to sign off on a trade with the Nets. Despite all of the rumors the Knicks seem to still be the front runners for the Knicks, and he will play for them by no later than next season.

STEP 3: TRADE ALL THE OTHER GUNNERS

A team that features CP3, Melo and Amare is such an unreal combination of offense that compliments each other that I just slapped my cat in her teeth in excitement. This means two things however. One is that there wont be many more shots to go around, and two...wow that is a terrible defensive team (particularly in the front court). Since there aren't many shots to go around, why not trade shoot first assets like Gallinari and Chandler for defensive minded swing men who can hit open threes. Players like Corey Brewer, Martell Webster, or Shannon Brown would all be perfect, and it would give them another stopper with size to pit with Paul. So the next logical step would be...

STEP 4: SIGN A DEFENSIVE CENTER

My final dream scenario includes signing Old Greg Oden to a one year deal, and asking him to rebound, block shots, and keep his crusty draws on. I think it's become pretty clear that Portland's medical staff is made up of a bag lady, Ruben Patterson, a kitten wearing a doctors coat, and a bag of chips. Obviously Oden will never live up to being the number one pick in a draft where Durant went number two, but he's still in his early 20's. Perhaps anothe set of team doctors can get him back to health. If Oden is even 70% of the player that we thought he would be after the injuries, than he would fit perfectly wiht the Knicks. A starting five that includes Chris Paul, Shannon Brown, Melo, Amare, and Oden is a team that compliments each other perfectly. For now, all we can do is sit back and hope the 11-12 Knicks give us more to cheer for than the 06-07 Clippers.

How is Sepp Blatter still the President of FIFA?

Sepp Blatter's delusions about the World Cup are very strange. Delusions of success in sports seem to be common this week, as seen with Georgetown's efforts to keep Syracuse fans from the game in DC on February 9th. But Blatter is operating with billions of dollars in play in what is financially the most dominant sport in the world. And with Qatar being the first country in the Middle East to host the World Cup in 2022, Blatter is beginning to look foolish with his declarations of future success. They come out looking defensive about what could be a foolish decision by FIFA to give Qatar the tournament. And the specter of this decision looms large with the coming presidential election.
The first place Blatter ran into issues was with the LGBT community. Blatter advised anyone who preferred their own sex to not consumate that relationship during the 2022 World Cup. While FIFA may not have the power to influence domestic politics of their hosts, to explicitly say this at a press conference is disgusting. Of course there were condemnations from the LGBT community, Blatter apologized. But the status quo will not change, that is a guarantee.
Where FIFA could take a major financial hit when the tournament does roll around will be from the club teams. While planning this World Cup, Blatter and FIFA forgot about the desert conditions of Qatar: average temperatures are 120°F during the summer, and players usually are not game for those conditions. Interestingly enough, in the UAE, league matches during Ramadan, which began in August this year, were played after sunset, when temperatures are significantly lower. Could this be the solution that Blatter chooses? Hells no! Instead, he is proposing a winter World Cup. This will go directly against the club season, which runs from late August to May (June if you get deep in Champions League.). Never has a tournament cut into a regular season and been healthy, with the exception of last year's Olympic hockey final, which sealed Sidney Crosby as a superstar and but still didn't help NHL ratings.
How does Blatter expect to get teams on board for this? As Arsene Wenger put it in the New York Times article, you would need "a complete reorganization of the world's fixtures," which he deems a nearly impossible task. While a January tournament may make things easier for players who won't be exhausted by a full season in up to three competitions, one group is not being taken into account: the clubs. The clubs are the major stakeholders on the players. Clubs get paid by the countries for the rights to their players time during the summer for tournaments and during the winter for qualifying matches. What makes Blatter think that teams will take that small percentage and be forced to lose revenue from that time? Bayern already got pissed off about Arjen Robben's injury that he suffered before the World Cup where he took a star turn for the Dutch, keeping him out for two months to start the season. And these clubs are major stakeholders in FIFA's success. Look at this list in Forbes. Four teams are currently valued over $1 billion. Do you think they're going to give up that easily on taking a break in the middle of the season. One of them, Arsenal, has been cruelly mocked by the injury bug of late, and it has kept them from competition for any trophies with so many stars out in the past few seasons.
Football fans are lucky there is more than a decade before this tournament commences. Otherwise, we may have the disaster that many foresaw in South Africa that never happened. I think this one will pan out, but it will probably be without Blatter at the helm of FIFA. Unless the corruption is real, there is no way he is reelected.

To John Calipari, That Toilet Overflowing with Shit is also an Amateur

Kentucky's road to a national title will already be sticky enough with having to deal with Tennessee in the SEC East as well as being extremely dependent on the freshmen Terrence Jones, Brandin Knight (cannot be happier that he spurned Syracuse), and Doron Lamb (surprisingly not Israeli). How could things get worse? Well, Enes Kanter can never be an amateur again. Ever. In the eyes of the NCAA, whose standards may not be the highest for amateurism since they pocket billions off of these so-called amateurs. (Ed O'Bannon and every guy whose pro career didn't pan out the same as their college career agrees)
But Calipari's standards could be considered lower. For one thing Calipari may have gone to the Final Four with UMass and Memphis in 1996 and 2008, respectively, but NCAA history books don't remember it that way. The two players who carried each of his teams through those tournaments, Marcus Camby and Derrick Rose, each were found to have been ineligible ex tempore, as Camby had been in contact with an agent and Rose's SAT scores were invalidated by the ETS. Of course, Calipari being the stand-up man he is, was well on his way to Kentucky by the time anyone drew a whiff of his shit-smelling test of character, so what would he care. It remains to be seen how Calipari reacts when the tarp on one of his shit sculptures at Kentucky blows over before its completion. May I suggest a stint coaching in the Philippines? I'm getting sick of the oily hair that personifies you way better than any of your bullshit PR efforts.

A New Day

These last few years while all of you kiddies have been playing with yourselves in the sandbox, something big was happening. I'm talking real big...Lopedito mug shot big, O.J Mayo Tony Allen big, Beeb growing pubic hair big.

Everyone's favorite under-achiever that hails from Fayetteville-Steve DePaulis-has suddenly become a semi regular contributor to society. Yes, in the last four years my brain has slowly developed to the point that my best attribute is no longer how hard I can make kids laugh on the late bus. I like do stuff now. I even have a job, a wife, and a cat (which I occasionally throw into a freezing cold shower if he pisses me off). Keeping that in mind I have made a rather large life decision.

I have always felt that along with McKeever, Dubroff and the rest of the gang that we have an unparalleled understanding and perspective of sports. Over the years I have always enjoyed from afar the antics and analysis that the Buzzer has had to offer. That is why I have decided to start what I hope to be a weekly column here on the Buzzer. I have a wealth of knowledge for all sports, but particularly for basketball and baseball, as well as fantasy sports, so more than likely that's what my columns will focus on. I hope to bring the perspective of a hard core NBA fan, and someone who has quite a number of black friends. I hope everyone will enjoy my first NBA column that should debut at some point this week. I look forward to being the straw that makes the ship go...BLASTOFF!

The Question of Inspectah Deck

Recently I've been on a huge Wu-Tang kick, possibly inspired by Kanye's bastardization of "Ain't Nuthin' ta Fuck Wit'" into a Justin Bieber remix, which Raekwon kills, but seriously? This is your tribute to the legacy of Wu-Tang that you praise so much via Twitter? But Kanye does redeem his Shaolin celebration with RZA's confusing cameo on "I'm So Appalled" (Are there "thirty" white bitches or are there "dirty" white bitches?) and Rae's vivid verse on "Gorgeous." (Buy the album here, if you want to.)

But one thing I noticed while listening to 36 Chambers (a top 5 album of all time) is that one person who one doesn't expect to stick out does: Inspectah Deck. Deck is the first MC you hear on "Protect Ya Neck," and he absolutely KILLS it (The rest of the Clan is pretty damn good too). His verses on "Bring Da Ruckus" and "C.R.E.A.M." and "7th Chamber" make solid verses by Ghost, GZA, and Raekwon seem normal. His introduction verse on "Triumph" is full of the vivid imagery one would think could lead to a solo career that could rival his fellow Clan members. So I wonder: Where is his Liquid Swords? Da Rockwilder (It's Method Man's album, let's be real hear)? Cuban Linx? Supreme Clientele, Fishscale? Even Bobby Digital gave RZA a chance to shine. Deck put in work on "Above the Clouds" with Gang Starr, but he was, alas, overshadowed by a simple Guru verse that works perfectly with an amazing production job from Premier.

The question I am posing is: which athlete has had a comparable career to Inspectah Deck?

Hedo Turkoglu

Hedo was famously mocked as a benchwarmer on the glorious Sacramento Kings of the early '00's by Guy Torry. He then spent one season in service to the team-first Almight Pop-Pop in San Antonio. But once he was set free to Orlando, he blossomed, helping turn LeBron into the foolish prick he is today and having one of the best playoff runs from a role player in a long time. But after that? Hedo listened to his wife and spurned a chance to solidify the Trail Blazers as a title contender to choose the larger Turkish community in Toronto. Frankly, he sucked, and the only highlight was this:

Not exactly the best highlights to have. A trade to Phoenix before this season wasn't much better, as he was exposed as a man who had no idea how to defend anyone in the post. And now he is back in Orlando and loving every minute of it. While his first game with them was a loss to the (at-the-time) streaking Mavericks. But since, the balanced Magic have put up seven straight wins (including a triple-double against the Warriors), with Hedo's numbers not the best of his career but still better than the eggs he laid in Phoenix and Toronto.

Christian Laettner

What has he done without Krzyzewski? Absolutely nothing. Even surrounded by talent on Dream Team I he could only warm the bench. Laettner and the other early '90's Dukies who did get to the NBA (outside of Grant Hill) were absolutely worthless pros and could probably be their own entry in this list. Their team-first attitudes weren't valuable in any way. It took Danny Ferry years to look close to competent, and when he parlayed it into a GM job with the Cavs, he fucked that up royally as well.

Matt Leinart

Obligatory

I think Leinart may actually be the best example of this since he didn't go to Duke (literally, he didn't, but did he go to the closest thing to what Coach K dreams Duke football to be in his nightmares? Absolutely). Leinart was an amazing quarterback at USC, and it's no wonder people were shocked when he fell to #10 in that fateful 2006 draft. But now we see why. Friends with the lead singer of 98 Degreez? Stupid, prideful move. Becoming the closest thing to a checkdown king we've seen before Trent Edwards became the starter in Buffalo? Pretty impressive. Straight up not taking anything from Ken Whisenhunt or other members of the Cardinals coaching staff? That's how you get cut. Leinart thrived in Pete Carroll's "roll with the gifts" regime that allowed him to ballroom dance his way to a diploma, but that laid back attitude (and obvious recruiting/talent advantage) doesn't work like that in the NFL.

Notah Begay III
Dude was a sick golfer in college when he and Tiger Woods were teammates. At Stanford, he was a 3x All-American. But once he got to the PGA and started to compete against Tiger, things turned sour. His second DUI arrest consisted of him hitting a parked car. His best finish in a Major was 8th at the PGA Championship in 2000, and he never cracked the top 10 of one again. Quite a bit of pressure when Tiger is the dude you see at your college reunions. Well, not so much anymore.

From these examples, one can conclude that one thing easily gets in the way of making this a perfect analogy: ego. The analogy works best with athletes competing in individual sports, since colleges and high schools have created a team sport of them that isn't preparing them to be the individual stars that training at earlier levels does. In tema sports, some players feel that they have to be #1 to show that it wasn't all some other dude putting the team on his back. I just don't think Deck works like that. He has to have some involvement in the solo game, but I'm not sure if his head is in it the same way the rest of the Clan is.

King of the Rats

I didn't always think the King of the Rats' crown would be a discolored white headband, but it definitely works. Probably from all of the rat poop. I did know he'd have a beard though.

h/t WarmingGlow

Georgetown=Ivory Coast

Daddy said I COULD HAVE THE WHOLE SLEEVE OF OREOS!

I know this analogy is pretty outlandish, but bear with me here. In the Ivory Coast, outgoing president (well, president who lost the election) Laurent Gbagbo refuses to relinquish power to the rightful winner, Alassane Ouatarra, even blockading the road to his hotel so he can stay in the presidential palace. After stalling through five years of ineffective and downright crappy rule, he continues to stall the country's politics from moving forward. This is has led to appeals from national team captain and the undisputed best Ivorian footballer of all time, Didier Drogba, to ask both sides to stop the violence that has claimed hundreds of lives. Gbagbo can't accept these results for obvious reasons: he likes power.
And so do the Georgetown Hoyas. They love having a home court advantage in DC at the Verizon Center, which is also the home of the Washington Wizards (who really suck at using that home court advantage). And they will go to any measure to hold onto it, even when the 'Cuse rolls into town. So what's the best way to do that? Blockade Orange fans from buying tickets to the game and restricting purchases to Georgetown students and alumni. For only this game. One can overcome this barrier by donating $25 per purchase, all so Madeleine Albright can make it rain at the clubs. This is probably due to the 'Cuse alumni presence, but how vain can you be? Any other team coming to visit the Hoyas have a chance to bring a crowd with them. And with Georgetown's recent two-game slide at the hands of the Johnnies and Notre Dame, for whom Rick Jackson delayed Thanksgiving so he could give them 6 stuffings (one of them was Indian style and reminded me of Vindaloo), they need all the home court they can get, especially because Kris Joseph thinks it could get rowdy (around 8:15).
Georgetown's downfall will be its delusions, and it gets no more delusional than trying to shut out everyone who isn't a yes man. Take it down a notch, and stop making 'Cuse fans donate money to your already loaded school so they can enjoy seeing your team get whooped near home in front of Obama.

LeBron James: A Reputation in Shambles

Merry Christmas, everyone (it's Christmas, gotta say that over Happy Holidays), and thank heavens for the NBA's five-game slate today, because the NFL is too stupid to have a game today. Remember, the NFL can schedule a game whenever they want to and someone would watch it. It happened Thursday, it will happen when the Yankees or the Red Sox play the Phillies in the World Series in October 2011, it would probably be the biggest ratings boom in the middle of July. But I digress.

The reason I decided to get back on this soapbox is LeBron. Oh, how I loathe that narcissistic turd, but there is something behind this whole contraction opinion he recently shared with the media. Look more closlier:

"Hopefully the league can figure out one way where it can go back to the '80s where you had three or four All-Stars, three or four superstars, three or four Hall of Famers on the same team," James said. "The league was great. It wasn't as watered down as it is [now]."

I hope I'm not the only one that is reading into this at length, but think about it: LeBron wants there to be three or four superstars on every team. Now, I know there is definitely one team in the NBA that arguably has to deal with that situation, and that is the Heat. The Celtics are the only other team to fall under this classification, as Pierce, Allen, and KG continue to maintain such a high level of play. The Lakers have maybe three if you count Odom with Kobe and Gasol, but seriously, LeBron arranged to sign with two other superstars in Miami and now he's complaining that the league is watered down. Look at the team he left: Cleveland is watered down because LeBron isn't there, and they're probably headed to the top of the lottery this year because there's no incentive to play there anymore outside of a decent contract offer.

And other teams are not exactly struggling with less than three superstars. The Knicks are holding their own against the League with only Amar'e having made any All-Star appearances, but Gallinari and Felton could find themselves in the mix for the Mid-Winter Classic. Orlando looks to be in the hunt with the shells of former superstars Agent Zero and VC joining the supporting cast of Dwight Howard.

If LeBron wants to scapegoat the rest of the League for being unwilling to shell out for three max contracts, the guise of contraction is not one he should don. Things were great because of great teams in the '80's, not friends who decided to band together to destroy the system. If only every player had this option. Sorry everyone can't band together to rely on others' talents like you.

A Glimmer of Hope

Now that Miami is stacked and Jon Scheyer hopes to contribute some Dukie hate-fuel to the fire, Carmelo Anthony's wedding to LaLa Vasquez finally has given the NBA some sort of hope. When Chris Paul is toasting to another Big 3 in New York, I am all ears.
I only have one issue: would the Knicks have to give up as much in order to get these three together? The Knicks have 12 spots filled for next season if second-round picks Andy Rautins, Jerome Jordan, and Landry Fields all make the team and Eddy Curry spends this season the way he spent the last one minus the tragedy and the sexual harassment lawsuit from his chaffeur.

So what else can this team do to get better? Gallinari should be untouchable for next year with the progress he showed. Acquiring Anthony Randolph could easily be spoiled by trading him away to get either Melo or CP3. Randolph could be a great player to include in the lineup. Could you imagine Felton running the point, whoever at the 2, Melo at the 3, Randolph at the 4, and Amare at the 5? Gallinari, Toney Douglas, Wilson Chandler, Kelenna Azubuike, and Ronny Turiaf could be an amazing second unit, on the level that the Suns had this past year, and don't forget about those three draft picks, one of which will likely be cut. I'd put my money on Landry Fields just because there aren't any shooters outside Gallinari (Rautins fills that need) and Jordan could turn into a serviceable big man. The Knicks could make these moves this summer and end up being a contender next year, as well as being an option for the part of America who doesn't want to see this Heat team win.

But there is something huge in the way: future draft picks. Curry turned into LaMarcus Aldridge for the Bulls, who then traded him to Portland for Tyrus Thomas. He also turned into Joakim Noah, who had a solid year and looks like he will be an All-Star this season. Donnie Walsh may have been discussing Isiah as a candidate for GM in New York (WHICH IS THE DUMBEST THING EVER WITH KEVIN PRITCHARD UNEMPLOYED), but he'll lock down the draft picks no matter what Isiah thinks is a sure thing. The Knicks need to be able to bring in first-round talent to regain the trust of the New York fans. Amar'e is a great first step, but the franchise needs to show it can nurture pros and not turn them into the mindless idiots Isiah molded for five terrible years at the helm in New York.

It is a long way away, but I think this team has a chance to become a contender and make basketball matter again at MSG. Even on nights when the Lakers or the Heat aren't in town.

LeBron James can never be in consideration for best player of all time.

A few things about the presentation of this decision that was the obvious product of focus groups that proved Cleveland easily discomforts people.

First off, Bing. Why would anyone use Bing now? That has to look like the crappiest place to plug such a crappy site. He'll end up like that Mexican landowner and lose his wife and mistress to somebody like Kirk Hinrich. That hypothetical situation is of course the inspiration for the above Microsoft Paint job. I probably could have found a better moustache, but this shit just makes me happy. Anyways, guess where I found the above picture pre-terrible editing? You guessed it, Alta Vista...yeah, it was Google.

And why Jim Gray for these sensitive situations? Are we still forgetting when Jim Gray made an ass of himself in asking Pete Rose at the 1999 All-Star Game. Let us revisit:

How fun is that? He doesn't want to talk about it, his CAREER IS BEING CELEBRATED!!!! But sure let's just KEEP ASKING HIM. Jim Gray, the most illogical choice for interviewer since...ever. I also like when Rose accidentally says he is getting "a great Asian" from the crowd.

I hope that LeBron reconsiders making his off-season home in Ohio. He did bring some great years to the Cavs, but Craig Ehlo and Brad Daugherty did too. He may have made his name for himself as the best high school player ever, but who cares? It means nothing when you get to the NBA. Remember DeAngelo Collins? Not sure where he was watching this, but I'm betting it wasn't in a McMansion. LeBron is just another NBA player now. He may be popular, but by no means is he a leader. And I just don't buy that these guys can share the ball and get a title the way the Celtics did in 2008. Wade and LeBron are just too ball dominant, and Bosh was only an All-Star because he repped Canada hard. I just can't stomach this team winning on common sense.

The Clippers could have been his opportunity to showcase himself in a global market and play on a damn competent team where he would be first fiddle, with him at the 3 and surrounded by Baron Davis at the 1, Eric Gordon at the 2, a hopefully healthy Blake Griffin at the 4, and Chris Kaman aka Albino Zombie aka "DEY NO NASSING, LE-BAH-SKEE" at the 5. Alas, one of the other teams in contention for LeBron, the Bulls recently fired the coach the Clippers just chose, Vinny Del Negro, who proved himself to have very little ability last season. Way to fuck up, Donald Sterling. One day, you'll learn to care. Nevermind, that will never happen.

And what of New York? Carmelo could still be available next summer, and Amar'e will be most likely going it alone until then since no one else will be available. Denver hasn't been exactly active this summer in pursuing a big gun. But Melo could be out for vengeance this year, as his Olympic buddies have left him out.

Anthony Randolph will be joining the Knicks as David Lee leaves for The Bay to inflate his stats even more under Don Nelson. This could be time for Randolph to come into his own, just as Chris Webber needed Nellie's yolk removed before he could rise to near MVP heights as he did in the late 1990's.

Anyways, I am finally inspired to hate a team as much as I hated the Spurs whenever the won a title. If you play the Heat this season, I'm cheering for you. LeBron, I hope you never win a title. And that your new stepfather is named Delonte West.

World Cup Semifinal I

Now that we are this close to the matchups that few expected. (Where is Brazil? A better question: where is the head of that idiot Felipe Melo?) So let us preview your World Cup semifinal that will take place in less than an hour.

Uruguay vs. Netherlands
This was the most unexpected of matchups. Alas, what do you expect from the weakest quarter of the knockout bracket? Ghana's Asamoah Gyan choked in the most major of ways and Luis Suarez now looks like a genius, albeit an idiot of genius. While La Albiceleste lives on, Suarez's extremely purposeful handball keeps him out for the semifinal. He will play another game, but it is very likely to be extremely meaningless if the Netherlands wins. (Even the Dutch can squeeze in a good joke about it) Otherwise, expect Suarez to be the newest of Ajax's asset to be sold off for a gigantic profit for the good of the health of Dutch football.

The Dutch fans of Ajax will thank Suarez with all that money. Their path to the final has been made that much easier as their defense does not have to deal with a striker of skill like Suarez. The Dutch defense had an embarrassing showing on Robinho's opening to the scoring in the quarterfinal, on a pass right through the center. The Uruguayan defense has been excellent of late, but their will will be tested by the numerous attacking options owned by the Dutch. Wesley Sneijder has had a masterful tournament, but Robin van Persie and Dirk Kuyt are poised to break out soon. And don't count out new starter Eljero Elia, who has proven that even with a hot girl behind him, Rafael van der Vaart is pretty damn overrated.

Anyways, I have to take the Oranje to win this one. Uruguay has had an easy run, and this will be the best team they play so far, and it will be without their best finisher.

That's Amar'e!

So, Amare and the Knicks have agreed in principle. This after he and D'Antoni rekindled the romance over a candle-lit dinner. And now Amar'e can leave Phoenix to sort of play defense for a team that will lack any sort of stopper for next year (Yes, even if David Lee walks). Whatever, D'Antoni now has firepower, as long as Stoudemire brings that aggression he showed during the playoffs against Pau.
Now, we wonder, what else do the Knicks do with their summer? LeBron is enjoying his skills academy and making sure no one tries to dunk on him by teaming up with CP3 to run shit. Could STAT and LBJ be the dynamic duo that New York needs? Dwyane could do the same. Either way, it would give any of these three players the dynamic duo they have never had during the career (Dwyane and Shaq were together when the decline began, Steve Nash can't play defense, Danny Ferry never got any sort of talented player to play with LeBron in Cleveland). While everyone discusses the possibility of a Triumvirate, things are falling in place to look more like two dynamic duos will emerge from these three plus Bosh, with each wing joining a big man in some city.
But New York could be considering making this rebuilding project last one more season. This will be made difficult by the fact that Carmelo is looking like he will sign an extension to remain in Denver. But this also opens up the possibility of a sign-and-trade. If the Nuggets limp out of the playoffs again next year, will Carmelo demand a trade? He has fostered a bond with the Mile High City, so I doubt he would want to make it public and create a PR nightmare.
The Knicks have other options for next summer that have yet to be locked up. Next summer, for now, will include Tayshaun Prince, Caron Butler, a resurgent Z-Bo, possibly David West, Jason Richardson, and Tony Parker among others. The Knicks could wait and make a play for Butler and Parker if the Spurs don't extend him.
The failure of the Knicks will ultimately come from the lack of young talent being put into the team. The Knicks will finally have a draft pick that may actually stay with the team after Jordan Hill was sent to Houston and they had no pick this year (the Jazz had it and got Gordon Hayward). As they now have their ideal salary numbers, I expect them to not move picks, even if Carmelo is made available.

NBA Free Agency Podcast

The second podcast we did over the weekend. Again, Pappy Chalmers=Simple Jack. That is a given. Joining me are Mckee, Girardi Party, and special guest Steve DePaulis.

Listen to it right here. (Right click and Save Target As to download for your own listening pleasure.)

Music Credits:
Andre Nickatina-"Dice of Life"-Conversations with a Devil
Brother Ali-"Self Taught"-Champion EP

INDEPENDENCE, BITCH

So we can beat the shit out of people and RESPECTFULLY LISTEN TO THE SONG, ANUS-BREATH!


U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

World Cup Podcast

Ladies and Gentlemen, your Manual Buzzer World Cup 2010 podcast. Enjoy me sounding like Simple Jack. The lineup is me, Mckee, and Marthur.

You can access the podcast here. (right-click and Save Target As to download to your iPod or whatever to listen to my retardation on the go)

Music Credits:
Eminem-"Cold Wind Blows"-Recovery
The Roots featuring Dice Raw-"How I Got Over"-How I Got Over