As far as we can see, Republicans are nearly extinct. Hell they've been on their way down since Reagan lied his way through making us feel happy while actually letting the savings and loan crisis slip through his teflon hands. But right now? Things not looking too good, especially as John McCain chooses "the Gipper" as the movie character most similar to him on "Meet the Press." McCain thinks he will die and become a rallying cry for the Republicans? That's not what I call optimism, but I digress.
Let's just go back to 2006's Gubernational election on Pennsylvania, which boiled down from Democrat vs. Republican to Eagles vs. Steelers, as Ed Rendell, former Philadelphia mayor and still contributor to Eagles postgame on Comcast Sports, beat out Lynn Swann, a HOF Steelers receiver. That really didn't help the Republicans make any headway in our swing state, and Democrats have made huge gains. But how bad is it? Hell, look what Franco Harris is up to right now. Sure makes the Republicans look lacking in the endorsements in Pennsylvania, especially since Rick Santorum has (thankfully) disappeared for good. Even a populist figure couldn't even get close to pulling off an election? Not a very good sign, even with Swann's complete lack of political experience.
And McCain? Look no further than fellow white-haired, aging-so-fast-before-our-eyes Arizona icon Lute Olson, who stepped down from his post as head coach of the Arizona Wildcats last week amid a divorce (his first, as his first wife died of cancer) and a VERY possible NCAA violation (NOT A SMART THING TO DO!) and probably had a stroke (taking care of himself as well as McCain keeps his medical records complete). Probably makes him look worse than McCain, but with this, I'm not sure:
Wow, well, let's go Phillies!
And now for this: this a proper way to do something, and then there is the completely wrong way to do something. Bud Selig did the right thing for Game 5. But he just did it the completely wrong way. Seriously, the adverb to describe how he suspended Game 5: fucktardedly. You either stop it before it becomes official, when even a Sri Lankan would call it a monsoon in the 3rd. But just letting the Phillies fuck up? I don't think so. I can't believe MLB has this fucking stone robot under contract for another 4 years doing a job that he seems to do extremely terribly, except the owners LOVE money, and Selig makes sure they get a shitload. Whatever, like I care about baseball that isn't the Fightins'.
Showing posts with label Vote 2008. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Vote 2008. Show all posts
Oct 3, 2008
THE BUZZER MAKES QUANTUM LEAPS AND OTHER BIG NEWS
So I submitted a list to McSweeney's and LOOK WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. Just like Scott Bakula in terms of making the leap, but more of staying in my own body. Okay, stop jumping on my back all of you followers of this blog. Seriously, the four of you have hurt me greatly with this celebration! I feel like fucking Kevin Everett (I know, TOO SOON.). Really, this is the easiest shit to do...ever. It doesn't even take balls, I think it's just consciousness and a pinch of wit. But seriously, Mike Mussina does crossword puzzles everyday, and he's turning to Joba for help compiling a list? No wonder the Yankees missed the playoffs.
Moving on to more meaningful current events, but because of our recession, it seems that Wikipedia has also devolved. I couldn't believe this shit:
The featured article of the day for the English version of Wikipedia...is TYRONE WHEATLEY?!!!?!!111//1/1?!?!?!?1/1/!?1?1?!?! If Wikipedia were the true measure of American attitude to the depression, here is what would be happening right now:
1.) All universities would burned for warmth and the metal scrapped.
2.) In an ode to the Dominican impoverished population's dedication to baseball, children would take all their parents' checks and cash and paper mache them into helmets and pads to play football.
Well, that sounds pretty god damn sad, so I think I'm going to keep it political and move onto some presidential campaign bullshit. First off, on Deadspin, I read that John McCain is getting herbal supplements from Bill Romanowski (The link is so worth it to see the face John McCain will make when he shits himself to death in 4 years). Also, this whole situation implies one thing: John McCain is a steroid user. Look, "Romocop" may be off the juice now, but really, he's probably still on it because who the fuck is going to drug test him now? Does Roger Goodell give a shit about Bill Romanowski? No. But I guess John McCain does, and that shit is big enough that he is willing to take steroids. Didn't Jason Grimsley get busted while he was playing for the Diamondbacks? From what I'm reading, John McCain is very pro-steroid. If he is elected, I'm thinking lots of dudes' balls will shrink and further decrease the birth rate, which should help the approaching overpopulation of the planet. But Sarah Palin will probably grow balls.
And the vice presidential debate! Never has losing looked so much like winning to every idiot pundit in our country! I went to the gym after the debate and I was only listening as those idiot talking heads "analyzed" the debates. And for some reason, the fact that she didn't lose that badly was a victory for the McCain campaign. I'm sorry, but she came off, and I know this next sentence will be the most offensive thing I will EVER put on this blog, but she came off to me as being even more retarded than her infant child. In foreign policy, she made the most common bullshit Republican misconception on Iran her main point: Ahmadinejad is in control of Iran. In reality, it was sort of like how Lane Kiffin was reportedly in control of the Raiders. And her plan to put the American embassy to Israel in Jerusalem? That one was pretty much out of left field no country has an embassy in Jerusalem proper and no one is proposing it), and will pretty much piss off every Palestinian ally and make a peace deal that much more unlikely if she and McCain do bring that up. She only had talking points. She had no response to anything that Biden said, and he gave her something she couldn't even defend herself about when he made fun of the Bridge to Nowhere, which she reportedly actually took the money for but then didn't have it built. Funny thing is that in Wasilla, if you get sexually assaulted, you have to pay out of your own pocket for the pap smear, and she has all that extra money, and NOW she is about women's rights? Sarah Palin is a sick fucking joke who in reality has such a lack of foreign policy experience that I could teach her something in a debate, which is sad.
Anyways, all this shows is that McCain is Bob Dole redux (he was also a war hero you know, and essentially also an incompetent liar). And if our country somehow elects him, well, I'll just miss Bill Clinton a whole lot more. Please don't elect him. PLEASE. Too bad Syracuse can't lose a game to increase my faith in the world.
Moving on to more meaningful current events, but because of our recession, it seems that Wikipedia has also devolved. I couldn't believe this shit:
The featured article of the day for the English version of Wikipedia...is TYRONE WHEATLEY?!!!?!!111//1/1?!?!?!?1/1/!?1?1?!?! If Wikipedia were the true measure of American attitude to the depression, here is what would be happening right now:
1.) All universities would burned for warmth and the metal scrapped.
2.) In an ode to the Dominican impoverished population's dedication to baseball, children would take all their parents' checks and cash and paper mache them into helmets and pads to play football.
Well, that sounds pretty god damn sad, so I think I'm going to keep it political and move onto some presidential campaign bullshit. First off, on Deadspin, I read that John McCain is getting herbal supplements from Bill Romanowski (The link is so worth it to see the face John McCain will make when he shits himself to death in 4 years). Also, this whole situation implies one thing: John McCain is a steroid user. Look, "Romocop" may be off the juice now, but really, he's probably still on it because who the fuck is going to drug test him now? Does Roger Goodell give a shit about Bill Romanowski? No. But I guess John McCain does, and that shit is big enough that he is willing to take steroids. Didn't Jason Grimsley get busted while he was playing for the Diamondbacks? From what I'm reading, John McCain is very pro-steroid. If he is elected, I'm thinking lots of dudes' balls will shrink and further decrease the birth rate, which should help the approaching overpopulation of the planet. But Sarah Palin will probably grow balls.
And the vice presidential debate! Never has losing looked so much like winning to every idiot pundit in our country! I went to the gym after the debate and I was only listening as those idiot talking heads "analyzed" the debates. And for some reason, the fact that she didn't lose that badly was a victory for the McCain campaign. I'm sorry, but she came off, and I know this next sentence will be the most offensive thing I will EVER put on this blog, but she came off to me as being even more retarded than her infant child. In foreign policy, she made the most common bullshit Republican misconception on Iran her main point: Ahmadinejad is in control of Iran. In reality, it was sort of like how Lane Kiffin was reportedly in control of the Raiders. And her plan to put the American embassy to Israel in Jerusalem? That one was pretty much out of left field no country has an embassy in Jerusalem proper and no one is proposing it), and will pretty much piss off every Palestinian ally and make a peace deal that much more unlikely if she and McCain do bring that up. She only had talking points. She had no response to anything that Biden said, and he gave her something she couldn't even defend herself about when he made fun of the Bridge to Nowhere, which she reportedly actually took the money for but then didn't have it built. Funny thing is that in Wasilla, if you get sexually assaulted, you have to pay out of your own pocket for the pap smear, and she has all that extra money, and NOW she is about women's rights? Sarah Palin is a sick fucking joke who in reality has such a lack of foreign policy experience that I could teach her something in a debate, which is sad.
Anyways, all this shows is that McCain is Bob Dole redux (he was also a war hero you know, and essentially also an incompetent liar). And if our country somehow elects him, well, I'll just miss Bill Clinton a whole lot more. Please don't elect him. PLEASE. Too bad Syracuse can't lose a game to increase my faith in the world.
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